chebella

hello everyone,

I found this site and decided to register and just start today on sobriety. I realise for a long time I have a problem since my teens (now 29y), drinking. The drinking is not considered a problem in my family since we are french and drinking wine and smoking ciggies is what we do. It's very normal for the females in my close family to drink each min. 2 bottles of wine, 4x a week, always laughing and socialising.

I just don't find it normal anymore.

After some serious soulsearching and active analysing, I realise I am codependent of my parents problems. I am trying to be sober from now on and work on a non-drinking relationship with my mother. I don't want any relationship with my father for the time being, since I'd like to focus on myself for a while.

Today is day 2 without drinking (had a ciggie with my coffee!), yesterday I was just so hungover that it's best to forget.
I really hope that I can be strong and just not drink for a week. I have never had a non-drinking week since I was about 16-17. I am a functional young woman with friends that don't see the problem of social drinking, however I feel I have a problem.

All the best to all of you!

least

Welcome to SR! I'm glad you found us and joined the family. This is a great place for support and understanding. Glad you've decided to live sober - it takes some effort and a lot of changes, but it's really worth it!

AmericanGirl

Hi Chebella -- We are the same age and I also grew up in a drinking culture where it is considered normal to drink many drinks each evening . . . and I had also been drinking since my late teenage years when I decided to quit 7 months ago. So, timing-wise, we have a lot in common. I understand how it can feel weird when all your friends seem to be functioning fine while drinking a lot . . . it was hard for me to accept that I couldn't do that -- that even if I was functioning on an okay level outside, I was still messed up, inside, from the problem. I am glad I accepted it and made the choice to abstain completely. My life is much more even now, and I am able to make progress instead of merely treading water.

I think it is brave of you to acknowledge that there is a problem, especially when those around you might not feel the same. Welcome.

doggonecarl

I'm curious, why just a week? A test to see if you have a problem and if you go a week without drinking you don't have a problem?

You most likely can go a week w/o drinking. Then what? If you resume drinking then the problems resume as well.

Good luck, Bella, as you work out your issues. If you decide you want to quit drinking, SR will be here for you.

chebella

Why just a week?

Well, I have to start somewhere.... and after 2 days I always get nervous, anxious, etc. And then I have a little glass of wine and a ciggie for lunch, then it's the 5-6 ' o clock aperitive and wine for dinner. Not to mention my cuba-libre's when I go out with friends ...

So, I don't know- a week with no drinking can give me the confidence and strength to do another week? And another week....etc.

Do I make sense?

doggonecarl

Not to me, but that doesn't mean you are wrong ;-)

Deadlines never worked for me. I would try to quit drinking for Lent, but could never make it 40 days. This past august I had a terrible alcohol-related incident and the next morning I told myself I was quitting. About two weeks went by and my mind starting playing tricks on me...Did I mean I was going to quit forever? Or until I felt better? Couldn't seem to remember. So I drank again. The next day I wrote down in my day planner, big and bold--I will not drink, EVER.

So far, so good. I get through my recovery day by day...week by week. But the deadline is NEVER.

chebella

ok, I see your point- it's my point also.
When I think I will never have a cigaret again, I buy a pack and smoke them all because there my last. (tried so many times, now I only smoke with alcohol= major trigger).

when I say today I will never drink again, I will go to the bar and have a party just to enjoy those last drinks. (done it, now I just can't say never).
I have a wonderfull boyfriend that already starts laughing when I wake up hungover and I say: Never never again. No-one takes me serious so baby steps for me now, and I keep it to myself.

Week 1, week 2 etc.
Just spoke to my mum and friends, they all wanna go for drinkies as always. I said I'm having an off-day, not going. Reply is from all: Friday and weekends are no good days to stop drinking. Mondays are better ha ha.

I am staying home and that's that.

Anna

Welcome!

I'm glad you know that you have a problem and you want to fix it, despite what others around you may be saying.

Recovery means much more than stopping drinking. So when you talk about stopping drinking for a week, it's not likely that you'll be motivated to make the lifestyle changes that you need in order to stay sober. For example, many of us had to change friends and remove certain people from our lives. I think you need to know deep down that drinking is no longer an option, ever, before you are able to embrace the changes you need in your life.

TheWackness

I agree with Robin completely. I have been an alcoholic for 6 years (i'm 26). Recovery is so much more than getting the drink out. Believe me, I just recently relapsed and im on day 2 of detox, and its terrible. Stopping for one week will prove only one thing, that if you are an alcoholic, you will be right back to the state you are in now, its inevitable. AA is a really helpful group, I actually just quit my job, and am moving back in with my mother so I have my support system, and can go to meetings 7 days a week, cause I have to.I would say drop in on a meeting, prefferably an open, or a begginers meeting. Listen to peoples stories, and speak if you feel comfortable. We are the most open and non judgemental on earth, we love everyone. So if you are concerned, try it. and GOOD LUCK!

chebella

I know drinking is no longer an option, I just prefer counting week instead of days or months.
Friends want to see me tonight and I won't go. We can meet at lunch orso when I feel up for it. I don't want to drink, when I am drunk I am a completely different person that I don't like to be. I don't like walking into a local bar and my drink is waiting for me before I reach the counter. I hate hangovers, I hate vomiting, I hate starting to look like my mother and aunts. Although they never puke, they are so used to it all....

