LookUp

So the restraining order is effective for a year. I know that I've done what I need to do to protect my kids, but I still feel terrible. There's nothing I can do for her, but I feel cold and heartless. It just seems so final. I'm surprised by these feelings. I've been so angry for so long and the sadness just hit me today. Maybe it's because my dad is finally talking about cutting her off. Maybe it's because I had a talk with my children about how she has some stuff that she needs to work out and we aren't going to see her for a while. I had to tell them what to do if she shows up somewhere. That was tough. They like her, she buys them toys.

I also found out that she has some assault charges pending against her. She assaulted two nurses at the hospital after she was committed. She also has charges of resisting arrest and disorderly conduct from a separate incident that started when her doctor wouldn't prescribe something that she wanted. She's unpredictable and it scares me.

And, she called my in-laws last night. She wanted to tell them her side of the story and then begged them to let her bring Christmas presents to my kids.

I'm having problems finding a meeting that I can attend until after the first of the year when my schedule calms down a little. Has anyone had any experience with online meetings? Are they helpful? I know I need support that my husband and friends can't give me.

Thanks for reading.
Jen

OpenYourEyes

Sometimes the right thing and what we know is best is far from the easiest thing to do. You aren't being heartless or cold no matter how much it feels like it. You are protecting your children, and you are smart enough to know what kind of limitations you need from your sister.
I personally did not enjoy the two online meetings I participated in. It seemed like everyone was so used to each other that they were not interested in anyone new. Perhaps someone else has had a better experience and guide you in the right direction for a more productive and helpful online meeting.

keepinon

I also didn't like the online meeting I tried...is there ANY way to get to even half a face to face meeting? You have done a good job of protecting your family..of course you love your sister, fear for her, pity her, we all have those feelings toward the addicts in our lives.Now you can work on lovingly detaching from her..hopefully she will find recovery soon.

newnormal4me

I know how you are feeling...I just got through with taking my AH to court and having to go to extremes I never dreamed of doing. The guilt at times has almost taken me down. It is hard.

But you have to keep reminding yourself (as do I) the reasons why you did this. What possible side of the story could your sister tell your in-laws? She threatened your innocent children. It is a sad story for sure. But you did what you had to do.

Hang in there.

LookUp

Her side of the story is that my dad and nephew beat her up (not true) and stole her car (not true). She also claims that the list she had was a list of people to buy Christmas presents for. I saw the list and my kids' names were the only names on it. She didn't mention any threatening and my MIL didn't ask. MIL just told her that she wasn't going to get in the middle of it and hung up.

It's disappointing to hear that the online meetings may not be very good. I'm trying to find one that I can go to during my lunch. Evenings are hard since I have the kids and there's barely enough time for dinner, homework, and baths when I get home from work. I'll figure something out though.

Thanks for the responses. I hope everyone has a wonderful day.

Kindeyes

You've probably seen this post but I thought I would make a link to it for you just in case. I would love to hear about others experience with these meetings too.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/friends-family-substance-abusers/215535-alanon-telephone-meetings.html

You called your sister's bluff and she doesn't like it. She was blowing smoke about harming your children. She did this to cause your father and you pain. You didn't just "feel the sting" of her words. You did an appropriate action that any mother would do. You protected your children. She knows that she made those threats and now she's experiencing the consequence of her quacking. So she's doing more quacking to make excuses to cover up her previous quacking. It's what addicts do.

gentle hugs