missphit

Well, the move is done and I am "home" and away from AH. I am happy to be here and wake up every morning more relaxed and calm than i have in a very long time. I'm even sleeping better! I have moved from a whole house into a teeny weeny little place that i can afford and it is mine and mine alone and that's okay with me. It is taking some adjustments and i'm giving alot of things away to my daughter, but she needs them and I'm glad i can do it!
I have had several job interviews, one offer that i had to turn down and have another this morning that I'm excited about. things are moving forward and I'm feeling good. I am so grateful to be alone and now that i've made some sense out of my boxes, gotten my own internet connection and been able to put some things away, it is time to find an alanon meeting and begin the "real healing" that i need to move forward and keep myself strong and safe. I feel great, love my little place and even my kitty men are adjusting beautifully. I know i did the right thing and just need to find a job to pay my way and be independant. I promised i would make no decisions for one year so all i have to do is take care of me and make sure I do the right things for myself. I have enjoyed being around my kids and friends and having my own space too.
My AH calls regularly to check in and i have little to say because i don't want to fight anymore and when i hear him say things i don't really put too much stock in them. I know he wants to sound like he is fine and looking forward to being alone too, and none of that is my concern anymore so he talks, i listen and then i say goodbye. He calls me, I don't call him. It is just better for me that way. I'm okay and glad to be far away...now to continue to move forward. It is pretty exciting, to be honest, It is the first time i am really only responsible for me....no kids, no AH or crazy H for over 30 years, that is a scary thought. I feel so lucky I am able to do this and feel good about it too!! my only wish is that i did it a little sooner, but...i guess i just wasn't ready *sigh* oh well.....life goes on! will check in when i can and hope to get to a f2f alanon meeting over the weekend! I am very excited about that!

chicory

good to hear from you Missphit!

am so happy for you and your peaceful home. it wlll get better and better.
it is a good feeling to know that you are in full control of your life.

hugs,
chicory

Learn2Live

I just wanna run over there and give you a big (((hug))) missphit. Tiny little apartments with kitties are good things De-cluttering your space and your life is even better. Change is stressful so keep up with the routine and the familiar. I found that living alone is so peaceful and predictable that I LOVE it! Thanks for the update!

naive

you sound good! thanks for the update.

Freedom1990

I am just delighted for you! I have no doubt the right job is coming your way.

Give those kitty men extra ear scritchies for me!

fourmaggie

peace

missphit

thank you for your replies. I am still putting things away, arranging things, making piles of things to give away and the purging feels so good! i love the idea of finding homes for hte things i brought with me that don't fit or come from my "other life" and they will be "reassigned" to someplace new. My couch is way to large for this space so I will give it to my daughter and she needs it and will enjoy it. I will get a new one, that is more suited to this little space and my kitties and I. something soft and comfy and girly. I have my dolls and little "toys" and even a few stuffed animals i've held onto. it is nice to feel like i'm in a little dollhouse that i can decorate any way i want and as playful. I know it will take time to heal and that i will settle in and the time will come where I will miss my AH but, so far, i'm all set with the chaos, the worry and feeling bad about myself because of someone else's demons. I like no longer being to blame for another's anger and always worrying if i'm going to "set things off" by saying something "wrong". it is nice to not have that hanging over my head all the time. what a relief!! i found some papers i wrote while putting my things away and it was sad for me to think that i felt so responsible for making AH so angry and I see now that his anger was out of proportion because of his own stuff, not me!! how could i have taken that on? thank goodness i don't have to do that anymore! I feel so lucky and I'm pretty excited about the journey i'm on! it'll be my first winter in many years...and i bet it'll be beautiful from up here in this little "perch" of mine in the treetops!

prich

I had hoped to see you at the FandF meeting this evening. Sorry you missed it. Kassie did a nice job. The subject was "gratitude".

missphit

I had hoped to make it to the meeting too and by the time i remembered it it was almost 10. I put my calendar up and have made a note for next week, sometimes the time is late for me since i get up so early every day, but i'll work on making it. I missed it too!!

Floss

Hi Missphit. You sound great and wow, congratulations on finding your own place and giving yourself some healing time! Good luck with all your job interviews too! It sounds as though you're really ready for your journey of discovery and recovery and I can't wait to hear how your journey progresses....all the best MP!

yorkiegirl

Best of luck! please let us know how it goes! Inspiring!

Freedom1990

I love reading about your new life, and your new little place.

theuncertainty

lillamy

Welcome home!!! I'm almost four months into my life without AH, and I can tell you, I still get a rush of infatuation with my new life when I do things like load my dishwasher (because there's nobody there to tell me I'm doing it wrong) or scrub the floors (because he won't walk in later and say I did a ****** job)...

Sending vibes that you get the perfect job and continue to grow and enjoy!!!