Survived the Christmas Party......
perpetual optimist
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Montana
Posts: 2,959
Survived the Christmas Party......
I am just copying my post from the December class.......I am hoping it may help prepare any of you that have parties coming up. Please excuse the duplication.
Still day 9 after the Christmas party last night. Let me tell you it was NOT easy. I will NOT be subjecting myself to something like that again for quite some time. People were on my diet coke like a magnet sticks on the fridge........."where's your wine?"........I told them I had a couple other places to be after so I wasn't starting yet. That was fine, except for this one guy. Barely know him, I know his wife........kept trying to bring me beers, pushing, pushing, pushing.........."you have to have just one!!!!!!!" This went on for a good 45 minutes.
"um.......NO, I don't!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He was really starting to Pi$$ me off.
But honestly you guys, I wish I never went. I was like an outsider looking in. People were all getting kind of "sloppy." Loud, laughing, etc......I was so bored. It was not fun for me listening to all these buzzed people. After the boyfriend finished his second beer, it was about an hour in, and we left. I was so relieved. UGH..........I did make a funny exit though.........I called over to my hostess and a couple people who have been to this annual party and said "watch this!" as I easily skipped down those steep stairs!!!!! Normally I would almost fall down them. It's my signature. It was pretty funny......that was the highlight of my night, pathetic, huh?
But ya know what? I made it, as uncomfortable as it was. I thought of you guys too........wondering if you were in the same kind of situation. It helped feeling that I had some accountability here.........I couldn't wait to get on here this morning.
I pray you guys made your Friday. It sure is tough.
Hugs to all, thank for listening.
Still day 9 after the Christmas party last night. Let me tell you it was NOT easy. I will NOT be subjecting myself to something like that again for quite some time. People were on my diet coke like a magnet sticks on the fridge........."where's your wine?"........I told them I had a couple other places to be after so I wasn't starting yet. That was fine, except for this one guy. Barely know him, I know his wife........kept trying to bring me beers, pushing, pushing, pushing.........."you have to have just one!!!!!!!" This went on for a good 45 minutes.
"um.......NO, I don't!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He was really starting to Pi$$ me off.
But honestly you guys, I wish I never went. I was like an outsider looking in. People were all getting kind of "sloppy." Loud, laughing, etc......I was so bored. It was not fun for me listening to all these buzzed people. After the boyfriend finished his second beer, it was about an hour in, and we left. I was so relieved. UGH..........I did make a funny exit though.........I called over to my hostess and a couple people who have been to this annual party and said "watch this!" as I easily skipped down those steep stairs!!!!! Normally I would almost fall down them. It's my signature. It was pretty funny......that was the highlight of my night, pathetic, huh?
But ya know what? I made it, as uncomfortable as it was. I thought of you guys too........wondering if you were in the same kind of situation. It helped feeling that I had some accountability here.........I couldn't wait to get on here this morning.
I pray you guys made your Friday. It sure is tough.
Hugs to all, thank for listening.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
Glad you made it through, for me in early recovery even if my job depended on it i wouldn't have gone to a function with alcohol...i had to do some work on myself first...now it wouldn't bother me in the slightest but it does sound boring so probably wouldn't stay very long:-)
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,761
Sorry for the 'beer pusher', I'd have been tempted to smack him or just scream "NO" in his stupid face. 
Since I've been sober I tend to notice how stupid people can get when drinking... Just glad it's not me being the obnoxious one!
Since I've been sober I tend to notice how stupid people can get when drinking... Just glad it's not me being the obnoxious one! perpetual optimist
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Montana
Posts: 2,959
Talk about a real test, ha? It was so NOT fun! My boyfriend's best buddy has a party every year too. I am not going to go this year after this. These were some of my friends last night. If that sucked, it will be ten times worse with his. Plus his friends all smoke like fiends which just adds to the mix. (no offense to smokers, but when 20 chain smokers are in a closed garage/shop it is just gross.)
I am done with holiday parties!!! YAY!!!!!!!!
I am done with holiday parties!!! YAY!!!!!!!!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 1,591
I think you're right not to want to go to the next party. You have negative emotions about the one you did go to, and you found out that you could do it (not drink, deal with the drinking of others from a detached position), but you mostly thought it stank.
