BarefootBlues

I wonder why it is that when a stressful situation is over, I want to buy a bottle of wine and drink it by myself?
I've been organizing a party that's today and I've been fighting the urge to drink tonight b/c it'll be over.
Why would I want to do that when I know that drinking wine eventually makes me feel miserable?
Why, when I know this, would I think that drinking will be rewarding?
What is it that I'm numbing??
Anyone else find that they have urges to use when they've accomplished something stressful??
Why wouldn't I just feel relaxed and happy that I did something and just go to bed???

Thanks.
Trying to be good to myself.

doggonecarl

You might be used to rewarding yourself for getting through stressful situations. As drinkers we may establish "reasons" for drinking rather than accept the fact that we are addicted to alcohol. I'm not dismissing the idea for triggers...stress is a big one for me. But in the end, we drink. Regardless of why.

Isaiah

Sometimes I think about these things, the reason why. Lately I've gotten some good help from a friend of mine in the program who one day caught me racking my brain trying to figure out why I slipped in my sobriety back in October. His words, "you drink because you're an alcoholic."

I do believe that we can come to psychological terms with parts of our addictions, but I think my friend had it right that I can't force that understanding. If I get overwhelmed trying to figure out why I struggle to stay sober then ironically I will struggle more. So I leave psychological/inner reflection to times when I can do so calmly.

littlefish

Yes: I can so relate. I often have a let-down feeling after a big event. It could be a party, or another kind of intense social event, an intense day at work. All I know is that when it is over and I walk through the door to my empty house, it feels like a tidal wave is washing over me. Or my house may not be empty, it doesn't really matter. All I want to do is have a drink.

But now I know intense events are a trigger for me. I plan something to get me through that space in time: if I can, I take a nap. If I can't do that, I make a phone call. Or, I avoid being alone directly after the event.
It is a matter of identifying your triggers and then having a plan for dealing with them.

Before I had a program, I didn't know I had triggers!

AmericanGirl

Hi Barefoot -- I drank under many circumstances, and for many reasons -- so many reasons that in the end, it was really "no reason" other than my addiction.

However, I do know what you mean about "post stressful" times being especially hard -- in the beginning, at least, I had a really hard time on Friday evenings. That's because on weeknights I often had a motivator to try to stay moderate, but for as long as I could remember, weekends and other low-stress times were a time to go hog wild with the booze. So, it was almost harder to break that association than others.

What are some other things you can do after the party is over to unwind? How about a long walk or a bath? Maybe go out to movie to distract yourself? After parities, especially, I tend to "unpack" the events and go over what happened in my head, which I don't think is particularly healthy for me -- so it's good for me to keep busy after I socialize, but around people who make me feel totally comfortable. And there's always re-visiting this post or others here!

Good luck with your party and I hope you feel okay once it's done!

loveon2legs

Alcoholism is a baffling thing....and hard to put your finger on the whys.....do something special for yourself after it's said and done....a nice bubble bath with candles? eating a really good piece of chocolate....or something I love to do now...meditate....soft music and candles and just sitting in peace.....
wishing you well xo

Soph

I relate too, and I know that for me, it's a comfort thing. I want to drink the wine and feel the familiar easiness ensue. If I were a whiskey drinker I guess it would be a glass of whiskey. And if it were just the one glass, well then I wouldn't be posting here!

But the tape that plays out in my head is, come home from stressful event, pour glass of wine, relax. Finish that glass and say "one more." Drink that while doing something like watch TV or surf internet. Look at glass and notice, to my surprise, that it's empty! Well, one more is in order because I don't even remember that 2nd one.

Fast forward: wake up at 3:17am with dry mouth and pounding head. Oh, right. The "one glass" of wine I had. *Sigh* Damn it.

Now that is what I call stressful!

Hugs
Soph

Dee74

I agree with those who said sometimes there are no reasons with alcoholism...I had not so much reasons but opportunities to drink....

That being said, I dunno about anyone else but I (still) tend to ignore my stress until the crisis is over...then it all hits me.

I drank many times partially 'retroactively drinking' for stress and partially as a celebration/reward.

Neither reason was good enough.

I hope the party went well, and you have a sober evening, Barefoot
D

KellySad

I can so relate - I used to "decompress" after a stressful day, by diving into the whiskey bottle...and it always ended badly.

Good luck with your journey.

Kelly

BarefootBlues

Thanks so much for your thoughtful replies!
The party is over and I did not get any wine.
I was checking your posts thru the day when I would get a minute and they really helped me keep my resolve to not drink.

I agree that all the "why" questions are either unanswerable or just maddening, but I did have a couple ideas to bounce around about this particular behavior.

However, I am so beat I can't think straight. I'll deal with it tomorrow.

Thanks again!!!

I never regret the next morning not having had any wine.
Does that make sense?

oakleaf82

Part of it is habit. People often drink to "unwind" or "relax".

Perhaps fix some herbal tea instead? Change the habit?

It's a struggle. Good luck.

LaFemme

I found in early recovery that it was always surprisyng how I would want to drink when I was really happy...not because I thought it would make me happier but because I thought it would even me out....weird but true.
glad you made it through!