BelfastBhoy

Right, erm... well i'll try and keep it simple. I'm a 21 yo male, living in Belfast, Ireland and i do a lot of drinking. And see, the thing is i'm not really sure if this is a problem for or not.

First off, as i say, i'm 21 and most of my peers do a lot of drinking too, we're partying several days a week to all hours and it's great craic to be honest and they'd be laughing their arses off at me if they say what i was typing on here. But my niggling concern (and has been for maybe 2 years now) is that maybe i might have a problem. This is mainly because i drink quite a lot on my own as well as in company, i really enjoy getting in a crate of beers or hitting the whiskey and watching a movie, playing poker online, listening to music etc. What i'm wanting some advice on is whether or not you think this is a problem?

I have been drinking since i was 16 (very lightly, and is about the norm where i come from) and have been a heavy-ish drinker since 18 (approx 4 days a week).

Reasons why i worry i might have a problem: I drink quite a lot by myself; i rarely ever end up totally wasted but i have a huge draw to hitting the booze in the evening time when i'm alone and often feel guilty afterwards. I also get wasted with my pals, really wasted, but again that's pretty much the done thing around here so i'm not overly concerned about that aspect.

Reasons why i'm kinda sure i don't have a problem: I'm 21, have a great family and great friends - none of whom would even think for a second that i'd be an alcoholic in any shape or form (although that might differ if they knew how often i drank alone). Secondly i have an amazing girlfriend who i love intensely, we've been going out for 3 years. The thing is, her father is an alcoholic. And more than anything i fear that i'd ever hurt my girlfriend through drinking. Having said that, i know she doesn't think i have a drink problem having known me better than anyone else for 3 years (and she should know: she doesn't drink herself and never has done, and her own father was an alcoholic). I also have a university degree in Business and am currently studying a masters while working alongside it. Drinking has never caused any issues in this aspect either ie i've never missed a days work being drunk/hungover.

Another thing is when i go to the bar for a few beers, i don't usually feel the need to get totally wasted. I'm often happy as larry to go out for a few hours with the ladyfriend, have a couple of pints, then head home early and watch movie or whatever. And i'm totally content. I only worry when i'm back at home by myself and i always seem to end up drinking, sometimes even looking forward to getting back to the house to drink (i reitierate, by myself).

Anyway, there's the situation guys, i'm simply asking for your thoughts as Google told me this would be a good place to start.

Cheers in advance!

Dee74

Hi BelfastBhoy

Welcome to SR. You'll find a lot of support here

I'm a big advocate of people being the best judge of their own situations, but to be honest, the waiting for it's 'time' to drink, and the drinking alone (especially after going out and drinking beforehand) remind me an awful lot of myself. and how I got 'started'. I also liked hanging out with big drinkers - they made me look better. And there was a lot of shame and guilt - which I then drank away to reassure myself...

None of my friends or family thought I was an alcoholic either...but in my case they were all dead wrong.

Would you consider a period of abstinence - a month or two? It's a good way to learn pretty definitively just how big a role alcohol plays in your life, I think.

D

OZboy

..well you sound very caring and thoughtful..

..it always(if in doubt)is a good idea to challenge your direction because
a lot of us here never did..

..I'm sure many others will be pleased to share with you..

..take care ..to be sure..Ozy..

BelfastBhoy

Hey, thanks for taking the time to reply! Just to clear one point up, i don't actually drink alone after a night out, i just quite often drink by myself for the evening. Not necessarily very much, maybe a 6pack of beers, but i often have a real craving to drink, even if it isn't usually to get drunk.

Good point about the abstinence. I decided to give up the drink for Lent last year, went two weeks quite happily but it was then a close mate's birthday and i decided what heck, i done 2 weeks with no bother i think that's enough to show i don't neeed booze, and so partied at my friends birthday, earlier than the month the i initially intended to abstain from. However, the motivation behind it wasn't "i can't take this, i really really need beer", but rather "yeah that 2 weeks was easy, i'm 20, my pals party, why the hell not party down". Wether that's a problematic attitude or not, i'm not sure, but hoprefully you guys can offer some advice.

