Being the abnormal one and it bothers me to no end.
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Being the abnormal one and it bothers me to no end.
Last night a friend from my old home town called me to chat and informed me she had run into an ex boyfriend of hers. I met the guy twice both times sober. She informed me that I was mentioned in the conversation and that he said I was “eccentric”. I know what eccentric means but asked her what he meant by it. She said “you know – different, like Lady Gaga”. I went on a mental tailspin.
So I lay on my bed with my mind spinning and recalling Thanksgiving day (my last drunk). I recalled one of the guys at the house kept repeating the whole night to me that I was “interesting” – over and over and over – and not in that you’re amazing interesting. I remember the more he said the harder I chugged my wine. His wife had to literally grab his arm and tell him “honey” in a tone like she felt he was being antagonizing. I drank until I had enough liquid courage to ask him – what do you mean by interesting? He said “you know Interesting – if I were on a date with you I’d find you interesting”. But I am telling you he never said it as a good thing.
This is a problem for me and I would say the catalyst for my drinking. I don’t want to be “different” or “eccentric” or “like Lady Gaga” – I want to me normal. I turn 29 soon and still very much unable to accept myself as I am . I don’t want to drink and cherish my sobriety but I fear if I don’t come to accept who I am very soon this will be my demise. Again, I don’t crave the drink. I don’t think about the drink. I feel like I am not that strong though and at present it would take something horrendous to lead me to the end.
I don’t know what makes people view me this way! I just don’t understand and I never will. I look normal. I don’t talk too much but participate in the conversation. It’s so frustrating.
So I lay on my bed with my mind spinning and recalling Thanksgiving day (my last drunk). I recalled one of the guys at the house kept repeating the whole night to me that I was “interesting” – over and over and over – and not in that you’re amazing interesting. I remember the more he said the harder I chugged my wine. His wife had to literally grab his arm and tell him “honey” in a tone like she felt he was being antagonizing. I drank until I had enough liquid courage to ask him – what do you mean by interesting? He said “you know Interesting – if I were on a date with you I’d find you interesting”. But I am telling you he never said it as a good thing.
This is a problem for me and I would say the catalyst for my drinking. I don’t want to be “different” or “eccentric” or “like Lady Gaga” – I want to me normal. I turn 29 soon and still very much unable to accept myself as I am . I don’t want to drink and cherish my sobriety but I fear if I don’t come to accept who I am very soon this will be my demise. Again, I don’t crave the drink. I don’t think about the drink. I feel like I am not that strong though and at present it would take something horrendous to lead me to the end.
I don’t know what makes people view me this way! I just don’t understand and I never will. I look normal. I don’t talk too much but participate in the conversation. It’s so frustrating.
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Why do you think of this as a bad thing? I think it is good to be interesting. He might admire you. Since you are not drinking than now you can work on your confidence. Interesting is good. At least in my eyes
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Join Date: Nov 2010
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Im a guy so I speak with authority on this matter. Guys say stuff like this because they want your attention. To be blunt they want you to be interested in them. Even though the one guy was married he was clearly very interested in you. To put it simply these guy sound like they are doing the classic 3rd grade "pinch the girl you like" thing. I think you are way off taking this poorly. I think you should be flattered. It sure beats being ignored doesn't it ??
Maybe people aren't viewing you this way. Maybe you are projecting onto them what you think of yourself. You think everyone thinks what you think of yourself. Is that possible ??
Maybe people aren't viewing you this way. Maybe you are projecting onto them what you think of yourself. You think everyone thinks what you think of yourself. Is that possible ??
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Location: North Carolina
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I've always had people tell me I was 'different'...even 'weird', but I like that. I can't imagine wanting to be like other people, or wanting to be 'normal'. How boring is that?
Of course, if you get involved in AA they make a big deal about convincing you that you're just like all the other drunks in the program - which can be comforting, too. Anyhoo. Just my two cents.
Stephanie
Of course, if you get involved in AA they make a big deal about convincing you that you're just like all the other drunks in the program - which can be comforting, too. Anyhoo. Just my two cents.
