KennethThePage

Hi All,

So I'm new to this. For awhile now, I've been thinking I might have a problem, but I've spent a long time convincing myself otherwise. More recently, I knew I had a problem, but didn't do anything about it (even on a personal level) because I know I'm a lucky guy. I have a great family and have had a lot of opportunities that others haven't, so I felt bad thinking that I had an uncontrollable problem when so many others out there are off in worse shape.

But I've gotten to a point where I can't afford to ignore my problem anymore. In a signle night of drinking a few days ago I put my professional career in serious risk, did irreconcilable damage to some friendships, was escorted home by the police, and did something that caused me to wake up with loose teeth, a sprained writs, and half of my face covered in large scrapes. I wish I hadn't ignored my problem for so long because my extreme drinking has caused these things to be regular occurances in my life over the last three years. Thinking about it, I think it's crazy how much stress I've put on all my friendships (and former friendships), family, finances, work, the future...everything important to me.

I really want to control my drinking, but I'm having a hard time seeing how I can transform my desire to control my drinking into real change. I was close to going to an AA meeting today, but couldn't muster up the courage to do so. I'm hoping some forums here can help me through the holidays, and I look forward to sharing and learning from this community.

Thanks.

Dee74

Hi Kenneth

I tried for 20 years to control my drinking - which really meant me continuing to drink the way I wanted to but not suffer the negative consequences.

It was a fools errand. The day I accepted that alcohol and I were not a good match was on of the most pivotal days of my life.

If drinking leads you to this...

why do you want to keep alcohol in your life at all Kenneth?

D

Taking5

Ken,

Welcoome to SR. This is a great place to use to stay sober, I use it in addition to AA.

AA is very scary when you first walk in. Here is a good link that should demystify AA for you:

Your First AA Meeting

least

I spent the better part of two years trying to 'control' my drinking too, what a waste of time and effort. Once I finally accepted that I couldn't drink AT ALL I found peace of mind and healthier living. I actually like myself now and enjoy my life. No more waking up sick as hell and hating myself. No more wasted money and risks to my health and life.

I no longer miss drinking at all. I am happy now and content with my life. I hope you can soon find a peaceful sober life. It's worth it.

coffeenut

Welcome to SR!

PHRD

If you are sick and tired of being sick and tired, you just need to quit. Set the date, start the road to recovery. Imagine how good you'll feel after a few days and then a few weeks of waking up refreshed and clear headed. Never give up, even when/if you slide back into your old ways. This is a great site for ongoing support and accountability. You can do it. I have faith in you!

Opivotal

Welcome Kenneth, Happy you joined SR. You will find loads of stories just like yours here. Eventually, most wind up seeking help for alcoholism. Sooner or later it brings us to our knees. Your wonderful life can be destroyed in a heartbeat. I'm happy to read you've decided to get some help.

Best Wishes To You!

doggonecarl

Welcome to SR. It's good you see you need to change. However:

Controlled drinking is just another attempt to stave of the inevitable, which is quitting. You know it, it scares you. Hell yes it can be scary. But what is the direction you are heading if you don't quit? That should scare the pants off you.

You want real change? Stop drinking. Today.

Zebra1275

Welcome. I tried for a long time to control my drinking in a variety of ways. Bottom line, I was ultimately unsuccessful. I gave up and started going to AA.

KennethThePage

Hi All,

Thanks for the responses. It's nice to hear from some other people. You're all right. I do want to quit drinking completely. I guess I [incorrectly?] see quitting drinking as an act of control over myself/my life/my choices...but now I see I might be using the word "control" too loosely.

slipperyknot

Kenneth - great to see you here. I am on day 9 of sobriety and I share a little of your story. I tried for years to figure out how to match my desire to control the drinking with my actual drinking, more than 10 years. I also had terrible problems in front of everyone I know including bosses, co-workers, other professionals in my field at conferences. I can no longer ignore the fact that I drink and disappear, I become someone else and I damage myself, others and property. Luckily I didn't get a DUI or hurt someone but it could be any day if I drink again.

I now have too much to lose. I am working on this sobriety every day. In my head I am going to be free from alcohol, just not drink and figure it out as I go. AA is a great way to go.

I guess I have had the argument that I should figure it out while I am drinking but then I finally figured out I have a HUGE problem if I can't figure it out while I am not drinking, double negative? people who are not alcoholics can not drink and figure things out. If I can't even go a day with out thinking, worrying or being fearful of alcohol then I HAVE a drinking problem and I am an alcoholic. I am still wrestling with "drinkin' thinkin'" and have heard the label Alcoholic brain. I know if I drink it could be my last day on earth.

There are some great boards on here too, 2 weeks sober and the class of December where some of newer people share. Good stuff.

Good luck to you!

phytoman

Hi Kenneth,

Welcome to the forum! This site has been helpful to me as I've started learning how to enjoy sobriety. Keep checking in here, it's worth it.

artsoul

Welcome! This is a great place to start. We all need support to get/stay sober. Take it one day at a time and know that each day you stay sober gives you more strength for the next one.

You're gonna love the mornings!:ghug3