Thanks Oz, and you're right, i'm here to directly challenge my thoughts, i do have worries about alcohol and basically i'm hoping to either dispell these as mere overthetop anxiety or address them as a real issue that should be nipped in the bud ASAP.

least

I agree with Dee, try a period of abstinance, say a month or two, and see how you get along with that.

If you have problems with that, or find yourself thinking of drinking a lot, then maybe you do have a problem.

Welcome to the family!

BelfastBhoy

Now that i think about it more, i reckon this is a good idea.

I think the main problem about this would be explaining to my friends etc why i'm not drinking lately/feeling a bit daft about it. Apart from that, i think if i firmly decided not to drink for a set period of time that i wouldn't have a problem with it. Although big occassions like important football matchs, parties, poker nights with the guys etc would be a proper test just due to the traditional enjoyment of drinking with the guys then.

Thanks for the tips.

johndelko408

I only have 2 things I could recommend. The first is to try to abstain from drinking for a few days or maybe a week. If you have trouble doing that, meaning the cravings become to strong, chances may be that you do have a drinking problem. The second would be to go to an AA meeting and listen to the stories people tell. You don't have to share or introduce yourself, if you're called on to share simply tell them "no thanks, I'm just here to hear the message". When you listen to these stories the object is to look for the similarities, not the differences, you may have with the ones telling the stories. Alcoholism is a progressive disease. Rarely does someone become a full blown alcoholic the first time they drink (I'm not saying that you just started drinking). You can almost look at it as one has to condition themselves into becoming an alcoholic. I didn't really like drinking when I first started. Didn't like the taste, didn't like getting to wasted. At the end of my drinking career I loved the taste and I loved getting smashed, hence its a progressive disease. Hope this helps.

Dee74

Sorry if I misread you, BelfastBhoy.

I think the fact we're reticent to tell our friends can sometimes be telling - I was too...and yes we both come from hard drinking cultures (I'm an Aussie) but so many times I got sucked back into the lifestyle when I knew I didn't want to be sucked back in....

there was more than peer pressure going on for me....I'm not exactly a 'member of the herd' in any other aspect of my life.

D

BelfastBhoy

Hey all!

Just popping in to say yeah i'm pretty sure i don't have a problem with alcohol. Haven't a beer since posting and it hasn't been hard, said during the week i'd leave off the booze for a week or so to see how i found it and since then it's barely crossed my mind. Although i did quite fancy a cold beer i spotted in the fridge to wash down my pizza last night but what red blooded male wouldn't?

I was at the bar last night as well, took my car so i had an obvious excuse for not joining the lads for a few pints. Tbh honest i quite enjoyed being out with my girl sober for a change lol as she doesn't drink herself. I even won a bottle of whiskey at the raffle (it was a charity gig) and my first thought was sweet, this'll be handy for the poker night in a week or so.

So yeah, i've pretty much decided that i'm not an alcoholic (and to claim i'm even nearly there would be doing a disservice to the real issues with alcohol that so many people have to deal with on a daily basis). Having said that, i've got a busy week at Uni coming up deadlines wise so i'll leave off the booze for a wee while yet just for the good of my heart/grades.

Going to the bar again tomorrow evenin for the usual pool session witht the guys, but i'm just gonna say i could do with saving some dough and i don't particularly fancy a few pints the night!

Anyway, while not an alcoholic, i am a heavy drinker and do drink too much to be good for me so i'll make sure to keep tabs on things and take a few weeks respite every so often. Cheers for the advice and thoughts, and this is a great site and service to those who need it, i might drop in now and again!

Good luck and best wishes to all on the road to recovery!

Regards,
BelfastBhoy!

Dee74

Best of luck, BB

D

BelfastBhoy

I done a week.