Stephanie
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Originally Posted by bochuck 
Why do you think of this as a bad thing? I think it is good to be interesting. He might admire you. Since you are not drinking than now you can work on your confidence. Interesting is good. At least in my eyes
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IMHO nearly all alcoholics are drinking cos there is some part of themselves that they are not happy to live with sober.
Certainly there are many who are drinking cos they feel too ordinary. You are lucky if you are "interesting". Accept yourself the way you see yourself and ignore other people's judgements about you.
Certainly there are many who are drinking cos they feel too ordinary. You are lucky if you are "interesting". Accept yourself the way you see yourself and ignore other people's judgements about you.
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Originally Posted by stephnc
I've always had people tell me I was 'different'...even 'weird', but I like that. I can't imagine wanting to be like other people, or wanting to be 'normal'. How boring is that?
Of course, if you get involved in AA they make a big deal about convincing you that you're just like all the other drunks in the program - which can be comforting, too. Anyhoo. Just my two cents.
Stephanie
Of course, if you get involved in AA they make a big deal about convincing you that you're just like all the other drunks in the program - which can be comforting, too. Anyhoo. Just my two cents.
Stephanie
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Originally Posted by drent
Im a guy so I speak with authority on this matter. Guys say stuff like this because they want your attention. To be blunt they want you to be interested in them. Even though the one guy was married he was clearly very interested in you. To put it simply these guy sound like they are doing the classic 3rd grade "pinch the girl you like" thing. I think you are way off taking this poorly. I think you should be flattered. It sure beats being ignored doesn't it ??
Maybe people aren't viewing you this way. Maybe you are projecting onto them what you think of yourself. You think everyone thinks what you think of yourself. Is that possible ??
Maybe people aren't viewing you this way. Maybe you are projecting onto them what you think of yourself. You think everyone thinks what you think of yourself. Is that possible ??
Youre response is a better way of looking at all of this! I like your thinking better than mine.
I am sure I am projecting. I don't know. I feel like and alien - HA - so
I guess I could be projecting that.
Thank you!
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Everyone is unique. Who wants to be just a face in the crowd? In sobriety..you don't lose who you are. Humor is the same..attention span is up ten notches... The only thing I have always had trouble with is thinking before I speak..that hasn't changed.
You can still walk on the wild side. But now..they know it is really you. This is a good thing.
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
You can still walk on the wild side. But now..they know it is really you. This is a good thing.
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
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Originally Posted by NoAlcoholToday
IMHO nearly all alcoholics are drinking cos there is some part of themselves that they are not happy to live with sober.
Certainly there are many who are drinking cos they feel too ordinary. You are lucky if you are "interesting". Accept yourself the way you see yourself and ignore other people's judgements about you.
Certainly there are many who are drinking cos they feel too ordinary. You are lucky if you are "interesting". Accept yourself the way you see yourself and ignore other people's judgements about you.
Thanks!
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Originally Posted by imatryinhard
"Accepting myself" I would love to and will certaintly work on this. It would be a great birthday gift to myself.
Thanks!
Thanks!
Slow learner me!!
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Originally Posted by NoAlcoholToday
I received that advice from a councellor 13 years ago. Since then, I tried my level best to prove him wrong by using a SERIOUS amount of alcohol. I finally got around to realising that he was right all along.
Slow learner me!!
Slow learner me!!
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Focus on getting recovered... that's a wild enough ride... while you are recovering, one awesome by product of all the hard work will be a humility that will allow yourself to be you... maybe that doesn't make sense... but self discovery will allow you to be comfortable in your own skin... it won't matter anymore what others think of you, not only that, it'll be none of your business.
Oh, BTW, I always like "interesting" people.
Oh, BTW, I always like "interesting" people.
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Join Date: Feb 2010
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Imatry, I can't say much to get you to come out of the mode of thinking you have when it comes to your perception of yourself - or how to deal with the perception of others. I know that I have got my own challenge with this too.
I haven't checked all the posts here, but one idea I have is that you could ponder what it might be like not to receive comments about being eccentric or interesting. What would that really be like, and are you so sure you want that?
I have thought about my own version of this at times and have changed my mind more than once.
I have a clue about what accepting yourself is but less of a clue about being yourself. I think that is an important source of my alcoholism.
