28 days latter.......brains....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Ottawa, Ontario
Posts: 135
28 days latter.......brains....
So this is day 28. Had a bad day on Friday, I woke up tired and cranky. Felt hungover. I think it was that feeling that made me feel so rotten. Need to get back to a routine of early to bed-early to rise.
This is the longest I've been without drink in five years or more now. My doctor says it will take 6 months before the damage to my liver is healed. Apparently it regenerates. Lucky me. Still need the results of the blood test. Not avoiding it but feeling a little anxious about it. Doctor has me on Omega-3 and B-12.
My drinking was me throwing myself off a cliff, metaphorically speaking of course. I gave up on life, I felt life had given up on me. But it was really me just being childish. I could not handle all the pain I was experiencing and the sense of betrayal I felt from those close to me. A lot of it was real betrayal but I did not have to react the way I did. I did not have to give up on myself. There's a lot of life left to live. I'm only 36. Looking back I had many many good years. I was blessed in many ways. I had many great friends and lovers. Beautiful smart women who I can never forget.
Having given up on myself I need to figure out what I want now and how to get those things. Big changes are in store for me. Changes I hope will be fun, challenging and exciting.
The deep personal loss that weighs on me is that I stopped listing to my heart. When I was in my teens and in my early twenties I listened to my heart and it was great.
I promise to listen again.
Thank you all for helping me with 28 days. Good days. No Zombies.
This is the longest I've been without drink in five years or more now. My doctor says it will take 6 months before the damage to my liver is healed. Apparently it regenerates. Lucky me. Still need the results of the blood test. Not avoiding it but feeling a little anxious about it. Doctor has me on Omega-3 and B-12.
My drinking was me throwing myself off a cliff, metaphorically speaking of course. I gave up on life, I felt life had given up on me. But it was really me just being childish. I could not handle all the pain I was experiencing and the sense of betrayal I felt from those close to me. A lot of it was real betrayal but I did not have to react the way I did. I did not have to give up on myself. There's a lot of life left to live. I'm only 36. Looking back I had many many good years. I was blessed in many ways. I had many great friends and lovers. Beautiful smart women who I can never forget.
Having given up on myself I need to figure out what I want now and how to get those things. Big changes are in store for me. Changes I hope will be fun, challenging and exciting.
The deep personal loss that weighs on me is that I stopped listing to my heart. When I was in my teens and in my early twenties I listened to my heart and it was great.
I promise to listen again.
Thank you all for helping me with 28 days. Good days. No Zombies.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Thanks for an inspiring post, T!! I didn't realize how much alcohol sucked the life out of my soul until I got sober. It's hard to see lots of things when we're drinking.
I'm SO glad you feel that you're coming to life again. That's awesome! You can do amazing things when you have half your life ahead of you. Wish you all the best!!
Oh, just thought I'd mention: I had some funky days leading up to day 30 (and 60) - they pass!
I'm SO glad you feel that you're coming to life again. That's awesome! You can do amazing things when you have half your life ahead of you. Wish you all the best!!
Oh, just thought I'd mention: I had some funky days leading up to day 30 (and 60) - they pass!
Groovy Dancer
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: The States
Posts: 4,751
Congrats on 28 days! You are very lucky that is sounds like things are healin for you fine. Yes...listen to yourself!
28 Days Later is one of my favorite movies...were you intentionally making a reference to that?
28 Days Later is one of my favorite movies...were you intentionally making a reference to that?
I'm glad you're doing well. Early sobriety is rough sometimes but if you stay sober you'll start feeling better and better.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,491
Originally Posted by Tendencies 
The deep personal loss that weighs on me is that I stopped listing to my heart. When I was in my teens and in my early twenties I listened to my heart and it was great.
.
.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 1,591
Tendencies, I remember that alcohol "helped" me with the lack of hopes and dreams. There was a notion that it kept things safe for me in a realist mode rather than an idealist one. Obviously I don't advocate drinking as a solution (and alcoholism is soul-depleting and not really helpful), but my existential angst is still annoying sometimes.
On the waking up cranky and out of sorts, almost like a hangover, that is something else I am still familiar with. My attention level for science and the body human is quite limited (goes in one ear and out the other very quickly), but I wonder if there is any truth to my notion that there is a connection between staying up late and alcohol effects. In other words, is there a chemical thing that goes on in the brain that is similar to getting a buzz. And then oversleeping as a way not just to compensate but almost like a "consumption." I think I have been mostly normal about sleeping the past year, but a lot of times, I almost associate getting needed sleep with being bad (like drinking). And staying up is something that I always relished, but maybe there is a childhood fear there, who knows.
Lately I have been thinking that it would be ideal to have a job that is between the hours of 10 and 7 or so instead of the regular 8 or 9 to 5 or 6 - so that I could avoid what plagues this city so much (supposedly more than New York and other places that are on the "map"). Of course I am talking about traffic. On the OTHER hand, I have this idea of getting up way before I need to. It was normal for me to get up at something like 5:30 for years, and I liked it. Who knows.
I don't know what you think about checklists, but I am guessing you would like them, as an engineer type. Sometimes they get me into a better frame of mind, when it comes to the cerebral side. On the physical side, walking is still really good for me. And these tie into that problem of mine I mentioned above about jadedness (not having hopes or dreams, and the whole "I'm not 20 anymore"). They keep me "moving." I think the body and mind need that after we quit, and I think I am even preaching to myself as I write this.
