Giving XABF his sadness and his anger back
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Join Date: Nov 2008
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Giving XABF his sadness and his anger back
So the other night I went out to the garden, I placed an empty seat infront of me, took out a sad drawing about how XABF made me feel. I played sad songs that made me remember 'the good him" and I 'talked' to XABF.
I told him I was no longer willing to carry the sadness and the anger he has been unable to feel for himself. That all of that was his. Not mine. And that I was handing those feelings back to him.
I cried a lot of course and also burned the Kleenex.
A couple of days later he was still in my mind but I just tried to visualize a cloud passing by. I may need to do this exercise once again. And its OK. I owe it to myself to be free.
Something funny is that I was feeling very down and sad but I also imagined all of you were with me and cheering me to move forward with my exercise. I was very grateful for all your wisdom and ESH. Thanks all.
PS Another therapy exercise: to boil water with rose petals of all the colors I can find, and after taking a bath, to pour that warm water over me while thinking of all the bad stuff the roses will take away from me...
I told him I was no longer willing to carry the sadness and the anger he has been unable to feel for himself. That all of that was his. Not mine. And that I was handing those feelings back to him.
I cried a lot of course and also burned the Kleenex.
A couple of days later he was still in my mind but I just tried to visualize a cloud passing by. I may need to do this exercise once again. And its OK. I owe it to myself to be free.
Something funny is that I was feeling very down and sad but I also imagined all of you were with me and cheering me to move forward with my exercise. I was very grateful for all your wisdom and ESH. Thanks all.
PS Another therapy exercise: to boil water with rose petals of all the colors I can find, and after taking a bath, to pour that warm water over me while thinking of all the bad stuff the roses will take away from me...
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Join Date: Feb 2009
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thanks for sharing, tc, that way we all benefit from what you're learning.
sounds like a good exercise. reminds me of when i threw every picture of my life in the coal fire, wanting to be free of the past.
i wanted to give you a warning about visualizations in the case of hurtful ones. for example, i feel it is not a good practice to visualize your boyfriend or his girlfriend in your kick boxing class as all thoughts create and they do end up where they are sent.
naive
sounds like a good exercise. reminds me of when i threw every picture of my life in the coal fire, wanting to be free of the past.
i wanted to give you a warning about visualizations in the case of hurtful ones. for example, i feel it is not a good practice to visualize your boyfriend or his girlfriend in your kick boxing class as all thoughts create and they do end up where they are sent.
naive
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Hi naive!! thanks. Oh I am also trashing old pics of me that have bad memories... major decluttering... Feels good.
About anger related exercises, the thing is to send some thoughts to HP and give it the exercises... as in "this is not a real intention but will be done for my heart's benefit and freedom" something like that. Then proceed with the exercise and then end it up giving it to HP once again. In my group we give our emotional trash to the Full Moon and say some similar prayers before and after, so those toxic feelings go back to the Earth or somewhere far away "for the best outcome for all involved"...
Anyway perhaps as I have not been triggered for a month, that topic is not so fresh in my mind. I'll let you know what else I learn about it. And in real life I don't desire anything bad to happen to them that comes from me. I just want to remove all that toxicity, pack it all up in a package and say goodbye to it !!
Dealing with anger is a very interesting topic given how censored and minimized those feelings are in me. I know I have so much anger stored for so many years of being a doormat. Not good.........
It will be interesting to know how I feel in my class and at work after $250 worth of inner work LOL. Just yesterday I had the chance to cry a lot over XABF- or anything really- and guess what... I didn't have anything to cry about!! I feel something has shifted......
Ok I'll stop rambling now
About anger related exercises, the thing is to send some thoughts to HP and give it the exercises... as in "this is not a real intention but will be done for my heart's benefit and freedom" something like that. Then proceed with the exercise and then end it up giving it to HP once again. In my group we give our emotional trash to the Full Moon and say some similar prayers before and after, so those toxic feelings go back to the Earth or somewhere far away "for the best outcome for all involved"...
