Christmas Party Gone Terribly Wrong
Eating protein and life.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Just. Plain. Grateful.
Posts: 503
Christmas Party Gone Terribly Wrong
We had our Christmas party today and some folks got wine and/or mixed drinks with lunch. I didn't have a problem with that in the slightest. I enjoyed drinking my water and ended up having a great time. It was nice to see everyone outside of the workplace.
My problem came when we got back to the office and there was a bottle of wine provided by a company we place orders with. The President of the company, two other people, and myself were conversing in a room when they had decided to open the wine and start pouring it in the glasses. I politely declined but the President, who had already had some alcohol in him from lunch, scolded me and told me, "just drink the damn thing." We all toasted glasses and I pretended to drink it while we finished our conversation.
It was extremely uncomfortable and it pissed me off, not because I was holding a glass of alcohol and tempted but because of the peer pressure to drink. I was so nervous that at any time they would check my glass and find out that I hadn't drank any of it. Fortunately, that never happened. I ended up going back to my office with it, pouring it into a coffee cup (that had a lid) from earlier that morning and throwing it away.
I just started this job about a year ago and was honored to be a part of the upper management conversation. I really didn't want to tell them that I wasn't drinking because I'm an alcoholic. Quite frankly, that's my business and I shouldn't have to tell my employer until I'm ready to tell them (if I even need to or will choose to tell them at all).
My question is this, how would you have handled this? I don't like the idea of lying and this put me in a very tough spot. Thankfully, I managed to walk away unscathed and was able to maintain my sobriety but I'm still dealing with the anger and the adrenaline that this caused. What are your thoughts?
Thanks in advance.
My problem came when we got back to the office and there was a bottle of wine provided by a company we place orders with. The President of the company, two other people, and myself were conversing in a room when they had decided to open the wine and start pouring it in the glasses. I politely declined but the President, who had already had some alcohol in him from lunch, scolded me and told me, "just drink the damn thing." We all toasted glasses and I pretended to drink it while we finished our conversation.
It was extremely uncomfortable and it pissed me off, not because I was holding a glass of alcohol and tempted but because of the peer pressure to drink. I was so nervous that at any time they would check my glass and find out that I hadn't drank any of it. Fortunately, that never happened. I ended up going back to my office with it, pouring it into a coffee cup (that had a lid) from earlier that morning and throwing it away.
I just started this job about a year ago and was honored to be a part of the upper management conversation. I really didn't want to tell them that I wasn't drinking because I'm an alcoholic. Quite frankly, that's my business and I shouldn't have to tell my employer until I'm ready to tell them (if I even need to or will choose to tell them at all).
My question is this, how would you have handled this? I don't like the idea of lying and this put me in a very tough spot. Thankfully, I managed to walk away unscathed and was able to maintain my sobriety but I'm still dealing with the anger and the adrenaline that this caused. What are your thoughts?
Thanks in advance.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Great Outdoors
Posts: 1,992
You did good. And really...it is no ones business but your own. We have a no alcohol allowed on the plant site rule...so any parties have to be elsewhere. Optional attendance..You did the best you could with what you had to work with!! Quick thinking!!
Heathen
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: La La Land, USA
Posts: 2,567
You don't have to be an alcoholic to be a non-drinker. You don't have to SAY you're an alcoholic to say no to a drink. You don't drink.. you don't drink alcohol. You're a non-drinker.. it's not vague, it's crystal clear.
I would have just politely, yet sternly said.. "I don't drink" and moved on with the conversation.
"No." is a complete sentence.
I would have just politely, yet sternly said.. "I don't drink" and moved on with the conversation.
"No." is a complete sentence.
Eating protein and life.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Just. Plain. Grateful.
Posts: 503
Originally Posted by smacked 
You don't have to be an alcoholic to be a non-drinker. You don't have to SAY you're an alcoholic to say no to a drink. You don't drink.. you don't drink alcohol. You're a non-drinker.. it's not vague, it's crystal clear.
