My AS has elephant memory...sort of.
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
My AS has elephant memory...sort of.
Posted this on thread by Buffalo, as she had copped a load and handled it so well, whereas I went off like a combined 4th of July, Guy Fawkes and Sydney New Year fire-works display.
Post: (( I got a call earlier from my sister, a very drunk and angry sister, who blamed me for everything that has gone wrong in her life. It seems when she rang mum last Thursday, and I answered the phone...she overheard mum ask me "is she sober", and she has since blown up at mum and then me.
It seems my mum's reply did not appease her, so she came gunning for me.
Mum told her that the reason she asked about AS's sobriety was because she had not heard from AS since the birthday lunch, and after copping drunken calls so often in the the past, wanted to be ready for another. Mum then said that she was not accepting any more drunk calls and was hanging up, which she did.
I listened to how my chasing her around the yard with a dead bird, caused all her years of depression, ruined her marriage and made her drink. This is supposed to have happened when she was 7 years old, and I was 9.....that is 57 years ago, and I do not remember any of it happening, nor does mum.
I was not real pleasant or kindly to her in reply, and told her I refused to take her business and life problems on my shoulders, as I only felt responsible for myself. I asked her not to call me again when she was abusive and drunk, and hung up.
Now I feel I may have been hard, but I had only been off the phone a few minutes from my best friend, while we cried together at today's medical prognosis for her daughter. At best she has months, at worst weeks to live, and will be leaving 3 young boys motherless, and it is not even 2 years since her brother hanged himself.
My AS has her own home, wants for nothing materially and is about to become a grandmother next year, and appreciates not a damned thing. Her ex husband paid every bit of the kids education at private schools, took them on holidays and forked out for extras like clothes, parties and whatever....it cost AS nothing. Grateful for that was/is she? like heck she is.
The difference between her life attitude, mum's and my friend's is beyond belief and right this minute I could cheerfully knock her block off.
Wish I could have handled my kick from the past as well as you did Buffalo, and I may be a darn sight calmer than I am now.
Sorry to hijack your thread, but if I hadn't let it out I may have exploded even more.
Right now I could send AS the biggest dead bird available. Grrrrrrrrrr. ))
How do I feel about it now? A bit of a lot of emotions really, anger, sympathy, disbelief, guilt, and my foot still itches just a tad.
Anyone out there see how I get past what I discounted as a load of hogwash, and still can't believe what I heard is actually true as far as she is concerned.
Post: (( I got a call earlier from my sister, a very drunk and angry sister, who blamed me for everything that has gone wrong in her life. It seems when she rang mum last Thursday, and I answered the phone...she overheard mum ask me "is she sober", and she has since blown up at mum and then me.
It seems my mum's reply did not appease her, so she came gunning for me.
Mum told her that the reason she asked about AS's sobriety was because she had not heard from AS since the birthday lunch, and after copping drunken calls so often in the the past, wanted to be ready for another. Mum then said that she was not accepting any more drunk calls and was hanging up, which she did.
I listened to how my chasing her around the yard with a dead bird, caused all her years of depression, ruined her marriage and made her drink. This is supposed to have happened when she was 7 years old, and I was 9.....that is 57 years ago, and I do not remember any of it happening, nor does mum.
I was not real pleasant or kindly to her in reply, and told her I refused to take her business and life problems on my shoulders, as I only felt responsible for myself. I asked her not to call me again when she was abusive and drunk, and hung up.
Now I feel I may have been hard, but I had only been off the phone a few minutes from my best friend, while we cried together at today's medical prognosis for her daughter. At best she has months, at worst weeks to live, and will be leaving 3 young boys motherless, and it is not even 2 years since her brother hanged himself.
My AS has her own home, wants for nothing materially and is about to become a grandmother next year, and appreciates not a damned thing. Her ex husband paid every bit of the kids education at private schools, took them on holidays and forked out for extras like clothes, parties and whatever....it cost AS nothing. Grateful for that was/is she? like heck she is.
