Feeling low
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 42
Feeling low
It's been almost 4 months since my relationship with my eabf ended and 5 months since he left rehab after 1 week. We have been NC for the last 3 weeks and it's the hardest thing I have ever had to do. He lives in the area so I see his car around and it's so hard to continue to disconnect. I know that he is probably still relapsing and going in cycles but I have realized there is nothing I can do about that, but I miss my partner and my best friend. I miss having someone in he house with me and someone to talk to. I know tha for the last year of our relationship he wasn't present as he was always drunk and on opiates but i feel so lonely now. I have my dogs and they always are happy to see me but it's not the same as having someone to hug and kiss.
I have a great job and I'm lined up for a promotion at work but my personal life sucks. I have my family but only a couple of close friends.
I miss the companionship and with christmas coming closer I am dreading having to go to he family functions and being the only one who is not married or have kids or even a boyfriend anymore. Waking up alone on Christmas morning is somehing I have never experienced before and I know I probably sound so pathetic but i just feel so alone and lost. I feel like my heart is broken and don't feel like I have the capacity to love anymore.
Even though I feel so low I have kept to the no contact. I know the eabf is still taking suboxone and more than he is prescribed and not even off all the opiates. He has nothing to offer me. We did try And be friends for a while but I know that deep down I have so much resentment towards him for checking out of our relationship, not contributing, making me feel special and chosing he drugs over me that we always ended up in an argument so it's better we don't see eachother.
It's been 4 months and I know Its all still fresh after our 4 year relationship but I need to have some hope that it will get better. I know i wont meet someone sitting on my couch but I hate going to clubs and being around drunk high people. I don't want to end up some strange old woman with her animals.
Sorry for my winge.
I have a great job and I'm lined up for a promotion at work but my personal life sucks. I have my family but only a couple of close friends.
I miss the companionship and with christmas coming closer I am dreading having to go to he family functions and being the only one who is not married or have kids or even a boyfriend anymore. Waking up alone on Christmas morning is somehing I have never experienced before and I know I probably sound so pathetic but i just feel so alone and lost. I feel like my heart is broken and don't feel like I have the capacity to love anymore.
Even though I feel so low I have kept to the no contact. I know the eabf is still taking suboxone and more than he is prescribed and not even off all the opiates. He has nothing to offer me. We did try And be friends for a while but I know that deep down I have so much resentment towards him for checking out of our relationship, not contributing, making me feel special and chosing he drugs over me that we always ended up in an argument so it's better we don't see eachother.
It's been 4 months and I know Its all still fresh after our 4 year relationship but I need to have some hope that it will get better. I know i wont meet someone sitting on my couch but I hate going to clubs and being around drunk high people. I don't want to end up some strange old woman with her animals.
Sorry for my winge.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,322
Hi Katie,
First, even though it doesn't feel like it, great job on the no-contact and on making good choices for yourself! Try to look at your situation like an addict would look at his recovery. Number one rule -- stay away from the drug (in your case, the guy you are "addicted" to, or perhaps, the self-abuse that comes with allowing an addict to become your obsession).
That great, calm, feeling of acceptance, that "new life" that you would expect an addict to have once he stopped taking drugs/drinking? It doesn't come over night. It doesn't come in a month, or even several months, particularly without working a program that helps him to see that it isn't just a physical addiction he's suffered from, but a lifestyle that he has allowed to permeate his life and rule his every move. You are the same. Even though you are separated from your "addiction", there is more work to be done, more time to put in, more lessons to be learned.
It's so hard to put them fully out of your mind, but it is definitely the healthy move for you. Going N/C is excellent, and again, GREAT JOB. Have you done much reading on codependency? Do you see how your own life has become unmanageable? Do you see how you can't imagine living a happy, positive, wonderful, satisfying life without him, or without anyone, for that matter? Living without a drug of choice is tough in the beginning. One has to slowly heal, to truly heal. Changes in how you approach life instead of doing it the way you've always done it need to take place. Therapy, reading, changing your lifestyle, doing things that are HEALTHY for you for a change and not harmful, or focused solely on YOU and no one else...these are the baby steps that will get you further down the road to happiness.
Please don't be afraid to spend time just with yourself, to get to know yourself. A year, two years, this is not a death sentence. It truly should be thought more of as a "life" sentence, your chance to finally live a healthy, fulfilling life that is nurturing and loving and peaceful and rewarding, to YOU.
Time is the answer (I know it sounds so trite, but it is true). Don't be afraid of the time in front of you. Don't be afraid of staying home rather than going to clubs where you WON'T meet the guy that you wish you were with. Maybe START with your home. What can you do to make it wonderful, a safe haven and shelter from the storms of life, just for you? That can be a start for the physical self-care you owe yourself. And what about counseling? Have you thought that maybe YOU are worth it? That all this energy and focus you've been directing towards a guy, should now be focused on you? Introspection, taking care of the little girl inside of you, self-indulgence, these are things that healthy women do for themselves every day. Maybe you can start learning about what healthy women do, and practice walking that walk for a while.
