Tendencies

I thought I was on day nine but it's actually day 10. Yay me! Cravings hit me hard a couple of nights ago but I actually got through it. The next morning I thought about what would I normally be feeling after a night of sheer stupidity if I had of imbibed. Well I would feel stupid, worthless, and anxious.

More battles ahead but takin it a day at a time.

I've been trying to think when was the last time I was sober this long. It's literally been years. I did 5 days in the spring but before that I did a month as I was trying to lose weight about 2 years go. That means day in and day out I've been drinking twenty to thirty dollars a day. I don't want to do the math on how much money I've flushed down the toilet.

The way the I feel is improving. The crippling depression I was experiencing has lifted. My life ain't exactly rosy but I see improvement.

One big change is that I don't wake up and think about if I have to go to the liquor store. How much booze do I have left in the house? Stuff like that.

The pain in my side which I assume was a revolt on the part of my liver has subsided as well.

Thanks again ALL! This board rocks.

Dee74

I'm really happy things are going well Tendencies

D

least

Congrats on ten sober days! It keeps on getting better.

tmbg

I remember your first post, so it's wonderful to hear that you are feeling better and have 10 days!

Tendencies

Thanks all,

Reading that first post and the responses to it for encouragement has been useful. It's hard to read though. As well reading others first posts is hard but good as well.

I need to change patterns of behaviour learned over years. My brains been wired for alcohol for so many years. I started out after college really well and then slid into my thirties with booze. Losing so many good years is painful but I figure I need to look forward. Make some decisions about what is really important instead of trading hope for an alcoholic haze.

Even trying to maintain some type of control by giving myself bullsh$t rules like only drinking after 5pm or on weekends was a no go. That just doesn't work.

I'll tell you why for me that was a failure. When I did that I spend all my time in anticipation of when I could crack that bottle and blottoed.

So no more making deals with myself over alcohol.

SDSurfn

congrats on double digits, tendencies!

tmbg

That's how it was for me, too. The more rules I had, the more there were to break.

AmericanGirl

Great work, Tendencies!!