I feel like Im losing strength :(

Old 11-23-2010, 02:08 PM
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tam
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I feel like Im losing strength :(

Im not doing too good, cant stop crying. I dont know if I have the strength to get through this anymore. It has been a difficult road for me for many years and it continues to be difficult. I want to throw in the towel.
here, take everything..goodbye leave me alone. Im tired, down right tired.
why oh why am I paying the price? I didnt do anything wrong, yet I struggle.
let's see, drs.,attorneys,pharmacists,accountants..they will and continue to
do well off off this and I will be left holding the bag..the heavy bag of consequences of addiction.
I am questioning why I was given 2 times to live and why do I feel punished?
I fought for my life so that I could enjoy each day and enjoy life ,yet I struggle fighting the consequences of addiction.
I feel like a loser, Im paranoid. Im afraid too, Im afraid to go to court next week and face him, he is a madman on these pills, they are out to suck all the blood out of me and I have to prove I did nothing wrong?
why did he and continue to do this to me? what about me?? was I used and
abused and just thrown to the side? cant you see I dont deserve this madness? do you ever think wow, she must be having a hard time?
Im weak, physically weak and emotionally drained..keep saying I have to fight, I have to keep going, but Im tired.
I know he is ill, but Im ill too. Doesnt anyone see that? do they get it? why isnt anyone stepping in and saying thats enough, she needs a break.
Im ashamed, Im ashamed my story is out there, Im ashamed I let myself live with this for a long time. Im ashamed at him too,what he has become, what he continues to do to me.I feel like people are looking at me as if I have 3 heads, talk of the town. weirdo..she must be sick herself to go through that..
Im sorry to write this, I just dont know where to turn, I feel lonely and needed to vent.
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Old 11-23-2010, 02:10 PM
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warm cyber hug to you tam
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Old 11-23-2010, 03:09 PM
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tam
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I will be okay will keep fighting. I guess Im scared. having had to relive everything over again for the judge and reading 7 letters on my behalf, it
just put me back to where I was 11 months ago. or even before that. just lost it I guess, felt insane. So I know this can happen, just have to work through it.
Im also scared of him. I see how he is still manipulating, not me but the system and I fear he will snap when things are put out there, the truth.
in a way Im still living with addiction, not under the same roof but still living with it. well, least I have learned to acknowledge my feelings and now can
talk about them and Im not alone. least these awful feelings didnt last long either, so thats a good thing.
I apologize just got overwhelmed
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Old 11-23-2010, 03:14 PM
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No need to apologize.

After 6 years of living with an addict and now just starting to work on getting myself out of the situation. I can understand (and I am sure most of us here do) how you feel.
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Old 11-23-2010, 03:14 PM
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Ann
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No need to apologize, Tam, we're here to walk with you good days and bad.

Something that helps me is to say a prayer and tell God that I need His help. Just asking, helps me feel better.

All you can do, all any one of us can do, is the best we can. Beyond that is out of our hands.

He cannot intimidate you unless you let him. Stand tall, state your feelings and know that your concerns are valid and that hopefully the law will be on your side.

Big hugs because you sound like you could use them.
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Old 11-23-2010, 03:17 PM
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Please don't apologize...I had those same feelings...it is exhausting and draining.
I wore out.
I hope you can get some rest over the next few days.
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Old 11-23-2010, 03:40 PM
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I know how overwhelming it can be. It is ok to vent, we all have been afraid at one time or another in our life.

I think it was FDR who said something to the effect "We have nothing to fear, but, fear itself". I believe that to be a true statement.

Everything will be ok, you are ,and,this too shall pass!

Warm hugs
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Old 11-23-2010, 04:09 PM
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"Everything will be ok, you are ,and,this too shall pass!"

Ooops lost a word there s/b: you are strong.
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Old 11-23-2010, 04:50 PM
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:ghug3
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Old 11-23-2010, 05:44 PM
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I know that this is tough on you, and this is a tough time of year to have to deal with this. You know that your friends are always here if you want to sound off. Be well.
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Old 11-23-2010, 09:08 PM
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Tam, you are not, I repeat, NOT, a loser, and there is no need to apologize! We all have crap we're going through, and that's why we're all here, to support and encourage and sometimes just listen to each other. Maybe a hot bath, with bubbles, and then a good nights sleep. Everything seems easier to face in the bright light of day. Big hugs to you. FGB
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Old 11-23-2010, 09:17 PM
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it is what it is
 
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tam - just adding to what the others have said - absolutely no need to apologize - i appreciate that you felt you could come here and vent - we all have needed that and will continue to need it at times - the wonderful thing is that we can help each other through the rough times - i have felt alone in this struggle way too much - continue to reach out for support as you face these difficulties - prayers for you
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Old 11-23-2010, 09:23 PM
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Huge big hugs to you. It may seem very hard to you now, but in 5 years time ou will look back and say: Wow! I survived that, I can survive anything.
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Old 11-23-2010, 11:10 PM
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Tam, You will make it through this, your a very strong person. Your emotions are just raw right now. I am grateful that SR is here so you had somewhere to get some of it out of your system.

You have given me so much encouragement and hope for myself since I have been here.
I will be praying for you and sending you hugs and strenght.
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Old 11-24-2010, 07:01 AM
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you will not only survive, tam, you will thrive.

you know that notion about life dealing out things that we later see served us well?

that - in my humble opinion - is not a statement of rhetoric, or something designed to make us feel better. it is really and truly true. i have experienced it, and so have many, many of us here on s/r.

you will do what you need to to get through this intensely difficult time. the things that trigger you point toward something. i believe if you pay attention, fully grieve all that you have lost, and then learn some new behaviors, you will come out ahead of the game. perhaps....way ahead.

this is really what i believe.

come and post as often as you need to.
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Old 11-24-2010, 07:10 AM
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Tam, I am surely keeping you in my prayers, dear!
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Old 11-24-2010, 09:43 AM
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You have to just consider this a step that you have to take and try to compartmentalize it as such. Continue taking one step forward for yourself and focus on you and work on drawing on the positive energy that comes from not living with him anymore. It is a technicality you have to go through, but it doesn't have to consume your life. You can do this Tam, you will get through this. And we are all here for you at anytime. You are a good person stuck in a bad situation and by all means not a loser at all, but rather a surviver. And in good time everyone will see that. Keep your head up high and know you did everything you could, and now you have to do everything you can to get your life back fully and start enjoying it again. Hang in there and take care.
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