New Member Intro
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: MA
Posts: 3
New Member Intro
Hi,
I have been sober, cold turkey since 7/19/06 at age 29.
I have been a binge drinker since 16, never knew how to drink socially just drink to get drunk. Over the 13 years of drinking I hurt people, myself and got into trouble many times all while drunk. It finally took my wife to video tape one drunken episode to realize who I really was when I would morph into my drunk persona. Happy drunk would always change into angry drunk after the hard booze would be needed cuz the beer was not sustaining my drinking session, where a typical session could last 9-48 hours easy. I knew I loved drinking and craved it but never considered myself an alcoholic. Anyway, realizing how selfish I was forced me to quit to be a better husband and father to my then 8 month old. I never attended a class or anything, this is the first step to opening up to strangers about my issue with booze. Over the last year or so I have been entrenched in work and very stressed, somewhat alienating myself from my wife, 3 kids and family. I have feeling desires to drink to take the edge off from stress and anxiety, but never acted on them. I do have episodes of anxiety when I know a party or social gathering is coming up and I try to find excuses not to attend as I have been having issues socialising around drinkers where I used booze as a crutch to ease the tension I feel at times. I have tried kava to relax but just really makes me want to sleep. This anxiety is causing a strain on relationships as i feel most comfortable at home and not out at functions etc. Does anyone else share my feelings and what steps did you take to overcome the anxiety and cravings?
I have been sober, cold turkey since 7/19/06 at age 29.
I have been a binge drinker since 16, never knew how to drink socially just drink to get drunk. Over the 13 years of drinking I hurt people, myself and got into trouble many times all while drunk. It finally took my wife to video tape one drunken episode to realize who I really was when I would morph into my drunk persona. Happy drunk would always change into angry drunk after the hard booze would be needed cuz the beer was not sustaining my drinking session, where a typical session could last 9-48 hours easy. I knew I loved drinking and craved it but never considered myself an alcoholic. Anyway, realizing how selfish I was forced me to quit to be a better husband and father to my then 8 month old. I never attended a class or anything, this is the first step to opening up to strangers about my issue with booze. Over the last year or so I have been entrenched in work and very stressed, somewhat alienating myself from my wife, 3 kids and family. I have feeling desires to drink to take the edge off from stress and anxiety, but never acted on them. I do have episodes of anxiety when I know a party or social gathering is coming up and I try to find excuses not to attend as I have been having issues socialising around drinkers where I used booze as a crutch to ease the tension I feel at times. I have tried kava to relax but just really makes me want to sleep. This anxiety is causing a strain on relationships as i feel most comfortable at home and not out at functions etc. Does anyone else share my feelings and what steps did you take to overcome the anxiety and cravings?
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,509
Hi and Welcome,
Congratulations on your sobriety!
It sounds like you have a kind of generalized anxiety due to work stress. It's interesting that you said that work has caused you to alienate yourself from your family. I have found that balance is hugely important for me in recovery. Maybe you'd feel better if you could enjoy more family time and it would help to relax you. In fact, I think balance is so important that I might even consider changing jobs, if my present job was pushing me too hard. I also find that exercise helps a lot.
Congratulations on your sobriety!
It sounds like you have a kind of generalized anxiety due to work stress. It's interesting that you said that work has caused you to alienate yourself from your family. I have found that balance is hugely important for me in recovery. Maybe you'd feel better if you could enjoy more family time and it would help to relax you. In fact, I think balance is so important that I might even consider changing jobs, if my present job was pushing me too hard. I also find that exercise helps a lot.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 226
Soberme33.
Welcome to SR. I think it's great that you're reaching out to a community, because I truly believe we cannot recover in isolation. It seems like this is something that has been on your mind as well, as you mention work stress, alienation, and anxiety as potential triggers. Please don't pick up; you've had such great success so far, but maybe it's time to try something different. You will find lots of support and hope here on the boards.
I just got back here almost a month ago after a nine-month relapse (and I had 4+ years before the relapse), and I was miserable. So not worth picking up that first drink! For now, just keep it in the day (one day at a time), and take action. What can you do to relieve some of the stress you're experiencing? I think exercise is a great idea, and it's a good start; you'll be doing something for yourself (both body and mind), and breaking a sweat always helps me gain a little perspective. Also, keep reading and posting here. I learn so much every day from the community here.