Good things will happen, honey. They really will. But don't be afraid of the time in front of you just yet. It's early. Keep up the no contact, for sure. Don't be afraid of spending time with yourself. You are definitely worth it. It's just one holiday, not the rest of your life.
Go to the festivities with your chin up. Fake it till you make it. Eventually, your life will turn around, really it will. Just have faith in yourself, and put some time into yourself.
First, even though it doesn't feel like it, great job on the no-contact and on making good choices for yourself! Try to look at your situation like an addict would look at his recovery. Number one rule -- stay away from the drug (in your case, the guy you are "addicted" to, or perhaps, the self-abuse that comes with allowing an addict to become your obsession).
That great, calm, feeling of acceptance, that "new life" that you would expect an addict to have once he stopped taking drugs/drinking? It doesn't come over night. It doesn't come in a month, or even several months, particularly without working a program that helps him to see that it isn't just a physical addiction he's suffered from, but a lifestyle that he has allowed to permeate his life and rule his every move. You are the same. Even though you are separated from your "addiction", there is more work to be done, more time to put in, more lessons to be learned.
It's so hard to put them fully out of your mind, but it is definitely the healthy move for you. Going N/C is excellent, and again, GREAT JOB. Have you done much reading on codependency? Do you see how your own life has become unmanageable? Do you see how you can't imagine living a happy, positive, wonderful, satisfying life without him, or without anyone, for that matter? Living without a drug of choice is tough in the beginning. One has to slowly heal, to truly heal. Changes in how you approach life instead of doing it the way you've always done it need to take place. Therapy, reading, changing your lifestyle, doing things that are HEALTHY for you for a change and not harmful, or focused solely on YOU and no one else...these are the baby steps that will get you further down the road to happiness.
Please don't be afraid to spend time just with yourself, to get to know yourself. A year, two years, this is not a death sentence. It truly should be thought more of as a "life" sentence, your chance to finally live a healthy, fulfilling life that is nurturing and loving and peaceful and rewarding, to YOU.
Time is the answer (I know it sounds so trite, but it is true). Don't be afraid of the time in front of you. Don't be afraid of staying home rather than going to clubs where you WON'T meet the guy that you wish you were with. Maybe START with your home. What can you do to make it wonderful, a safe haven and shelter from the storms of life, just for you? That can be a start for the physical self-care you owe yourself. And what about counseling? Have you thought that maybe YOU are worth it? That all this energy and focus you've been directing towards a guy, should now be focused on you? Introspection, taking care of the little girl inside of you, self-indulgence, these are things that healthy women do for themselves every day. Maybe you can start learning about what healthy women do, and practice walking that walk for a while.
Good things will happen, honey. They really will. But don't be afraid of the time in front of you just yet. It's early. Keep up the no contact, for sure. Don't be afraid of spending time with yourself. You are definitely worth it. It's just one holiday, not the rest of your life.
Go to the festivities with your chin up. Fake it till you make it. Eventually, your life will turn around, really it will. Just have faith in yourself, and put some time into yourself.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 138
This post and the response given has also helped me to know that I will be ok and that spending time alone with just me is a good/healthy thing to do for myself and fo rsomeday finding a healthy relationship for once in my life!!!!! Thanks!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 42
Thank you for your comments peaceteach.
I just got back from a family 21st birthday party which was at a club. I didn't want to be there and I sat there the whole time thinking about him and how I would much rather be at home with him sitting on the couch than being out at a stupid party with drunk people.
I feel like such and outsider and that something is wrong with me. I don't want to be out at clubs drinking. Being with an addict for 4 years has put me off the drinking scene completely.
I know that I need some time to myself to reassess but its just so difficult to be alone all the time. When I'm at work its like im another person. I am outgoing and friendly and have direction, but when i leave I retreat into being an introvert.
I don't know if I have depression, I have thought I may have lately, or maybe this is just me without the addict to focus on. When I was younger I always ended up hanging out by myself but have thought that maybe its easier that I just wasn't alive anymore.
I think about him all the time and although I recognize what chaos my life had become and that I was so unhappy and neglected, I still think about the good times and wonder why it had to turn out like this.
I think that I was addicted to him. I was addicted to the feeling of being with him. Looking at him and seeing how sexy he was and that he wanted me made me feel good and validated me. I know now that it shouldn't be like that. I should feel content within myself and not rely on someone else to make me feel good.
All I want to do on the weekends is just stay in bed and sleep. I have guy who I have a friends with benefits relationship with who comes over once every couple of weeks but its just not the same.
How do I get over him and start to feel better about myself?
I just got back from a family 21st birthday party which was at a club. I didn't want to be there and I sat there the whole time thinking about him and how I would much rather be at home with him sitting on the couch than being out at a stupid party with drunk people.
