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Back Again....

Old 11-20-2010, 08:18 AM
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Back Again....

Yes I'm back again. So sad in my opinion, I read some post that i wrote back in March of 09. Around that time I found out I had Diabetes and more recently I found out I have high blood pressure. During all this I continued drinking.

I tend to binge. I will drink until I cant anymore. Lately I notice i get to the point where I slur my words. My mind feels pretty clear cause I can text or type correctly but if I talk you will know im "hammered".

Pretty recently I drank from 1pm until the next morning 11am. Rum has been my usual choice , I Did not sleep, went to miami beach and even went in the ocean at 4am. Got home at 7am and downed a 6 pack of Corona. Crazy night.

Because of the health problems I realize Im a ticking time bomb. My doc recently told me that drinking actually raises your blood pressure. Scared the heck out of me so I stopped.....for two weeks. Did the ol..."Just one drink" routine. That lead to my usual everyday getting drunk routine.

IN the last year and a half I think I have missed work at 7 times due to being too drunk to get up....granted I get up at 4:50 am to go to work so its not easy for anyone to drink until midnight and get up a few hours later. I do it everyday, accept for those days I missed.

My wife and my kids (all grown) know I need to stop but don't really intervene. They talk to me that I should stop but they all doubt I can. I dont get violent or abusive towards anyone I just get comical and foolish. IM usually that way when I'm sober, I just become more comical and foolish LOL

OK sorry for writing a novel here I guess I just wanted to vent a bit..... let me sum this up.

Im going to try ...again. I have been reading about AA and I'm kinda turned off with the whole emotional thing and the religion thing. I dont drink to "get away" from anything. I'm just addicted....I been reading about the typical "signs" of alcoholism and I have most of them.

I just threw away about an inch of rum that was left in the bottle I drank last night..... Im going to try again. Day one all over. I promise myself if I fail again I will look for some professional help.

I will post up my progress. I know it wont be easy, thanksgiving around the corner and relatives coming in but I must try. I think the first day especially while trying to get over a hangover is easy but once you sober up then it becomes hard. Lets see what happens. Wish me luck

H

PS I realize that doing alone is very hard for most everyone, there are enough post on this subject in this great forum. Even with this knowledge Im still gonna give it one last shot alone
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Old 11-20-2010, 08:45 AM
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Hi Mr. DrySpell! It is a vicious cycle and it sucks you up and spits you out every time. What helps me is ALOT of internet research. Read up on all the horrible side effects. Alcoholic Liver is one way you don't wanna go out. I recently had a dear friend die alone from choking on his own vomit. He had checked into rehab...that was a flop for him. Just threw in the towel..overdid it one night and thats the end of that story. He would have been 53 on 11/17. I cried. Got angry. Then put it in my back pocket in the form of a mental note to use any time I may get the urge. This SR group is one of if not the BEST for support and I have been checking out ALOT of sites. Hang in there..I think you just have to get it in your head ANY way you can that alcohol is no longer an option. I will look forward to seeing your daily success reports! Remember..your family loves you. I bet they will be a great source of support as well.
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Old 11-20-2010, 09:05 AM
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Welcome back! I hope this will be your last Day One.
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Old 11-20-2010, 09:35 AM
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Hi and I'm glad you're back.

It's good that you recognize that you need to stop drinking. When I knew for sure that drinking was no longer an option, then my mind began to work on better and healthy ways to deal with life.
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Old 11-20-2010, 09:42 AM
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Are you going to get face to face help this time, maybe AA (it's free) or are you going all the way?

Hope you make a decision soon...good luck and welcome back!
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Old 11-20-2010, 12:25 PM
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I'm driving home from an AA meeting last evening that, like countless other meetings, was held in a church. It has been my experience that I have sat in far more pews than I have sat in "the rooms" of alcoholics anonymous. I share that to signify that I have been entering church doors since I was baptized at infancy. My realization was this ~ in all of those churches I entered for worship, I am incapable of drawing comparisons with the experience of entering church for the purpose of an AA meeting. It is only if you have done so that you can possibly know what I mean. When these people say "call me, here's my number", they mean it. When they listen to you speak, they're displaying an engaging interest and concern that could never be mistaken as insincere. But one of the "stand-out" characteristics I find time after time is the empathy being extended. Outside of these rooms, when we share life experiences with one another, it can appear comforting to offer words like "I went through the same thing last year, I get what you're going through" ~ but have ya ever walked away from that conversation thinking, "is she delirious; no way can she 'know' how I feel." Not so when someone in an AA meeting says, "I get you ~ I did the exact same thing ~ I totally know what you're going through at this very moment." The pronounced difference, of course, is that you really feel understood and just when you were beginning to doubt yourself, to regress into negative thinking, you're lifted up by a room full of strangers who remarkably express this proclivity for sharing your burdens. AND THEY MEAN IT ~ its for real !! Equally astounding is the steadfastness of this program. Virtually any town, village, or city you visit in our world ~ someone is holding an AA meeting. The program has stood the test of time and will always be there, waiting,
for when we're ready.[/FONT]
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Old 11-20-2010, 12:46 PM
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Congratulations on getting rid of that rum...that's great!

