Asking For Help - Language of Letting Go
Nature Girl
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Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Asking For Help - Language of Letting Go
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Asking for Help
It's okay to ask for help.
One of the most absurd things we do to ourselves is not asking for the help we need from a friend, a family member, our Higher Power, or the appropriate resource.
We don't have to struggle through feelings and problems alone. We can ask for help from our Higher Power and for support and encouragement from our friends.
Whether what we need is information, encouragement, a hand, a word, a hug, someone who will listen, or a ride, we can ask. We can ask people for what we need from them. We can ask God for what we need from God.
It is self-defeating to not ask for the help we need. It keeps us stuck. If we ask long and hard enough, if we direct our request to the right source, we'll get the help we need.
There is a difference between asking someone to rescue us and asking someone in a direct manner for the help we need from him or her. We can be straightforward and let others choose whether to help us or not. If the answer is no, we can deal with that.
It is self-defeating to hint, whine, manipulate, or coerce help out of people. It is annoying to go to people as a victim and expect them to rescue us. It is healthy to ask for help when help is what we need.
"My problem is shame," said one woman. "I wanted to ask for help in dealing with it, but I was to ashamed. Isn't that crazy?"
We who are eager to help others can learn to allow ourselves to receive help. We can learn to make clean contracts about asking for and receiving the help we want and need.
Today, I will ask for help if I need it - from people and my Higher Power. I will not be a victim, helplessly waiting to be rescued. I will make my request for help specific, to the point, and I will leave room for the person to choose whether or not to help me. I will not be a martyr any longer by refusing to get the help I deserve in life - the help that makes life simpler. God, help me let go of my need to do everything alone. Help me use the vast Universe of resources available to me.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
Asking for Help
It's okay to ask for help.
One of the most absurd things we do to ourselves is not asking for the help we need from a friend, a family member, our Higher Power, or the appropriate resource.
We don't have to struggle through feelings and problems alone. We can ask for help from our Higher Power and for support and encouragement from our friends.
Whether what we need is information, encouragement, a hand, a word, a hug, someone who will listen, or a ride, we can ask. We can ask people for what we need from them. We can ask God for what we need from God.
It is self-defeating to not ask for the help we need. It keeps us stuck. If we ask long and hard enough, if we direct our request to the right source, we'll get the help we need.
There is a difference between asking someone to rescue us and asking someone in a direct manner for the help we need from him or her. We can be straightforward and let others choose whether to help us or not. If the answer is no, we can deal with that.
It is self-defeating to hint, whine, manipulate, or coerce help out of people. It is annoying to go to people as a victim and expect them to rescue us. It is healthy to ask for help when help is what we need.
"My problem is shame," said one woman. "I wanted to ask for help in dealing with it, but I was to ashamed. Isn't that crazy?"
We who are eager to help others can learn to allow ourselves to receive help. We can learn to make clean contracts about asking for and receiving the help we want and need.
Today, I will ask for help if I need it - from people and my Higher Power. I will not be a victim, helplessly waiting to be rescued. I will make my request for help specific, to the point, and I will leave room for the person to choose whether or not to help me. I will not be a martyr any longer by refusing to get the help I deserve in life - the help that makes life simpler. God, help me let go of my need to do everything alone. Help me use the vast Universe of resources available to me.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
This reading today reminds me of how long it took me to ask for help...and to find the right place to ask.
Asking my son to stop his addiction was futile, no matter how hard I cried or how loudly I yelled. It was the wrong place to ask.
After being encouraged for so long that it was embarrassing to say no, I found myself a good meeting and threw myself at their mercy. I was in a safe place to share and ask for help...I was home.
I learned to ask only where it is safe. Asking friends or family who had no clue about addiction was like asking a child how to fly. It just didn't work.
Meetings were safe, church was safe, SR was indeed safe and still a place I share often with people I trust and who "get" who I am and why I am here.
And I ask God for help every day, which helps me live my day well, trusting that all is exactly as it should be.
Hugs
Asking my son to stop his addiction was futile, no matter how hard I cried or how loudly I yelled. It was the wrong place to ask.
After being encouraged for so long that it was embarrassing to say no, I found myself a good meeting and threw myself at their mercy. I was in a safe place to share and ask for help...I was home.
I learned to ask only where it is safe. Asking friends or family who had no clue about addiction was like asking a child how to fly. It just didn't work.
Meetings were safe, church was safe, SR was indeed safe and still a place I share often with people I trust and who "get" who I am and why I am here.
And I ask God for help every day, which helps me live my day well, trusting that all is exactly as it should be.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Home of the Ravens-MD
Posts: 1,316
Ann, It took me a very long time to get this concept....Ask for help....Accept help when offered. Wow, I could certainly offer help to others, however to acknowledge that I needed help and ask for it...........took me a long time. Grateful to Naranon and SR that I finally got it.
Chris
Chris
Yankee
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 183
Thank you for this post Ann. I have 3 close friends who have known me for over 10 years. All 3 do not know or love someone who is an addict. So asking them for help or advice is so very hard. Most people on the outside of this *box* dont understand and it is very easy for them to judge or offer the advice that they would take. I am fortunate that I do have support for any decision that I make in life from my friends. I dont talk to them about my recovery freely, they have to litterally beat it out of me. I am quite closed off these last few years. Dealing with things myself, keeping my thoughts to myself...I know it is not healthy, but I do not want to burden anyone with my problems. I am glad I found SR today. I already have posted a few times and feel so good..
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I'm glad you found us too, Miss Tara, and posting here is a good way to reach out and ask for help.
It's hard sometimes to talk to anyone when we feel shame and fear and all the scary things we feel when dealing with addiction. I am so grateful that my program has helped me stop living in the problem, and start living in the solution.
Hugs
It's hard sometimes to talk to anyone when we feel shame and fear and all the scary things we feel when dealing with addiction. I am so grateful that my program has helped me stop living in the problem, and start living in the solution.
Hugs
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