I don't remember how much time you have, but I went to what was supposed to be a birthday party at just about 3 months. It was boring, a little awkward (some prodding and coaxing, but not as pronounced as what you described) and uncomfortable for a minute or two when a couple of people would have their pot (I walked away). I didn't want to be near it. One person was supposedly even having cocaine (no reason not to believe him). And he told me to get off my cross after it came out that I was no longer drinking. That was technically what a sober person calling in by phone said for me to do. That lack of recognition bothered me more than all the drinking and drug use combined.
I made myself go to that party, because I didn't want to be selfish and rude and not go. (I had thought I wouldn't like being around the drinking and I knew at least one of them was a chronic pot smoker - and I don't know how that can't be a drug addict, but that's a digression.) But I didn't want to judge and I thought it was up to me to deal with my own challenges and could not go through life avoiding what I didn't agree with.
Well, stuff that. I won't be going to another one of those any time soon if ever. Their lives are theirs, mine is mine. They keep their drug use in their lives, I don't. I have to live with the knowledge of my own reality (I'm a drug addict as an alcoholic), and they are not on that plane with me. And as far as I know, this paragraph is the serenity prayer in action. Even if it's not wise or recovered enough, I'm going to do myself the favour of not showing up where it doesn't make sense for me to be.
I don't think they will invite me to their Xmas stuff, but if they do, I may have to spill the beans about what I thought about the last party I went to as my reason for not going. I mentioned these people in some recent posts and some accompanying resentments that have lingered since then, so I think I'll have to recalibrate!
I don't remember how much time you have, but I went to what was supposed to be a birthday party at just about 3 months. It was boring, a little awkward (some prodding and coaxing, but not as pronounced as what you described) and uncomfortable for a minute or two when a couple of people would have their pot (I walked away). I didn't want to be near it. One person was supposedly even having cocaine (no reason not to believe him). And he told me to get off my cross after it came out that I was no longer drinking. That was technically what a sober person calling in by phone said for me to do. That lack of recognition bothered me more than all the drinking and drug use combined.
I made myself go to that party, because I didn't want to be selfish and rude and not go. (I had thought I wouldn't like being around the drinking and I knew at least one of them was a chronic pot smoker - and I don't know how that can't be a drug addict, but that's a digression.) But I didn't want to judge and I thought it was up to me to deal with my own challenges and could not go through life avoiding what I didn't agree with.
Well, stuff that. I won't be going to another one of those any time soon if ever. Their lives are theirs, mine is mine. They keep their drug use in their lives, I don't. I have to live with the knowledge of my own reality (I'm a drug addict as an alcoholic), and they are not on that plane with me. And as far as I know, this paragraph is the serenity prayer in action. Even if it's not wise or recovered enough, I'm going to do myself the favour of not showing up where it doesn't make sense for me to be.
I don't think they will invite me to their Xmas stuff, but if they do, I may have to spill the beans about what I thought about the last party I went to as my reason for not going. I mentioned these people in some recent posts and some accompanying resentments that have lingered since then, so I think I'll have to recalibrate!
perpetual optimist
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Montana
Posts: 2,959
Even if it's not wise or recovered enough, I'm going to do myself the favour of not showing up where it doesn't make sense for me to be.
And today is only day 9 for me.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 384
VC - good for you for making it through the party and recognizing that it wasn't the place for you. Especially with the beer pusher - geez.. And I have a visual of your graceful, feet-first exit down the staircase
Went to dinner last night, and had only brief moments when I thought about wine. The table behind us had a freshly decanted bottle and I got a whiff of it when we walked by on the way to our table. I will admit, it made my mouth water just a little.
I haven't had anyone try to "force" alcohol on me. But if it happens at some point and I hope to have your strength and resolve to refuse.
So many parties this time of year. It's difficult because you want to be social and see people. It's just so different being around them when you're sober. Not bad, just different. Last night was the first time I've seen exBF sober and as it turns out we can have fun sober! Who knew?
Congrats to all of us for getting through the Fri night party scene. No parties for me tonight. I bought stuff to bake cookies and make peppermint bark so that will be my Sat night entertainment
Went to dinner last night, and had only brief moments when I thought about wine. The table behind us had a freshly decanted bottle and I got a whiff of it when we walked by on the way to our table. I will admit, it made my mouth water just a little.
I haven't had anyone try to "force" alcohol on me. But if it happens at some point and I hope to have your strength and resolve to refuse.
So many parties this time of year. It's difficult because you want to be social and see people. It's just so different being around them when you're sober. Not bad, just different. Last night was the first time I've seen exBF sober and as it turns out we can have fun sober! Who knew?
