I know what I am (reprise)...
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Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
I know what I am (reprise)...
I am an alcoholic and an addict.
This is the title of a thread that I wrote back in January and I have just re-read it after thinking about the relevance today in conversations and interactions that I was having at university.
The same still aplies today just as importantly as it did when I was 6 months sober. Acceptance of my alcoholism is fundamental to my grateful sobriety, also I am so grateful that I have no doubt that I'm an addict too. Knowing I'm an addict is so important too for me and I doubt I would feel so solid (Just for today) in my sobriety without this total acceptance. I know that when people are talking about drugs like weed then it's the knowledge that I'm an addict which means my mind doesn't try to rationalise using drugs recreationally instead of booze; for me it was all one big package, booze, drugs, ciggies.
It's the end of term at university and I am feeling so grateful for my acceptance of my alcoholism and that I'm an addict. I live my life and do what I do in my life to protect my recovery and sobriety and I know that I'm doing the right thing. It's great to feel like that as I know that I know that drink and drugs never gave me that sense of absolute certainty that I was doing the right thing and on the right path.
I guess this is a post to just emphasise the importance of total and utter acceptance of your alcoholism. I know for this alkie then without this total and utter acceptance and being able to embrace my alcoholism then I would either drink again eventually or be so deeply unhappy and feel like I was just missing out on too much.
I know I'm an alcoholic and addict and it's so fundamental for me to know this. I talk openly about alcohol and drugs but in the past tense as for me it's a former life. There is no feeling there at all, it really is quite strange and it's great. Basically there is just no emotion there when talking about alcohol and drugs, just a gratitude for my experiences so that I know I didn't miss out and took things 100x further than most, but a deeper gratitude that I am now in a position of neutrality and just gratitude that I am able to have been given such a new positive direction in my life.
As I wrote in my original post in January then things are moving along in a positive direction and I was thinking and had a conversation about this yesterday. It's great to see things actually materialise and work out. All this is 100% purely because I have stayed sober and continue to stay sober 'just for today' and work my recovery 'one day at a time'. I know that all of this would be taken away from me very quickly if I was to ever forget this. I write this merely to hopefully show that sobriety and recovery is worth it and that things can begin to work themselves out, I remember what I used to feel and think like and I cannot help but feel grateful.
Thanks SR, peace.
This is the title of a thread that I wrote back in January and I have just re-read it after thinking about the relevance today in conversations and interactions that I was having at university.
The same still aplies today just as importantly as it did when I was 6 months sober. Acceptance of my alcoholism is fundamental to my grateful sobriety, also I am so grateful that I have no doubt that I'm an addict too. Knowing I'm an addict is so important too for me and I doubt I would feel so solid (Just for today) in my sobriety without this total acceptance. I know that when people are talking about drugs like weed then it's the knowledge that I'm an addict which means my mind doesn't try to rationalise using drugs recreationally instead of booze; for me it was all one big package, booze, drugs, ciggies.
It's the end of term at university and I am feeling so grateful for my acceptance of my alcoholism and that I'm an addict. I live my life and do what I do in my life to protect my recovery and sobriety and I know that I'm doing the right thing. It's great to feel like that as I know that I know that drink and drugs never gave me that sense of absolute certainty that I was doing the right thing and on the right path.
I guess this is a post to just emphasise the importance of total and utter acceptance of your alcoholism. I know for this alkie then without this total and utter acceptance and being able to embrace my alcoholism then I would either drink again eventually or be so deeply unhappy and feel like I was just missing out on too much.
I know I'm an alcoholic and addict and it's so fundamental for me to know this. I talk openly about alcohol and drugs but in the past tense as for me it's a former life. There is no feeling there at all, it really is quite strange and it's great. Basically there is just no emotion there when talking about alcohol and drugs, just a gratitude for my experiences so that I know I didn't miss out and took things 100x further than most, but a deeper gratitude that I am now in a position of neutrality and just gratitude that I am able to have been given such a new positive direction in my life.
As I wrote in my original post in January then things are moving along in a positive direction and I was thinking and had a conversation about this yesterday. It's great to see things actually materialise and work out. All this is 100% purely because I have stayed sober and continue to stay sober 'just for today' and work my recovery 'one day at a time'. I know that all of this would be taken away from me very quickly if I was to ever forget this. I write this merely to hopefully show that sobriety and recovery is worth it and that things can begin to work themselves out, I remember what I used to feel and think like and I cannot help but feel grateful.
Thanks SR, peace.
Dismember
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: The Mitten, USA
Posts: 1,641
Awesome, I love it.
The fundamental for recovery that I've found is just slamming the door on using. No ifs, ands or buts... just the steady acceptance of the problem and work toward a solution that you summed up so well.
Always a pleasure to hear you, Neomarxist. The alcoholics have nothing to lose but their chains.
The fundamental for recovery that I've found is just slamming the door on using. No ifs, ands or buts... just the steady acceptance of the problem and work toward a solution that you summed up so well.