Didn't touch a drop since this time last week, although i have to admit i've been looking forward to a wee sesh the night! I never felt through the past week that i needed a drink, only once every so often i really fancied a beer, but thats normal right? I went to the bar severeal times even won a bottle of whiskey, and i turned away from the fridge full with miller and guinness and had a quiet night.

Can someone tell me i'm not an alcholic yet?

I'm the type of guy who if i get a bit of reassurance i can leave tbis behind me, but if i get it in my mind, if i concinve myself that i DO have a problem, even a problem that isnt there, i just bring myself down and i make things 10x worse for me and those around me.

Please, Christ, tell me i'm not in that a bad a situation!

Stevie1

I dunno...as someone pointed out earlier alcoholism is progressive. I spent many years not thinking I had a problem and able to go without drinking for quite long periods of time, but thoroughly enjoying partying and getting hammered. When I was younger it wasn't just alcohol, but pretty much any drug I could get my hands on.

It wasn't until my late 20s that I started drinking alone, and then hiding my alcohol use from my now-ex husband. For MANY years I drank heavily and in secret as well as while partying; I held down work and school and for a long time had regular blackouts where I appeared quite functional to everyone around me even though I had zero memory the next day.

It continued to get worse with the blackouts, then I started drinking in the daytime when I could, and crossed over from having functional-looking blackouts to being out of control and a sloppy drunk. The last ten years all my drinking has been alone, because I knew I couldn't control it in public, plus I'd been so lucky so many times never to get a DUI or hurt anyone while driving drunk, I had to quit pushing my luck there. I've often been designated driver for others, even though I was a full-blown alcoholic...I could abstain for a night if I had to drive. It made me feel quite virtuous.

Anyhow...for me it was something that progressed slowly for three decades now. Yes I'm an alcoholic. When I crossed the line from "drinking a lot" to "really an alcoholic" I don't know. And, it doesn't matter, because I have to deal with NOW, but I assure you I have a lot of regrets, but I can't change the past.

Just something for you to think about. I think if you are worried, you probably have a problem but only you can answer that.

OZboy

..you sound fine to me..

..but always keep askin' n' sharin'..that's what SR is here for..

It's you that will determine the very next second of this day..so think
about a plan to keep safe,honest and healthy...your friend..Ozy..

..I wish some of your 'politics' were in better shape..lol..

(front page news head line.).."gobshites"...wow..LMAO..

Dee74

I really think you're in the best position to know if you have a problem Bb.

The short version is

* if you habitually drink more that moderate levels
* if you are most often relying on alcohol to get through or recover from social situations
*if your drinking has caused problems with your health, relationships, work/study, or contributed to regular arguments or bad behaviour with family or friends,
* if you find yourself avoiding responsibilities or situations in order to drink...

you might have a problem?

the really short version is - does your drinking cause you problems or not?

Obviously you've decided that it doesn't to the extent that you need to stop completely.

I wish you well - again
We're always here if you find you're mistaken

D

coffeenut

You're obviously worried about it if you're coming to SR....to which I would say....just keep coming and posting and reading.

We're glad you're here!

Si23

Although it sounds like you're doing fine, I would urge you to keep an eye on yourself. The drinking alone etc was exactly how I got started. It creeps up on you without your noticing. If you find that you are drinking to make yourself feel better, then I'd start the alarm bells ringing. All the best

Zencat

Well there it is really. Getting wasted is most certainly the beginnings of darker problems on the horizon. Plugging along at this rate can find yourself much like myself...full blown alki. After all, that's how it all started with me. Good times abusing the drink...add some 20 years to that and blime I'm drinking like a fish. Sucked down into an alcohol abyss...not handling life...blowing off girlfriends one after the other. Drinking becomes my main focus in life.

Good that you posted here. We have done that and been there. No, you ant here yet...maybe never...but you stumbled a pond a good bunch that have. Maybe its time to look deeply into what your options are, Check yourself before it all gets to the unmanageable zone. You know AA talk and stuff. Well enough, glad your here asking questions.