I would have just politely, yet sternly said.. "I don't drink" and moved on with the conversation.
"No." is a complete sentence.
I would have just politely, yet sternly said.. "I don't drink" and moved on with the conversation.
"No." is a complete sentence.
Eating protein and life.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Just. Plain. Grateful.
Posts: 503
Originally Posted by smacked
Well, I would have said "no" and meant it, I guess. And not taken the glass, and refused. That's just me though.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,557
Untox - sorry for the dilemma you faced. Maybe he was feeling a little uncomfortable that you were declining - not sure why. (I remember long ago thinking people who didn't drink were kill joys - what a ridiculous attitude.)
I really don't know what more you could've done, other than saying you can't drink, & you shouldn't have to say that unless you really want to. I remember my first Christmas party after quitting & how nervous I was, wondering what to say. No one questioned me after all. That person was just rude and obnoxious for saying that. You stood your ground, though! Be proud.
I really don't know what more you could've done, other than saying you can't drink, & you shouldn't have to say that unless you really want to. I remember my first Christmas party after quitting & how nervous I was, wondering what to say. No one questioned me after all. That person was just rude and obnoxious for saying that. You stood your ground, though! Be proud.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,418
It does sound great on paper, although I have no doubt Smacked would follow through.
I would have too - there's no reason to make a fuss, but if there's one thing I can't stand it's being bullied - even by Presidents of companies.
I would have put the glass down if I could, and left it there on a nearby table.
There are many reasons people don't drink besides being alcoholic.
You don't owe anyone any explanations - maybe you just think you do, Untox?
D
I would have too - there's no reason to make a fuss, but if there's one thing I can't stand it's being bullied - even by Presidents of companies.
I would have put the glass down if I could, and left it there on a nearby table.
There are many reasons people don't drink besides being alcoholic.
You don't owe anyone any explanations - maybe you just think you do, Untox?
D
rode hard and put away wet
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 999
What went terribly wrong? I think you did what you could have given the situation. You'll recover from being weirded out. Just breathe. It'll be OK.
Not everyone is going to play by our rules from now on. I am glad you held your own and didn't throw yourself under the bus.
Not everyone is going to play by our rules from now on. I am glad you held your own and didn't throw yourself under the bus.
Eating protein and life.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Just. Plain. Grateful.
Posts: 503
Originally Posted by Dee74
You don't owe anyone any explanations - maybe you just think you do, Untox?
D
D
Having said that, I retract my previous question about what people would do. The truth is, no one knows what they would have done unless they were in my shoes, with my name, with my sobriety date, etc. They can only hope that they would do what is right and what they think would be the most likely outcome based on their previous experiences.
I'm still fuming mad and I can see that I can easily lash out - I think I'll take a break and come back when I have a clearer head and my anger/adrenaline have decreased.
Thanks for the replies.
perpetual optimist
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Montana
Posts: 2,959
No harm no foul on your end. I think you were flawless! AND very strong for not taking that drink!!!!!!! He was already buzzed from lunch so he obviously lost his composure. Feel sorry for them and move on, you did great sweetie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YAY YOU!
YAY YOU!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
It's just Christmas - ignore it. It's nothing personal.
Perhaps if they did know how you feel, they might not do it again.
We had a guy who worked for us, who always got criticism when he went to bed early to escape the bar.
When he was pulled up on not being a team player ( staying in the bar until late) he simply stated ' I nearly died from booze, I have extreme liver damage'. It has never been a problem since. He is the best team player during the day. But if booze is around at night and he needs to leave, he is now respected and left alone. But it took time.....
I have been there too. Told off for not being the life and soul, but then told off for going overboard with the booze.
Yes it is irritating.
Yes it is disrespectful
Don't let it irk you.
Have a secret smile that you got over that challenge.
xx
Perhaps if they did know how you feel, they might not do it again.