Always a pleasure to hear you, Neomarxist. The alcoholics have nothing to lose but their chains.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
SR is such an important part of my daily recovery. Each day it keeps me grounded and in contact with other alcoholics and addicts, something which is so important for my recovery as it reminds me what I am, where I came from and where I am going. It gives me a chance to share honestly and openly which helps me so, so much. I am so grateful for SR and as always SR helped me so much as I adjusted to my new life as a student!
I must also say how much I feel AA has helped me too in my recovery, but especially since I started University. It was great having AA meetings to go to regualrly and look forward to. I genuinely look forward to my meetings and this has helped me so much whilst adjusting to University life, I knew I belong in an AA meeting rather than a student club night with 50p Shots and pints for £1. It's great having lots of friends to see numerous times a week and I have had a great AA experience and it's great sharing openly and honestly and people genuinely appreciating what I have to say. Also being asked to main share is great and I have found that has really helped me. Working the program has undoubtedly helped me thoughout the last 2.5 months and more has been revealed, as I was promised it would be.
I can compare myself now with how I was when I was 18 and finishing the first term. I don't think it's any coincidence that evrything about the University I attend, the lecturers, the people, the location, the course etcetc is all positive!! This is a testament to recovery and seeing the results and I'm just so grateful. I have learned some really good stuff and my brain feels like when it was 14/15 again and when I coulf really feel my brain working well and having flashes of ideas and applying what I was learning to life and just feeling confident in my abilities academically, most of all enjoying it!!
If it wasn't for the fact that I am an alcoholic then I wouldn't be doing what I'm doing now and certainly would have had no interest in Psychology. So I'm just very grateful.
I experienced some difficult emotions/feelings over the past 2.5 months and also doubted my abilities too, I noticed depression setting in and also mental health stuff that I have coming back stronger. But through reaching out on SR, attending AA regularly and working my recovery each day 'one day at a time' then I managed to get through and keep on track.
Thanks SR, peace.
I must also say how much I feel AA has helped me too in my recovery, but especially since I started University. It was great having AA meetings to go to regualrly and look forward to. I genuinely look forward to my meetings and this has helped me so much whilst adjusting to University life, I knew I belong in an AA meeting rather than a student club night with 50p Shots and pints for £1. It's great having lots of friends to see numerous times a week and I have had a great AA experience and it's great sharing openly and honestly and people genuinely appreciating what I have to say. Also being asked to main share is great and I have found that has really helped me. Working the program has undoubtedly helped me thoughout the last 2.5 months and more has been revealed, as I was promised it would be.
I can compare myself now with how I was when I was 18 and finishing the first term. I don't think it's any coincidence that evrything about the University I attend, the lecturers, the people, the location, the course etcetc is all positive!! This is a testament to recovery and seeing the results and I'm just so grateful. I have learned some really good stuff and my brain feels like when it was 14/15 again and when I coulf really feel my brain working well and having flashes of ideas and applying what I was learning to life and just feeling confident in my abilities academically, most of all enjoying it!!
If it wasn't for the fact that I am an alcoholic then I wouldn't be doing what I'm doing now and certainly would have had no interest in Psychology. So I'm just very grateful.
I experienced some difficult emotions/feelings over the past 2.5 months and also doubted my abilities too, I noticed depression setting in and also mental health stuff that I have coming back stronger. But through reaching out on SR, attending AA regularly and working my recovery each day 'one day at a time' then I managed to get through and keep on track.
Thanks SR, peace.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
What a great feeling it is to feel happy, to feel positive, to have hope, to be content, to have laughter, to make other people laugh, to see people's faces light up because they've seen you. This is only possible through staying sober and working my recovery. The easy way out is picking up a drink when times get hard, but that means that future happiness is jeopardised. If you work through and reach out when you're off-balance then the rewards of recovery are so worth it!!
It just feels good feeling good...
Keep The Faith 'one day at a time'.
Peace
It just feels good feeling good...
Keep The Faith 'one day at a time'.
Peace
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Living in Today!
Posts: 3,944
Originally Posted by NEOMARXIST 
What a great feeling it is to feel happy, to feel positive, to have hope, to be content, to have laughter, to make other people laugh, to see people's faces light up because they've seen you. This is only possible through staying sober and working my recovery. The easy way out is picking up a drink when times get hard, but that means that future happiness is jeopardised. If you work through and reach out when you're off-balance then the rewards of recovery are so worth it!!
It just feels good feeling good...
Keep The Faith 'one day at a time'.
Peace
It just feels good feeling good...
Keep The Faith 'one day at a time'.
