court on friday :(
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 457
court on friday :(
been busy with attorney again..replied to his claim of needing emergency funds to live which I think was a great counterclaim having had letters from many people..however, Im sick over it.just sick. I cant eat or sleep. I feel like a victim all over again. I have been doing so good on my recovery and bang..get ambushed again.
I dont have faith in the system anymore. I lost my faith with doctors and the whole system of addiction, including law enforcement all the way to the courts now..why do I have to prove no wrong doing? because a dr.prescribes the drug its okay? because he sold pills in the past thats okay? because his behavior was out of line and I suffered thats okay? because him and this couple cant afford rent thats okay? because they sit around and watch movies and eat ice cream while I work, thats okay? I have to prove he is addicted and trying to harm me financially and emotionally? Im sorry I let it get this far, Im sorry I didnt walk away from addiction years ago. now I feel like Im paying the price.
Im sorry, Im trying so hard to remain calm. to remain in control but again
Im sick of it. I feel like I have to defend myself for something that he did and continues to do over a drug.
people are constantly telling me I will do fine, they cant win, but honestly I cant see it right now and I really really dont want to go to court. Im scared , Im scared of his manipulation,lies, anger etc..all over again and now his attorney will question me? why do I still project and have bad thoughts??
whewwwwwwww...got to take a deep breath and keep busy and try not to focus on the what if's...back to recovering I know..
I have to take it one day, one hour,one moment at a time..so hard to do sometimes!
thanks for listening to me , thanks for giving me support these last 12 months, thanks for being here
I dont have faith in the system anymore. I lost my faith with doctors and the whole system of addiction, including law enforcement all the way to the courts now..why do I have to prove no wrong doing? because a dr.prescribes the drug its okay? because he sold pills in the past thats okay? because his behavior was out of line and I suffered thats okay? because him and this couple cant afford rent thats okay? because they sit around and watch movies and eat ice cream while I work, thats okay? I have to prove he is addicted and trying to harm me financially and emotionally? Im sorry I let it get this far, Im sorry I didnt walk away from addiction years ago. now I feel like Im paying the price.
Im sorry, Im trying so hard to remain calm. to remain in control but again
Im sick of it. I feel like I have to defend myself for something that he did and continues to do over a drug.
people are constantly telling me I will do fine, they cant win, but honestly I cant see it right now and I really really dont want to go to court. Im scared , Im scared of his manipulation,lies, anger etc..all over again and now his attorney will question me? why do I still project and have bad thoughts??
whewwwwwwww...got to take a deep breath and keep busy and try not to focus on the what if's...back to recovering I know..
I have to take it one day, one hour,one moment at a time..so hard to do sometimes!
thanks for listening to me , thanks for giving me support these last 12 months, thanks for being here
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 63
Hang in there. *hugs*
Hopefully, once you can at least establish he is an addict the system will turn in your favor. Unfortunately, without proving anything it's always he-said/she-said and as we all know addicts make good liars/manipulators.
I sure hope my wife doesn't pull this kind of BS next year when I tell her to move out. :/
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Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 457
thank you sebby, its hard to establish addiction when a dr.prescribes it as far as Im thinking and all his other drs.certainly wont testify against another dr..
I did however establish his prior addiction 13 years ago ,so I hope a judge sees through this strange mess.
sebby, I hope and pray your wife doesnt do this to you, I certainly wouldnt wish this on anyone however I also think they will go to extremes out of anger when we step away from them , when they see we will not tolerate their addiction, when they see us part ways with them. retaliation sort of speak. I will be honest and say that for a long time I did retaliate, I did feed into his addiction, but finally after getting support and learning how to seek my own recovery is when he starting putting the heat up on me (the couple as well)..like okay now your going to pay the price for not being a codependent anymore. just my thoughts anyhow. I believe his anger level against me is so high that he wouldnt care what I lose, he just doesnt care.
its all about the drug.
he is concerned about me appearing in court, guess he should be. I want the judge to see me, I want the judge to hear me, I want them to know that I am a good person, I was a good wife and that he is ill and all 3 of them are trying to destroy me. I would think a judge would see that. thats all I can do, let my HP go to work once again.
sebby, keep strong dont let addiction destroy your life, stand up to what you believe and want in life, as much as it gets messey, as much as it gets stressful we have to continue on for ourselves for our own peace and happiness...well, looks like I just got myself through my bad feelings again.