Keep going, I see you stacking one day on top of the other nicely.
On the waking up cranky and out of sorts, almost like a hangover, that is something else I am still familiar with. My attention level for science and the body human is quite limited (goes in one ear and out the other very quickly), but I wonder if there is any truth to my notion that there is a connection between staying up late and alcohol effects. In other words, is there a chemical thing that goes on in the brain that is similar to getting a buzz. And then oversleeping as a way not just to compensate but almost like a "consumption." I think I have been mostly normal about sleeping the past year, but a lot of times, I almost associate getting needed sleep with being bad (like drinking). And staying up is something that I always relished, but maybe there is a childhood fear there, who knows.
Lately I have been thinking that it would be ideal to have a job that is between the hours of 10 and 7 or so instead of the regular 8 or 9 to 5 or 6 - so that I could avoid what plagues this city so much (supposedly more than New York and other places that are on the "map"). Of course I am talking about traffic. On the OTHER hand, I have this idea of getting up way before I need to. It was normal for me to get up at something like 5:30 for years, and I liked it. Who knows.
I don't know what you think about checklists, but I am guessing you would like them, as an engineer type. Sometimes they get me into a better frame of mind, when it comes to the cerebral side. On the physical side, walking is still really good for me. And these tie into that problem of mine I mentioned above about jadedness (not having hopes or dreams, and the whole "I'm not 20 anymore"). They keep me "moving." I think the body and mind need that after we quit, and I think I am even preaching to myself as I write this.
Keep going, I see you stacking one day on top of the other nicely.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Ottawa, Ontario
Posts: 135
Thanks for the post Toronto.
I work from home at the moment but will need to move into an office job in the future unless business picks up in a big way.
One of the hardest tasks I have is recreating a healthy lifestyle. For me, I'm thinking something like this:
Waking up refreshed form a good night sleep
Go for a run.
Eat something healthy
Work
Eat lunch- again healthy
work
relax
eat again
go out and do an activity. (Hopefully a date eh!)
read something interesting or TV/Xbox
In bed no later than 10.
I've started a furniture refining project. Something I've done before that I enjoy. I need to get physical again. I should check out the YMCA in my neighbourhood.
The main point I've taken from this experience is that I was the one who ultimately decided to surrender my life and my dreams to alcohol. It was my choice. Nobody made me drink. I did it. Me.
So now I'm deciding not to. Everyday.
THis board really made the difference for me. I was alone before. I could never share this with family or friends.
There is a humiliation that comes from being an alcoholic. For me personally that further eroded my self worth and desire to change.
I wrote of this in a previous post. Alcohol was a bonfire for me that kept me warm. It was attractive and offered comfort. But there came a point where I was using everything in my life to keep that fire going. I burned my friends, family, work, dreams, women, everything. It all went into the fire.
The fire stopped bing warm and comforting a long time ago.
I'm feeling better now.
I work from home at the moment but will need to move into an office job in the future unless business picks up in a big way.
One of the hardest tasks I have is recreating a healthy lifestyle. For me, I'm thinking something like this:
Waking up refreshed form a good night sleep
Go for a run.
Eat something healthy
Work
Eat lunch- again healthy
work
relax
eat again
go out and do an activity. (Hopefully a date eh!)
read something interesting or TV/Xbox
In bed no later than 10.
I've started a furniture refining project. Something I've done before that I enjoy. I need to get physical again. I should check out the YMCA in my neighbourhood.
The main point I've taken from this experience is that I was the one who ultimately decided to surrender my life and my dreams to alcohol. It was my choice. Nobody made me drink. I did it. Me.
So now I'm deciding not to. Everyday.
THis board really made the difference for me. I was alone before. I could never share this with family or friends.
There is a humiliation that comes from being an alcoholic. For me personally that further eroded my self worth and desire to change.
I wrote of this in a previous post. Alcohol was a bonfire for me that kept me warm. It was attractive and offered comfort. But there came a point where I was using everything in my life to keep that fire going. I burned my friends, family, work, dreams, women, everything. It all went into the fire.
The fire stopped bing warm and comforting a long time ago.
I'm feeling better now.
Cultivating Sobriety
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: East Coast (USA)
Posts: 18
Congrats on 28 days Tendencies, the things you listed do work. I do the same, in bed around 9:30'ish, get 8 full hrs of sleep, I eat 8 times a day, exercise. It works for me; sounds like you have a nice routine planned out. 28 days is excellent!!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
Congrats on 28 days!
In addition to zombies there is a Sandra bullock movie called 28 days....its about rehab
I also used booze to make walking away from my dreams okay. Since getting sober I am working with a life coach to make my dreams a reality...I feel without alcohol I've got a shot this time.
Xo, LaFemme
In addition to zombies there is a Sandra bullock movie called 28 days....its about rehab
I also used booze to make walking away from my dreams okay. Since getting sober I am working with a life coach to make my dreams a reality...I feel without alcohol I've got a shot this time.
Xo, LaFemme
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 518
Originally Posted by Tendencies
Thank you all for helping me with 28 days. Good days. No Zombies.
The "brains" eating zombies come from the Romero series, and several others..
just sayin
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
