Struggling today
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Alabama
Posts: 1,741
Struggling today
I am still having a hard time working through denial about him. I do not know why because it is, so very obvious. When he was 16 he was in our local Sheriffs Depts. cadet program. He had to wear a uniform and ride with the police. He loved it. He had found what he wanted for his future a police officer.
He was allowed to enter their Reserve program the youngest ever allowed and he graduated from it but could not be sworn in until age 21.
Fast foward, he started not riding anymore when his dad and I asked him about it he said he didn't have as much time as he use to. Made sense as he was now working.
Then he overdosed and died in my living room floor in January 2009. I did CPR untill the paramedics arrived. He was in the hospital on a vent. Thankfully no long term damage they knew of.
Fast forward some more, he got arrested for marijuana and cocaine being in his car at a party where the police was called out for noise. He told us the pot was his and supposedly was only some roaches and the coke was a friends but since it was in his car they told him he had to be arrested.
He also claimed they told him if the coke had not been there they would nothave arrested him. This, is the same officers he use to ride with.
He was placed on 2 years probation and thus far has tested clean for every drug test the PO has done. he got a decent job at a college doing landscaping. He got hired on 2 weeks ago full-time at which point he had to take a drug test. He failed it was under review he found out today they decided to fire him.
He claimed it was positive for pot only(yes a drug is a drug is a drug)
I do not think he is telling me the truth. I personally know a lady who works there as security and they have kept people before who tested positive for pot.
So YES everything I have typed says he has a problem I have admited to myself his brother and father do and I know he does but my heart doesn't know it. If that makes any sense.
He just called wanting me to look up a phone nuber I told him call infornation on his cell. He also commented he didn't know where he is going to live because he was the only one working where he roomates.
I feel bad for him and should not. I should insted be thankful he is having to see what happens when you choose this path. Anyone else have multiple users in their lifes and have had a hard time with acceptance of one and not the others?
I feel like something is wrong with me.
Thanks for listening.
He was allowed to enter their Reserve program the youngest ever allowed and he graduated from it but could not be sworn in until age 21.
Fast foward, he started not riding anymore when his dad and I asked him about it he said he didn't have as much time as he use to. Made sense as he was now working.
Then he overdosed and died in my living room floor in January 2009. I did CPR untill the paramedics arrived. He was in the hospital on a vent. Thankfully no long term damage they knew of.
Fast forward some more, he got arrested for marijuana and cocaine being in his car at a party where the police was called out for noise. He told us the pot was his and supposedly was only some roaches and the coke was a friends but since it was in his car they told him he had to be arrested.
He also claimed they told him if the coke had not been there they would nothave arrested him. This, is the same officers he use to ride with.
He was placed on 2 years probation and thus far has tested clean for every drug test the PO has done. he got a decent job at a college doing landscaping. He got hired on 2 weeks ago full-time at which point he had to take a drug test. He failed it was under review he found out today they decided to fire him.
He claimed it was positive for pot only(yes a drug is a drug is a drug)
I do not think he is telling me the truth. I personally know a lady who works there as security and they have kept people before who tested positive for pot.
So YES everything I have typed says he has a problem I have admited to myself his brother and father do and I know he does but my heart doesn't know it. If that makes any sense.
He just called wanting me to look up a phone nuber I told him call infornation on his cell. He also commented he didn't know where he is going to live because he was the only one working where he roomates.
I feel bad for him and should not. I should insted be thankful he is having to see what happens when you choose this path. Anyone else have multiple users in their lifes and have had a hard time with acceptance of one and not the others?
I feel like something is wrong with me.
Thanks for listening.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Breaking through our own denial is difficult. I think you are doing an amazing job of analyzing your own thoughts and behaviors, Angie.
It's hard to see them have such hopes and aspirations that get destroyed by drug use. It's very hard for us to let go of those dreams we had for them. My son did the same thing your son did except as a firefighter. He was headed toward a wonderful career and it all got sidetracked by drugs and alcohol. It was extremely hard for me to let those dreams go. I STILL have a hard time letting those dreams go. I find them creeping back into my mind periodically.
Your son is feeling the consequences of his drug use. You are letting him feel and experience those consequences and not trying to soften the blows. That is your best hope for him.....that the consequences will yank him back into reality.
You're doing ok, Angie. ALL of us have good days and bad days. ALL of us have days where we are rock solid in our commitment to OUR program of recovery. And then there are those days that we doubt our strength, we slip back into obvious codependent patterns. So what is the difference between now and "before"? We recognize it. We correct it.
Because you have several addicts in your life, you are in a particularly difficult position. But considering the insanity you have going around you.......you are getting pretty well grounded through your interaction here and your F2F meetings. I admire you.
gentle hugs
It's hard to see them have such hopes and aspirations that get destroyed by drug use. It's very hard for us to let go of those dreams we had for them. My son did the same thing your son did except as a firefighter. He was headed toward a wonderful career and it all got sidetracked by drugs and alcohol. It was extremely hard for me to let those dreams go. I STILL have a hard time letting those dreams go. I find them creeping back into my mind periodically.
Your son is feeling the consequences of his drug use. You are letting him feel and experience those consequences and not trying to soften the blows. That is your best hope for him.....that the consequences will yank him back into reality.