I cannot go to AA, I live on an island and everyone will know. Also, it's normal here to drink alot, it's an island thing. I 've been to AA once here with a friend, it was nothing but sad men without any teeth and half blind from drinking home-made stuff. Honoustly, I can't go there.

I prefer to just stick to this site....and learn from what you guys are telling me.
Losing friendships will be hard , since I hardly have family to begin with.
But I can't explain it, I just had enough of it all. It's not a path I want to explore more....

I am very cranky with a big headache. Anxious and nervous....
Going to watch a movie.

Dee74

Welcome chebella

You'll find a lot of support here - I hope SR can help you as much as it's helped me.

D

WatchTheSky

Welcome, chebella! I can relate to the nerves about what everyone else will think. I'm an American college student, so I come from a world of frequent binge drinking. What set me apart was that I drank every night alone. It's possible that everyone else your age isn't handling it as well as they seem to. Regardless of where they are, you know what you need to do for you! We're here for you. Keep in touch.

VeeTee

Welcome Chebella! Great that you are booting the drink. I love how you say:
I am a functional young woman with friends that don't see the problem of social drinking, however I feel I have a problem

This was / is the hardest thing for me, too. I know I am different (special ) even if my friends and familiy can't see the problem. To them, I drink normally. But I know that we all drink to much - and I drink a bit more. There are millions of men and women who don't drink at all.

Vee

artsoul

Hi Chebella - welcome to the forum! I think if it works for you to count weeks, go for it. I've adopted AA's version: one day at a time. It works for me when I'm feeling overwhelmed (worrying about future things). So on the bad days, all I have to do is get through the day.

I think you'll find that sobriety really levels out your emotions and thinking - it's helped me feel stronger and more confident (and also I get a lot more done when I don't have to spend the morning in bed!)

ozgoddess

Hi Chebella

Welcome to SR.

I would have to agree with artsoul, if it works for you then go for it. Just be careful. In early recovery it can be dangerous to think too far into the future (and yes even one week can be too far at this stage).

I am heading into 8 months of sobriety and I still take it one day at a time. I will not drink today, no promises past that.

I too have a family that is big on drinking and were shocked when I gave it up. It doesn't bother me. My sobriety is mine, my journey, my choice.

All the best - keep posting

TheWackness

Trust me I know how the de tox feels. I tried week to week... but realized in the end I had to live for the next 5 minutes.. not week. I feel you on everyone knowing, perhaps you could at least order some AA literature. that has been helpful for me.

sleepie

I think a short term goal is really great, if you do a little it will lead to a lot. All or nothing, black and white thinking encourages me to drink more, personally. I have gained more sober days than not over the last few months. Not a perfect run of sobriety but I have more non drinking days than drinking days and for me, a former every day binger- that is actually something. I'm glad you are here and trying. I can't imagine what it must be like to try to quit a very socially accepted and encouraged activity such as drinking where you are and I think it takes quite a bit of a strength to make the decision you have!

LaFemme

Welcome chebella...I could totally relate when you said if you decided to quit you would smoke a pack because that was your last...then you'd smoke again later. I can't tell you how many times I did that with my wine and cigarettes. I would even splurge thinking..." this will be my last bottle of alcohol...so let me get champagne!". When I quit my last swallow of wine was from the dregs of the bottle from the night before....I just couldn't do it anymore.

If 1 week at a time works for you then do it. And while most people like f2f support I get all my support on SR...it works for now...if that ever changes I will LOL into alternatives.

You will feel better soon. Ciao...LaFemme

Spiritual Seeker

If you are planning to stop drinking, there must be no reservation of any kind.

Avoid people, places and things that will trigger you to doubt your ability to quit.

chebella

goodmorning everyone,

So nice to read all your advice and support! I had a bad time falling asleep, I woke up late but that's fine on a saturday.
I still have a headache and bad taste in my mouth. Overall, I feel better then last night- maybe I'll feel an itch around lunch for my first little glass of wine...I don't know.

I am still gonne leave my phone off, my family and friends know where I live so....no stress. I just read some-one else's post on a personal plan: my personal plan today is going for kayak-training (fun without drinking? yikes?) and I'll go and walk the dogs in the shelter like I do every weekend.

I am a bit proud of myself for skipping friday at the usual spot. Also curious if I "missed" anything, you understand?

Anyhow, I wish you all a healthy saturday.