New to sober recovery
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Arizona
Posts: 27
New to sober recovery
hello, im now 4 months sober, i have been sober since my 18th birthday,
it all started with weed, i smoked it for the first time in 09 and i loved it, it made me happier, and i drank for the second time in june 09, i didnt really care about alcohol back then but i loved smoking pot, and in august of 2009 right when school started i had my first panic attack and it scared me to death, i quit smoking weed and still had bad anxiety, i think im just afraid of having panic attacks. anyways, i found that drinking took anxiety away, so i started drinking all the time, just hard alcohol, and i didnt see it as a problem at that time, my grandfather died in september of 2009, i started drinking more, till it became a 4 or 5 times a week thing. i would take 7 or 8 shots and be fine, but i wouldnt stop till i drank half a plastic red cup to a full red cup of liquor, for my weight (115-120lbs.) i dont think thats very good. anyways my anxiety was there even when i didnt drink so i saw a therapist, had a ****** therapist so i never went back, and a few months later my girlfriend broke up with me so i started drinking even more, got my first MIC(minor in consumption), drank more after i got it. still had the anxiety and i kept drinking frequently till around may 2010, and by then i had 3 MIC's one for drinking right after school and going around and writing **** everywhere, ran from the cops all that stuff. anyways in may my doctor perscribed me alprazolam .25, and i had already known about xanax because my friends eat bars like candy, took one of those it made my anxiety go away for a few weeks(safety blanket im guessing) and i kept drinking (not while on xanax). anyways it got to the point where if i wasnt drinking i was taking my xanax (not high doses probably around .5 at that time) and then started smoking weed again and drinking and doing xanax and finally this school year came around and i was going to school on almost 1mg xanax everyday and really stoned and when my birthday came around and i wanted to drink on my birthday i decided to not take xanax that day and lets just say i had the worst birthday ever. i couldnt eat, i was shaking, rebound anxiety, my heart was beating loud, i was sweating, i was cold in 115 degree weather.
thats where i decided to stop, i tapered off the xanax, (it was ******).
i quit smoking weed(not hard)
and i quit drinking which wasnt to hard because i wasnt drinking to much at the end.
and after i tapered off my xanax ever since then i have had Agoraphobia, and now im about to start cognitive behavioral therapy, but to go to a therapists office due to my agoraphobia i have to take xanax, but only on those days and on days when im having a horrible anxiety attack
im proud of myself but i have not gotten over my agoraphobia yet, when i do i will be the happiest person alive
it all started with weed, i smoked it for the first time in 09 and i loved it, it made me happier, and i drank for the second time in june 09, i didnt really care about alcohol back then but i loved smoking pot, and in august of 2009 right when school started i had my first panic attack and it scared me to death, i quit smoking weed and still had bad anxiety, i think im just afraid of having panic attacks. anyways, i found that drinking took anxiety away, so i started drinking all the time, just hard alcohol, and i didnt see it as a problem at that time, my grandfather died in september of 2009, i started drinking more, till it became a 4 or 5 times a week thing. i would take 7 or 8 shots and be fine, but i wouldnt stop till i drank half a plastic red cup to a full red cup of liquor, for my weight (115-120lbs.) i dont think thats very good. anyways my anxiety was there even when i didnt drink so i saw a therapist, had a ****** therapist so i never went back, and a few months later my girlfriend broke up with me so i started drinking even more, got my first MIC(minor in consumption), drank more after i got it. still had the anxiety and i kept drinking frequently till around may 2010, and by then i had 3 MIC's one for drinking right after school and going around and writing **** everywhere, ran from the cops all that stuff. anyways in may my doctor perscribed me alprazolam .25, and i had already known about xanax because my friends eat bars like candy, took one of those it made my anxiety go away for a few weeks(safety blanket im guessing) and i kept drinking (not while on xanax). anyways it got to the point where if i wasnt drinking i was taking my xanax (not high doses probably around .5 at that time) and then started smoking weed again and drinking and doing xanax and finally this school year came around and i was going to school on almost 1mg xanax everyday and really stoned and when my birthday came around and i wanted to drink on my birthday i decided to not take xanax that day and lets just say i had the worst birthday ever. i couldnt eat, i was shaking, rebound anxiety, my heart was beating loud, i was sweating, i was cold in 115 degree weather.
