slowly getting by with doing nothing but quitting drinking
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 174
slowly getting by with doing nothing but quitting drinking
When is the time ever going to be right?
First, it started in Feb. of this year...I said to him Treatment or get out! He chose to get help. His excuse was for his job sake he would wait till April..?!
After thinking about the cost and the lack of coverage to attend inpatient treatment (for the 4th or 5th time) he decided outpatient...He decided he will wait till May to start...I refused to drive him to the outpatient daily (has no license). Cruel. Maybe. But I drove him for six months to do breathlizers every morning with a newborn and 1 year old in tow in the middle of winter. Once I realized how codependent I am, stuff like that is left up to him to figure out. So he says he will wait till he gets his license back, he waited the few years to get it back instead of attenting treatment. Promising to attend A.A meetings and go to outpatient once he gets that.
This Oct he got it back, I asked him ONE time if he was going to go through with the promise..His answer is No, he is doing everything great on his own and has no desire to drink.
Now it is Dec and I realized how emotionally abusive he is as his dad is the same way. I tell him about it and how it is affecting us (kids and I) He was angry at first, but decides he will work on that and I need to call him out on those things.
This is not working for me, he lives each day to PLEASE me and do what minimal he can to keep me hanging on. Then I keep going back on, "Okay maybe it is getting better since the arguments aren't going on much anymore" But then out of the blue he says something that is emotionally disturbing...He tries so hard to please me and give all his attention to me, that I feel his kids are just 2nd in line and it's like a flip of a switch when he talks to him compared to talking with me. I feel he needs this sense of control and his way is yelling at them, I ask him not to yell and he says that is the only way they listen.
Everything is, "You need to stop or your going to make me mad" . He hasn't seen his other son since May because I called CPS after his son @ age five touched my daughter and told me his 12 year old brother touches him. Sooo hmmm, he says lets not take the baby momma to court because it cost to much to get visitaion rights. Then he says yesterday, " I better get him something for Christmas and drop it off or he will be wondering why his dad didn't get him anything" I said, "he probably doesn't care about that as much as he is wondering why his dad doesn't come see him" He was quiet.
I guess I don't know what is next , but how does he get by with manipulating me and how do I keep letting it happen? He's a DD and he worked his way through me by doing nothing but quitting drinking. He has an excuse for everything. When will I have enough?
First, it started in Feb. of this year...I said to him Treatment or get out! He chose to get help. His excuse was for his job sake he would wait till April..?!
After thinking about the cost and the lack of coverage to attend inpatient treatment (for the 4th or 5th time) he decided outpatient...He decided he will wait till May to start...I refused to drive him to the outpatient daily (has no license). Cruel. Maybe. But I drove him for six months to do breathlizers every morning with a newborn and 1 year old in tow in the middle of winter. Once I realized how codependent I am, stuff like that is left up to him to figure out. So he says he will wait till he gets his license back, he waited the few years to get it back instead of attenting treatment. Promising to attend A.A meetings and go to outpatient once he gets that.
This Oct he got it back, I asked him ONE time if he was going to go through with the promise..His answer is No, he is doing everything great on his own and has no desire to drink.
Now it is Dec and I realized how emotionally abusive he is as his dad is the same way. I tell him about it and how it is affecting us (kids and I) He was angry at first, but decides he will work on that and I need to call him out on those things.
This is not working for me, he lives each day to PLEASE me and do what minimal he can to keep me hanging on. Then I keep going back on, "Okay maybe it is getting better since the arguments aren't going on much anymore" But then out of the blue he says something that is emotionally disturbing...He tries so hard to please me and give all his attention to me, that I feel his kids are just 2nd in line and it's like a flip of a switch when he talks to him compared to talking with me. I feel he needs this sense of control and his way is yelling at them, I ask him not to yell and he says that is the only way they listen.
Everything is, "You need to stop or your going to make me mad" . He hasn't seen his other son since May because I called CPS after his son @ age five touched my daughter and told me his 12 year old brother touches him. Sooo hmmm, he says lets not take the baby momma to court because it cost to much to get visitaion rights. Then he says yesterday, " I better get him something for Christmas and drop it off or he will be wondering why his dad didn't get him anything" I said, "he probably doesn't care about that as much as he is wondering why his dad doesn't come see him" He was quiet.
I guess I don't know what is next , but how does he get by with manipulating me and how do I keep letting it happen? He's a DD and he worked his way through me by doing nothing but quitting drinking. He has an excuse for everything. When will I have enough?
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,862
No one can answer that question but you. This has been going on for quite a long time and it doesn't sound like you've reached your bottom yet. When you do, you won't have to ask anyone anything. You'll know.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
"You need to stop or your going to make me mad"
You have the right to live your life the way you want to. You don't have an obligation to stay in an abusive relationship.
(((hugs)))
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