My husband is addicted to vicoden and I just don't think I can handle it anymore.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: fort worth TX
Posts: 28
My husband is addicted to vicoden and I just don't think I can handle it anymore.
Ok so this is my first time on one of these so please bare with me if it jumps around a bit. Well my husband and I have been married for a year and a half. I have two girls from a previous marriage 12 & 7. We had a wonderful relationship. He was my bestfriend. We moved in to a beautiful house and were working on purchacing it. He was almost done fixing his cradit and his grandfather sent us almost 9 grand to put down on thehouse. Well in the mean time he was getting spinal treatments cause he hurt his back at work. Well he became addicted to vicoden. I really didn't think it was that bad. The DR gave us a treatment plan to ween him off and that was all said and done. Only stress we had was the house but he was dealing with all the business and money cause he is good at that kind of thing. Well little did I know it made it easier to hide everything from me. Wel we ended up losing that house and he gave me some excuse that it was there falt. I've never been through this so I was like ok lets just use the money grandfather gave us and get a rental for now. By the time we found one it all came out that he had blown all the money. I was so mad but still came up with the moving cost my self. Then that week I found out that he stole half of my money. He always had a good excuse to where the money was going. Anyway the weekend we were moving he lost his job due to a wreck he had at work. He delivered beer. So now I'm in a panic but as usual I stepped it up even more and did what I had to to keep a roof over our heads. Finally I asked him what was going on and he confessed that he was addicted to vicoden bad and was never off of it. That all the missing money was going to his addiction. I was so upset but was still willing to help. He insisted he could get off them him self with my help. Again I've never been around addiction so I didn't know how it was suppose to be handled. Well we tried wening him off several times but he never really wanted it so he was still taking a tun behind my back. There were several times this summer he went out and partied came home all messed up. Through out the summer the lies got more lavish and more and more money was coming up missing. He pawned everything he owned including his wedding ring twice. ti think that is gone for good now although he won't admit it. Then in august I found out about saboxadone. So I had a talk with him and paid to get him to the DR and get him on it. Well he was doing ok on that for about 2 months. Then I couldn't afford the 100 dollar DR visit so no more refills. I found out that he still took vicoden on several occasions anyway from a close friend.he tells me now that he gets it on the street bust I just don't think so. Well I noticed he is getting sneeky again and very desperate for money but yet when he sees that our electric is about to get shut off it don't faze him. This thanksgiving he tried to steal 1000 dollars from his grandmother but got caught. He put on a real good show that day. He even had me very convenced that hedid not take it. To the point he was in tears. But finally came out he did. He says it was for our bills but I highly doubt it. Then 2 weeks ago our house was very neatly broken in to, nothing broken just stuff out of place. Computer was gone. He says he didn't do it he was the one that called the cops so it couldn't have been him. Yea right. It just so happen that was the only day he left the house and he is real adimate about us not checking the pawn shops because they suposivly don't register their stuff. But he isn't all that upset about it. Then the last thing was yesterday he almost got arrested for check fraud. For 100 dollars. He said he needed gas money. 100 dollars really????? UGH. I told him he needs to start looking for a place to stay because I am tired of playing this game and I refuse to raise my girls in that environment. Then we talked we cried and he gave his usual speech of "i will change I want to be the good man you married. Blaugh blaugh, blaugh." needless to say I never said he could stay but I also didn't make him go last night. That's kinda my problem is I love him and don't want to let go but I can't keep living this way. It's hurting me so bad. I hardly ever smile anymore and I just want to cry all the time. He refuses to go talk to anyone or go to any classes to get help. Says it will do him no good. But I know it will. Then I read that once an addict always an addict that they never change. But yet I keep having hope that he wil. So I guess I can say I'm stuck between reality and hope. I'm so lost. Please help......
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,064
Addicts that want to change can change. I'm proof that change is possible. I've got 2 years plus going on clean. It may take you setting some firm boundaries and him realizing just what he may lose or has lost for him to wake up and get some help. With active addiction one is battling a closed mind to any kind of help.
I think you need to take care of you and your children and let him deal with his addiction. You can love them to death but till they decide they're done and want help it's going to be this sort of situation. I do know there is hope for any addict that wants change.
I think you need to take care of you and your children and let him deal with his addiction. You can love them to death but till they decide they're done and want help it's going to be this sort of situation. I do know there is hope for any addict that wants change.
Drug Addiction Has No Mercy
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Milwaukie Oregon
Posts: 875
I am sorry that you are going through this. Vicoden is a tough drug and it doesn't let go unless forced. He has to be the one to do that. You can't. He clearly isn't ready to get clean yet and who knows if he ever will be. I know that sounds bleak, but the good news is you and the girls don't have to live this way. You can't save him, but you can save yourself.
I would like to encourage you to continue to come here and read the post of this forum. There is a lot of knowledge to be found here and knowledge is power. Here is where you will find truth and the blinders will be removed from your eyes and you will know him better than he knows himself. He will become predictable. Right now that is what you've become .. He knows he doesn't have to change because whatever he does you will step up to the plate and fix it as best as you can. He doesn't have to worry cause you will do it for him.