I did however establish his prior addiction 13 years ago ,so I hope a judge sees through this strange mess.
sebby, I hope and pray your wife doesnt do this to you, I certainly wouldnt wish this on anyone however I also think they will go to extremes out of anger when we step away from them , when they see we will not tolerate their addiction, when they see us part ways with them. retaliation sort of speak. I will be honest and say that for a long time I did retaliate, I did feed into his addiction, but finally after getting support and learning how to seek my own recovery is when he starting putting the heat up on me (the couple as well)..like okay now your going to pay the price for not being a codependent anymore. just my thoughts anyhow. I believe his anger level against me is so high that he wouldnt care what I lose, he just doesnt care.
its all about the drug.
he is concerned about me appearing in court, guess he should be. I want the judge to see me, I want the judge to hear me, I want them to know that I am a good person, I was a good wife and that he is ill and all 3 of them are trying to destroy me. I would think a judge would see that. thats all I can do, let my HP go to work once again.
sebby, keep strong dont let addiction destroy your life, stand up to what you believe and want in life, as much as it gets messey, as much as it gets stressful we have to continue on for ourselves for our own peace and happiness...well, looks like I just got myself through my bad feelings again.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: central coast, ca
Posts: 1,652
Hang in there Tam..so stressful right now, but this too shall pass.I know you've lost your faith in the system, but I hope you still have some in your HP..that you will have the stregnth to get through this.
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
Tam....everything tracks back to the money...do you have a trail? Divorce is nothing but splitting up the money. That's how the court looks at it.
I am so very sorry that you have to deal with this crap. Addicts certainly can ruin anothers life, however, you are working your way through this mess, and, I know that you will soon be free of him.
Just keep moving forward.
I am sending hugs your way!
I am so very sorry that you have to deal with this crap. Addicts certainly can ruin anothers life, however, you are working your way through this mess, and, I know that you will soon be free of him.
Just keep moving forward.
I am sending hugs your way!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: WA
Posts: 25
I'm having a bad day today, too, and found solice in reading Oct 28 and 29 in Al-Anon's One Day at a Time. I don't know if it will touch your heart like it did mine but it's worth a shot.
I went through a tough divorce about 16 years ago and also thought I was paying my attorney to work for my ex. Keep good records as well as your cool. You're in a better place than I was at the time-you're working on your own recovery. Hang in there! It will get better with the help of your HP.
Hugs!
I went through a tough divorce about 16 years ago and also thought I was paying my attorney to work for my ex. Keep good records as well as your cool. You're in a better place than I was at the time-you're working on your own recovery. Hang in there! It will get better with the help of your HP.
Hugs!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Tam))) - I'm sorry your stressed and I understand...the justice system doesn't always seem so "just". However, you've prepared, you've done what you can, and you're going before the judge with honesty and recovery - something your ex doesn't have.
I truly believe you are going to be okay...no matter what happens.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I truly believe you are going to be okay...no matter what happens.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 63
Originally Posted by tam 
thank you sebby, its hard to establish addiction when a dr.prescribes it as far as Im thinking and all his other drs.certainly wont testify against another dr..
I did however establish his prior addiction 13 years ago ,so I hope a judge sees through this strange mess.
I did however establish his prior addiction 13 years ago ,so I hope a judge sees through this strange mess.
Originally Posted by tam
sebby, I hope and pray your wife doesnt do this to you, I certainly wouldnt wish this on anyone however I also think they will go to extremes out of anger when we step away from them , when they see we will not tolerate their addiction, when they see us part ways with them. retaliation sort of speak.
Originally Posted by tam
sebby, keep strong dont let addiction destroy your life, stand up to what you believe and want in life, as much as it gets messey, as much as it gets stressful we have to continue on for ourselves for our own peace and happiness...well, looks like I just got myself through my bad feelings again.
Wish it was easier for me to just walk out. But I still have a hard time letting go and I must put some money aside as my current situation doesn't really allow for me to just move out.
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Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Texas
Posts: 341
It is scary going to court, it seems like you know your in the right & it should be obvious and then you realize thats it's anyones game once you get there and you are completley dependant on what a judge says you are entitled to have.
Just have hope and faith in your HP that things will occur according to his will not ours.
I wish you peace and serenity, and I hope this will all be a bad memory soon.
Just have hope and faith in your HP that things will occur according to his will not ours.
I wish you peace and serenity, and I hope this will all be a bad memory soon.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 457
thank you everyone for your kind words and support. I received his reply today on my counterclaim, quite sad to read. he is extremely ill, probaly brain damaged. His answers were 20+ years old. the young girl also sent a letter on his behalf to the judge, again nothing but lies and her little essay didnt quite add up, they are in dire needs of money, answers the question why they took him in.
I know my HP is here with me and my parents are too. the number 113 is my special number, Jan.13 was my first day of chemo, exactly one year later my dad passed away knowing I was healthy. He was extremely ill and I know he hung on until I was better, he was born on the 13th too..anyhow, low and behold the papers today from his attorney states they are comparing our situation with a prior court case..number 113!! bang, I got an answer..
I think I will do okay, he wasnt able to answer some very important questions,like have you sold or bought pills? where has your income for 11 months go to?
Im okay, again I am going to court, I am going to stand strong and in control. I am prepared, Im not going to be ashamed, guilty or weak.
no matter what the end result is, I have accepted I cant control it,it is what it is and if a judge puts me into more financial ruin then be it..cause most importantly I need to move on.
again, thank you all so very,very much for this forum of support. 12 months
this friday exactly is a year for me
I know my HP is here with me and my parents are too. the number 113 is my special number, Jan.13 was my first day of chemo, exactly one year later my dad passed away knowing I was healthy. He was extremely ill and I know he hung on until I was better, he was born on the 13th too..anyhow, low and behold the papers today from his attorney states they are comparing our situation with a prior court case..number 113!! bang, I got an answer..
