Why?
Lessons Learned
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Coconut Creek, FL
Posts: 5
Why?
Why is it that the obsession will NOT go away?? Once I get through the sickness/withdrawls, my mind starts thinking that I should pick it up again. That I can control it and just do a little. But that never lasts for too long. It ultimatelly steals all my money, distances me from everybody, and gets me sick again! Why is it so easy to forget the bad things once it gets in my head and I'm off and running???? This Suuuuuuuuuxxxxxxxx!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
I got through the obsession by just getting through it.
Each time you get through a tough patch, it gets a bit easier.
I don't think there's any easy way to do it, but it's worth the hard work!
Each time you get through a tough patch, it gets a bit easier.
I don't think there's any easy way to do it, but it's worth the hard work!
Lessons Learned
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Coconut Creek, FL
Posts: 5
I go to NA meetings, but have been skipping them when I relapse. I never give myself enough time to get through the hard part before giving in to the urge. I don't pick up the phone to call the numbers I have from NA. It's all me...
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Texas
Posts: 507
I know what you mean
The "why?" is simple. It's because you're addicted and your addiction is trying to stay in control of your mind. It's like that little voice that told you after a particularly bad/embarrassing night that "it wasn't that bad. Nobody noticed". It's the same little voice that tells you you'll only have one and then convinces you that a second drink and then a third and then a fourth are okay.
I can't tell you what will work best to push that little voice away. I wish I could. But I can tell you that I know with complete certainty that saying "no" to the first drink is the only way to stay sober. After the first, there WILL be another. Saying "NO" to the second and third and fourth drinks of our life are way harder than saying no to the first. We're alcoholics and that's the way it works for us.
Good luck!
I can't tell you what will work best to push that little voice away. I wish I could. But I can tell you that I know with complete certainty that saying "no" to the first drink is the only way to stay sober. After the first, there WILL be another. Saying "NO" to the second and third and fourth drinks of our life are way harder than saying no to the first. We're alcoholics and that's the way it works for us.
Good luck!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 218
It takes time for the craving to go away. I just hit four months and JUST started feeling like the desire to drink was taken from me. I don't know the magic answer....but for me working the steps has helped me get through the 4 months.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,760
Between four to six months I noticed I no longer had the desire to drink.
But after my first few sober weeks the addict voice was getting dimmer and dimmer and easier to ignore or tell it to stfu.
Give yourself time, and support, and it will go away after a while.
But after my first few sober weeks the addict voice was getting dimmer and dimmer and easier to ignore or tell it to stfu.Give yourself time, and support, and it will go away after a while.
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Sweden
Posts: 1,649
You mentioned you are in NA, but maybe you can relate to what my experience was as an alcoholic. For me the mental obsession didn't go away until some things happened in my recovery. I had to admit that I still wanted to drink, and I had to admit that my view of my drinking was a fantasy.
For a long time, despite telling myself (on an intellectual level), that I didn't want to drink, couldn't drink, shouldn't drink, on another level, (emotional?) I still attached positive qualities to drinking. I believed that under carefully controlled conditions, I could safely drink and things would be okay. I proved myself wrong time and time again.
I began to realize that I wasn't really afraid of the danger of drinking. It took a while for me to develop a very healthy fear of alcohol and understand how dangerous it is for me.
I wasn't afraid of driving under the influence, heck, I learned how to drive with an open beer can in my hand and a six pack in the back seat! That was a long time ago, before newer legislation, but, I would drink and drive for most of my life without the slightest bit of fear.
I slowly developed a real fear of alcohol and with that I began to attach a lot less attractive features to drinking.
Another change that happened in my thinking was finally understanding that my attitude towards drinking was totally unrelated to reality: it was a delusion. I would relapse countless times with the idea that "a drink would be nice"...and have a complete memory loss of all the horrible things that happen when I have a drink.
I had to reach the point where I hated alcohol and it was poison to me. I didn't feel that way when I first tried to get sober...now I do!
