Cigarette

So today is 20 days sober for me. For a few years, my whole existence has been about alcohol. My hobbies were drinking, smoking & fur coats. Everyone knew me as the lovable alcoholic. It was my signature and then i started having dt's when i couldnt get it in fast enough and knew i had to do something. Im completely lost right now. I dont know how to have fun. I cant listen to certain music or watch certain movies because I associate them with times when I'd been drinking. I idolize Edie Sedgwick and Janis Joplin, but I can't look at their pictures on my wall without wanting a martini. The only thing I can think of to do besides drink is shop or chain smoke. All I want to do is drink and AA is driving me crazy. It all comes down to god but I dont really believe in god and I hate the whole "pray and he'll help you" "you cant do it without god" thing. What happened to will power? Can't I do this without god? Im just so confused and I dont know what to do. Is my life going to continue this way? Sitting at the computer, watching a movie and smoking cigarette after cigarette? I used to have fun and now I can't. Any comments would be really, really appreciated.

- Cigarette

Ghostly

Hey Cig...Congrats on the 20 days!

I do very much believe in God. I know others don't. My point is you don't have to go through AA to quit, but it helps to have a support system. People can quit with will power, but few of them stay quit. I think it will help you to have a support system, AA, SMART...a counselor...SR, something.

Most people cannot stay quit with will power...they need to really transform their lives.

Good luck and keep us posted.

CarolD

Welcome ....good to see a new member....

I had to make changes in my life to protect my early fragile sobreity.
Do you have non drinkers in your social circle?
What hobbies or interest do you enjoy?

I found AA immensley helpful...it's been an awesome adventure for me.
It gives me friends who share my goals of recovery...

All my best....please keep posting with us

Rusty Zipper

welcome cig

congrats on your 20

will power,

hell,

will power got me in this mess in the first place

all good wishes to you

Dee74

Hi Cigarette

I did a lot of idolising drinkers and hell raisers too. Didn't seem to register with me they were all dead.

I don't think it's will power we need - I have willpower - lots of it and I tried to use it for years to be a 'normal' drinker.

What I needed was acceptance - accepting that I an alcoholic and that drinking was bad for me and always would be.

Use God or don't, but try something Cigarette.
Giving up alcohol gave me back myself and my life


Here's a few link to the main players - not all of them are 12 step based.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

You'll find a lot of support here - Welcome!
D

SSIL75

That was the absolute pivotal point in my recovery, too.

You don't need God or AA to recover. Lot of us here are recovering with secular programs or even just with this website. Stick around!

flutter

Congrats on 20 days! Those first few weeks are so hard..

Like SSIL said, you don't (in my opinion) need God, or AA to recover. However, I also believe that there is a critical difference between abstinence from alcohol, and recovery. I had to change my whole life.. my life also centered, eventually, around alcohol in all aspects. I drove different ways home from work, listened to different music, spent a LOT of time in the gym, and playing computer games (I am NOT a gamer lol), just anything 'different'. Cooked dinner at a different time, used new recipes.. etc etc. I also got a lot of counseling, from a psychologist specializing in addictions. I saw him twice a week, for about 6 months. He was who I could be bluntly honest with about my drinking, my feelings, my past, my future.. things none of my friends or my husband need to be 'in' on, or burdened with. He helped me process my thoughts, and find a new plan for coping with life, on life's terms.

It's not about willpower..that's just white-knuckling it.. and while it might keep you sober, you're probably going to be miserable.

I had to learn how to live again, and I didn't use the 12 steps of AA to guide me.. but I had to do SOMETHING. As a friend of mine on here says, it's much more than a beverage change. Much, much more.

Congrats again on 20 days, that's awesome! Glad you're here, this place is full of support, experience and strength.

Taking5

AA will pretty much always have a quick prayer to open and close the meeting, and of course the references in the step. If you can get past that, and the occasional mention of the G-word as people share, you should be fine. One of my best friends in AA is an atheist.

If AA is forcing god on you then you are at the wrong AA meeting. You could try different meetings, or as others have said, try a secular program.

There are also secular forums here on SR that you might want to check out. Good luck.

least

I have relied on three methods to stay sober: AA meetings in early recovery, but not so much now; my weekly counseling sessions have been and still are of great help, and this site - which is always 'open' 24/7.

I too had little success until I finally accepted that I could not drink at all, ever. I had to change my whole attitude about my life, but my attitude adjustment was the best thing I've ever done for myself.

I also started deliberately being grateful for my many blessings and that went a long way toward keeping me sober. Counting my blessings made me not want to drink... so I count my blessings a lot and have been happily sober for a year now.


Welcome to the best recovery site everywhere!

bettterlife4me

Hi cigarette - Congrats on 20 days! I am in very early recovery - day # 10 here.

I very much get what you're saying about "how do I have fun now"? My entire adult life has revolved around alcohol. I never had children, and the ex husband and I threw lots of parties, went to lots of parties, went on many "drinking' vacations, etc. All my friends are drinkers. I too have triggers - can I really enjoy a steak without a cabernet or enjoy listening to jazz without a martini?

For me, I am trying to re-define the meaning of "having fun". Was it really that much fun to be loud, obnoxious, and sloppy? Was it really fun to wake up the next morning full of dread over what I did or said the night before? I am not going to lie and say I never had fun drinking, because I did - to a point. But again, it was all I knew. Never in a million years would it have occurred to me that I could have fun sober, but turns out I can!

I am not in a position to offer great words of wisdom yet - too early in recovery for that, although there are many on this forum who can and have.

