a little update
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: southport merseyside
Posts: 536
a little update
sorry havent been on for a while ive hesitated about posting on here for fear of been critised but i have been keeping up with my al anon meetings which have helped me immensly as i feel i can talk freely there without fear of critism or been made to feel i have to do something a certain way even if i dont feel its the right way.
Anyhow the ex A has come crashing down to earth with a bump a few weeks ago hes tested positive for a number of sti which i think i mentioned and well basically i think the final straw was when she stole his mobile with the only pics he has of his kids on. Me where do i come into this pic well he asked me to come get my things and i felt it was safe enough for me to do this now and to talk which we did alot of and alot of shouting too.
Basically where i am now is he wants to get these sti s cured and then maybe try give us another shot ive been honest with him and told him i dunno if i can ever forgive him for what hes done or ever even begin to trust him again which he understands the drinking well hes still doing it but not to the extreme he was and both if us are down with some sort of virus thing so looks as if im staying here a bit longer than i planned was only here to support him and if honest there was a hint she was trying to get to him through a third party but that cant carry on i know this is my heart what i didnt know was prob picked up this virus when i was with him last week wasnt well from min i got home upset tummy etc hadnt relised i was prob starting with the same thing.
So know i need to work on me getting well again cos cant even get to my al anon meeting this week cos legs arent working too well and heads thumping most of the time hate winter time cos i always get everything thats going as for what happens next i have no idea am making no plans and have no expectations he can be anything that hes not but in his defence hes made me meals since i got here and havent had to lift a finger and basically no looking back live for the here and now and look forward to the future is the way to go eh xx
Anyhow the ex A has come crashing down to earth with a bump a few weeks ago hes tested positive for a number of sti which i think i mentioned and well basically i think the final straw was when she stole his mobile with the only pics he has of his kids on. Me where do i come into this pic well he asked me to come get my things and i felt it was safe enough for me to do this now and to talk which we did alot of and alot of shouting too.
Basically where i am now is he wants to get these sti s cured and then maybe try give us another shot ive been honest with him and told him i dunno if i can ever forgive him for what hes done or ever even begin to trust him again which he understands the drinking well hes still doing it but not to the extreme he was and both if us are down with some sort of virus thing so looks as if im staying here a bit longer than i planned was only here to support him and if honest there was a hint she was trying to get to him through a third party but that cant carry on i know this is my heart what i didnt know was prob picked up this virus when i was with him last week wasnt well from min i got home upset tummy etc hadnt relised i was prob starting with the same thing.
So know i need to work on me getting well again cos cant even get to my al anon meeting this week cos legs arent working too well and heads thumping most of the time hate winter time cos i always get everything thats going as for what happens next i have no idea am making no plans and have no expectations he can be anything that hes not but in his defence hes made me meals since i got here and havent had to lift a finger and basically no looking back live for the here and now and look forward to the future is the way to go eh xx
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
kia
I'm so sorry that you aren't feeling well. I'm like you.....I seem to catch everything that comes along.
No one here can be critical of you......you go to meetings and you know what to do to take care of yourself. Just don't lose sight of taking care of you.
gentle hugs
I'm so sorry that you aren't feeling well. I'm like you.....I seem to catch everything that comes along.
No one here can be critical of you......you go to meetings and you know what to do to take care of yourself. Just don't lose sight of taking care of you.
gentle hugs
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: England
Posts: 741
Was wondering where you disappeared to. Have you got yourself tested Kia? If he had stuff chances are he may have passed things on to you.
It's good that he's being nice to you and treating you better...please be on your guard though. In my experience my exA was always nice after he'd done something wrong and wanted to get back in my good books. If he wanted me to forget a transgression he would be fab for a couple of weeks, cut down on the drinking, help out around the house, be more pleasant and I would be thinking "finally...he get's it, he's trying" and I would forgive him or at least start being nice to him again and then it'd all go back to normal.
I'm not saying that's what will happen but try not to have too many expectations because you'll only be upset again if he goes back to normal and chances are, if he's still drinking he will go back to normal.
Alcoholism isn't something that can normally be controlled. My exA would try and cut down and he'd manage it for a while only to go back to drinking as much as ever if not more weeks later.
How's al-anon going?
It's good that he's being nice to you and treating you better...please be on your guard though. In my experience my exA was always nice after he'd done something wrong and wanted to get back in my good books. If he wanted me to forget a transgression he would be fab for a couple of weeks, cut down on the drinking, help out around the house, be more pleasant and I would be thinking "finally...he get's it, he's trying" and I would forgive him or at least start being nice to him again and then it'd all go back to normal.
I'm not saying that's what will happen but try not to have too many expectations because you'll only be upset again if he goes back to normal and chances are, if he's still drinking he will go back to normal.
Alcoholism isn't something that can normally be controlled. My exA would try and cut down and he'd manage it for a while only to go back to drinking as much as ever if not more weeks later.
How's al-anon going?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: southport merseyside
Posts: 536
Originally Posted by Tally 
Was wondering where you disappeared to. Have you got yourself tested Kia? If he had stuff chances are he may have passed things on to you.
It's good that he's being nice to you and treating you better...please be on your guard though. In my experience my exA was always nice after he'd done something wrong and wanted to get back in my good books. If he wanted me to forget a transgression he would be fab for a couple of weeks, cut down on the drinking, help out around the house, be more pleasant and I would be thinking "finally...he get's it, he's trying" and I would forgive him or at least start being nice to him again and then it'd all go back to normal.
I'm not saying that's what will happen but try not to have too many expectations because you'll only be upset again if he goes back to normal and chances are, if he's still drinking he will go back to normal.
