I think I can drink normally...
I think I can drink normally...
... normally about a fifth plus a half. After that I usually pass out until I wake up at 3am confused, sick and thirsty.
I think I can also not drink normally. Like normal people who maybe don't drink at all or might go an entire month with no cause or need to have one.
I have caught my own lie, "I want to drink like normal people do." What I mean is I want to have some normal wine with each meal, normal drinks at the bar after work, a normal martini over brunch, normal night cap before bed, etc. I want to drink at all these times, every day, and I want it to call it "normal."
When I think I want to be a "normal drinker" I always think of the normal drinker who is currently drinking. It's the "drinker" that interests me far more than the "normal."
Admit it, you think this way too.
I think I can also not drink normally. Like normal people who maybe don't drink at all or might go an entire month with no cause or need to have one.
I have caught my own lie, "I want to drink like normal people do." What I mean is I want to have some normal wine with each meal, normal drinks at the bar after work, a normal martini over brunch, normal night cap before bed, etc. I want to drink at all these times, every day, and I want it to call it "normal."
When I think I want to be a "normal drinker" I always think of the normal drinker who is currently drinking. It's the "drinker" that interests me far more than the "normal."
Admit it, you think this way too.
When I use the term "normal drinker", though, I mean someone who doesn't have any of the consequences because there is no need to drink the way I used to want to. It's important to stay clear on the definition. Thanks, Isaiah, for this thought-provoking post!
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Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
I never wanted to drink normally or indeed ever did drink 'normally', Whatever normally means anyway. My ethos was one of 'rock n' roll' so excess was my norm when it came to booze and drugs also. I never envied people who only drank a couple but rather just felt like I never connected with them and naturally used to click with people who also liked to get smashed. The pubs I used to like going to were where the drinkers were heavy and the drugs were taken freely and tolerated.
I never saw my drinking as abnormal really but just used to justify it as being the way I liked to drink, which it was. For me then moderation was what I used to do when I used to drink and only get smashed on a Friday night for example. When I tried to control my drinking it was to only get obliterated in one evning/night session and then not drink when I woke up. Needless to say I was unable to do that and that was the beginning of the end for me and drinking.
I know for me any thoughts of moderate, controlled drinking are non-existent as i never drank like that and didn't see the point in drinking like that. I always used to say if you gonna climb a mountain then you want to reach the summit, you may pay the price but the view will be worth it.
Peace
I never saw my drinking as abnormal really but just used to justify it as being the way I liked to drink, which it was. For me then moderation was what I used to do when I used to drink and only get smashed on a Friday night for example. When I tried to control my drinking it was to only get obliterated in one evning/night session and then not drink when I woke up. Needless to say I was unable to do that and that was the beginning of the end for me and drinking.
I know for me any thoughts of moderate, controlled drinking are non-existent as i never drank like that and didn't see the point in drinking like that. I always used to say if you gonna climb a mountain then you want to reach the summit, you may pay the price but the view will be worth it.
Peace
2 while cooking!
1 before dinner.
1 with dinner
1 after dinner
2 watching a movie with my husband.
1 before bed.
All normal things!
I don't want to be a normal drinker. Boring. What's the point of just having one or two? I want to be able to get smashed without any side effects or after effects. Obliterate myself, pass out, and wake up feeling peachy.
I must agree with wanting to drink 'normally' (as much as I want) without any consequences... I am so glad I no longer want to drink at all. I've never felt so free and happy as I do now.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Somewhere in my head!
Posts: 41
Wow, what a topic! I too wanted to drink normally, to be able to control it and what it always boiled down to was.....
The sober person in me could drink a normal couple of drinks BUT then....the drunk person in me would continue to drink whatever was left in the house after I blacked out.
What I finally learned was that even while I was trying to control my drinking, the alcohol was still controlling me, mentally and physically.
Thanks for a great post.
The sober person in me could drink a normal couple of drinks BUT then....the drunk person in me would continue to drink whatever was left in the house after I blacked out.
What I finally learned was that even while I was trying to control my drinking, the alcohol was still controlling me, mentally and physically.
Thanks for a great post.
A very good post because for years I tried so hard to be that "normal" drinker. Drink whenever I felt but somehow call it ok, normal, etc.
I now no longer wish to drink, no longer have any interest in it. Why? Because for me.....ohhhhh I learned through years of head banging that I just can't stop drinking once I start....found that no matter how insane my life and actions were....I would still drink. A good day for me then was to be home alone with a full house of booze and plenty of mixers to go with it. That was the high point of my drinking....to be drunk and alone.
Thx for sharing
I now no longer wish to drink, no longer have any interest in it. Why? Because for me.....ohhhhh I learned through years of head banging that I just can't stop drinking once I start....found that no matter how insane my life and actions were....I would still drink. A good day for me then was to be home alone with a full house of booze and plenty of mixers to go with it. That was the high point of my drinking....to be drunk and alone.
