daphnedu

Hi

I am new, but not new, as have been visiting and watching everyone's posts. Had 60 days under my belt. this has been smashed this evening. I am so dissapointed with myself.

Feel I want to say a few things.

I loved being able to say "I dont drink"
I loved not having a hang over
I loved feeling well
I loved the time I had, cos i wasn't thinking about the next drink.

Reason it has been smashed this evening. 3 days of my aspergic step daughter (24), (i cant cope with her OCD), and routine rudeness. My mother is quite ill at the moment. So no excuse, but that is the reason. However, not major down fall, as just two cocktails, which i composed myself instead of just gulping down a bottle of wine.

V worried now.

Daphnie du

Dee74

Welcome to the posting side of SR Daphne

I think it's great you made 60 days - that's a lot better than I did 99% of the time before I finally accepted I could never drink again.

The important thing to do now is to think of what you can add to what you've already been doing.

Are you open to the idea of a recovery group (AA, SMART etc) or counselling perhaps? I think support is very important.

You'll find a lot of that here too, of course

Look forward to seeing you around
D

daphnedu

Hi, Dee, I love your posts and supports. I hate myself that i can go 60 days, but that the daughter of the man i adore makes me feel so unwell.

It is my problem i am drinking to block out the fact my step-daughter, has this weekend, gone through 4 toilet rolls, washed her hands so they are bleeding, cant get herself to the tube station, etc etc. It stresses me out. Yes, this is a triggor!!, and i was dreading it, and it happened!

Isaiah

Hey Daphnie,

Slips will happen to the best of us, but it sounds to me like you're already pointed in a good direction to get past it.

You're right that there's no necessary reason to drink, but I think we can all sympathize with the problems you're going through with your family and how that can lower our defenses. All the best to your family as well as your recovery.

I know how slips can be emotionally distressing. But in my opinion there's no sense in carrying on with too much worry. Try to bring the positivity back. I think it's regrettable that people treat recovery as a curse, try again and try with joy.

Glad to have you!

-Isa

Anna

Welcome!

I'm glad you decided to post.

Congratulations on 60 days sober. I think that you will start to find more healthy ways to deal with issues at home as you continue your recovery.

VeeTee

Hi Daphne, oh, 60 days was such a long way! You can't do much about your step daughter using all the toilet paper - that's her issue. But you can focus on yourself and your sobriety. Use any outside support you can get (posting here, AA..).

I for myself have to make sure that my sobriety in no way depends on what people around me do.

As said above - I hope you can use this as a slip and march straight on. Don't beat yourself up.

hug vee

daphnedu

Isaha, thanks so much, as I have been looking at your post over the days. Thanks for responding, it means a lot to me.

least

Welcome to the family! So, you've slipped, what now? Pick yourself back up and start again, that's what. I've been trying to stay sober for three years and just now am coming up on a year... so you see I didn't 'get it' right off the bat either.

First off, forgive yourself. Then, learn from it. Then, move forward again.

I'm glad you're here!

daphnedu

Least - wow, thanks so much. you have no idea how much this means to me. I have watched you for the last 60 days - do you think I am worth It?

Dee74

Everybody's worth it in my opinion

D

Sasha4

Daphne - you had 60 days. I recently only got to 12.

But like you loved the no hangover etc etc.

I've always wanted to be able to say I don't smoke, swear or drink.
Managed the first two, the last one is taking some doing.

Get back on it.

I have 2 days, tomorrow will be three. Soon stacks up. I usually find that the first day is the hardest.

It's good you have identified your triggers. You just need tools to cope with them.

You only had 2 cocktails. You did not go on a two week bender or worse.

Chin up! Onwards and upwards chick!

xx

least

Yes, my dear, you are worth it!!

daphnedu

Again thanks. tonight (GB) time 12.45pm, I feel so down. I knew this would happen.Why oh why. In Britain today it was remembrance Sunday, I felt so strong, but, I just had to succum. I am really frightened i will have to go through the withdrwael again? does 4 shots matter? will my body will rebel again??? i am so fed up with myself. I wanted to join the 90 day club and now i cant.

Do i have to start counting again?

Lilly03

Daphne - congratulations on the 60 days, don't beat yourself for relapsing. 60 days is impressive, now you have more support. I'm glad you are finally posting.

Isaiah

It's unpredictable, but I'm going to say four shots after 60 days... I think it'd be really, really strange to get withdrawals.

Do you have to start counting again? Yes. Pretty much everyone says so. It's how we stay accountable. Letting even the little drinks slide is not a good state of mind to have. But the 90 day club will still be there in 90 days.

And even if your sobriety date is reset, the time that you accumulated sober before that is not lost. Everything you were doing for yourself is experience you can carry with you this next time around, and it's very valuable.

Again, it's perfectly natural to get down on yourself when this happens. All of us feel that way. And I'm not so naive to say, "just stop being sad and choose to be happy." It's not so simple of course, but over the next few days try to turn your mood in small degrees to the positive. Being angry & sober and being hopeful & sober are both sobriety, but one is definitely easier on the soul.

least

The ninety day club is "ninety days and under". THere's also a two weeks and under and a thirty days and under and a six months and under.

And yes, anytime I relapsed, no matter how slight, how brief, I started again with day one. It won't kill you to start again at day one... and... what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. Dry your eyes and draw strength from your mistakes. It's how we learn, ya know.


Check out the daily support forum. Lots of good stuff there... and Whiners anonymous if a hoot! Great place to whine and laugh..

artsoul

Welcome Daphne - glad you decided to join us. Support is just soooo necessary and it sounds like you could use some. You have a lot to deal with right now and it can't be easy.

Of course you're worth it! I felt like a failure many, many times (asking why can't I be stronger or smarter or better than this?). But I agree with Isaiah - make a list of the positives, with "60 days" at the top of the list.

Hope you stick around and keep posting and reading. It's helped me a great deal to be here!

daphnedu

Hi, so I have to delete the 60 days. Problem is, it will happen again. So what do you suggest I do? the only thing that triggers me drinking me now is my step daughter. So, should i just say to my Husband, this really stresses me out?

Dont want to ramble, but she is a complete nightmare. she pukes up after every meal, washes her hands, and rambles along. When i tell my husband i cant cope, he says i need to be a bit more caring. That is why i took a drink.

Dee74

It most likely will if you resign yourself to it, Daphne.

I once had someone in my life who has a range of mental issues. She drove me to distraction. I said more than once that she 'drove me to drinking'.

In fact what I should have done was turned the problem on its head.

I can't expect to change anyone else, but I can change myself and the way I react to things.

I'm not saying it's easy but whatever else you can do will be a whole lot easier on you than drinking, and I daresay more effective too.

Drinking is never an answer - it's an avoidance of the issue, an escape.

Have you considered some kind of counselling about this?
An outside opinion may prove valuable.

oh and you may be starting on day 1 again...but your 60 days aren't deleted - they're yours, you did it.

You still have everyone of those days to be proud of, and all the things you learned in them

D

artsoul

I'm not sure what your situation is (is your daughter-in-law visiting, just come to live with you....?). Are you having to be responsible for her and cleaning up after her, etc.? I guess I would talk to my husband if it were me. Perhaps you could get time away when things are intense.....

I would definitely try to work something out - anything that would help protect my sobriety. Sorry to hear things are rough right now, Daphne....