It is time to let him face the consequences of his addiction and sometimes that is hard because those consequences can affect your life and the lives of your children.
You love him, but don't love him to death. It is time to stop the madness. Give him back his addiction .. let him carry the weight of it. Don't rescue him or save him from the consequences that come from his choices. You might have to distance yourself from him to do this so that you don't suffer along with him.
Read all you can about enabling, codependency, detaching with love, letting go and letting God. Again, knowledge is power. If there is a Nar-Anon meeting in your area it would be wise to go and get support through your journey into your own recovery.
Yes, as crazy as it sounds we need recovery too. We become addicted to the addict and we them like they need their drug (they are our drug). We depend on them for our happiness like they depend on dope. It is a vicious cycle, but you can break it and from your post you strike me as a very strong woman whose eyes are open and you are seeking something different then what you have now with that attitude you'll be a winner. I believe in you
Passion
Recovering addict/alcoholic
Recovering enabler/codependent
I would like to encourage you to continue to come here and read the post of this forum. There is a lot of knowledge to be found here and knowledge is power. Here is where you will find truth and the blinders will be removed from your eyes and you will know him better than he knows himself. He will become predictable. Right now that is what you've become .. He knows he doesn't have to change because whatever he does you will step up to the plate and fix it as best as you can. He doesn't have to worry cause you will do it for him.
It is time to let him face the consequences of his addiction and sometimes that is hard because those consequences can affect your life and the lives of your children.
You love him, but don't love him to death. It is time to stop the madness. Give him back his addiction .. let him carry the weight of it. Don't rescue him or save him from the consequences that come from his choices. You might have to distance yourself from him to do this so that you don't suffer along with him.
Read all you can about enabling, codependency, detaching with love, letting go and letting God. Again, knowledge is power. If there is a Nar-Anon meeting in your area it would be wise to go and get support through your journey into your own recovery.
Yes, as crazy as it sounds we need recovery too. We become addicted to the addict and we them like they need their drug (they are our drug). We depend on them for our happiness like they depend on dope. It is a vicious cycle, but you can break it and from your post you strike me as a very strong woman whose eyes are open and you are seeking something different then what you have now with that attitude you'll be a winner. I believe in you
Passion
Recovering addict/alcoholic
Recovering enabler/codependent
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 457
welcome to SR, so sorry you had to find us, please know your not alone. This forum is fantastic, you will learn coping skills and the support here will get you through this.
My ah is also addicted to pain pills. we were married 26 years, he left last dec. because the pressure was too much on him to change. He ran away.
I was devastated. But I also was at the end of my rope living with it. Guess it was a blessing.
I remember what it was like living with it, it drove me insane literally insane.
I felt alone, sad, angry and kept holding on to hope that he would get help,
afterall he loved me right? well, he did and still does but the drug is much more important. he lost his job, his home, me and all his family and yet still doesnt want to get sober.
I did everything humanly possible to help him. I can honestly say (and others have told me this over and over) that I dont think another wife would have
given so much for him to get sober. I stuck it out. It was torture, but I stuck it out.
Thankfully by coming here last december, I prepared myself for the future. a future without him. I was in a dark scary hole, I didnt think I would get out.
But the posts here on this forum and the stickies gave me the knowledge to get into my own recovery. I didnt want to do that I kept trying to help him but I just got further into my dark hole.
Please continue seeking support, protect yourself and your assets , protect your family. Take care of you! let him go, let him find himself either with you or without you, he needs to do that on his own.
Please go to meetings, there are people there that will help you. You will be able to talk about your feelings and see your not alone. We all share the same feelings with living with addiction.
I feel for you, I wouldnt wish this on anyone. But there is help out there, there is hope that you will survive this. take it slow, keep reading, keep posting and I assure you you will get the strength to move forward for YOU.
hugs!
My ah is also addicted to pain pills. we were married 26 years, he left last dec. because the pressure was too much on him to change. He ran away.
I was devastated. But I also was at the end of my rope living with it. Guess it was a blessing.
I remember what it was like living with it, it drove me insane literally insane.
I felt alone, sad, angry and kept holding on to hope that he would get help,
afterall he loved me right? well, he did and still does but the drug is much more important. he lost his job, his home, me and all his family and yet still doesnt want to get sober.
I did everything humanly possible to help him. I can honestly say (and others have told me this over and over) that I dont think another wife would have
given so much for him to get sober. I stuck it out. It was torture, but I stuck it out.
Thankfully by coming here last december, I prepared myself for the future. a future without him. I was in a dark scary hole, I didnt think I would get out.
But the posts here on this forum and the stickies gave me the knowledge to get into my own recovery. I didnt want to do that I kept trying to help him but I just got further into my dark hole.
Please continue seeking support, protect yourself and your assets , protect your family. Take care of you! let him go, let him find himself either with you or without you, he needs to do that on his own.
Please go to meetings, there are people there that will help you. You will be able to talk about your feelings and see your not alone. We all share the same feelings with living with addiction.
