almay777

Morning. Today is 60 days sober for me which I am really proud of.

Last night though I was trying to convince myself that its ok to drink over Xmas. You know, 'just the one'. I had almost convinced myself it was ok. I have a couple of work parties to go to in December and am already worrying. I desparately do not want to throw away my sober time. I love being sober. I also know I cannot just have one drink. I dont know how to deal with this.

Kmber2010

Almay - way to go on 60 days. You don't have throw anything away here. What helped me in the beginning was knowing that I could not drink period and that those dark days were behind me.

I amped up my support if I felt I need to - coming SR more often, increasing counseling session, etc.

While I was involved in drinking situations, I didn't compromise my recovery. I would excuse myself early, take a walk if need be, etc.

I would use the tools available to you and know that you have our support. You can do this and there is no shame in leaving an event/party early or even passing one if you feel it makes you uncomfortable. I have done just that myself.

Dee74

Hi Almay

I really didn't want to be that drunk guy anymore, so I was prepared to do whatever it took to safeguard my sobriety.

I 100% accepted that drinking was no longer an option for me , not if I wanted to keep the new life I'd discovered - when I look at things that way, the choice was clear.

Sometimes that meant some work. Sometimes it meant not going to parties. I didn;t put myself in a drinking sitiuation for many months and I'm glad of that.

Later, if drinking occasions were was unavoidable, it meant having a strategy, including an escape plan.

I always found it helped me to remember I had the power.
I believe if you want to stay sober Almay, and you're prepared to work for it, you will.

D

ChangeIsGood123

I say pass on the parties if that is what you need to do. You have indicated you almost had yourself convinced that one would be okay, yet you also admit that you cannot have just one. Please do not put yourself in that position. Are those few gatherings worth it?

almay777

I do not want to go to the parties. But I am not a sociable person and always preferred to drink at home so never go to such events. therefore it has been picked up at work and they have expressed that I need to start socialising more with the people I work with. No one knows I cannot drink and I am unsure what I can say to avoid it. Antibiotics will get me through one, but not 2 parties that are 2 weeks apart.
I am still taking things one day at a time, in the main because I am struggling to accept the fact I can never drink again. Even though I know deep down I cannot. I know this sounds weird... I do not trust myself to have a drink - I know in advance of my efforts if i do the rest will be history. I hate being around people who are drunk - this now makes me feel isolated and changes the way I perceive people.
I am scared as hell and hope with all my heart that I can continue to live each day without a drink. The alternative doesnt bear thinking about :-(

SSIL75

Who has expressed that you need to start socializing more with the people you work with?

Anyway I can relate in a way. I don't have problems considering being sober this Christmas but I have one event that I am struggling with (an annual girls weekend that would be... like literally 18 mos away). I sometimes push it off "I'll deal with this later" but what's also effecting me is the reminder that only an alcoholic would obsess that much about having 'just one' drink. Or for me for my weekend it would actually be a **** up. But I'm thinking 'man, I'm pregnant and this is 18 mos away. Only an alcoholic would even have that on her mind".

It's a nice reminder of who/where I am.

I'm also thinking of other ways to celebrate that weekend. Maybe I'll run a race. Maybe I'll save for a shopping trip. So for you and your nights out.. maybe you'll buy a new dress. Maybe you'll take steps between now and then to find new ways to relate to people.

Or maybe you'll just say 'not this year' and let the whole thing go.

I would look carefully at who/what is concerned about how much you're socializing. That sounds like an enabler or perhaps yourself hearing a throwaway comment and taking it to heart. Sometimes the universe throws things up at us just to highlight where we need to work.

Congrats on 60 days! I remember when you were struggling to get one day. How far you've come!

least

Big hugs and congrats on your sober time!! As far as the holiday parties go... I'd just say "I"m no longer drinking for health reasons" and leave it at that. And if socializing is hard for you, go for a bit, thank the hosts, and excuse yourself early.

I'm rootin' for ya!

Carrie36

Congrats on your 60 days!! I'm right there with ya

Now that being said, someone telling you that you need to be more social probably not a great reason to jeopardize your achieved sobriety so far.

Like you I am also concerned with upcoming holidays and family gatherings where there will be alcohol served.

I am working with my alcohol addictions counsellor to come up with a recovery plan that includes how to handle these situations. What can I do when faced with cravings and temptation? I know I will be, so my best bet is to have an idea of exactly what I am going to do or say beforehand. That way I'm not feeling pressure or stress or put on the spot.