The difference between her life attitude, mum's and my friend's is beyond belief and right this minute I could cheerfully knock her block off.
Wish I could have handled my kick from the past as well as you did Buffalo, and I may be a darn sight calmer than I am now.
Sorry to hijack your thread, but if I hadn't let it out I may have exploded even more.
Right now I could send AS the biggest dead bird available. Grrrrrrrrrr. ))
How do I feel about it now? A bit of a lot of emotions really, anger, sympathy, disbelief, guilt, and my foot still itches just a tad.
Anyone out there see how I get past what I discounted as a load of hogwash, and still can't believe what I heard is actually true as far as she is concerned.
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
(((((((((HUGS))))))))))) I wish I could offer more.
Honestly---- I do not think you were hard. You just put your boundary (well done).
Something that has helped me is to write my feelings to a person, pour everything, then burn the paper. Repeat.
Honestly---- I do not think you were hard. You just put your boundary (well done).
Something that has helped me is to write my feelings to a person, pour everything, then burn the paper. Repeat.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Alaska
Posts: 2,913
Originally Posted by Jadmack25 
Right now I could send AS the biggest dead bird available. Grrrrrrrrrr. ))
How do I feel about it now? A bit of a lot of emotions really, anger, sympathy, disbelief, guilt, and my foot still itches just a tad.
Anyone out there see how I get past what I discounted as a load of hogwash, and still can't believe what I heard is actually true as far as she is concerned.
How do I feel about it now? A bit of a lot of emotions really, anger, sympathy, disbelief, guilt, and my foot still itches just a tad.
Anyone out there see how I get past what I discounted as a load of hogwash, and still can't believe what I heard is actually true as far as she is concerned.
Hugs, Jadmack. With STBXAH's loads of c--p, I repeat to myself over and over and over: his version of our life together doesn't need to color my truth any more. His version is heavily filtered through alcohol and any grain of truth that he may have experienced may not really be accessible by his brain/emotions/conscience. There is definitely no reason I need to trust what he tells me more than I trust what I remember.
Rising from the Ashes
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Republic of Texas
Posts: 451
Jadmack, you wrote "Anyone out there see how I get past what I discounted as a load of hogwash, and still can't believe what I heard is actually true as far as she is concerned.".............Consider the source............ALCOHOL!
I have a sister with an untreated mental illness. I have to be in the right kind of mood to talk to her. When I hold a normal conversation with her, she can all of a sudden start talking about her delusions. I quickly find a way to end our conversation.
Take a long deep breath Jadmack! Then go take a bubble bath and relax!
Then rethink what your AS was accusing you of! "I listened to how my chasing her around the yard with a dead bird, caused all her years of depression, ruined her marriage and made her drink. This is supposed to have happened when she was 7 years old, and I was 9......" Then try to vision you chasing your sister around your yard with a dead bird. I can see the vision, and I think it is rather humorous!
************************************
********* ******************
When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest! if you must - but never quit.
Life is queer, with its twists and turns,As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about
When he might have won if he'd stuck it out;
Stick to your task, though the pace seems slow-
You may succeed with one more blow.
Success is failure turned inside out-
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt -
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems afar;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit -
It's when things seem worst that you musn't quit.
I have a sister with an untreated mental illness. I have to be in the right kind of mood to talk to her. When I hold a normal conversation with her, she can all of a sudden start talking about her delusions. I quickly find a way to end our conversation.
Take a long deep breath Jadmack! Then go take a bubble bath and relax!
Then rethink what your AS was accusing you of! "I listened to how my chasing her around the yard with a dead bird, caused all her years of depression, ruined her marriage and made her drink. This is supposed to have happened when she was 7 years old, and I was 9......" Then try to vision you chasing your sister around your yard with a dead bird. I can see the vision, and I think it is rather humorous!
