downster

Hello

First of all, I find this site extremely helpful and would like to thank all members for their contribution and informative postings, they really do help!

My problem with alcohol started about 10 years ago and has progressively got worse and reached the point where it was obvious that something needed to be done. Like many others I tried to limit my drinking to a few nights a week which worked for a while but then just returned to normal (more or less everyday). I just found myself counting down the days until I could have another drink and was in that awful situation where if I was drinking I felt guilty and if I wasn't drinking I was longing for it.

After hundreds of failed attempts to quit for good I believe this time I will finally succeed as I can't go through this again. I had my last drink on August 18th 2010 and am approaching the three month stage which I'm proud of.

My problem is that there are days when I feel awful and would really appreciate some support/advice from fellow members on how to deal with it. There are days when I feel so low (quite depressed), have no energy, am grumpy, negative, extremely hungry, very short temperd with my family, impatient and generally not a particularly nice person to be around. My wife is very supportive and doesn't deserve this treatment although she recognises that this is part of the healing process.

I do have days where I feel pretty good and these are the days that give me the inspiration to continue the fight in the hope that at some point in the future all days will be like this. I have researched alcoholism extensively on the net and read countless books on the topic in order to better understand the symptoms. The most accurate diagnosis is that I am suffering from PAWS (Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome) which has a variety of symptoms and can last for up to 2 years.

My question is this......... Does anyone have experience of this, and if so, how long did it take for these symptoms to pass? Is it better to just 'ride the storm' or should I speak to my GP to ask for some medication to help with the low points?

I would very much appreciate some advice/inspiration here. I've made my decision to stop drinking and will stick with it but would just like the recovery to be a little less painful!

Cheers

Downster

Isaiah

I would go to your GP for sure. PAWS is unpredictable. I've heard 6mo to 2 years and that's a wide range to make guesses. Plus, it's entirely possible that this, what sounds a lot like depression, might be from another source. If the doctor thinks medication will help and it does, then how much the better?

Another way to deal with it more yourself is to do things that are "up regulating." Anything that gets your body or mind working is going to produce chemicals that work against depression. It's tough to do stuff when you're feeling low and irritable, but pushing yourself anyway is usually worth it.

Three months is excellent. Most people claim that as the hardest, but for most heavy drinkers there's till more time to come before the body goes back to a real "normal." Just stay patient, at your point it should only get better.

Dee74

Hi Downster
The fact is none of us here are doctors.

I can give you what I think is an excellent link about PAWs, and some helpful hints about how to ameliorate its effects, but I can't and won't diagnose you with it.

Post-Acute Withdrawal Syndrome (PAWS) — Why we don’t get better immediately) « Digital Dharma

In fact my own experience was I had two periods which I put down to PAWs - one around 60 days and the other at a year - but they were episodes, days not weeks, and not a continuous duration, so if this is PAWs it's a different experience to mine.

What have you been doing in your recovery besides not drinking?

I found I needed to work on myself and my life as much as I needed to work on my sobriety.
I'd spent so many years as an alcoholic I had to rebuild things from the ground up in some cases.

Getting sober was great but in my experience it doesn't guarantee happiness any more than anyone else in good health is necessary happy just on that factor alone....

Other than that, of course, it could be that there's some clinical factor involved making you depressed, perhaps unconnected to recovery even, which of course you'll need to see your doctor about.

Many doctors have never heard of PAWs, so if you find one that has, thats a decided benefit

Let us know how you get on - and welcome aboard
D

downster

Isiah/Dee

Thanks for the replies. I have actually viewed that link for PAWS before and found it very helpful. I was concerned that many GP's hadn't heard of PAWS hence the reason I decided to ask for advice on this forum to gather opinions/advice from the experts!

In my sobriety so far I have tried to incorporate positive aspects into my life that people have recommended. These include taking daily vitamin supplements, joining the gym (I run 5 km a day), trying to stay positive and 'taking one day at a time'.

These are all easy to do (and enjoyable) when I'm feeling good (approx 30% of the time) but are a real effort on the days where I feel awful. I have a successful career and a demanding job which I struggle to cope with when feeling like this. Some days I feel like crawling under my desk and going to sleep as I am that tired and regularly go to bed at 8 p.m through sheer exhaustion. (I sleep much better now that I don't drink and really don't miss waking up at 1 a.m)

Downster

least

Welcome to the best recovery site everywhere! Yes, it could be Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome. Check out Dee's link. Early recovery is an up and down rollercoaster at times but trust me, it does get better as long as you stay sober.

Also, if you continue to feel down and blah, check with your doctor. Could be depression, could be a physical ailment. Always best to get a check up to make sure.

Congrats on your sober time and welcome to the family!

doggonecarl

Being sober is such a change to what we have been doing for years, we are bound to feel different, especially after the initial feelings of physical well being that comes with being sober. Then we have to deal with the mental emotional aspects of sobriety. I am having bouts of exactly what you describe. Realized that whenever I felt like that before, I drank. Now that I'm not drinking, I'm not sure how to deal with it.

