Tendencies

This is my 6th day sober and my third or fourth post. So glad I found this board. It has helped.

Spent the day in the city. Went to the library and did some reading about alcoholism. Scary stuff. It helps though. I don't know if I ever took quiting seriously before. Certainly not this seriously. I'm only now about to start coming to grips with the damage I've done to myself and my life.

Walking around downtown the bars are everywhere. They don't look inviting to me anymore. I'm a seclusion drinker though so drinking in bars has never been my bag. However now I wouldn't go into a pub for a burger. I'm not strong enough for that.

I'm pretty moody now. I'm not too sure about the psychical dependence of booze. I've been staying up late all week reading and watching TV. I get up fairly early anyway. How long till it's all gone out of the system. I feel sick thinking about the damage I've done to my brain and my liver.

What do I do with my life now? I've never had kids, never been married. I guess I have a lot of options that way but I'm kinda lost. When I drank I didn't have to think about any of that. I blocked everything out. Now I have to deal with it. Maybe that's why I drank. Well one of the reasons. I'm still on EI so I gota get a job. So that's next I guess.

I'd like to get to the gym but I"m broke and I need to get my truck into the garage. Can't afford that either but gota get it done...

One positive thing is I don't snarl at people anymore. Man constant drinking makes me really anti social. Like I'm in a bunker and the goal is to keep everybody out.

I'm tired today. Man I have so much work to do on my life. It's depressing.

How could I possibly think what I've been doing was ok? Now I'm not sure I did. I've wanted to quit forever now it seems. But I just kept going. Who does that?

OZboy

..life will get better..thanks for posting..

..drinking just seems to waste such valuable time..and no good looking
back either..

..glad your here at this time because I am approaching 3 mths sober
and today n' the future are now doable..

..best wishes..Oz..

LaFemme

Hi T!

Go easy on yourself...this is A boig adjustment. We didn't mess up our lives overnight...we can't fix everything overnight either. I found if you make a little progress every day eventually things look better...its the snowball effect I think

Xo, lafemme!

MsCooterBrown

I bet you will start feeling more normal soon..it took me a few weeks. Then I was amazed at how clear headed I felt. Seriously like a fog was lifted. I got to where I was drinking..was insatiable to the amount. Never enough. Then the terrible hangovers. Then drink to feel better. One of the parts that woke me up (there were many) was that I started getting dry heaves right before I quit. Every d@mn morning. I knew I had to bail at that point. I had given it my all. I consumed my quota. Hung in like a trooper..then surrender. Screamed UNCLE! Done. Feel much better now. I love this site as well..the supportive people..anyway..good to hear from you..