For a long time, despite telling myself (on an intellectual level), that I didn't want to drink, couldn't drink, shouldn't drink, on another level, (emotional?) I still attached positive qualities to drinking. I believed that under carefully controlled conditions, I could safely drink and things would be okay. I proved myself wrong time and time again.
I began to realize that I wasn't really afraid of the danger of drinking. It took a while for me to develop a very healthy fear of alcohol and understand how dangerous it is for me.
I wasn't afraid of driving under the influence, heck, I learned how to drive with an open beer can in my hand and a six pack in the back seat! That was a long time ago, before newer legislation, but, I would drink and drive for most of my life without the slightest bit of fear.
I slowly developed a real fear of alcohol and with that I began to attach a lot less attractive features to drinking.
Another change that happened in my thinking was finally understanding that my attitude towards drinking was totally unrelated to reality: it was a delusion. I would relapse countless times with the idea that "a drink would be nice"...and have a complete memory loss of all the horrible things that happen when I have a drink.
I had to reach the point where I hated alcohol and it was poison to me. I didn't feel that way when I first tried to get sober...now I do!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 1,006
I hear you. It persists. I kind of feel like it is a little devil on my shoulder who I allowed to grow and get comfortable because for so long and so many times I reacted to any stress or problem or bad feeling by thinking, "Ok, I'll drink today."
And problems and bad feelings, over time, began to arise every day. Every single day something knocked me down and I needed to drink in response to it.
And that nasty little guy still walks with me. He is NOT going away. Daily life, normal stress, it's all still there.
Lately I'm thinking the only solution is to grow a good angel. I don't know how to do it though? Maybe I should just knuckle down and eventually the bad one will get tired.
Oy, what terrible metaphors. I'm posting this though. This obsession is a hard thing to describe y'know?
And problems and bad feelings, over time, began to arise every day. Every single day something knocked me down and I needed to drink in response to it.
And that nasty little guy still walks with me. He is NOT going away. Daily life, normal stress, it's all still there.
Lately I'm thinking the only solution is to grow a good angel. I don't know how to do it though? Maybe I should just knuckle down and eventually the bad one will get tired.
Oy, what terrible metaphors. I'm posting this though. This obsession is a hard thing to describe y'know?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Land down under
Posts: 433
change that tape that plays in your head to "I will not use today".... just keep saying it over and over.
You just need to want sobriety more than you want to use. I know that sounds flippant but I believe it is really that simple. It's hard.... real hard but it does get easier and life does get better. Every day stresses will still exist but how much do we add to them by using? We create a whole lot of other stress....
oh, the other message you should put on that recording... "I am worth it"
all the best
p.s. don't stop going to those meetings
You just need to want sobriety more than you want to use. I know that sounds flippant but I believe it is really that simple. It's hard.... real hard but it does get easier and life does get better. Every day stresses will still exist but how much do we add to them by using? We create a whole lot of other stress....
oh, the other message you should put on that recording... "I am worth it"
all the best
p.s. don't stop going to those meetings
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
It took a long time for that obsessive thinking to fade into the background (I still am not 100% free from it). It's manageable now, but the first month was nuts - it seems like it's all I thought about. Maybe that's because it was always on my mind when I was drinking...
I had to come to grips with the fact that I very rarely stuck to my promises to myself (to skip a day, just have a few, only drink on special occasions, etc.). I kept trying harder and harder to control it without letting it go and failed hundreds of times.
Finally, I was just tired of it and tired of being sick. I didn't want to quit, but I didn't want to continue either. The thing about sobriety and being clean is that you never know how good it is until you try.
I had to come to grips with the fact that I very rarely stuck to my promises to myself (to skip a day, just have a few, only drink on special occasions, etc.). I kept trying harder and harder to control it without letting it go and failed hundreds of times.
Finally, I was just tired of it and tired of being sick. I didn't want to quit, but I didn't want to continue either. The thing about sobriety and being clean is that you never know how good it is until you try.
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