I feel for you, I wouldnt wish this on anyone. But there is help out there, there is hope that you will survive this. take it slow, keep reading, keep posting and I assure you you will get the strength to move forward for YOU.
hugs!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 138
Familiar, familiar, familiar!! All the crying, promising, and putting me on a guilt trip!
He is addicted to a drug and will do whatever it takes to keep using. He will lie, steal, beg and Lord knows what else!
I went back and forth with ending the relationship because deep down I knew it was never going to work....but then I would succumb to the need and want for the love we shared, only to end up months down the road in the exact same place....lies, denial, using drugs!!!!! For almost three years I stayed on the roller coaster until it all came crashing down!! Long story short. It never got better. He attempted and I say that loosely, to get treatment (mostly to appease and hold on to his life lines) but would always find and excuse to stop going. Hes lost me and I know he will regret it the rest of his life...if only he would have, could have.....really honestly gotten help.....BUT he didn't!!!!
ACTIONS speak louder than word(lies)! Do not fall for it!! I could have lost my children's respect over this relationship and I thank God every day that I was able to salvage it!!!!!!! I will never let another person manipulate me in the name of love ever again!!!!
Good luck, you're on a tough path!!!
He is addicted to a drug and will do whatever it takes to keep using. He will lie, steal, beg and Lord knows what else!
I went back and forth with ending the relationship because deep down I knew it was never going to work....but then I would succumb to the need and want for the love we shared, only to end up months down the road in the exact same place....lies, denial, using drugs!!!!! For almost three years I stayed on the roller coaster until it all came crashing down!! Long story short. It never got better. He attempted and I say that loosely, to get treatment (mostly to appease and hold on to his life lines) but would always find and excuse to stop going. Hes lost me and I know he will regret it the rest of his life...if only he would have, could have.....really honestly gotten help.....BUT he didn't!!!!
ACTIONS speak louder than word(lies)! Do not fall for it!! I could have lost my children's respect over this relationship and I thank God every day that I was able to salvage it!!!!!!! I will never let another person manipulate me in the name of love ever again!!!!
Good luck, you're on a tough path!!!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 19
You have received really good advice so far. The only thing I can add that it might help you to ask him to give you space for a few days so that his lies and thoughts can get out of your head so that your own become clearer. Use that time to find out what you want for yourself, and what you need to do for your family. Use the effort you would have used on him to look through these forums, ask questions, read things online, etc so that you can gain knowledge and also realize that you aren't all alone in this and that there are support groups for you.
I understand the feeling knowing you can't take the way it is going, and it is scary to think that you need a change, but not knowing if you can handle the change, or even what that change might be. Just remember that you are exhausted right now, and that you can't help anyone (him, your family, yourself) in that state. It sounds like he isn't ready to face his issue yet. And until that comes from him there's not much that you can do. It's best to just stop fighting, stop looking for the words that will make him realize that he needs to change, because it's not going to happen. When he does want to face his issue, then you can stand beside him and help, but you can't do that if you are exhausted from fighting the battle for both of you.
I understand the feeling knowing you can't take the way it is going, and it is scary to think that you need a change, but not knowing if you can handle the change, or even what that change might be. Just remember that you are exhausted right now, and that you can't help anyone (him, your family, yourself) in that state. It sounds like he isn't ready to face his issue yet. And until that comes from him there's not much that you can do. It's best to just stop fighting, stop looking for the words that will make him realize that he needs to change, because it's not going to happen. When he does want to face his issue, then you can stand beside him and help, but you can't do that if you are exhausted from fighting the battle for both of you.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
I'm so sorry that you have gotten caught in the vortex of addiction. Just as it consumes the life of the addict, it consumes the life of those who love him. All of us here have been in your shoes with a loved one. You are not alone.
Please stick around here and read and post and vent and digest the information on the sticky posts at the top of the forum. You can't force him to do anything. You can't love him so much that the addiction goes away. If love could cure it, none of us would be here.
So what can you do? As someone else mentioned, you can arm yourself with information. Melody Beattie has a series of books that I would highly recommend on Co-dependency. If have a Naranon meeting nearby, it can be a lifeline. It may be scary to go at first but everyone in the rooms of Naranon understand the insanity that you've been living with. You can find comfort and support there.
The number one rule you will find here is......take care of you first. Dealing with an active addict can muddle our thinking. We become irrational. We become a part of the disease of addiction. Getting our thinking straight is a great first step.
gentle hugs
Please stick around here and read and post and vent and digest the information on the sticky posts at the top of the forum. You can't force him to do anything. You can't love him so much that the addiction goes away. If love could cure it, none of us would be here.
So what can you do? As someone else mentioned, you can arm yourself with information. Melody Beattie has a series of books that I would highly recommend on Co-dependency. If have a Naranon meeting nearby, it can be a lifeline. It may be scary to go at first but everyone in the rooms of Naranon understand the insanity that you've been living with. You can find comfort and support there.
The number one rule you will find here is......take care of you first. Dealing with an active addict can muddle our thinking. We become irrational. We become a part of the disease of addiction. Getting our thinking straight is a great first step.
gentle hugs
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