"Ride it out" is what I'm doing. But I can anticipate what some forum members are thinking. That we suffer from a spiritual malady of which drinking is just a symptom. I don't know if you've considered AA or any other recovery program. But I'm starting to think that just stopping my drinking, as great as that is to my marriage and my health, isn't enough. Not if my foul moods are going to cause me to dive back into a bottle.

Good luck to you. If you find the solution, let me in on it!

itsaboutime

Half way through reading your post, I was going to recommend a gym. I'd recommend varying things up a bit though. Even healthy, non-drinkers get very bored doing 5km a day on a treadmill.

You could add rowing, cycling, etc.

I'd also advise upping the ante so to speak - either increase the speed in the treadmill to complete your 5km quicker or increase the distance each week. This will allow you to have targets to aim for and before long, you may catch the fitness bug.

Personally, I'm doing the bike and treadmill in the gym and have increased the treadmill from 20 minutes to 30 minutes over the past couple of months. I'm now going to start increasing the speed because I the treadmill can get very boring after 30 minutes and I'd prefer not to increase the time.

I intend to lose some weight between now and Christmas (am down 5kg/11lbs so far) and, in the new year, I'm going to take up a weights program to tone up.

Assuming everything goes as planned, I'm going to treat myself with a lot of new clothes (for my new, improved, fat-free body) with the money that I would otherwise have spent on booze.

downster

DogegoneCarl - Looks like we are going through the same issues in our sobriety. I had my first real challenge last night as we are staying with friends and everyone was drinking except me. I didn't drink and to be honset I wasn't even tempted as I am so determined to beat this. It's very interesting to observe people who don't drink to excess, I could never just have a single beer or a glass of wine like my friends last night. I would not stop until I fell into bed after sveral bottles of wine or a case of beer. I'm feeling very content this morning that I've woken up after 8 hours sleep feeling great.

This is how it has been for me over the past 3 months. When I wake up in the morning I more or less know immediately what kind of day I am going to have. On days like today I know that it is going to be a good day and I will be positive and enjoy my sobriety. The prior 3 days were tough and a real battle to get through. My head hurt, I felt low, no energy, grumpy, and it's like my brain needs an electric shock to get going!

I realise this is my body recovering after years of alcohol abuse and I will stick with my decision to 'ride the storm' rather than ask for medication.

Does anybody have any tips for getting through the dark days?

Downster

Lilly03

I know how you feel. Some days I barely have the energy to get out of bed. I've found that making myself do things that I usually like to do does help. I do not have any interest in doing anything at the time, but I have to force myself to do it. I'd recommend a list. I have a list of things that have worked to cheer me up. I'll make myself draw or watch a movie I like, and sometimes that helps me get past it - I get distracted and end up having an OK time. But some days it seems like the only thing getting me through the day is saying to myself over and over, "I'm sober today". Although I try to get everything I need to get done like school and housework if I don't I try not to beat myself up over it (that makes the depression that much worse), and I just remind myself that I'm in recovery. Hot baths also help a lot. And writing about it. When I'm having the very worst days I write it out and that helps me a lot. Also calling a really good friend or close family member helps me a lot. When I was in my disease I rarely talked to them and pushed them all away. Having a good conversation with them is refreshing and very nice. I'll call and ask how they are doing and sometimes that distracts me from my own depression and I remember there's life going on beyond my inner depression.

I would definitely talk to your GP. I'm not sure if my addiction counselor can give me medicine, but if I had a GP I would ask for sure - or at least talk about it. Do they know everything you're going through? Maybe you can bring along the PAWS information.

downster

Thanks Lilly03, some good advice. I definitely find keeping busy at all times is the best strategy to try and forget about how I'm feeling. On non-work days I like to do things that aren't too stressful like going for a walk or doing some jobs in the garden which I really enjoy.

The most difficult times I've experienced when feeling unwell are either at work or when with my children. I'm an accountant by trade and manage a team of finance staff at work. At times I struggle to manage myself let alone a team and these are the days where I will go to great lengths to avoid certain situations at work. Sometimes I close the door and pretend to be extremely busy just because I can't face dealing with whatever situation I need to deal with. On days when I feel good, I feel like I can take on any challenge and enjoy the interaction with my colleagues. I look forward to the day my door is always open.

My kids are 3 and 5 and mean everything to me and are the main inspiration for me to kick the booze. I find it easier all round that when I am struggling it's best just to be by myself as I don't want to be miserable around them. Children of that age need patience and understanding and want you to play with them, all of which I just can't manage on certain days.

However, today is a good day and we've just been to the park and their is a roast in the oven, the smell of which is 'wafting' up the stairs and making me hungry!

Thanks for all the replies. Advice is always welcome

Downster