Hang in there!
Welcome to SR. I think it's great that you're reaching out to a community, because I truly believe we cannot recover in isolation. It seems like this is something that has been on your mind as well, as you mention work stress, alienation, and anxiety as potential triggers. Please don't pick up; you've had such great success so far, but maybe it's time to try something different. You will find lots of support and hope here on the boards.
I just got back here almost a month ago after a nine-month relapse (and I had 4+ years before the relapse), and I was miserable. So not worth picking up that first drink! For now, just keep it in the day (one day at a time), and take action. What can you do to relieve some of the stress you're experiencing? I think exercise is a great idea, and it's a good start; you'll be doing something for yourself (both body and mind), and breaking a sweat always helps me gain a little perspective. Also, keep reading and posting here. I learn so much every day from the community here.
Hang in there!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: MA
Posts: 3
Thanks and have been putting off an exercise program for sometime now. I also failed to mention that i have sleeping issues and seem to have dreams of drinking a lot but each dream causes me to wake up, as during the drinking I know its wrong and feel very guilty which causes me to wake (i am kind of OCD on when I decide to do somehthing I follow it through to the degree where I would become very depressed and hate myself if I fault) , then I usually stay awake with my mind racing thinking about the dream and my old drinking buddies which I rarely see anymore, I think causes anxiety as I feel I left people behind because I have issues hanging in bars etc without drinking
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
Hi soberme and welcome! Congrats on 4 years that so awesome:-)
From what I have learned reading on SR And other places when we get sober its usually not enough to just not drink. We need to address whatever underlying issues got us to where we were. Some people use recovery programs, some CBT...in fact there are tons of ways to help. (I likeable exercise as well:-). The thing is, you have anxiety and stress in your life which is making you unhappy and causing you to contemplate drinking again (subconsciously at least).
One of the things my life coach has me do to combat fear and anxiety is meditate on gratitude. When your heart is full of gratitude and joy it is hard to feel fear and anxiety.
There is so much info here I am sure you will find what you are looking for!
LaFemme
From what I have learned reading on SR And other places when we get sober its usually not enough to just not drink. We need to address whatever underlying issues got us to where we were. Some people use recovery programs, some CBT...in fact there are tons of ways to help. (I likeable exercise as well:-). The thing is, you have anxiety and stress in your life which is making you unhappy and causing you to contemplate drinking again (subconsciously at least).
One of the things my life coach has me do to combat fear and anxiety is meditate on gratitude. When your heart is full of gratitude and joy it is hard to feel fear and anxiety.
There is so much info here I am sure you will find what you are looking for!
LaFemme
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 82
You didn't leave them behind you just stopped going to the bar. You had to do what was best for YOU. I did the same thing. But the way I see it now was that they really weren't true friends just drinking buddies. You have your family so stay close to them and maybe you can find some relief from the anxiety. Along with exercise as I agree with the others.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: MA
Posts: 3
Thanks all for the responses.
I am very blessed with health and a beautiful wife and 3 perfect children so I should be sooo grateful and not have any feelings that i have but perhaps your right the more positive thoughts and actions i perform in my life each day, any negative thoughts and anxieties will go away...Lately i think my day to day life perhaps is becoming monotonous and I am sensing a form of depression due to work stresses and raising a family with my highschool sweetheart (8 mos, 3 yr and 4 yr old are my kids ages), mortgage, bills etc.
I am glad I found an outlet so fast to talk and learn from others recovering without going to AA meetings. My circle of friends and family all drink so they do not understand what it takes to actually stop. They all say 'good for you, you are soo strong' but they do not truly know what it means to stop and how hard it is to stop and stay sober. Thanks for the warm greetings, I am sure i will learn a lot about life and ways to cope with anxiety and stress using other means than alcohol or drugs. I think I am finally going to join the gym!!!!
I am very blessed with health and a beautiful wife and 3 perfect children so I should be sooo grateful and not have any feelings that i have but perhaps your right the more positive thoughts and actions i perform in my life each day, any negative thoughts and anxieties will go away...Lately i think my day to day life perhaps is becoming monotonous and I am sensing a form of depression due to work stresses and raising a family with my highschool sweetheart (8 mos, 3 yr and 4 yr old are my kids ages), mortgage, bills etc.
