lifeforme

Now im feeling guilty. My kids are 13, 12 and 6. The older ones know dad was in rehab.( the younger one knows dad was in the hospital because he was sick) They also know something is not right. My 12 year old daughter has been making comments to me about Dad always being tired. This morning I could no longer keep my emotions in check and told the older 2 that dad is either using drugs again or is very very depressed. My daughter was pretty upset, my son just said thats messed up. I want to be honest with them. I also dont want to upset them. THe catch is they are already upset because they KNOW something is wrong. Im going to talk to them more this afternoon. My 6 year old saw be crying and asked me why I was crying. I told her im upset Dad sleeps on the couch so much. I've been trying to find a nar anon or al a non meeting to attend and am having problems doing so. For me to go at night would be a big deal. I have a few hours a day free when I could go but only 1 meeting available. My goal this week is to attend said meeting. Im scared to take this very important step. at this point fear is ruling my life.

nodaybut2day

How about attending some online meetings until you get things arranged to attend a face to face one?

MissTara

Sometimes it is hard to break the truth to the kids. I have a teenage son. He is not the child of my exab, but he was in our lives for 8 years. And I was honest with my son about what he had done. My son saw me tore up for years about my exab & also my Brother who is also an addict. I choose to tell him the truth about the guys because I want my son to learn about drugs and what they do to families, so he can make better choices then they did. Also i did it to scare the pee out of my son so he knows that if you mess with drugs and do bad things...then it could result in prison. I feel that if the kids are not in any danger from knowing the truth, and they are old enough to know something is wrong, and old enough to handle the truth, then it was the best thing to do.

EJG123

I am so sorry you have to go through this. Hugs to you.

In highschool, my teenaged son had to cope with the fact that his sister had drug problems and that her actions had implications for his life. He was open with friends close to him but knew that their parents might try to distance their kids from him if they knew about his sister's problems.

Your kids may need some support to get them through this. Maybe Alateen would be a good resource.

tam

so sorry your going through this, must be so difficult when you have children, exp. young ones who dont understand, not that any age is good.
I would try family counseling, call some local rehab places or the one your husband was in,they usually know of some. I think a professional would be better in telling them and getting them through it.

keepinon

Make that meeting a priority..recovery for you is the best gift you can give those kids!As the "stable' parent, often you will get the brunt of their emotions as it is "safe " to take it out on you. Be easy on yourself..there is no one "right" way to deal with the kids in this situation.Alanon for you and Alateen for the older ones can really give you all some support and detachment:ghug3 Hang in there..

MsPINKAcres

hate you are having such a rough time

I'm thinking the kids probably already know what is going on - my girls were much smarter than I gave them credit for - as adults now they share things with me that they knew when they were younger that I thought I "hid" from them.

Sometimes breaking the silence can help you and your children heal.

Hope you are able to make that meeting and that there is some alateen materials for your precious children!

PINK HUGS,
Rita

newnormal4me

I have a question...to OP, I hope you don't mind!

At what age is it appropriate to say "drugs"? And, my AH in all reality would not want my son to know that is an issue (of course IMO, it is THE issue). We are currently separated - likely not to ever be back together the way things are going. Is it okay to go against the wishes of my children's dad and just let them know? Of course, I have no idea what my son knows or understands. Should I ask my son what he feels is going on? He is 8 by the way.

EJG123

Angelstory - I know you are asking the OP but IMO 8 is too young to tell your kid his dad has a drug problem or drug addiction.

lifeforme

First thank you all for the responses. Son is angry.. doesnt want to talk. Being disrespectful to me. Daughter wants to talk. I think family counseling is a great idea. I dont know what the right age is to tell a child about a parent with a drug problem. For us, when my AH was in recovery for alcohol the kids were little and knew dad went to meetings to he wouldnt drink alcohol. They use to attend meetings with him sometimes. WHen AH went into rehab in June we talked about those meetings Dad use to go to why he went and talked about what a relapse was/is, also talked about opiates and what they are. I cant see telling my 6 year old about drugs. I do think 8 is a little young. I think its best to tell them things they can understand. For me it was telling my 6 year old that dad was sick and thats why he was in the hosp. She had lots of questions and I answered them the best I could to calm her fears. Good luck with everything.

newnormal4me

Thank you for letting me interject with my questions! I also feel 8 is too young, just wondering. All I have told him is dad has some challenges in life and needs to make good choices. He doesn't ask many questions at all and doesn't want to talk about it. So thank you for sharing. It sounds like you have done a lot to help your kids.