We had a guy who worked for us, who always got criticism when he went to bed early to escape the bar.
When he was pulled up on not being a team player ( staying in the bar until late) he simply stated ' I nearly died from booze, I have extreme liver damage'. It has never been a problem since. He is the best team player during the day. But if booze is around at night and he needs to leave, he is now respected and left alone. But it took time.....
I have been there too. Told off for not being the life and soul, but then told off for going overboard with the booze.
Yes it is irritating.
Yes it is disrespectful
Don't let it irk you.
Have a secret smile that you got over that challenge.
xx
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,896
I'm with smacked. In fact, that happened to me last month and I looked at the person and said, thank you but no, I don't drink. The person said, oh come on, it's just one glass. Again, I said No, I don't drink. I guess the look in my eyes convinced them to drop it. 
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 1,591
I think what you did was perfect. I would have felt really angry too. I'm glad you were able to fake it and get by.
I guess it's possible this might come up again for some occasion, but I think the best thing is not to worry about it until the time comes. I'm not sure if you are one of the people I have talked to already (in the last month) about these things, but I am OK with using a cover-up story (my doctor says I can't, etc).
I have no way of knowing whether that top boss would have felt like a donkey if he had any clue what the ramifications of his actions were. If you carry resentful emotions about this several days from now (I would, easily), I suppose it could be helpful to remind yourself that power and wisdom, of course, are not always commensurate, anymore than money and intelligence are.
What you did to get through that mini-ordeal was beautiful. Add some recognition of THAT to your own personal Xmas experience.
I guess it's possible this might come up again for some occasion, but I think the best thing is not to worry about it until the time comes. I'm not sure if you are one of the people I have talked to already (in the last month) about these things, but I am OK with using a cover-up story (my doctor says I can't, etc).
I have no way of knowing whether that top boss would have felt like a donkey if he had any clue what the ramifications of his actions were. If you carry resentful emotions about this several days from now (I would, easily), I suppose it could be helpful to remind yourself that power and wisdom, of course, are not always commensurate, anymore than money and intelligence are.
What you did to get through that mini-ordeal was beautiful. Add some recognition of THAT to your own personal Xmas experience.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 1,591
Maybe I should clarify this:
"I have no way of knowing whether that top boss would have felt like a donkey if he had any clue what the ramifications of his actions were."
By that I mean, could he have contemplated afterward what was behind your refusal and question whether should he have gone that far with the persistence. I'm not God, but I assume most people don't have the depth (or neurosis or whatever) to reflect back on situations and wonder whether they did the right thing.
"I have no way of knowing whether that top boss would have felt like a donkey if he had any clue what the ramifications of his actions were."
By that I mean, could he have contemplated afterward what was behind your refusal and question whether should he have gone that far with the persistence. I'm not God, but I assume most people don't have the depth (or neurosis or whatever) to reflect back on situations and wonder whether they did the right thing.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,494
I'm glad you got through it, and sorry that it messed with your head. I think Dee and Smacked are absolutely right.
I HATE being bullied and I wouldn't allow anyone, including my boss, to bully me. I would walk out and leave, if it came to that. Plus, Smacked's point is correct - just because you say No to a glass of wine, doesn't mean you owe an explanation about your addiction. I am a vegetarian and I don't talk about it in my daily life. It's my issue, my business. And, if someone is pushing a hamburger at me, I will say No, thanks. No more explanation will follow.
No does mean No and for me that was a huge part of early recovery. It was not a word I had used very often.
I HATE being bullied and I wouldn't allow anyone, including my boss, to bully me. I would walk out and leave, if it came to that. Plus, Smacked's point is correct - just because you say No to a glass of wine, doesn't mean you owe an explanation about your addiction. I am a vegetarian and I don't talk about it in my daily life. It's my issue, my business. And, if someone is pushing a hamburger at me, I will say No, thanks. No more explanation will follow.
No does mean No and for me that was a huge part of early recovery. It was not a word I had used very often.
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