Congrats to all of us for getting through the Fri night party scene. No parties for me tonight. I bought stuff to bake cookies and make peppermint bark so that will be my Sat night entertainment
April 18, 2010
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 1,117
Great job VC! You seem to have processed the experience really well, too. So sorry you had to deal with a pusher. 
I would HATE to encounter that and I think it's really incredible that you dealt so well with it on day 9.
Keep up the excellent work! Thanks for the post!
I would HATE to encounter that and I think it's really incredible that you dealt so well with it on day 9.Keep up the excellent work! Thanks for the post!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: New York City
Posts: 221
My party season is just coming up. I was blasted on Thanksgiving, since that was before I entered the program. But I have a few techniques I am going to try when the time comes.
Diet Coke? It's a 'rum and coke.' I will lie if needed!
Seltzer and bitters looks like beer (make sure you have a beer appropriate glass and no ice!)
If I encounter a pusher, I'll inform him/her I am on a prescription I can't drink on. The exact prescription (sobriety) and the disease (alcoholism) is NONE OF HIS DANG BUSINESS!
Arriving late and leaving early are also key tools on my belt.
I'm glad you made it. It's doable after all!
Diet Coke? It's a 'rum and coke.' I will lie if needed!
Seltzer and bitters looks like beer (make sure you have a beer appropriate glass and no ice!)
If I encounter a pusher, I'll inform him/her I am on a prescription I can't drink on. The exact prescription (sobriety) and the disease (alcoholism) is NONE OF HIS DANG BUSINESS!
Arriving late and leaving early are also key tools on my belt.
I'm glad you made it. It's doable after all!
6/20/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 4,467
Hey, VC!
I am now to the point that I take my diet Pepsi with pride. No one even asks, anymore. If they do, I blow them off. Who cares?
Something else.....watching other sloppy drunks makes me extremely proud it isn't me anymore.
Breathe, my friend. I have a feeling you have a lot going on right now.
I am now to the point that I take my diet Pepsi with pride. No one even asks, anymore. If they do, I blow them off. Who cares?
Something else.....watching other sloppy drunks makes me extremely proud it isn't me anymore.
Breathe, my friend. I have a feeling you have a lot going on right now.
back again 11/09/2011
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Scotland
Posts: 104
What a great thread - I have two parties/dinners coming up this week and was seriously considering avoiding them, but I reckon its ok to go because I ain't going to be a "sloppy drunk" and I love the following quote
Thanks Guys 
Originally Posted by ViciousCycle 
It helped feeling that I had some accountability here.........I couldn't wait to get on here this morning.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Toronto
Posts: 318
I had a similar incident to your "beer pusher" a couple months into my sobriety. Someone tried to make me drink a shot. I was lucky in that a girl sitting next to me who had heard me talk about quitting drinking intervened and gave me a hand with avoiding the shot. Funny thing is, I don't know her very well, but I sure appreciated the help from an almost stranger. I left immediately after and on my way out the girl who intervened actually said to me "I really admire you for quitting drinking. I've been thinking about doing that myself - you inspire me."
My office Christmas party is this week. I know a few people who don't drink who will be at it, so I will gravitate towards them. I'll also stand my ground with anyone who offers. And last but not least, if the shots start coming out it's time for me to leave. Best reason for leaving... sorry I have to work in the morning so I'm going to bed. They can't argue with that one!
My office Christmas party is this week. I know a few people who don't drink who will be at it, so I will gravitate towards them. I'll also stand my ground with anyone who offers. And last but not least, if the shots start coming out it's time for me to leave. Best reason for leaving... sorry I have to work in the morning so I'm going to bed. They can't argue with that one!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Great Outdoors
Posts: 1,992
I am glad you came out unscathed. I am not venturing to parties for quite awhile..I made it from 8/22 to 10/3...birthday party..I went. Started with club soda and grapefruit and by the end of it I was hammered. I thought..1. I can do 1. Well it snowballed and I was spitting on myself. So dumb. BUT I learned. I am on a good roll now with sobriety and I am happy. My one experiment was a big learning experience for me. I really did think I could do just one and go back to drinking club soda. I will never reset my sobriety date again. That d@mn near killed me to have to do that...BUT GOOD FOR YOU VC!!!!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Great Outdoors
Posts: 1,992
BUT I have to add this..I am fine when I am in someones house and they are drinking..I didn't have a hard time over Labor Day..or Thanksgiving. Just that stupid birthday party..but it was at a bar. Maybe that was the deal breaker...I guess we learn from it as hard as it may be.
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