firestorm090

Hearing those words really started to get to me, they really bugged me and I got to the point where I thought, Yea, right, stop saying that crap to me, it's all bs. And so it didn't get better. And I kept drinking, and kept blaming all my problems on booze. I was fulfilling my own prophecy that it wouldn't get better for me, maybe you, but not for me, cause I was "different".

But, and there always is a butt, lol, things began to get better.

What's changed? Well, it was so politely pointed out to me by one of my recovery friends that what I was doing has nothing to do with him, and that this is my recovery, and it's up to me to decide if I really want to change. Hey, it hurt to hear that, and I thought he'd be impressed with all my worldly insights, but he just simply made this whole thing personal, which means my worldly insights wouldn't impress him one bit. Initially I was offended, for didn't he know I was a smart guy, didn't he know I was someone to listen to, well apparently not, for goodness sake, lol. He told me this is a selfish program, and that I was doing it for others and that doesn't work. He was/is right, I was doing exactly that. Then he told me that booze wasn't my problem, that I was my problem, and I thought of all things, now he goes and insults me again, lol. What a jerk, I thought, till it dawned on me later that he was right...again. Man I hate that, lol.

So now it's not about the booze, it's about me and the way I live and that opens a whole huge can of worms. I'm glad the Good Lord has given me some time, cause I'm gonna need it to deal with all the crap that I need to work on.

So now it's about getting honest first of all and dealing with life from that basis, whoa, wait a minute, was I not being honest? Well, truth is I use honesty when it suits me, but use lies as my "get out of jail" free card when deemed necessary by me, lol. So I have to face the truth. And am discovering that it is true that the truth will set you free, for I feel better thinking that maybe I can change, for me and that by being honest and real, that although it may not be glamorous, it is a much better way to live today, and if I do that long enough, I may be able to look back and say, hey, that was one hell of a ride. And it is getting better, not really easier, but better, one day at a time.

Hang in there.

Toronto68

It sounds like that was a really productive conversation or interchange or whatever it was.

I can see where it has to do with a fight with oneself and how the alcohol is secondary. The alcohol just helps us to keep a bad thing going. Staying off the alcohol doesn't mean we wipe away whatever is not working for us, but we get rid of a complication by not drinking. Some if us have more trouble than others with wiggling our way out of having to focus on the object, but I think even there there is hope, because that same skill can help us to wiggle ourselves back on track when we catch ourselves thinking the wrong way.

Onewithwings

My sponsor says life doesn't always get better, sometimes we lose our possessions, a loved one, or fall ill ourselves. But WE get better-- we learn to deal with life on life's terms.

yeahgr8

My sponsor said the same but also said i had to actually do something for that to happen, i.e. work the steps and change as a result:-)

coffeenut

Sounds like you have a very wise person feeding you advice. One of the many good reasons to hang out at SR.

And, fwiw.....we all have crap to work on, sober or not. It's just easier to work on, sober.

Glad you are here.

johndelko408

I can so relate to this topic. When is it going to get better for me? Well things have gotten better. I'm going on 11 months clean and sober, I still have my kids in my life and I've gotten to know my HP God again. Things still come up in my life that I don't like but ive learned to accept them and live life on lifes terms. When I get down on myself I give myself a good swift kick in the ass and knock myself off of the pity poty. In coming to realize that the booze and drugs were not my problem but I in fact was my problem was a real eye opener for me. It brought me a sense of relief, not initially but eventually it did. It allowed me to come to terms with myself and to start on the path of learning who I am. I spent so many years drinking and drugging that I didn't know who I was. I only knew the altered mind form of me and not the real me. I'm so glad that I found AA because its given me a second chance at life and my kids the opportunity to actually have a father in their life. Without God in my life, AA and the support of my fellows here and in AA I'd still be lost in the abyss of alcoholism and addiction. I'm not the happiest individual in the world, but at least I'm sober and working on myself. my kids deserve so much more than I was before and now they have that chance.

Kadybug

"I'm not the happiest individual in the world, but at least I'm sober and working on myself."

And that, my dear fellow, is what makes all the difference! Besides, happiness is fleeting ... cheerfulness is dealing with whatever UNhappiness comes along and doing it with a healthy attitude. (I choose cheerfulness, myself.)

A really good, spiritual person told me that "recovery doesn't mean you get your stuff back ...", which is very true - however, what recovery DOES mean is that you get to keep what you put into your recovery AND you get to share it with others. Getting sober didn't prevent me from losing my job or my marriage, and it didn't keep me out of jail, but it sure made it easier to live in my own head. Shut "the committee" up, too - you know, those guys in your head that keep telling you crap, like "he/she doesn't really love you" and "you're no good anyway" ... and I say good riddance!

Thank you to everyone for being here - this is a good safe place for all of us, at any time.

johndelko408

The damn committee, I know what you mean. But I like to shut that committee up and tell them no matter what I'm not going to drink or use today because my God is so much bigger and stronger than you. My God is in charge, my God keeps me sober and my God wants me to be all I can be. I like to tell that committee where they can go...lol

firestorm090

You guys sound sophisticated to me, I just have bats in my belfry, lol.

I think the distiction that we get better is important here. Sometimes life just is what it is, but we can determine how to look at it.

It's hard to see the horizon when your head's up your rump, lol.

Today is a better day, and that's all good with me, being we can only do life one day at a time.

Thanks for all your replies and support.

DayTrader

"Sally" is one of my favorite ppl in AA (changed her name). She's got 19 yrs as of last month and she's suuuuuuch a great person.

Anyway, when she does an open-talk, her opening line is, "Hi, I'm an alcoholic and my problem is Sally."

.....so sooooooooo true.

OZboy

..we'll/I will be right here..

..if you should call..Ozy..xo

michelle01

I know how hard the first few months can be. A year down the track, it is better... with a lot of help along the way.

I spent about 9 months trying to get sober mostly independently, I was sober most of that time, only drank on a handful of occasions, but by the end of that 9 months was still struggling with significant problems - moods still all over the place - which just didn't seem right to me. Anyhow, long story short, I finally went and got professional help and cooperated with it. I admitted that I wasn't managing my life well etc and needed the help. Gradually they helped me get back on track, and it was almost like a revelation that I didn't need to put up with feeling the way I did. I wish I'd done something about it sooner, but I guess we all have our own learning processes... how many people after all get it straight away?

So just a note, there are going to be difficulties to be expected in the sobriety process, sometimes it may get worse unfortunately before it gets better, but if they don't improve within a reasonable length of time (hard for an alcoholic/addict to judge maybe, our patience can be short especially in the beginning), don't hesitate to seek further help.