thats where i decided to stop, i tapered off the xanax, (it was ******).
i quit smoking weed(not hard)
and i quit drinking which wasnt to hard because i wasnt drinking to much at the end.
and after i tapered off my xanax ever since then i have had Agoraphobia, and now im about to start cognitive behavioral therapy, but to go to a therapists office due to my agoraphobia i have to take xanax, but only on those days and on days when im having a horrible anxiety attack
im proud of myself but i have not gotten over my agoraphobia yet, when i do i will be the happiest person alive
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Arizona
Posts: 27
Dee, thanks man. Yeah the alcohol and weed isnt a problem for me anymore, my anxiety keeps me clean. but the benzos are the hardest, i still take them every couple weeks. Im focusing on the agoraphobia right now and really hoping that my cognitive behavioral therapy works
not little, a stranger no more
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: in the crowd
Posts: 410
Hi Ruxxpin, and welcome to SR!
I think it's great that you want to make positive changes and that you are working on your issues. CBT can really help to learn to deal better with some issues, and I wish you that your agoraphobia will be a thing of the past soon.
You'll find a lot of supportive people here, and generally there's always somneone online, as there are people from all over the world.
I think it's great that you want to make positive changes and that you are working on your issues. CBT can really help to learn to deal better with some issues, and I wish you that your agoraphobia will be a thing of the past soon.
You'll find a lot of supportive people here, and generally there's always somneone online, as there are people from all over the world.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Arizona
Posts: 27
Originally Posted by littlestranger 
Hi Ruxxpin, and welcome to SR!
I think it's great that you want to make positive changes and that you are working on your issues. CBT can really help to learn to deal better with some issues, and I wish you that your agoraphobia will be a thing of the past soon.
You'll find a lot of supportive people here, and generally there's always somneone online, as there are people from all over the world.
I think it's great that you want to make positive changes and that you are working on your issues. CBT can really help to learn to deal better with some issues, and I wish you that your agoraphobia will be a thing of the past soon.
You'll find a lot of supportive people here, and generally there's always somneone online, as there are people from all over the world.
im so excited for my CBT you have no idea!! i just wanna go back out again i miss it alot.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Land of Cotton
Posts: 3,433
I'm always so happy and encouraged to read about young people who recognize the serious consequences of their drinking and drug use. You are brilliant for getting sober at this young age. My son (20 now) has emotional health issues and smokes pot...sometimes harder drugs as well. It is virtually impossible for a therapist to make any real progress with a client while they are actively using so you are most definitely giving yourself the best shot possible by staying sober during this difficult time. I am VERY proud of you. Keep up the excellent work!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Arizona
Posts: 27
Originally Posted by tjp613
I'm always so happy and encouraged to read about young people who recognize the serious consequences of their drinking and drug use. You are brilliant for getting sober at this young age. My son (20 now) has emotional health issues and smokes pot...sometimes harder drugs as well. It is virtually impossible for a therapist to make any real progress with a client while they are actively using so you are most definitely giving yourself the best shot possible by staying sober during this difficult time. I am VERY proud of you. Keep up the excellent work!
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome Ruxxxpin - Congrats on 4 months sober - that's a real accomplishment. A lot of us had/have underlying issues and used substances to self-medicate. Of course, that approach only makes our issues worse in the long run.
Now you're doing something totally positive and you should feel really proud of that!
Keep at it (one day at a time!).......:ghug3
Now you're doing something totally positive and you should feel really proud of that!
Keep at it (one day at a time!).......:ghug3
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: West Coast, Australia
Posts: 319
Welcome Ruxxxpin!
I concur with the other posts - be hungry to learn and work out what is going to work for you. Never give up because you can do it. Clean=good and the way it was always intended to be. And keep posting!
All the best.
Rosco.
Life=fun; Alcohol=Devastation.
I concur with the other posts - be hungry to learn and work out what is going to work for you. Never give up because you can do it. Clean=good and the way it was always intended to be. And keep posting!
All the best.
Rosco.
Life=fun; Alcohol=Devastation.
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