Thx for sharing
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 1,237
When I tried to control my drinking near the end of my drinking career was the only time I thought about wanting to drink "normally" my goal was to get obliviated in hopes of pushing the world out....to go into my own world......most of my adult life...I have accepted the fact that I can't drink period and I'm at peace with that most days...I'm so happy to be living sober I can't imagine it any other way!!! This is the new "normal"for me!!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 147
A very good post because for years I tried so hard to be that "normal" drinker. Drink whenever I felt but somehow call it ok, normal, etc.
I now no longer wish to drink, no longer have any interest in it. Why? Because for me.....ohhhhh I learned through years of head banging that I just can't stop drinking once I start....found that no matter how insane my life and actions were....I would still drink. A good day for me then was to be home alone with a full house of booze and plenty of mixers to go with it. That was the high point of my drinking....to be drunk and alone.
Thx for sharing
I now no longer wish to drink, no longer have any interest in it. Why? Because for me.....ohhhhh I learned through years of head banging that I just can't stop drinking once I start....found that no matter how insane my life and actions were....I would still drink. A good day for me then was to be home alone with a full house of booze and plenty of mixers to go with it. That was the high point of my drinking....to be drunk and alone.
Thx for sharing
Interesting topic....and after thinking about it:
The only moments I wanted to be able drink "normally" were when I knew that the social circumstances would not make it acceptable to drink like I really wanted. Family functions, dinner with friends...I was always annoyed that I had to try my best to force myself and have only 2 or 3 drinks. So no one would notice that there was something wrong with my alcohol consumtipon. On any other occasion I always drank with the goal of getting smashed and causing mayhem. Or just drink until everything went numb.
In other words:
The only moments when I wished to be able to drink normally were when it would help me to conceal that I am an alcoholic.
Never thought about it that way, so thank you Isaiah for starting this topic. I just got some more insight.
The only moments I wanted to be able drink "normally" were when I knew that the social circumstances would not make it acceptable to drink like I really wanted. Family functions, dinner with friends...I was always annoyed that I had to try my best to force myself and have only 2 or 3 drinks. So no one would notice that there was something wrong with my alcohol consumtipon. On any other occasion I always drank with the goal of getting smashed and causing mayhem. Or just drink until everything went numb.
In other words:
The only moments when I wished to be able to drink normally were when it would help me to conceal that I am an alcoholic.
Never thought about it that way, so thank you Isaiah for starting this topic. I just got some more insight.
Yeah, very early on in my sobriety I felt like that. If I could only drink without the health consequences, if I just didn't have hangovers.. if I could drink and sober up whenever I wanted to (weird fantasy), instantly.. lots of bargaining.
Luckily, my desire to drink normally or abnormally, or alcoholically without consequences disappeared a long time ago, thanks to a lot of hard recovery work, and I wouldn't want it any other way.
Luckily, my desire to drink normally or abnormally, or alcoholically without consequences disappeared a long time ago, thanks to a lot of hard recovery work, and I wouldn't want it any other way.
I thought that after a period of 3 months of sobriety I could drink normally, this was this past new years eve. I told myself I'd drink two beers and nothing more. Then on January 1, 2010 I woke up at a friends house not knowing how I got there. Mind you my friend lives at least 30 miles away. I asked him if he had come to pick me up. Nope, I learned I took a cab, which cost me $100 and bought an 8ball of cocaine and put the majority up my nose in a period of no longer than 3 hours.
Every once in a while I get the idea in my head that I can drink normally now. But then I remember I'm an alcoholic and I'm not willing to take the risk of trying it out again.
Every once in a while I get the idea in my head that I can drink normally now. But then I remember I'm an alcoholic and I'm not willing to take the risk of trying it out again.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: London
Posts: 28
Ha I agree...imagine if there was a pill you could take that stopped you from doing anything silly whilst drinking & got rid of hangovers - someone would be very rich if they could invent this pill.
I thought that after a period of 3 months of sobriety I could drink normally, this was this past new years eve. I told myself I'd drink two beers and nothing more. Then on January 1, 2010 I woke up at a friends house not knowing how I got there. Mind you my friend lives at least 30 miles away. I asked him if he had come to pick me up. Nope, I learned I took a cab, which cost me $100 and bought an 8ball of cocaine and put the majority up my nose in a period of no longer than 3 hours.
Every once in a while I get the idea in my head that I can drink normally now. But then I remember I'm an alcoholic and I'm not willing to take the risk of trying it out again.
Every once in a while I get the idea in my head that I can drink normally now. But then I remember I'm an alcoholic and I'm not willing to take the risk of trying it out again.
Guest
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
I wouldn't wish to take any drug nowadays as I have no need to. Thanks to recovery. 'One day at a time'.
Peace
I have caught my own lie, "I want to drink like normal people do." What I mean is I want to have some normal wine with each meal, normal drinks at the bar after work, a normal martini over brunch, normal night cap before bed, etc. I want to drink at all these times, every day, and I want it to call it "normal."
Reminds me of something someone mentioned in a meeting. He said, Yeah, I want to be a normal drinker. If I was a normal drinker, I'd drink normally all day every day.
Everyone burst out laughing and I was like, huh? Then it hit me.
Stinkin thinkin, indeed
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