I am reading a lot, playing computer games, baking, (never been much of a baker) but my point is - try to find a new fun.

Boleo

I have some bad news and some good news;

William Power relapsed

Higher Power took his place

Higher Power need not be God, a deity or some mysterious force of an enigmatic cosmos. The process of recovery itself can serve as a HP temporarily.

stephnc

Welcome, fellow Tar Heel, from the City of Medicine and the home of Dook University. I feel you about the whole 'god' thing, but I've been able to really benefit from AA despite not being the least bit religious, and without forcing myself to believe in some kind of god that I don't actually believe in. One of my friends in AA is an atheist and she has explained to me that she takes what works for her from the program and disregards the rest...if nothing else, the support you get from other alcoholics at the meetings is a great help.

But like others have said, you don't necessarily have to use AA to get sober. Keep posting here...and if you want to give AA another shot without being bombarded w/jesus-y stuff, try some meetings in Chapel Hill! They're pretty darn secular compared with most places.

Welcome again,

Stephanie

Toronto68

Cigarette, I was new to actually trying just over a year ago. I had tried for a couple of weeks a couple of times, but that was before the drinking became really clearly a medicinal thing (always/every day/at home) and there was no party or social element left to it; and a time before I would refuse drinks at events where it was OK to have alcohol and get a ride (even a New Year's Eve party) so that I could wilfully drive home and do my drinking. So those times don't count to me, because they were of a different category.

I don't have a list of suggestions on what to do to withstand your angst right now, but I can tell you it was possible for me.

I still smoke way too much, but one example of how I have kept it under some control by walking. There's at least a block of time when I don't want to smoke. The more you make yourself do, the more chances you have of not being able to enjoy the concentration on the cigarette. I got little pleasure from smoking with people in a group, because their smoke invaded my space and their talking or request for mine took away from my experience. Same thing with lots of things to do. You can't just let the cigarettes burn while you are busy doing something. So you have to get away from the things that are really conducive to smoking, like being an audience member or someone sitting on a bar stool at home. This might also be applicable to the torment you are describing about thoughts of drinking.

You can't run yourself ragged, and I wouldn't suggest anything that is going to put you in physical danger, but you can push yourself to whatever your limit is on staying moving.

When I see your mention of God, my reaction is to do more than think. I have a philosophical side to me, but sometimes I think it's really for the birds. It just brings you down. Don't worry about your struggle over gods and the lightning bolts or lack thereof. Just do. If thoughts turn toward gods as you go along, fine. But operate out of a sense that you know you are only going to be beaten if you drink and neglect to keep climbing up out of the pit.

AmericanGirl

Hi Cigarette--

There's lots of good advice on this thread. Congratulations on your 20 days sober. You can do it, but it will require change. I really recommend reading some memoirs about people who have gotten sober, and maybe these people can be new people to think about, other than Edie or Janis, as models of cool and interesting people who still value life enough to get sober. Drinking: A Love Story by Caroline Knapp is one, and Lit by Mary Karr is another, which might also interest you because she talks about her feelings about faith and how they changed (like you, I'm not very religious, but the book was eye opening to me in the way it discussed faith). Keep yourself busy reading that and reading here.

In time it will get easier but I know those first few months are really difficult when you have built a life and reputation around the party/excess idea. I too used to be really into the ideas of excess and rock stars, etc, but now that idea has become stale for me because I realize most of it is actually extremely unpleasant, and I am accepting a new life that is by no means boring even if it doesn't involve reckless disregard for my well being. You can do it!

Hang in there, keep reading and posting, and explore new activities that aren't going to harm you . . .

slipperyknot

Oh cigarette, I feel for you. I am on day 9 so your ahead of me on sober days. I am new to these boards but have known about my problem for years. There is a ton of great advice and support here. I just hear how you sound and think you should go check out the AA meetings and if for no other reason then to just be around other people who don't know you as the lovable drunk or who are always trying to be sober.

If I didn't have other things to do I would be lost, I do cook, I am joining a gym, I read a lot and I watch tv. reach out or you will be so lonely. I also was fascinated with the biography's of Janis and Edie but they died, very young, from their behaviors. I love the idea of the books suggested and I am going to order them on amazon.

I hope you find hope and support. These forums have been wonderful to me. Just come on here and lurk, read, feel the support. Try each day to get through.

Good luck!

ArtDeco454

Congrats on 20 days sober. I know it can be hard finding new interests like who do I listen to now?...You can still listen to Janis, don't idolize her though...she had a tough time herself & her indulgence brought her to her end. Give yourself time. If you can't deal with the God references in your meetings, substitute your own value system. Don't think AA is a failure over just your atheism. Good luck, I'm sure there are many here who can give better advice than I can...use their wisdom.

Soph

Maybe it was on this site, but someone once mentioned that for them, GOD stood for Group Of Drunks and those were the people in the AA meeting who helped. Another one was "Good Orderly Direction" - I probably read them both here. Do not get hung up on the HP or the God part. Take what you want and leave the rest. :-)

bellakeller

I am an Edie and a Janis fan too. Many of my heroes/ heroines have died horrible deaths of the disease of addiction. It's not romantic. It's tragic. I am so glad you're trying to get out of the vicious cycle.

Many of my heroes/ heroines have recovered too.

DayTrader

If you present life sucks then it seems to make sense that another direction might be in order. If you're not done though, you're not done. Once I got willing to "try" the God think it was easy as cake. .......and that didn't happen until I couldn't take the pain of "my way" any longer.

You don't "HAVE" to do it the same way I did......if you don't want to.