litehorse

my son sent me a card from jail - i have been talking to him and seeing him fairly regularly - we've talked a lot about what got him to this point and what he will need to do to make sure he doesn't end up here again - he knows it has to be his decision and his conviction that will make his recovery work - his card was an apology for times he took advantage of me and hurt me - and an acknowledgment of how much he desires to have a "happy life free of my addictions" - he said he is anxious to prove to me and himself that he can do that - of course the tears flowed - and i know he has a really long way to go - he will be locked up for a while longer - my prayers will continue for his heart to be strong and willing to do whatever it takes to break the hold that his addiction has put on him - he is such a wonderful person (thanks to kindeyes many of us have been able recently to share about our wonderful addicts!) i just treasure every ounce of positive that comes - i try to stay realistic but the moment of joy is like holding a firefly - it is fragile so you can't hold it too tight, but when you open your fingers just a bit the light shines through and brings joy - thank you for allowing me a place to share this

Ann

That brought tears to my eyes, litehorse, because I know that when they sober up, they feel terrible about the pain they have caused.

Only us moms here could understand how anyone could treasure a nice card from jail apologizing for what they did when active in addiction.

This is one reason we try to tell moms who are afraid of their kids going to jail not to worry. Often, it's exactly where they need to be to get clean and think about taking a better path in life.

Hugs for you and continued prayers for your boy.

Impurrfect

(((Litehorse))) - I'm so glad you got such a heartfelt card. I know jail is not a part of any parent's dream of where they want their child to be, but for some of us A's, it's where we need to go...to get some clean time and think about where we want our lives to go. My prayers continue that this is just what he needs to "get it"

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Chino

Thank you! That was so beautiful to read and I'm happy for you

Spiritual Seeker

HE MAY BE IN JAIL, BUT THAT'S WHAT IT TOOK TO GET YOUR YOUNG MAN BACK.
How wonderful that he can share his feelings and be thankful + appreciative that you're his parent and all that you mean to him.

johndelko408

Litehoarse, that sounds so awesome, I hope your son takes the right path when he gets out. I know from my experiences of being locked up in county that I didn't want to be thee and that it wasn't where I belonged. I vividly remember that there were guys who didn't mind being there, they would say its like being in summer camp or something. The longest stretch I did was 2 weeks, but it was the longest 2 weeks of my life. It gave me planty of time to think about the choices I had been making and where my life was headed if I didn't wise up. I remember the last time I was there when a trustee came to give me my release papers and as I was leaving some idiot had the nerve to say "we'll leave the light on for you". My response to him was "well that lights gonna burn out cause I'm not ever coming back here again". It sounds like your son has got his head on strait now. He's now able to feel those emotions he had been running and hiding from for so long. A sons love for his mother is like no other, indescribable. I'm sure he doesn't ever want to hurt his mama again. I spent a long time in addiction and was always in what I describe a state of apathy, didn't care or feel. Now that i do feel, I don't ever want to hurt the ones I love. I honestly would rather die than hurt my loved ones again.

crazybabie

Litehorse,

From one mom to another I am happy for you I feel better when my son is in jail because I know he is, safe and it is unfournately the only time I actually get a glimpse at the son he is when not using.

I am thankful that your son is making a plan to help him when he gets out. Mine never makes a plan to stay off drugs just plans on how to better hisself in other ways. he has yet too see that he must first stop the drugs before he can better hisself in other ways.

John, your postings always bring me so much hope and comfort. I follow alot of your postings due too that. I very much appreciate you letting me get a glimpse of the other side.

Kindeyes

litehorse
Your son's card to you touched my heart. It is so wonderful when we get a glimpse of the person that we know they are inside....beyond the addiction. He loves you and he knows that you love him. And just for today......that's enough.
gentle hugs from one Mom to another

litehorse

thank you all so much for your kind and encouraging comments - a small thing like this means so much, but always having to hold emotions in reserve because of the nature of the beast makes me hesitate to share with just anybody - it is comforting to have a place where the community of hearts understand and can appreciate what it feels like to experience the ups and downs of loving an addict

CatsPajamas

Mom hugs. Just for today, enjoy it. I spent a lot of time awfulizing and worrying about the future... today I treasure the moments in real time because I know I am not in control of most of what the future brings.

It's a lovely card, and wonderful sentiments from your son. I hope this is his time.

Mom hugs
Cats