thisaintliving

Hi all,

So I woke this morning after a 2 day bender and realised I just can't do this anymore. Feeling like absolute crap right now and the guilt I'm feeling looking at the disappointed look on my wife's face is unbearable.......she deserves better......my 2 beautiful kids deserve better.

So the decision to quit has been made, but that's the easy part.....I've done it many times before with varying degrees of success/failure. Last year I lasted 6 months sober and I felt better than I had at any point in my life.......so why have I taken myself back to this place??? In the past my efforts to quit have always been for specific periods, never before have I made the decision that this is it for ever......but in my heart of hearts I know that to be truly happy and live my life the best way that I can, then I have to be an alcohol free zone.

There is no more managing this demon, no more trying to control it with short term, bandaid measures....it's never gonna change no matter how I try and play it.

But no more beer or bourbon for the rest of my life???? That just sounds like an unrealistic and impossible pipe dream right now. I know I can quit.....but how do I stay quit???

I'm looking forward to hearing your stories and sharing this journey with you guy's. I really don't plan on AA meetings.....but I think this forum will be of great backup and assistance to me as I tackle this monster.

Thanks for listening

Dime

Welcome to SR!

I tried to quit countless times on my own and never succeeded at staying quit. When I finally asked for help I found there was lots available. I engaged a program of recovery (AA in my case) and have been sober since. Very few people can do this on there own.

Congrats on your decision to stay sober!

Itchy

This aint,
How wonderful that you are going to quit and have had enough. I don't know why I drank for so many years. I don't know if Ill stay sober tomorrow, but I do know I will stay sober today.

I know that feeling, and have been through the countless times saying I will quit today which lasted maybe ten minutes in the morning. Regardless of the plan you choose and what support you use, if you do a lot of reading here you'll see that we all that made it past a week or two had and have a recovery plan, support here and elsewhere for many. I went to the hospital to detox, and if you don't plan on that you might want to plan on talking to your doctor. For me it was docs, then AA, and here on SR, and then books and SMART readings which I found out about here. I am a few days over 7 weeks and still need my plan even though I am feeling much better physically.

There is no one way that works for all except for one thing. Not doing it alone, and having a plan for Detox and the days that follow. You've taken a good first step.

thisaintliving

Thanks Dime,

I haven't totally ruled out any "help", maybe my opinion on that will change as I hear more stories here of peoples successes??

I did go to some AA meetings when I was 21 (now 39) and I had some issues with the approach. I don't think it would be appropriate for me to go into those issues here as I wouldn't want my negativity to influence anyone elses decision to seek that assistance. Clearly the program has helped a lot of people.

Maybe some form of alcohol counseling might be more my thing??

For now I'm comfortable to share my problems here and reading these forums has already been of great benefit to me........certainly has helped reaffirm that I've made a very good decision this morning.

LaFemme

Hi Ain't and welcome to SR!

Further down the forum is a section for secular approaches to recovery which you might find interrsting. Sorry I can't post the link but I'm on my phone and don't know how to do that.

Life is so much better sober...but you already know that...you can do this:-)

Dee74

Hi thisaintliving

I reckon a recovery programme is probably the easier option - both on you and those you love. Support is pretty important.

Of course, some do it just with SR. I'm one of them.

I'm an Aussie too - I have a few local links here - nothing comprehensive, but it might get you started.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post2273689

Whatever you do, be it AA or SMART, or counselling, or just SR - work it hard - and don't be afraid to add more stuff if the worst happens, and the wheels come off your attempt the first time.

Oh, and I found focusing on staying sober today was a lot more reasonable an ask in my head than forever.

The secular connections link LaFemme referred to is
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/secular-connections

Welcome
D

artsoul

Welcome! I threw away a couple good periods of sobriety, too. This time I didn't know if I could (or wanted to) get sober, but I knew I couldn't keep drinking either. Once I got a couple weeks under my belt, though, staying sober seemed like an actual possibility (to my pleasant surprise).

I come here every day - that way, I can't "forget" why I need to stay sober. Taking it one day at a time has been a major help, too.

Glad you're joining us!:ghug3

thisaintliving

Thanks Dee for those links, nice to have a fellow Aussie on board!!

And thanks to everyone for the encouragement. Apart from the hangover making me feel lousy I'm actually feeling very positive about it all right now. As my last stint of sobriety wasn't that long ago I feel fairly comfortable with what I'm getting myself in for. This time though I am going to come up with a bit of a plan. I think I need to recognise and take stock of situations where I'm likely to break down and work out how I'm going to deal with those situations.

One of the biggest issues I've had in the past is that my wife likes a drink. Her consumption is not on anywhere like the level that mine is, but I think most would still consider here usage to be on the worrying side.

How do the rest of you handle a drinking partner??? I don't feel like I have any right to expect her to change her habits (until she is ready to of her own will) but it makes it so damn hard, when there is still booze in the house.

Also when I'm sober I find her annoying when she is drinking but it's not a problem when we are both on that level. I really don't know what is reasonable to expect from her here........after all this is my problem to deal with, right??

firestorm090

Welcome to SR.

