Nena

So recently I have been working on making amends to my ex spouse the meth addict. .I've been praying soooo hard about it and am waiting to either feel that peace or that anxiety which will tell me it's time or it's not. I know that this is not for my ex, it's for me but a part of me can't help but wander if I'll be making amends to someone who is sober.

I'm pretty sure my ex isn't using Meth right now but I know my ex is using marijuana and alcohol. .marijuana daily for sure. So I guess I"m asking if it matters? Do I make amends anyway, whether my ex is sober or not? Whether it's Meth or marijuana or alcohol abusing substances is still addiction and still means my ex is not sober. . .I'm ready to do my part and make amends so I can "bury" it so to speak and put it to rest without any expectations of my ex. I just was wandering if it matters if my ex is sober right now or not?? You're feedback is much appreciated!!

Nena

Chino

Making amends is more than an apology to me, it's a conscious ongoing effort on my part to change the behavior that caused a problem. To not repeat the offense. Each time I've made amends with others, it didn't rely on them or their state of mind at all. I apologize for my actions, make restitution if that applies, and vow to never do it again. After that, it all becomes about walking the walk, not talking the talk.

NeverLetGo23

What exactly are you making amends For? If you don't mind me asking.

Live

for me it was about having a superior attitude and not recognizing that person's dignity of their choices and their rights to live whatever kind of life they chose.

I still have problems with being around active drinking and do my best to avoid it.
But I try not to come off judgemental.
It is hard and I still and may always have some trouble with this.
Mostly because of seeing the kid's exposed to it and the model it teaches them.

Nena

If we've continually harmed people and haven't made any effort toward amends, then we've got a lot of people, places, and things to avoid. Large areas of life become closed off to us. When you're willing to make amends, those areas open up again. You don't have to avoid people any more. I see my ex spouse a lot and I feel like avoidance is a huge part of my life and I don't want to live that way anymore. Plus I'm done with all the behaviors surrounding my co-dependency, espesically control. .after we had divorced I was still very much trying to control things in my ex's life and had to completely detach, no contact, nothing on my part. . .when you ask what I'm making amends for its my part in everything, all the harmful things that I did emershed in co-dependency. The idea is to restore in a direct way that which I have broken or damaged--or to make restoration in a symbolic way if I can't do it directly.