flowersinhair

Hello .... So now it's been 2 1/2 days that I've been sober. Way to go me. Excuse my sarcasm. I'm here in Spain for the next 7 months as I've posted once before, have met a few people, but have not told anyone I have a drinking problem. I've finally admitted to MYSELF that it is for real and I never want to drink again, but I've tried that before and it didn't stick. I don't know what to do to make this "the last time". So now I'm feeling miserable and lonely and not very hopeful... I've found out there is a Saturday morning AA meeting in my town... which I'm counting the hours until it's arrival. I want to immerse myself in meetings... every day... and it's not possible. In the mean time I don't know what to do with myself because I now see I was drinking all this time to cover my extreme anxiety problem... and the idea of being around new ppl and trying to make friends is SUPER anxiety-producing for me and I'd prefer to just sit alone in my house every single night. I met a girl who invited me to her hometown for a 5-day weekend, I liked the idea, then she said we can go dancing and go to clubs and discos, and I wanted to vomit. I almost yelled out, "I'm an alcoholic!!" But I was able to control myself and just said that it sounded fun. No idea on if I should go. Please know that I'm aware that this post is full of self-pity and self-obsession... normally I try to look for the positive side of things... but I just don't want to do this roller coaster anymore and need help on how to stop-- and I have nowhere else to go. Thanks for reading.

doggonecarl

Welcome back. If you sincerely want to quit, maybe this time will be the “last” time for you. I am sure there are many different methods for staying quit. You’ve mentioned meetings. For myself, I had to write down WHY I was quitting, along with a written vow to quit FOREVER. And I read it every day, many times a day for the first couple weeks of sobriety. Then, when my booze brain tried to coax me back to drinking I could recall my promise to quit.

As for your anxiety issues, you cannot let become an excuse to drink. Find some other way to deal with it. As for situations that make you anxious, what is wrong with telling people, “Sorry, I can’t go to a nightclub with you, it makes me anxious, but if you would like to [insert alternate activity here], I’d be happy to go.”

Anna

You don't need to be on the roller coaster anymore.

Each day you get through will get easier and that's how you get through it.

I changed a lot in my life when I began to recover. The very best thing I did in early recovery was to get involved in volunteer work. I honestly thought I had something to offer (which I did), but what I received in return was immeasureable. And, I made new friends and there was no alcohol involved.

SSIL75

I had to fall in love with sober life. There were for me two things that had to become concrete.

1- that I cannot drink 'normally'
2 - that life without alcohol is better than life with alcohol (see point #1).

I believe the reason I could not stay sober before was b/c in my heart I felt that sober life was boring and lame and hung onto the lie that every situation was better when you added wine to it.

Dee74

I really wanted to quit. Whatever sobriety held it had to be better than what my life had become. Sometimes it takes doing everything you can - except drinking.

I had to accept that drinking was no longer a viable option if I wanted to move somewhere else in my life.

That meant hard choices - I cut out a lot of people and, for a while, I refused a lot of invitations too.

Like Anna said I did a lot of service work - I'd been in my own head entirely too long.

It was hard work, but I really wanted to change my life - and become who I knew I could be.

D

NEOMARXIST

Hi there.

Just dont take that first drink 'just for today'!! I can make that promise to myself as today is all I've got anyway but I won't make promises for days that I am not even living in yet as I'm aware that promises never kept me sober in the long run!!

For me then recovery truly is a 'one day at a time' deal. The only day that I don't pick up that first drink or drug is 'just for today'. Once I start thinking ahead in time it's easy to get overwhelmed and questioning what the hell you're doing with your life, In my experience. I used to say I was giving up for good but then a few weeks down the line it seemed impossible and I would get wrecked again. Once I started living 'just for today' then things started changing and the days turned to weeks turned to months turned to a year! One day at a time...

I had to dedicate my life to my recovery, without my recovery then I would die anyway or land in prison or homeless, and I ain't a bad kid, just an alcoholic, so if i drink then I drink and life would go out of the window. I don't wish to go back there again as recovery is so much more rewarding.

I know for me then I was honest about the fact I didn't drink from the offset at my job and was honest if people asked. I was done with booze and recovery became my life so why should i be ashamed? i was ashamed to be a drunk but I'm not ashamed to be an alcoholic.

It sure ain't easy, especially being young, but for me then i had to be straight and honest with people as to why i wouldn't go to bars/pubs, clubs etcetc. it ain;t because I'm boring and don;t relate but the fact I'm an alcoholic so it isn't my place to be surrounded by booze as booze would kill me.

I guess I've been fortunate in that I've had nothing but positive respect from people and most people really don't care anyway, but they can see that I ain't lying and lived the life, ha-ha.

Just don't pick up 'just for today', that's fundamental. Also get as much help as you possibly can, AA, SR etcetc.

All The Best