Thought for Today ~ December 14
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Thought for Today ~ December 14
Today's thought from Hazelden is:
I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.
--Bill Cosby
"Oh, how I wish my dad would get sober." "Oh, how I want my friend to get help with her eating problem." "Oh, how I wish I could make my mom understand."
When we become obsessed with how we want others to change, we put our own happiness on hold. As we wait, hoping and scheming about how to get others to see their many problems, we are neglecting ourselves. It's almost as if we think it's not fair for us to be happy when others are miserable. But when we detach with love, we still care, we still pray and wish for the best, but we know that other people's problems belong to them, not to us.
Today let me accept the fact that if I detach with love, no one will die from it. I'll just be more healthy and happy.
You are reading from the book:
Our Best Days by Nancy Hull-Mast
I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.
--Bill Cosby
"Oh, how I wish my dad would get sober." "Oh, how I want my friend to get help with her eating problem." "Oh, how I wish I could make my mom understand."
When we become obsessed with how we want others to change, we put our own happiness on hold. As we wait, hoping and scheming about how to get others to see their many problems, we are neglecting ourselves. It's almost as if we think it's not fair for us to be happy when others are miserable. But when we detach with love, we still care, we still pray and wish for the best, but we know that other people's problems belong to them, not to us.
Today let me accept the fact that if I detach with love, no one will die from it. I'll just be more healthy and happy.
You are reading from the book:
Our Best Days by Nancy Hull-Mast
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Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In my little piece of heaven
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I really struggled to understand detachment. At first, I thought it was terribly selfish... and I was raised to believe that being selfish was not a desirable or admirable thing. I thought if I detached from my A, it meant I no longer cared about him. How could I just turn my back on someone I loved, someone who was struggling and suffering? Wasn't that the time that he needed me the most?
Even as times got darker, and the relationship grew more toxic, I tried harder and harder to fix things, to make him happy. It didn't work, and we spiraled deeper into the despair of the disease. I finally went to Al Anon, and I started learning about the concept of detachment. Detachment with love.
Some wonderful people here at SR taught me that I could love someone right into his grave if I didn't get out of the way and allow HIS HP to speak to him, to work with him directly. It wasn't my job, or my place. I needed to work on myself, and let him figure his own stuff out.
Detachment with love is not easy, but learning it has been one of the most wonderful gifts I have received from recovery.
Even as times got darker, and the relationship grew more toxic, I tried harder and harder to fix things, to make him happy. It didn't work, and we spiraled deeper into the despair of the disease. I finally went to Al Anon, and I started learning about the concept of detachment. Detachment with love.
But when we detach with love, we still care, we still pray and wish for the best, but we know that other people's problems belong to them, not to us.
Detachment with love is not easy, but learning it has been one of the most wonderful gifts I have received from recovery.
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: over the rainbow
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i am struggling with understanding the difference from detachment, being selfish, or being inconsiderate. i thought i detached, i have gone out on my own and did something for me, with a new career, and it takes a lot of my time and effort, but i love it. yet, my kids have days when no one is happy and it seems to be all my fault. so then i have to see how much of this is true, am i being too selfish? or detached?
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