kptsj

Most of the time I do not rise to the bait when my husband is trying to goad me into an argument. I am able to keep the anger out and just detach from him. But, occasionally he gets to me and I respond. We were fussing the other morning and my daughter just whispered,"Don't feed that monster." It was like a splash of cold water on me. It instantly calmed me. No matter what I say or do it will have no effect on him, it will just upset me. So, I just quit giving him the argument he wanted. I was able to detach myself from his fussing. So, everyone living with an A, Don't feed the monster this holiday season.

Live

dollydo

Love it!

naive

out of the mouth of babes....

Phoenixthebird

Children Are ...

Amazing, ACKNOWLEDGE THEM.
Believable, TRUST THEM.
Childlike, ALLOW THEM.
Divine, HONOR THEM.
Energetic, NOURISH THEM.
Fallible, EMBRACE THEM.
Gifts, TREASURE THEM.
Here Now, BE WITH THEM.
Innocent, DELIGHT WITH THEM.
Joyful, APPRECIATE THEM.
Kindhearted, LEARN FROM THEM.
Lovable, CHERISH THEM.
Magical, FLY WITH THEM.
Noble, ESTEEM THEM.
Open minded, RESPECT THEM.
Precious, VALUE THEM.
Questioners, ENCOURAGE THEM.
Resourceful, SUPPORT THEM.
Spontaneous, ENJOY THEM.
Talented, BELIEVE IN THEM.
Unique, AFFIRM THEM.
Vulnerable, PROTECT THEM.
Whole, RECOGNIZE THEM.
Xtraspecial, CELEBRATE THEM.
Yearning, NOTICE THEM.
Zany, LAUGH WITH THEM.

Poet: Meiji Stewart

***********************************8********* ****************

SteppingUp

missphit

awesome!!

breakingglass

advice i should listen to myself..... i'm just one of those people who can't help themselves....i just get sooooooo angry. but i will try and hear your daughters whisper in my own ear and back off.

thanks!

Jadmack25

Kids will hit the button every time.

Keep this in mind for when the MONSTER sticks his head up at you.

Freedom1990

It hurt my heart to read this.

It has to be incredibly sad and scary for a child to live in an environment where she defines a "monster" that is present in her home life.

I exposed my AD to the monster and the insanity for far too long.

She says she remembers very little of those years and I believe her.

I believe that blocking those events out is a coping mechanism for her so she doesn't relive those awful years.

I think that's also a big factor in her own addictions now as an adult.

kptsj

Thanks everyone. My daughter is 20. Thank goodness her father was a good man when she was little.
Just don't want to feed his rage monster, the anger monster, the quacking monster. The monster grows when I feed it the arguing, tears, the fear it wants. When I don't feed it it grows smaller and smaller.

kptsj

I am in the process of an exit plan. Thanks to this forum. I kept reading even when I thought I could fix it or I somehow caused it. I kept reading and it helped show me the light. It takes awhile to get there. But, I am on the road at least travelling. No longer stuck in neutral uselessly revving me engine.

Jadmack25

One of the great blessings for me, was that my late XAH was a wonderful father to our girls and he managed to hold it together when we were at family gatherings or in public, but as soon as the last guest left, or we walked in our front door it began.

Loving man turned into sarcastic and offensive creep as he raced to fridge for his wine cask and proceeded to load up.

No-one, least of all family understood why I would leave such a lovely man.....til the girls had him living with them, and friends saw his other side when he got further down the dementia slide. My girls were in their 20's then and it rocked their world then, so what copping it over years from a young age would have done, I don't even dare contemplate.