************************************
********* ******************When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest! if you must - but never quit.
Life is queer, with its twists and turns,As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about
When he might have won if he'd stuck it out;
Stick to your task, though the pace seems slow-
You may succeed with one more blow.
Success is failure turned inside out-
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt -
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems afar;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit -
It's when things seem worst that you musn't quit.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 281
Hi Jadmack,
From my perspective, the situation with Buffalo is very different than yours. You and your Mum have had to cop the rantings, ravings and abuse of your AS for years. Your mum is 99 and your sister thinks she has the right to call her whilst she's drunk and go off? That's insane! I tell you what, if I was in your situation, I probably would have lost it too. Enough is enough sometimes. Your Mum is no longer accepting any of her drunken, abusive phone calls and it sounds like you've had enough of it too.
As for the dead bird thing destroying her life, that's just total ******** and just another excuse to keep drinking along with other such things like "It's raining today, I'll have a drink", "I did well at work today, I deserve a drink", "That person looked at me the wrong way!...I need a drink" "I didn't drink all day today, I deserve a drink", "My sister chased me around when I was seven with a dead bird, it's her fault I drink". Quack, quack, quack. By the way, was it a duck? Lol...
And, on top of that, you were just on the phone dealing with some pretty serious issues and emotions at the time with your best friend and her daughter's medical prognosis. And with your emotional state the way it would have been hearing that type of news, I'm sure you didn't need the invasion of a drunken abusive phone call from your AS who seems to have it all and doesn't appreciate a damned thing as you said. Please don't be hard on yourself. Maybe it was time for those boundaries to be established. Your mum and you deserve peace in your life.
From my perspective, the situation with Buffalo is very different than yours. You and your Mum have had to cop the rantings, ravings and abuse of your AS for years. Your mum is 99 and your sister thinks she has the right to call her whilst she's drunk and go off? That's insane! I tell you what, if I was in your situation, I probably would have lost it too. Enough is enough sometimes. Your Mum is no longer accepting any of her drunken, abusive phone calls and it sounds like you've had enough of it too.
As for the dead bird thing destroying her life, that's just total ******** and just another excuse to keep drinking along with other such things like "It's raining today, I'll have a drink", "I did well at work today, I deserve a drink", "That person looked at me the wrong way!...I need a drink" "I didn't drink all day today, I deserve a drink", "My sister chased me around when I was seven with a dead bird, it's her fault I drink". Quack, quack, quack. By the way, was it a duck? Lol...
And, on top of that, you were just on the phone dealing with some pretty serious issues and emotions at the time with your best friend and her daughter's medical prognosis. And with your emotional state the way it would have been hearing that type of news, I'm sure you didn't need the invasion of a drunken abusive phone call from your AS who seems to have it all and doesn't appreciate a damned thing as you said. Please don't be hard on yourself. Maybe it was time for those boundaries to be established. Your mum and you deserve peace in your life.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
to how my chasing her around the yard with a dead bird, caused all her years of depression, ruined her marriage and made her drink. This is supposed to have happened when she was 7 years old, and I was 9.....that is 57 years ago,
I smell an elephant in the room. Elephant poo, that is. What a load of crap-ola!
You did not Cause it
You can not Control it
You will not Cure it
At 60+ years of age, I hope your AS will soon start taking responsiblity for her own life.
In my family, I have gotten better at ending conversations that revolve around childhood events. A cloud of denial hangs over conversations that dwell on events of 40 years ago.
Hugs to you (((((Jadmack))))), you are a good friend!
I smell an elephant in the room. Elephant poo, that is. What a load of crap-ola!
You did not Cause it
You can not Control it
You will not Cure it
At 60+ years of age, I hope your AS will soon start taking responsiblity for her own life.
In my family, I have gotten better at ending conversations that revolve around childhood events. A cloud of denial hangs over conversations that dwell on events of 40 years ago.
Hugs to you (((((Jadmack))))), you are a good friend!
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