Dee74

Many folks here have a spouse who drinks - it's not a dealbreaker.

Lots of people in my life drink...it took me a long time to get used to that, but I tried to remember I have good reasons for staying sober.

I can drink, or I can be who I want to be - but I can't be both.

D

thisaintliving

Yep, I understand. It's my addiction to deal with, and at the end of the day we are all surrounded by the stuff.....but the choice is clearly our own whether to pick up that first one or not.

Dee74

Yeah that's pretty much how I look at it, too thisaintliving

I don't even register other ppl drinking now so it's gotten easier...nearly 4 years now
D

Kmber2010

Welcome TAL!! You have our support and there is so much experience and info available here at SR.

Good support in this thread and I agree with all of our posters. We all start with a day one so let today be yours.

Also, I have a spouse who drinks on occasion and I have managed my sobriety just fine.

Keep it going and looking forward to your journey.

VeeTee

Hi TIL and welcome!

I am have done a few weeks and months of sobriety in the past - but, just like you - I always relapsed and ended in the same place again. I want this sobriety to be my final go. The concept scares me, but I'm taking it one day at a time (xcuse the AA speak).

I am going to AA meetings - it's a great reinforcement for me. And the relief I felt during the first meeting when I heard the people share was unbelievable. Here's a bunch of people who know what I am going through. You might want to give it a second try. When I was 21 i was young, stupid and invincible. I couldn't have been able to relate to a bunch of sober and wise men and women. Today I can.

All the best, collect those days.

vee

least

Early in my recovery I went to AA, not so often now but still get help and insight from my home group. SR has been a huge part of my staying sober, and it's available any time of day or night. What's also been an enormous part of my success is seeing my wonderful addiction counselor once a week. She's not only helped me want to stay sober, she also helps me in all aspects of my life. She's a treasure.

If you can find a good addiction counselor it might be the lifesaver you need. And of course you can always come here for understanding and support. Welcome to the family!

julez

Hi thisaint,
I tried doing it all on my own, and didn't succeed like many of the people here. I started AA and I wish I wouldnt have waited as long as I did!
My husband drinks...a lot...
I would suspect he may have a problem, but he isn't ready, and thats fine. You have to stay in the mindset that this is YOUR problem, not your wifes. My husband is very supportive, and asks me if it would bother me if he drank in front of me. Maybe you and your wife could agree that when you're having a particularly hard day, she could abstain as well. Welcome to SR!!

Zencat

Hi Thisaintliving, welcome to SR.

Here at SR along with SMART Recovery Tools prove to be a big part of my addiction treatment. I will say that real world support helps too. I like to attend AA meetings for the fellowship but work a different program than AA's. Still its good to meet fellow travelers on the road to recovery. Anywho, you will find a good amount of support here regardless of how you wish to treat you problem.

Kerbcrawler

Thisaintliving, i could have wrote much of your post, so me also,wife who drinks in front of me everynight, in fact i buy some drink for her, as she dont drive, on 5 weeks here, and the last 2 weekends, have been real tough,because i didnt crack, today, well this evening as is now, i feel buoyant and good, you stopped for 6 months,wow, i did 5, and then had a small relapse, personally i think as someone else said, you have to work at it, keep the momentum going, like you would at the gym maintaining good fitness, mind and body, letting it go you soon revert fast, as i found in the relapse, im making this my number one priority,hobby if you like personal health/fitness of mind and body, from which to build on and have a better life, accepting drinking wife/partner as they are is what i have to accept, theres always the other room or kitchen to retreat too, its tough but can be done im sure, good luck.

NoAlcoholToday

Hi Mate
I hope your first day went ok for you?

I have tried so many times before and tried all the permutations: No alcohol in the house; Only on certain days of the week; Specific set periods of abstinence etc. but this "for the rest of my life" has always been a dealbreaker.

It worked for me when I quit smoking cos I really didn't want to smoke anymore EVER again - I had already come to the conclusion that I wanted to think of myself as a "non-smoker". But when it comes to alcohol, we all want to go back to the days when we could take it or leave it. One or two glasses of wine socially, you know the sort of thing.

So this time I am not putting any huge pressure on myself. I am not setting myself up for a big fall. All I want to do is to not drink any alcohol today (and let tomorrow take care of itself)

I am just at the end of day 6 and all going to plan - much easier altogether when I only need to deal with this on a manageable "just get through until I go to sleep tonight".

PS I am totally with you on the AA thing - whilst it may work for some other people (only 10% of people I have read these days), I just cant get with the whole God / higher power thing at all. I feel wholly responsible for the fact that I am an alcoholic and I am not about to let some higher power take the credit for me quitting - that is reserved for me.

So I am heading over to the secular link.

All the best of luck to you on day 2!

Anna

When I finally KNEW I could NEVER drink again, my mind began to work in a different way. That was when I began to discover new and healthy ways to deal with things.

In my opinion, as long as you leave the door open to the possibility of drinking again, your mind will not cooperate and find new ways to live.