NEOMARXIST

I often refer to how alcohol was like my medicine; to take me away from myself for a while and have a chance to escape from my head for a while. The longer I go in my sobriety then the more I realise this now. It is obvious to say that I drank just for recreation which of course I did as I loved the buzz and the effects but ultimately as drink took hold of my life and mind then I increasingly used it to alleviate stuff that I had going on in my head.

I know this to be even more true today as when I am feeling spiritually fit (to coin AA terminology) then that's when I am at my most grateful for my sobriety/recovery and can talk most positively about it. However when I am feeling depression creep in and other associated stuff then that's when it would be easy to try to glorify the old times and lifestyle and the ability to be able to go on nights out looking forward to the buzz of it all; lots young people, lights, booze, drugs, women, music, chatting sh*t etcetc, this is what shows me even more that I used alcohol as a medicine to alleviate/escape stuff that I didn't want to have to put up with.

It's funny because I've just been thinking about poppers (Amyl Nitrate) and how that sort of summed up my personality and who I would like to hang about with on a night out. I used to love passing the poppers round and having a blast and just laughing histerically, especially good if I was already up on pills. It's easy to glorify those old times, and a part of me can get sad that nights out will never be like that again and lack the sense of getting together with like-minded people and just 'getting on it'.

But why is that? It's because I have felt a little more depression creep in over the last few days and associated stuff that I have to deal with. But it's all good as I know it will pass and I try to keep myself in the day. When I get these feelings then I have to just try to let it ride and know that I don't always feel like this and indeed most of the time it's much better.

Sometimes I can look at myself and wonder why I couldn't get it together and struggled so much, I look at others and think "man, what was/is my problem?". But that's how I used to think before I knew better and it nearly killed me. I guess some people are just deeper thinkers/introverted/whatever than others and are sensitive and vulnerable in many ways. Alcohol and drugs was a way for me to try to make sense of things for a while, only they just made the whole thing worse.

I guess I'm just rambling but it's just some stuff I've just been thinking as I'm listening to my music at the computer.

Peace and Love x

MsCooterBrown

True story..I turned to alcohol..then it turned on me. Then..I turned back hating it with a vengeance. It is easy to look back and see the insanity in some of the good times..but the horrible outcome gets blocked out. The insane good times were only a portion of the night. I know that alot of people don't understand my jumping out of the alcohol pool. I sensed impending doom..I lucked out ..never got a DUI..never in jail..but I kept feeling it was right around the corner. I do feel much more at peace not drinking. When I start thinking about the "good times" (my quotes..just because they really were not) I try to think it thru to the end..they were for sure not all good. I gave it a good shot before it kicked my @ss...it is just no longer an option for me to entertain.

least

I used alcohol as a 'medicine' to escape from myself. And because of who I became due to drinking I had even more reason to get away from myself. I used it to mask depression and anxiety, but only made it worse. I am so glad to be off that misery-go-round.

Draciack

Alcohol was my solution, then it became my problem, then it became the solution to the problem it created. Funny, but when I quit drinking, I eliminated a huge problem (all the chaos) and the solution (euphoria) and felt absolutely listless.

Last winter I just about killed myself drinking. Today I'm going to have a snowball fight

Here's to sobriety.

BKP

Bottles and shots, drafts and cans did nothing but make me worst. Being sober was the 1st time i had control of control. I was blind to everything but reality. Thanks all for assisting me with my choice.

WatchTheSky

Alcohol was very much my medication. It brought me up, it brought me down, it did whatever I needed it to do. And then it stopped working, and I began to have panic attacks even while drunk. I could be sad while drunk, I could be tired, I could be angry-- I could be everything that I was while hungover. (Hungover and sober were always the same thing.) I kept drinking hoping it would start to work again. It didn't.

LaFemme

I think I have selective amnesia. I know that there was a time in my life when I had fun drinking but all I can think of today when I think of alcohol is the loneliness, misery and pain and the only way alcohol was a medecine was if it killed me and put me out of my misery.

WatchTheSky

I've been trying to recall what being drunk felt like when it was good, and I honestly can't. I remember that it did, at the beginning, but I can't recall the feeling in my body.

keithj

Alcohol was a very effective treatment for the symptoms of my alcoholism. Came with some really negative side effects however, and after a while, stopped working altogether.

SparklingSeven

So spot on that - exactly the same here.

Dee74

me three.

I find myself wondering tho why I thought I needed to get away from myself and why I thought I was so bad in the first place - and why I didn't think to just fix some of the more obvious problems.

Maybe you have to get to a point I guess?

D

stanleyhouse

I think there should be a label on alcohol that says, Alcohol will NOT cure your depression. Marketing seems to tell us the opposite.
I am so grateful to be sober and through recovery, finding a way to live with depression.
SH