I think I will do okay, he wasnt able to answer some very important questions,like have you sold or bought pills? where has your income for 11 months go to?
Im okay, again I am going to court, I am going to stand strong and in control. I am prepared, Im not going to be ashamed, guilty or weak.
no matter what the end result is, I have accepted I cant control it,it is what it is and if a judge puts me into more financial ruin then be it..cause most importantly I need to move on.
again, thank you all so very,very much for this forum of support. 12 months
this friday exactly is a year for me
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Tam))) - seems like you got a lot of "signs" that things are going your way. The questions he didn't answer, like where his income goes, is really going to hurt him. Especially since you've got the pharmacy bills to SHOW where it goes.
I'll be thinking and praying for you, extra hard, on Friday.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I'll be thinking and praying for you, extra hard, on Friday.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
((tam))
My heart breaks for you! I went thru a difficult divorce with my exah also. Some of the stuff he came up with was INSANE - but it happens and the courts allowed it. The system truly does NOTHING to protect a spouse that tried to "help" the other partner thru many many years of addiction battles.
Its a long tough battle & finally I reached a point where I said I didn't care if I lived in a cardboard box on the side of the road I still wasn't going back - He could have it all.
AND He got a lot of it, but not all of it.
Today I am Happy, Joyous and PINKFULLY Free - somedays I still have twinges of resentment over some of the stuff that happened, but for my own welfare I continue to work on letting it go and try to allow my God to heal that wound.
Please know I'm praying for God best for you and that no matter what YOU & YOUR GOD will be ok - even better than OK!!
PINK HUGS,
Rita
My heart breaks for you! I went thru a difficult divorce with my exah also. Some of the stuff he came up with was INSANE - but it happens and the courts allowed it. The system truly does NOTHING to protect a spouse that tried to "help" the other partner thru many many years of addiction battles.
Its a long tough battle & finally I reached a point where I said I didn't care if I lived in a cardboard box on the side of the road I still wasn't going back - He could have it all.
AND He got a lot of it, but not all of it.
Today I am Happy, Joyous and PINKFULLY Free - somedays I still have twinges of resentment over some of the stuff that happened, but for my own welfare I continue to work on letting it go and try to allow my God to heal that wound.
Please know I'm praying for God best for you and that no matter what YOU & YOUR GOD will be ok - even better than OK!!
PINK HUGS,
Rita
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 457
thank you everyone for you kind words and support for the last 12 months,
exactly today!!
I did okay today. I kept in control..I stood proud, he stood passing out.
anyhow, the judge ruled in both our favor and provided him with cost of living for the next 7 months. however, the funds will be held by the attorney and
cant be used for anything but living expenses...he was not happy and either was the young girl. both were asked to leave the building while I went into conference with both attorneys.
the judge said this "mr.... I used to be a criminal judge, I know all about drugs. you are a drug addict and will always be a drug addict, your wife
shouldnt suffer from your addiction. whoever is prescribing these pills to you
should be reprimanded because it is clear you are an addict "...justice prevailed, someone finally saw the truth and saw what I have lived through..
funny, driving with my boss down the city street and stopping at a red light, the number posted on the corner of a store in huge letters was "113"...
wow!!
I did so well until I got to my car and saw a over the meter reading parking ticket!! LOL...
so Im relaxed, at peace and will enjoy the holiday as I indicated to both attorneys, I would appreciate and would ask you both to respect my wishes to finally have peace and be with my family. Please do not contact me until after january.
thank you all again for giving me the strength and courage to get through this. I hope my posts gives another person knowledge and support.
exactly today!!
I did okay today. I kept in control
..I stood proud, he stood passing out.anyhow, the judge ruled in both our favor and provided him with cost of living for the next 7 months. however, the funds will be held by the attorney and
cant be used for anything but living expenses...he was not happy and either was the young girl. both were asked to leave the building while I went into conference with both attorneys.
the judge said this "mr.... I used to be a criminal judge, I know all about drugs. you are a drug addict and will always be a drug addict, your wife
shouldnt suffer from your addiction. whoever is prescribing these pills to you
should be reprimanded because it is clear you are an addict "...justice prevailed, someone finally saw the truth and saw what I have lived through..
funny, driving with my boss down the city street and stopping at a red light, the number posted on the corner of a store in huge letters was "113"...
wow!!
I did so well until I got to my car and saw a over the meter reading parking ticket!! LOL...
so Im relaxed, at peace and will enjoy the holiday as I indicated to both attorneys, I would appreciate and would ask you both to respect my wishes to finally have peace and be with my family. Please do not contact me until after january.
thank you all again for giving me the strength and courage to get through this. I hope my posts gives another person knowledge and support.
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