Reading and posting in the threads here at SR has been a huge help to me in my decision to get sober, but like many other people here I've found an enormous amount of support and guidance from AA. It's not necessarily the only route to getting and staying sober, but it has certainly been a crucial part of many an alcoholic's recovery. I would respectfully suggest that you try going to a meeting or two before you decide you don't want to go that route...I think you'll be pleasantly surprised. I've found that both AA and SR have been vital components in my own sobriety.

Feel free to IM me if you'd like to chat - about AA, alcoholism, or anything else. We're all here to help each other and I wish you the best on your journey.

Stephanie
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Old 11-20-2010, 01:05 PM
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Welcome back! I wasn't here in March 09 but I look forward to getting to know you now. Rum was my drink of choice as well. Good for you for throwing away that last inch of your last bottle! I finished mine and held onto the empty bottle (sometimes literally hugged it) for almost three weeks. Just threw it away last night. Although I'm sorry you're having health problems, I'm glad they're motivating you to make a major change. Drinking definitely raises your blood pressure!
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Old 11-20-2010, 01:12 PM
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Welcome back DrySpell

I hope this is your last day one too - but, whatever you end up doing, I don't think anyone who wants to be successful at this really goes it alone - we've tried that.

It doesn't work IMO. That's why we're here.

If nothing else stay connected here, DS - make SR a regular part of your recovery

D
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Old 11-20-2010, 07:03 PM
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Thank you all for the words of encouragement..... I actually went tonight without drinking. I had an all day hangover so it was pretty easy to not drink since I have felt so bad all day. Tomorrow will be more of a challenge...going to a sports bar to see my beloved Steelers play. Not going with any friends who would boost me up to drink, going with the wife so I think I should be ok.

I wanted to say to MsCooterBrown I'm so sorry about your friend...very sad story.
To Yeahgr8 If I fail this time I will look for professional help. I have some issues with AA but if all else fails I will try it. I just know I have to stop regardless of the means.
Very well said Demut and thanks for the advice.
Thanks Stephnc I will keep that in mind if I need the help I will let u know.

Again thanks to all of you ....
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Old 11-20-2010, 08:39 PM
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Welcome DS - I'd say good luck to the Steelers but I'm originally from Cincinnati so we never much liked you guys!! Hope you enjoy the game anyway!

Congratulations on staying sober today - I remember going to the doctor when I was drinking and my blood pressure would often be around 140 (one time to 154). After being sober for several months I went back for a minor ailment and my BP was 120. Checked it last week again: 120. I didn't realize not drinking would make such a difference in that.

Just want to welcome you and encourage you to keep things simple, take it a day at a time, and keep posting and reading!
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Old 11-20-2010, 08:53 PM
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Dryspell,

Welcome back! Glad you are here. If you are able, hang out here with us during the Steelers game. Personally, I will be rooting for the Vikes against the Packers at noon. But I will be rooting for you too.

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Old 11-21-2010, 06:50 AM
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Originally Posted by 55438 View Post
Dryspell,

Welcome back! Glad you are here. If you are able, hang out here with us during the Steelers game. Personally, I will be rooting for the Vikes against the Packers at noon. But I will be rooting for you too.

55438
PURPLE PRIDE ALL THE WAY!!!
Hmm, a sports bar for the game today? Ouch ~ even in attendance with my husband I don't think I could pull that off. That's certainly an individual aspect of our disease ~ what some of us are capable of tolerating while maintaining sobriety and what some of us simply cannot participate in. I'm walking on cautious ground right now and can't place myself anywhere that people are drinking. Some day, as I know from the past that I am more than capable of it. Keep cheking in!
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Old 11-22-2010, 10:54 AM
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dryspell ~ how's it going today? How'd it go watching your game at a sports bar? I had to walk away from the Vikigns game, but am relieved Chilly finally got fired !!
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