Peace
One Day At A Time!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
I just wanted to post this good news and share it with SR. I owe a huge debt of gratitude to SR and the many 'friends' who have helped and supported me throughout the past 17+ months in my recovery. I always share totally honestly and when I'm posting positive stuff then it's because that's what's happening to me and what I'm feeling, conversely when I'm struggling then I post that too. Reaching out on SR has been a tremendous lifeline for me and I doubt very much that I'd still be sober now if it wasn't for SR and the people who have helped me so much. I have learned so much and it's all thanks in a large part to SR and the wonderful 'friends' who have stuck by me and gave me nothing but love and support - I really am grateful and I truly mean that and I have a warm place in my heart for this forum and the 'community' here.
It's true that as an alcoholic then I have a tendency to lose perspective in a flash and that "drop out of life and sit on a park bench drinking" mindset can come flooding back when I have self-doubts and my thinking goes out of perspective. I managed to keep my head above water starting University and get through all of the mind-battles that I created for myself, nothing to do with drinking but rather stuff that I used to drink over that I now had to feel and deal with. Thanks to SR and AA I managed to make it through term and I could feel my confidence growing as I progressed.
I just went to pick up my second essay of the term which was supposedly the much harder one. The first essay I was just happy to pass as it was the first essay that I'd written in 6 years, I would have been happpy to slightly improve on the first one. I made sure that I applied my recovery and didn't project last night about what grade I may get and I just drove to go pick it up. I couldn't believe it and I got 80 which is a 1st (and a high 1st at that). I was so pleased and it was totally unexpected, like I say I am so hard on myself and was merely happy to be at University. This may well be the highest grade in the year!!
It felt great picking that up, it's not term time now so I was alone and it reminded me of when i was 15/16 and life was moving along positively and I was succeeding in life.
I have recovery 100% to thank for everything that I have in my life, without recovery I would be dead; either actually dead or dead mentally in a gutter somewhere or sitting in some drug-den running away from what I was doing to myself.
It seems so hard to believe how low I had to take myself in many ways, signing on for nearly a year at the job centre and just getting smashed and the distant memories of being sucessful at school seemed such a long way away. I am grateful for all of the terrible low memories I have from back in my active alcoholism as it makes me even more grateful for the little things in life and so it's nice when other stuff like getting good grades actually materialises.
I appreciate that people are stuggling terribly and positive posts, like mine have been lately, are sometimes the last things you want to read - I was the same and positive posts and messages were hard to take. But I want to post this as I have shared my journey with SR and like I say without SR then I wouldn't be here now and would quite possibly have killed myself.
It's great being able to channel my mind by "keeping it simple" as I used to think myself into terrible self-jeopardising situations like figuring sitting on a bench was the only way to beat the system, ultimately I was just shooting myself in the foot and was just a cynical alcoholic.
Thanks for letting me share and I just wanted to post this as it's great to see the promises of recovery coming true both in peace of mind and also results etc.
Peace
It's true that as an alcoholic then I have a tendency to lose perspective in a flash and that "drop out of life and sit on a park bench drinking" mindset can come flooding back when I have self-doubts and my thinking goes out of perspective. I managed to keep my head above water starting University and get through all of the mind-battles that I created for myself, nothing to do with drinking but rather stuff that I used to drink over that I now had to feel and deal with. Thanks to SR and AA I managed to make it through term and I could feel my confidence growing as I progressed.
I just went to pick up my second essay of the term which was supposedly the much harder one. The first essay I was just happy to pass as it was the first essay that I'd written in 6 years, I would have been happpy to slightly improve on the first one. I made sure that I applied my recovery and didn't project last night about what grade I may get and I just drove to go pick it up. I couldn't believe it and I got 80 which is a 1st (and a high 1st at that). I was so pleased and it was totally unexpected, like I say I am so hard on myself and was merely happy to be at University. This may well be the highest grade in the year!!
It felt great picking that up, it's not term time now so I was alone and it reminded me of when i was 15/16 and life was moving along positively and I was succeeding in life.
I have recovery 100% to thank for everything that I have in my life, without recovery I would be dead; either actually dead or dead mentally in a gutter somewhere or sitting in some drug-den running away from what I was doing to myself.
It seems so hard to believe how low I had to take myself in many ways, signing on for nearly a year at the job centre and just getting smashed and the distant memories of being sucessful at school seemed such a long way away. I am grateful for all of the terrible low memories I have from back in my active alcoholism as it makes me even more grateful for the little things in life and so it's nice when other stuff like getting good grades actually materialises.
I appreciate that people are stuggling terribly and positive posts, like mine have been lately, are sometimes the last things you want to read - I was the same and positive posts and messages were hard to take. But I want to post this as I have shared my journey with SR and like I say without SR then I wouldn't be here now and would quite possibly have killed myself.
It's great being able to channel my mind by "keeping it simple" as I used to think myself into terrible self-jeopardising situations like figuring sitting on a bench was the only way to beat the system, ultimately I was just shooting myself in the foot and was just a cynical alcoholic.
Thanks for letting me share and I just wanted to post this as it's great to see the promises of recovery coming true both in peace of mind and also results etc.
Peace
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