So, no solution, just thoughts.
I haven't checked all the posts here, but one idea I have is that you could ponder what it might be like not to receive comments about being eccentric or interesting. What would that really be like, and are you so sure you want that?
I have thought about my own version of this at times and have changed my mind more than once.
I have a clue about what accepting yourself is but less of a clue about being yourself. I think that is an important source of my alcoholism.
So, no solution, just thoughts.
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Join Date: Nov 2010
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Originally Posted by Toronto68
Imatry, I can't say much to get you to come out of the mode of thinking you have when it comes to your perception of yourself - or how to deal with the perception of others. I know that I have got my own challenge with this too.
I haven't checked all the posts here, but one idea I have is that you could ponder what it might be like not to receive comments about being eccentric or interesting. What would that really be like, and are you so sure you want that?
I have thought about my own version of this at times and have changed my mind more than once.
I have a clue about what accepting yourself is but less of a clue about being yourself. I think that is an important source of my alcoholism.
So, no solution, just thoughts.
I haven't checked all the posts here, but one idea I have is that you could ponder what it might be like not to receive comments about being eccentric or interesting. What would that really be like, and are you so sure you want that?
I have thought about my own version of this at times and have changed my mind more than once.
I have a clue about what accepting yourself is but less of a clue about being yourself. I think that is an important source of my alcoholism.
So, no solution, just thoughts.
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 228
Originally Posted by Mark75
Focus on getting recovered... that's a wild enough ride... while you are recovering, one awesome by product of all the hard work will be a humility that will allow yourself to be you... maybe that doesn't make sense... but self discovery will allow you to be comfortable in your own skin... it won't matter anymore what others think of you, not only that, it'll be none of your business.
Oh, BTW, I always like "interesting" people.
Oh, BTW, I always like "interesting" people.
It's funny that y'all find interesting a good thing and i see it as such a bad thing. Half full versus half empty I guess.
Thank you!
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Join Date: Dec 2006
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I can relate to:
It wasn't until I stared to work on my self-worth is when the opinions or comments of others that didn't reflect me accurately mattered little. As I come to know what I'm about and like myself for who I am, the less I'm disturbed my the odd opinions others have of me.
I think self-improvement work in recovery in necessary. Keep working for a better you and youll get where you want to be.
still very much unable to accept myself as I am
I think self-improvement work in recovery in necessary. Keep working for a better you and youll get where you want to be.
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Originally Posted by Zencat
I can relate to:
It wasn't until I stared to work on my self-worth is when the opinions or comments of others that didn't reflect me accurately mattered little. As I come to know what I'm about and like myself for who I am, the less I'm disturbed my the odd opinions others have of me.
I think self-improvement work in recovery in necessary. Keep working for a better you and youll get where you want to be.
It wasn't until I stared to work on my self-worth is when the opinions or comments of others that didn't reflect me accurately mattered little. As I come to know what I'm about and like myself for who I am, the less I'm disturbed my the odd opinions others have of me.
I think self-improvement work in recovery in necessary. Keep working for a better you and youll get where you want to be.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,759
I was always an 'oddball' in high school, had few friends and felt 'out of it'. But as I got older I began to appreciate my 'wierdness' and like it. I like being 'different' and 'interesting' cause no way do I want to be like everyone else.
I hope you can come to like yourself as you are. I've always found 'normal' people to be a bit dull and boring.
I like being 'different' and 'interesting' cause no way do I want to be like everyone else. I hope you can come to like yourself as you are. I've always found 'normal' people to be a bit dull and boring. Black and Yellow
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,359
I'm sorry that you feel the 'different' thing to be negative. I am always called different, I was even called an odd-ball at work a couple weeks ago! I love it!
I don't want to be just like every other person out there, I am ME and I pride myself on being, acting, and thinking 'outside the box'. I don't try to be different, I just am!
I hope you will soon appreciate who you are, it's an amazing feeling!
I don't want to be just like every other person out there, I am ME and I pride myself on being, acting, and thinking 'outside the box'. I don't try to be different, I just am!
I hope you will soon appreciate who you are, it's an amazing feeling!
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