You're doing ok, Angie. ALL of us have good days and bad days. ALL of us have days where we are rock solid in our commitment to OUR program of recovery. And then there are those days that we doubt our strength, we slip back into obvious codependent patterns. So what is the difference between now and "before"? We recognize it. We correct it.
Because you have several addicts in your life, you are in a particularly difficult position. But considering the insanity you have going around you.......you are getting pretty well grounded through your interaction here and your F2F meetings. I admire you.
gentle hugs
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Alabama
Posts: 1,741
No he is my middle child. (22) I sometimes wonder if it is because i went through the cancer with him I know he has a problem but can not understand why my heart can't get that.
My oldest AS,(25) things have been going on with him for years he is 25 started when he was around 14 or 15 I have had plenty of time to digest about him. He basically lives in jail and vacations at times in the world for a few weeks or a month then back to jail.
My daughter (20) she is the baby, I know she has taken ecasty before and smoked weed. Thus, far she seems to be unintrested in drugs as a way of life. She says she despises them now. her fiancee overdosed and died.
My oldest AS,(25) things have been going on with him for years he is 25 started when he was around 14 or 15 I have had plenty of time to digest about him. He basically lives in jail and vacations at times in the world for a few weeks or a month then back to jail.
My daughter (20) she is the baby, I know she has taken ecasty before and smoked weed. Thus, far she seems to be unintrested in drugs as a way of life. She says she despises them now. her fiancee overdosed and died.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: central coast, ca
Posts: 1,652
My son was a drug user/drinker but not to the crazy degree my daughter was...I don't know if he is an addict...it's not really my place to label him...I agree with Kindeyes..he is feeling the consequences and that is as it should be...hang in there..can you do something today like a reading that can bring the focus back on your recovery?
Heathen
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: La La Land, USA
Posts: 2,567
My goodness that is a lot for you to experience. I don't have children, so I can only imagine how difficult it is to stay detached and guide him (by refusing to enable him) to take care of himself, in whatever way he chooses. He's young, he's flown the nest, and now needs to learn how to fend for himself. I KNOW that can't be easy to watch, especially with his drug issues.
I just wanted to send you some virtual thoughts of strength and courage, mama.
I just wanted to send you some virtual thoughts of strength and courage, mama.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Alabama
Posts: 1,741
Middle AS, came by saying he didn't know where he was going to live it was killing me inside, I told him I guess you will be at the mission with your brother. He looked really hurt. He did hug me before he left though.
Oldest AS, I kept my word and did not rent him a room as I had told him he had to wait until Thursday that is when renewal would have been. His dad went Tuesday night and rented one for a week for him.
Today he is back on the streets because he went and got money back.
I have decided to make me a HP box, I have no control over this the longer I try to handle it on my own, my I will be in the way of my HP.
Oldest AS, I kept my word and did not rent him a room as I had told him he had to wait until Thursday that is when renewal would have been. His dad went Tuesday night and rented one for a week for him.
Today he is back on the streets because he went and got money back.I have decided to make me a HP box, I have no control over this the longer I try to handle it on my own, my I will be in the way of my HP.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
(((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))
I think you handle things remarkably, incredibly well.
I am so sorry for the hurt and pain and hope you find comfort in yourself.
I am thinking..so what if it were "only pot". "Only pot" has enough power to cost you your job and put you on the street.
"only pot" destroyed the relationship between my daugher and her pot-addicted fiancee and the father of their child. She had to leave him for the above reasons. Now he gets to smoke, I guess. But he doesn't get to be in my lovely daugher's life and his son sees him part time.
I think you handle things remarkably, incredibly well.
I am so sorry for the hurt and pain and hope you find comfort in yourself.
I am thinking..so what if it were "only pot". "Only pot" has enough power to cost you your job and put you on the street.
"only pot" destroyed the relationship between my daugher and her pot-addicted fiancee and the father of their child. She had to leave him for the above reasons. Now he gets to smoke, I guess. But he doesn't get to be in my lovely daugher's life and his son sees him part time.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Burnsville, MN
Posts: 966
crazy,
Thanks for the reminder about a HP box. I know I've heard that before and have wanted to make one - I think that's what I'll do after work on Sunday. Decorate a shoe box really nicely and drop my problems in it! I can drop things I'm thankful for in there too!
I can't control either of my adult children - the oldest is my son, 30 who has been clean since July '09 (also taking suboxone,) and the other is my daughter, 27 who does not have an addiction problem. They struggle with jobs, money, each other, me, their dad, weight, and on, and on - I do not want them to struggle. I want them to be happy and healthy - but I can't make them that way - goodness know I've tried though!!!
We have to take care of ourselves. I have a post from SR from 05/2009 hanging on my wall at work that says that . . . other people's battles are not mine to fight.
Thanks for the reminder about a HP box. I know I've heard that before and have wanted to make one - I think that's what I'll do after work on Sunday. Decorate a shoe box really nicely and drop my problems in it! I can drop things I'm thankful for in there too!
I can't control either of my adult children - the oldest is my son, 30 who has been clean since July '09 (also taking suboxone,) and the other is my daughter, 27 who does not have an addiction problem. They struggle with jobs, money, each other, me, their dad, weight, and on, and on - I do not want them to struggle. I want them to be happy and healthy - but I can't make them that way - goodness know I've tried though!!!
We have to take care of ourselves. I have a post from SR from 05/2009 hanging on my wall at work that says that . . . other people's battles are not mine to fight.
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