I am glad I found an outlet so fast to talk and learn from others recovering without going to AA meetings. My circle of friends and family all drink so they do not understand what it takes to actually stop. They all say 'good for you, you are soo strong' but they do not truly know what it means to stop and how hard it is to stop and stay sober. Thanks for the warm greetings, I am sure i will learn a lot about life and ways to cope with anxiety and stress using other means than alcohol or drugs. I think I am finally going to join the gym!!!!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Germany
Posts: 2,058
Welcome Soberme...You have our support.
I think you are in a rut it seems and need to change things up a bit. Good input in this thread and sometimes we do get so involved in the details of our lives that we stop thinking about the overall quality. I think exercise and perhaps spending more time with the family and on yourself would be a good thing. Just working and paying bills blah blah isn't a good thing in the long run. As others say - balance.
If you find that making changes in job, family time, exercise, etc. isn't enough then why not look into some support options? There are plenty of choose from and they are extremely beneficial.
Glad you are with us~!
I think you are in a rut it seems and need to change things up a bit. Good input in this thread and sometimes we do get so involved in the details of our lives that we stop thinking about the overall quality. I think exercise and perhaps spending more time with the family and on yourself would be a good thing. Just working and paying bills blah blah isn't a good thing in the long run. As others say - balance.
If you find that making changes in job, family time, exercise, etc. isn't enough then why not look into some support options? There are plenty of choose from and they are extremely beneficial.
Glad you are with us~!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Dallas, Tx
Posts: 2,405
Hi Soberme, welcome to SR and congrats on 4 yrs. I've been 'in recovery' for over 3 yrs and I still am not comfortable socializing especially around people drinking, they don't really make me want to drink, I just don't want to be there and prefer to be home alone. I don't actually have cravings but I do sometimes think "this would be so much easier with a glass or 2 of wine..." and when that happens and it is just a fraction of second the thought is replaced with "alcohol nearly killed you and drinking is just not an option". I don't have any suggestions on how to deal with it but wanted you to know you are not alone.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
Welcome to the family!
Congrats on your sober time.
I too have anxiety and depression and am on meds for both, which of course work as they should since I'm not drinking anymore.
I would suggest an appt with a mental health professional to try to find some relief from your emotional problems. I go to a counselor once a week and find it to be a great help in all aspects of my life.
Again, welcome!
Congrats on your sober time. I too have anxiety and depression and am on meds for both, which of course work as they should since I'm not drinking anymore.I would suggest an appt with a mental health professional to try to find some relief from your emotional problems. I go to a counselor once a week and find it to be a great help in all aspects of my life.
Again, welcome!
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 6,608
Hi and welcome to SR Soberme. I have big time anxiety when it comes to meeting people and going to parties where I don't know everyone. Today I have a function at noon at my son's school. I am dragging my Mom along with me because she is so outgoing and really eases my anxiety in these situations. I too avoid certain things because of social anxiety and I do believe I have had it most of my life.
I never gave myself a chance to mature in that area. When I was in school and went to parties I would get hammered and then less withdrawn. Probably really obnoxious as well, but less withdrawn and because I started this pattern so early I never learned how to make small talk or interact with others.
I am beginning at age 44 years old to learn and yes I sometimes lean on others to help me, but I try very hard not to avoid certain situations. I especially try not to avoid things my son wants me to attend because this isn't his worry or his fight or his issue. This problem is mine. We are all a work in progress, but now that we don't drink we can start the work that we so desperately need.
I never gave myself a chance to mature in that area. When I was in school and went to parties I would get hammered and then less withdrawn. Probably really obnoxious as well, but less withdrawn and because I started this pattern so early I never learned how to make small talk or interact with others.
I am beginning at age 44 years old to learn and yes I sometimes lean on others to help me, but I try very hard not to avoid certain situations. I especially try not to avoid things my son wants me to attend because this isn't his worry or his fight or his issue. This problem is mine. We are all a work in progress, but now that we don't drink we can start the work that we so desperately need.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi soberme
Some great advice here - I definitely agree that balance is important - I struggle with that too, but I'm gaining ground
Maybe speaking to your Dr or a therapist might not be a bad idea either?
I know you'll continue to find a ton of support here
D
Some great advice here - I definitely agree that balance is important - I struggle with that too, but I'm gaining ground
Maybe speaking to your Dr or a therapist might not be a bad idea either?
I know you'll continue to find a ton of support here
D
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