Anyway perhaps as I have not been triggered for a month, that topic is not so fresh in my mind. I'll let you know what else I learn about it. And in real life I don't desire anything bad to happen to them that comes from me. I just want to remove all that toxicity, pack it all up in a package and say goodbye to it !!
Dealing with anger is a very interesting topic given how censored and minimized those feelings are in me. I know I have so much anger stored for so many years of being a doormat. Not good.........
It will be interesting to know how I feel in my class and at work after $250 worth of inner work LOL. Just yesterday I had the chance to cry a lot over XABF- or anything really- and guess what... I didn't have anything to cry about!! I feel something has shifted......
Ok I'll stop rambling now
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That is beautiful, TC!
I think I would do a positive affirmation of myself with the rose water...that sounds like such a lovely symbolism, it could be used many ways. I guess I would sort of christen myself!
I think I would do a positive affirmation of myself with the rose water...that sounds like such a lovely symbolism, it could be used many ways. I guess I would sort of christen myself!
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Join Date: Nov 2008
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PS I also believe those toxic thoughts go back to the original sender threefold !! guess how many times I wished THEY had a car accident? too many now.. and those were those kind of thoughts that have a real intention and come from my hurt.... those thoughts were not therapy exercises just what I felt, and really wished for them.
Lesson learned!
Lesson learned!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
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Hi Live, we posted at the same time. I urge you to get some roses and I will do the same! let me know how you feel afterwards. Here in my country roses are the symbol of the Virgin of Guadalupe, not sure if you know her? roses are how she announces her presence......
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Join Date: Apr 2010
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I like your way better than my way because I need to acknowledge my feelings and not just stuff them in the crevices thinking that is detaching.. it isn't. I know it isn't but Im scared to accept reality. Petrified. Thanks for posting this. I see myself in your post and maybe need to ritualize this in some way.
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Originally Posted by Babyblue 
I like your way better than my way because I need to acknowledge my feelings and not just stuff them in the crevices thinking that is detaching.. it isn't.
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Join Date: Nov 2008
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And it only took me 3800+ posts to learn how to quote 
Live thanks for reminding me !! I am going to the beach on December 9th. Oh, I haven't sent you the picture of my hat yet !!
I have gained weight from meds too, right know I got faringits on top of the knee and mid back pains. I hope I get better and I hope your health improves very soon, too
Live thanks for reminding me !! I am going to the beach on December 9th. Oh, I haven't sent you the picture of my hat yet !!
I have gained weight from meds too, right know I got faringits on top of the knee and mid back pains. I hope I get better and I hope your health improves very soon, too
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Its fun because I will be working from home this week, then I will go to the office next week, and then I got holidays guess God wanted me to get a break from all the "office drama"... I may look really bad but internally I am doing fine, LOL
guess God wanted me to get a break from all the "office drama"... I may look really bad but internally I am doing fine, LOL
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
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Oh I forgot to say - I feel as if a HUGE WEIGHT has been shifted.
At least today XABF didn't even cross my mind.
Not sadness, not anger, not revenge, not resentment, not jealousy, not longing.
Nothing.
This is priceless.
At least today XABF didn't even cross my mind.
Not sadness, not anger, not revenge, not resentment, not jealousy, not longing.
Nothing.
This is priceless.
Rising from the Ashes
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Republic of Texas
Posts: 451
Just my two cents worth! After the death of my 23 year old daughter I had to take down every one of her pictures and store them. Every time I would see anything that reminded me of her I would just break down into tears. It took me sometime afterwards to feel like I was emotionally strong enough to look at things that reminded me of her.
Just a friendly bit of advice don't throw away or burn anything wanting to avoid the pain we must walk through in our journey of life.
Let go and let God!
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Just a friendly bit of advice don't throw away or burn anything wanting to avoid the pain we must walk through in our journey of life.
Let go and let God!
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
To Live, TC, and Phoenix,
These roses were a gift to mum from her ex SIL, who still adores her and selected the best from his home garden for her.
Hope they give you similar warm and loving feelings as they did mum and I.
These roses were a gift to mum from her ex SIL, who still adores her and selected the best from his home garden for her.
Hope they give you similar warm and loving feelings as they did mum and I.
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