Alcoholism isn't something that can normally be controlled. My exA would try and cut down and he'd manage it for a while only to go back to drinking as much as ever if not more weeks later.
How's al-anon going?
It's good that he's being nice to you and treating you better...please be on your guard though. In my experience my exA was always nice after he'd done something wrong and wanted to get back in my good books. If he wanted me to forget a transgression he would be fab for a couple of weeks, cut down on the drinking, help out around the house, be more pleasant and I would be thinking "finally...he get's it, he's trying" and I would forgive him or at least start being nice to him again and then it'd all go back to normal.
I'm not saying that's what will happen but try not to have too many expectations because you'll only be upset again if he goes back to normal and chances are, if he's still drinking he will go back to normal.
Alcoholism isn't something that can normally be controlled. My exA would try and cut down and he'd manage it for a while only to go back to drinking as much as ever if not more weeks later.
How's al-anon going?
Yep im kinda thinking that to be wary the cynical part of me cant help but think that cos a few times hes let the nice mask slip and just for a sec but the big difference is i simply wont put up with it anymore he annoys me as he found out last week its simple find some other mug to put up with all his rubbish and the fact hes unclean atm too dont think they will be queueing round the block eh
And al anon is going well im really finding my feet with them now lovely ppl they are feels like family and am starting to feel more comfortable with them so pleased i went that first time although this week its gone a bit awol with been sick havent been able to get home to where i live legs wont carry me but will be there next week hate missing it even for one week but even had i been there wouldnt of gone with illness could of spread this and wouldnt of been fair that xxx
Member
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: PA
Posts: 985
Nice to hear from you kia!
Sorry you are not well. Please take care and get well soon.
Keep your view keen and simple. Keep up your meetings as they seem to agree with you.
People didn't like where I was coming from when I first started here, but in time some things made sense and some didn't. It has been a good experience overall reading, posting and attending meetings.
Sorry you are not well. Please take care and get well soon.
Keep your view keen and simple. Keep up your meetings as they seem to agree with you.
People didn't like where I was coming from when I first started here, but in time some things made sense and some didn't. It has been a good experience overall reading, posting and attending meetings.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 674
Glad to see you back here, Kia. I am sorry that you are ill, but happy to hear that Al Anon is working for you.
Take care of you
Whenever I read a thread that has gotten a little touchy for everyone, I just try to remember that we have all been hurt, and we hate to see someone else hurt. It can get frustrating at times.
But we each have our own journey and a right to it. My best to you.
Take care of you
Whenever I read a thread that has gotten a little touchy for everyone, I just try to remember that we have all been hurt, and we hate to see someone else hurt. It can get frustrating at times.
But we each have our own journey and a right to it. My best to you.
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Hi! hope your tests come up OK. Please make sure he is OK if you ever get close to him again. Your very life is at stake.
We as humans take time to process stuff. I also doubt this man will keep it together for a long time. He is an addict. It is chronic and progressive and as an addict he is just unable to "cut back".
We as humans take time to process stuff. I also doubt this man will keep it together for a long time. He is an addict. It is chronic and progressive and as an addict he is just unable to "cut back".
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: southport merseyside
Posts: 536
yeh well hes told me he dont want us back together till hes clean which i suppose it sensible and what i dont get is hes missing the sex side of things which we never did anything for months on end so dont get why hes missing it now maybe cos its not his choice i dunno but yes i will get all the tests done to be sure and no unprotected sex till hes clear in fact the gu clinic has said no protected sex even till all the results are in so we havent done although we did come close but something deel down stopped me.
And was a rather strange incident last night although it could be i admit cos i was ill but he came back from shopping and didnt like i was watching soaps on the telly so im sure he said f**k this im going back out again but he swears he didnt so well i know what i heard classic gas lighting i think although havent said it cos he flipped last time i did.
Have decieded im gonna go to a meeting here tomorrow nite its fairly easy to go to and well back home my next ones not for a week missed it tonite have to plenty of cough medicine though and these are new folks but im sure it will be fine and feel i need it been with him too long this time and u know what he said tonite that al anon is for him i said ermm no its not its for me to help me cope with u its nothing to do with u dunno if this was wrong thing to say but as hes sat there drinking his beer dont suppose it matters and im chilling now listening to my music alls good cos im doing what i want think thats the key thing and hes not keen im going to al anon so its having an affect well on me it is i feeling much better knowing im listened to by them if not him xxx
And was a rather strange incident last night although it could be i admit cos i was ill but he came back from shopping and didnt like i was watching soaps on the telly so im sure he said f**k this im going back out again but he swears he didnt so well i know what i heard classic gas lighting i think although havent said it cos he flipped last time i did.
Have decieded im gonna go to a meeting here tomorrow nite its fairly easy to go to and well back home my next ones not for a week missed it tonite have to plenty of cough medicine though and these are new folks but im sure it will be fine and feel i need it been with him too long this time and u know what he said tonite that al anon is for him i said ermm no its not its for me to help me cope with u its nothing to do with u dunno if this was wrong thing to say but as hes sat there drinking his beer dont suppose it matters and im chilling now listening to my music alls good cos im doing what i want think thats the key thing and hes not keen im going to al anon so its having an affect well on me it is i feeling much better knowing im listened to by them if not him
xxx
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: atlanta
Posts: 64
Sorry Kia you found that there was criticism here. Remember what I am sure you have learned at your meetings."take what you like and leave the rest". That is true here and at your 3D meetings. Not everyone is going to agree with us every day. That is just life.
Take good care of yourself and feel much better very soon.
Take good care of yourself and feel much better very soon.
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