How will you handle these work situations should you choose to go...what are you comfortable telling people, are you prepared to leave if things get too much for you? Do you have someone to call or someone who would take you home if need be.

Things to think about.

stanleyhouse

I am sorry you are dealing with this pressure to socialize from work colleagues, seems immature to me but if they are drinkers that would seem to be consistent behaviour. If you can, I would remember that you choose who you spend time with outside of work. It is one of the great things about recovery-choosing the people in your life.
My first xmas was scary but I reminded myself how awful all my drunken xmas's of the past were and told myself a sober one couldn't be worse. Surprisingly I found beauty in the holidays for the first time. I visited with family, enjoyed the conversation, free time and food and went to bed sober. I know you can do this.
SH

Anna

So, you are required to socialize with co-workers as part of your job?

I've never had to socialize with co-workers, nor have I ever really wanted to. I am glad to be able to keep my work life and my private life separate. I hope you can work this out and do what is best for you.

I wouldn't go to the parties.

Horselover

We just turned down husband's office Christmas party. BTW congratulations on your 60 days of sobriety. You certainly should not be required to socialize as part of your job description. I wouldn't do well in a job like that myself.

We did go to the Christmas party last year and were not having a wonderful time. We decided this year that husband and I would do a movie together instead and maybe dinner. We do enjoy each other's company.

Are you sure you can't decline the invitation or will you be fired? If its that dire that you attend then I would up your sobriety support a lot before attending and write down the reasons you quit. Don't get ahead of yourself on this never being able to drink business. That could bring you into a tail spin all by itself. This is why there's the 'just for today' notion.

Good luck and post here whenever you need to. You are doing great!

tomdecel

It seems to me that this is your main issue, and you need to get a grip on it. You can only live one life at a time ~ yours, not your co-workers.

If you have spent the last 60 days sober, you can spend the next 60 just as sober. Think about the possibilities: 2 months from now you could be at 120 days, while your co-workers, well, some of them may very well be hangover. No one says you have to consume alcohol to enjoy the festivities. Work on your resolve.

Congrats on the 60 days. Focus on the success of the last two months.

NEOMARXIST

You can convince yourself that drinking into the future is ok but as long as you make sure to not pick up that first drink 'just for today' then you will be fine.

The importance of 'one day at a time' and 'just for today' cannot be underestimated for this alkie. I don't worry about way into the future and if my mind wants to race around with scenarios into the future then that doesn't mean i have to act on them. I make sure i share what I'm thinking and I'm always aware that it's a 'just for today' deal with not drinking anyway, so nothing to worry about. 'Just for today'don't pick up. Also i find by actively living and thinking 'one day at a time'means that I'm calm, chilled and not wasting my time worrying about stuff that likely will never happen, thus the thought of a drink doesn't enter my consciousness.

peace

artsoul

Hi almay - I've been thinking about the holidays, too (first one sober in many years). The old alcoholic part of my brain imagines people dressed up with wine or fancy cocktails, the food, the lights, etc..... it all seems to go together.

But I'm not a "one or two" drinker, and I'd have to start thinking about controlling myself, going back to the when/where/how much/why of alcohol again. Life isn't only better when I'm sober, it's so much simpler.

I'd say go with your gut. Whatever you do, don't let the pressure from others jeopardize your sobriety.

almay777

Hi all, many thanks for all of your advice. I think I have been mis-interpreted by a few. I am not being made to go to anything. I work for a lloyds syndicate in the city and as such my company always hold drinking events throughout the year from casual get togethers to formal dinners and dance, and of course, Xmas parties. I have never attended one of these events and have been with the company for nearly 2 years. It appears to be 'frowned upon' if one does not make the effort to attend some of these events.
I am genuinely quite a shy person and unfortunatly would stumble through an event like this by drinking in order to block out how uncomfortable I feel.
I agree with you all that no one and nothing is more important then my sobriety. And although my absense would be frowned upon, it is not going to cost me my job. With that in mind, there is always next year and I may be in a stronger place to deal with this sort of situation then.
Day 61 and still going STRONG!!

Toronto68

Almay, I am not sure what kind of culture there is there, but there might be other ways to create an impression that you are socializing and helping to inject a team spirit into the place - without attending the parties. There isn't a single answer to fit every context, but people find ways to make their sobriety number one without it equating to a disaster in social terms. Sometimes it's harder than others. In the past, I have had people who had issues with taking part in certain events, and I didn't force them to do things, but I helped them to find ways to allow them to display their own version of team spirit.

When it comes to pondering the "just one" idea, you can always think more deeply about what good that would do, how likely it is that you could live that way.