terees

Hello everyone Thanks for taking the time to read my posting--all I can tell you is that i am scared --i am scared for my husband and our family I found out 2 months ago that my husband was hiding meth from me when confronted he immediately told me that he hadn't been using it that long and that he could quit that day--he gave me the impression that he was more of a recreational user--well since then I have let it consume me--my thing is if you lied to me once i am sure you will lie to me again however, we have two young children and a beautiful life together-or so i thought-so i didn't leave and believed him. it was recommended that i surprise him with random drug tests and he was in compliance with this so on oct 27 i surprised him with one only to get the results on nov 8th that the test was positive he then told me that something must be wrong etc etc and he "confessed" that he had been taking some sort of over the counter diet pills that could make a test show positive for meth his thing was "look it up on the computer--you rely on the computer for everything else-look it up" so that i did and indeed did find what he was saying to be true so i asked him to STOP taking the pills and here again he complied so on 11/20 i surprised him with another test and come to find out he called the occ med place that we went too on 11/22 and supposedly was calling to find out when the test would be sent off and when the results would be back, when the receptionist told him that she would have to get back in touch with him, he then told her 'not to worry about it' WELL SUPPOSEDLY she took that as "dont worry about doing the testing" and discared of the urine he acted as if he was mad saying "that is not what i told her---i told her not to worry about asking her supervisor and calling me back--i didn't mean for her not to worry about doing the testing well peeps, you see that really raised some eyebrows for me needless to say we went for a hair sample yesterday--gonna be very interesting what the results are going to be--if I even get any! i am just at my wits end i have told him over and over that things point to the direction that he is still using it's like there is just too much drama involved not to mention i found coffee filters up under the car seat and when i confronted him about those it was said that he was getting them for the guys at work --i mean it is just one thing after another but I haven't been able to show proof since i first found it i know in my heart, but he makes it seem like that i am over exagerting and all I can think of is what he will tell the kids if I do pack up and leave i have no hard core evidence===i mean it's not like i have found it again ya know?

dollydo

Welcome, sorry that you are having to deal with this.

Addicts lie, addicts manipulate, addicts are sneaky.

I would trust my gut, mine never lies to me. All the testing in the world is going to stop him from using, all you are accomplishing is making yourself a nervous wreck. You already know the truth.

There will be others here to give you support.

Keep posting, keep reading others posts. it will help.

Kindeyes

terees
Welcome to SR.....I'm glad that you found us but as always, I'm so sorry for the circumstances that bring you here.

Finding out that your husband has been taking meth must have been such a blow and it sent you reeling. You have begun the frenetic dance that most of us do when we find out a loved one is using drugs.

I hope you'll take the time to learn as much as you can so that you can best protect your own sanity. There is some wonderful information in the stickies at the beginning of the Friends & Family of Substance Abusers forum. There are some great books and great programs that can help you cope. And there are many many people here on SR who have walked the path of loving someone who is using drugs. There is a lot of collective wisdom here. We are here to support you.

gentle hugs

fourmaggie

gee so sorry you are going through this...but its gonna be a bumpy ride...sorry but its true...but not unless you get to Nar Anon or Al anon, what ever works for you...they will support you

3 C's
1. You did not cause this
2. You can not control this
3. You can not cure this....

please read my blogs, i have lots of slogans that we use in AL ANON...and trust me they work...

@dollydo, she is right, they are liars, sneaky and manipulate and even give you ultimatums....

one thing i know, for sure for me is STEP #1:WE are powerless over alcohol and that our lives have become unmanageable

read and do more read, and blog and ask questions, we are all here to support you and share our stories... to SR

Freedom1990

I agree with Fourmaggie. Please check into Alanon or Naranon meetings in your area. There you will find face-to-face support among those who understand.

I highly recommend the book "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie.

Not only am I a recovering codependent, I am also a long-term recovering addict/alcoholic.

My drug of choice was meth. Unless your hubby has a coffeemaker in the car, I'd be willing to bet he's hanging around with someone who is manufacturing meth. Coffee filters are used in the process.

