stellaloella

I have been packing in the basement all day, fighting back tears as I encounter all the relics of my life. I had a realization though, which is sort of making me feel better. I'm new to making my own choices, because it was always alcohol making choices for me in the past. It's scary terrain because I am not used to thinking about things without my crutch. Alcohol used to decide for me to go to the bar. Or to ignore bills. Or lie to people. Or anything. Now I find I'm scared of the accountability that comes along with a clear mind. It's as if I'm put into a spotlight.

For those of you with some length of time behind you, how did you cope with the scrutiny and the fact that you have to conduct your "real" life now? Did you establish schedules, talk to people differently, what? I feel as clueless as a baby. I'm trying to figure out how not to lie to people. I am used to lying all the time. I lied to my neighbor today when he saw me packing boxes into the car and said we were moving out of town because my husband had gotten work in the new town. It's not entirely a lie but it's not the truth either. I was disappointed in myself afterward because this neighbor is extremely nice and I should have just told him we're separating since it's entirely obvious I'm here at the house by myself. Geez... deep breaths...

Dee74

y'know? I kept it really simple for the first month or two Stella.

I didn't drink and I did whatever I needed to so I could stick to that.
That was enough for me.

Parcelled into that tho was a desire to live differently - if the choices you're making are making you unhappy, or remind you of old you, change them.

We all know right and wrong. Try for right

But stay focused on #1 - not drinking.

Once you get that down you can then turn to everything else, and you'll be better equipped to deal with it by then.

One day and one step at a time, Stella
D

least

Early in sobriety it seems I was so focused on what I'd done wrong... But now I'm totally focused on what I can do right! I don't have to live in the past anymore, I no longer sleep with regret or wake up with fear.

Focus on the next right thing. Stay sober and be the best person you can be today... it will come to you... give yourself time to grow.

stellaloella

Early in sobriety it seems I was so focused on what I'd done wrong... But now I'm totally focused on what I can do right

(sorry, I don't know how to use the quote function)

That is exactly it! I have been re-hashing everything over and over... I guess tomorrow's a new day. Thanks for your input, too, Dee. Simple is the only way I can be now. I have a to-do list and it can't be ignored.

coffeenut

Don't over think it.....one moment at a time, slow and easy.

stellaloella

Thanks for your responses. I guess I see that my drastic over-thinking and impatience will serve me little good in the days/weeks/months to come. I suppose this is what's called "acceptance" and I'm going to have to get used to it.

stellaloella

I guess thinking too much is problematic, too. Thank you for helping me realize that. I guess it is more about doing, less about thinking?