Please take care of yourself and your children. Welcome to SR.

fourmaggie

^^^ hey Freedom, i never knew that...thanks for the heads up!

terees

t

terees

hello first i want to thank you guys so much for the responses all that everyone mentioned is true i have made myself a nervous wreck and i now know that my career should have been a P I! ha! my main thing is i cant prove anything everytime i think i just about have proof he moves the other end i do know in my gut that what i am finding is evidence but he is making it look like to our kids that mommy is wanting to leave for no reason etc etc and basically because i don't have proof he makes it seem crazy that i want to leave its not that i am just wanting to walk out on him i do want to help him but he doesn't admit that he has a problem--he doesn't think that he does EVEN THOUGH i am telling him that he could loose his family over this my question to you guys is this....is he considered an addict if he can go 5 days without it? he has been with me since thursday and i KNOW there is no way he has done anything not even while i am sleeping because i don't sleep any longer therefore i am up and down all throughout the night cynical one, some of those things were going on and now i feel STUPID as heck for not realizing them it was right there in front of my face but i was naive at the time however since i have found the substance i have been on the game! the ONLY thing i notice know if anything is that he wants to go to bed fairly early and of course i feel it's because he hasn't had "anything" please forgive me, but the questions about helping around the house, playing with kids etc...how could meth change those behaviors? i am not for one minute saying they don't, i am just trying to reach out for an understanding. Thanks again you guys!

Freedom1990

Addiction is more than just the use of drugs, regardless of the drug or frequency.

Denial is one of the characteristics of active addiction. Of course he's going to tell you he's not an addict.

I can tell you that addiction is a progressive disease; it only gets worse, never better if left untreated.

He doesn't feel he has a problem. Therefore he is not going to get help.

Please check into Alanon or Naranon meetings in your area so you can get some face-to-face support among others who understand.

Get a copy of the book "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie. She has a series of books on codependency.

Only you can decide what you will and won't live with. For me, active addiction isn't an option in my home.

I was also married to an active addict/alcoholic, and had to walk away for my own sanity and safety.

Keep posting and let us know how you are doing!

mamaangelique

My husband can make me feel like I am absolutely insane when he's using. In fact that has become one of my flags that something isn't right. If I'm asking him about something and he starts making me feel like I'm nuts, then I know we're back in the dance. I can't say for sure what your husbands "using behaviors" are, I only know what is unique to my husband. It took me a while but I have slowly figured out the subtle signs. For him it's bursts of energy and playful onryness (sp?), followed by wanting to sleep a lot, irritability, his voice takes on a certain sound, leaving to "go to the store" several times a day. Those are just some of them. Then when I start to point them out, he will flip the tables on me and make me feel like maybe I'm wrong.

I am very early in my Al Anon program but I can tell you it's helped me a lot. Even right now, in the midst of him relapsing, I have managed to hold on to a shred of sanity. Not much, but some, when in the past I would completly lose it and not be able to function.

Even if you caught him red-handed, he would either have a big story about how it's not his, he's just holding it for someone blah blah blah. If he did admit to it being his he would blame it on something (most likely you or work) as to why he has to use the drugs. Please find an al anon or Naranon group and start attending. I don't know how old your kids are but some AA groups have an Ala Teen groups for children of addicts.

Troubledsister

My brother has gone up to 6 months without using (coke not meth) and he's definately an addict. He doesn't think he is though. My therapist said "when he goes to his AA meeting, he thinks they are talking to everyone in the room BUT him."

mamaangelique

people on meth are unpredictable and can be very dangerous, so please make sure you and your kids are safe. My husband has nicknamed me inspector gadget because I too have made the statement "I should've been a PI" and I'm damn good at what I do when I'm in that mode. But he never goes "oh you caught me" he makes excuses, lies or gets mad that I'm checking up on him. I agree to try to put your energy to better use, for yourself and your kids. I'm very sorry you're dealing with this, I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

myernie

Addicts live for the excuse. They always have one and you are ready to believe. I denied for months, heck years, that my AXBF was an addict. People tried to tell me and I didn't want to listen but I knew in my gut he had a problem. It got steadily worse. I never found the drugs but I knew. I watched his behavior and 2 months ago I finally admitted to myself he had a problem. Follow your gut.

My XABF could go long periods of time without using meth (his DOC) as well. I could always tell though. He would get on a somewhat "normal" pattern with eating and sleeping then between day 5 and 7 he would get so grumpy and mean. Anything would set him off. On his "normal" days he would almost be "normal" playing with the kids, hanging out at home, making future plans. Normal things. Then he would turn....always have a reason to leave the house, being at "friends' houses" randomly, not really eating, not sleeping, and it was just a look in his eye. Once I learned more about meth I could really tell by the way he would clinch his teeth together, his movements were jerky, his thoughts were erratic and he just sounded different. Plus he began to experience some pretty bad paranoia.

Stick around the site. It has helped me SO much!! It hasn't been very long since I walked away and it hasn't been easy by any means but I realized that I can love him from a distance. Until they are ready for help you can't help them. Don't make yourself crazy in the process, you have kids to worry about.

BTW, I was always accused of being the crazy one when he was using. More so to start an argument so he could leave though or just he paranoia kicking in.

Read "Co-dependent No More" it is a fantastic book!!!