I feel like such and outsider and that something is wrong with me. I don't want to be out at clubs drinking. Being with an addict for 4 years has put me off the drinking scene completely.
I know that I need some time to myself to reassess but its just so difficult to be alone all the time. When I'm at work its like im another person. I am outgoing and friendly and have direction, but when i leave I retreat into being an introvert.
I don't know if I have depression, I have thought I may have lately, or maybe this is just me without the addict to focus on. When I was younger I always ended up hanging out by myself but have thought that maybe its easier that I just wasn't alive anymore.
I think about him all the time and although I recognize what chaos my life had become and that I was so unhappy and neglected, I still think about the good times and wonder why it had to turn out like this.
I think that I was addicted to him. I was addicted to the feeling of being with him. Looking at him and seeing how sexy he was and that he wanted me made me feel good and validated me. I know now that it shouldn't be like that. I should feel content within myself and not rely on someone else to make me feel good.
All I want to do on the weekends is just stay in bed and sleep. I have guy who I have a friends with benefits relationship with who comes over once every couple of weeks but its just not the same.
How do I get over him and start to feel better about myself?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 138
I feel your pain!!! I feel much the same way you do!!! I guess this is how addicts feel when they quit their "beloved" of choice. They also have to isolate, find new clean friends, make amends with those they have hurt, etc. I guess I tell myself that I am also in rehab and staying home alone is part of my recovery. I try to feel thankful that I dont have to feel this way forever....just for now...and that I could be dealing with sooooo much more. Its still hard, lonely and my EGO wont leave me alone....but I know I have to suffer through it for the positive change in the end!!!!!
aka Miss Scarlett O'Hara
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 364
Hey Katie28 ~ Have you thought of getting involved with a new hobby, or joining an organization? The more time you spend out with people, the more your spirits will lift. Perhaps get a part-time job to save for the holidays and also be out of the house more? These are the things I think I would do. Alone, sometimes we just have too much time to think. If you get out and do things and surround yourself with people, you will be more likely to feel good and also to meet new people who you can hang out with.
Also, and not deserving of an afterthought, but just came to mind, have you attended alanon meetings at all? I've only gone to a couple myself for my own reasons, but it's a great option to get out and hang out with people who understand how you feel. You did the right thing getting out of that relationship. I can relate in many ways to your post. I hope you start feeling better soon and enjoy the holidays!
Also, and not deserving of an afterthought, but just came to mind, have you attended alanon meetings at all? I've only gone to a couple myself for my own reasons, but it's a great option to get out and hang out with people who understand how you feel. You did the right thing getting out of that relationship. I can relate in many ways to your post. I hope you start feeling better soon and enjoy the holidays!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 175
Hi katie28,
I too do not want to go out and be around drunk people and at the same time I do not want to stay in the house all day/night. My situation is a little different than yours I am married and living with the addict currently. I have a counselor that I see weekly and I have gone to my first Alanon meetings this week and I did feel better. Have you been to any meetings? or maybe a counselor? I have also been reading a lot. The combination of all that and this site is helping me a lot.
I too do not want to go out and be around drunk people and at the same time I do not want to stay in the house all day/night. My situation is a little different than yours I am married and living with the addict currently. I have a counselor that I see weekly and I have gone to my first Alanon meetings this week and I did feel better. Have you been to any meetings? or maybe a counselor? I have also been reading a lot. The combination of all that and this site is helping me a lot.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Alabama
Posts: 1,741
Katie,
I have felt the feelings your going through and from time to time I still do. I am seperated from my AH we have been together 30 years. I have found that the members here do know, what helps as many have so much more experience at, taking care of them than we do.
I can remember many times reading responses and thinking yeah easy for you to say.
Once I actually started applying what I had read from those at SR, I found what I already knew they were right.
My suggestion would be that you get a copy of Codependent No More by Melody Beattie.
I got mine from the library , The Language of Letting Go is another great book that is helping me.
I have not read but have seem the book Women Who Love Too Much suggested as well,
My library dosen't carry this one so I am saving for it.
Trust what everyone is telling you it does get better. Not over night but YOU are worth the time and effort.
Hugs,
I have felt the feelings your going through and from time to time I still do. I am seperated from my AH we have been together 30 years. I have found that the members here do know, what helps as many have so much more experience at, taking care of them than we do.
I can remember many times reading responses and thinking yeah easy for you to say.
Once I actually started applying what I had read from those at SR, I found what I already knew they were right.
My suggestion would be that you get a copy of Codependent No More by Melody Beattie.
I got mine from the library , The Language of Letting Go is another great book that is helping me.
I have not read but have seem the book Women Who Love Too Much suggested as well,
My library dosen't carry this one so I am saving for it.
Trust what everyone is telling you it does get better. Not over night but YOU are worth the time and effort.
Hugs,
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 42
Thank you all for your comments.
I guess I do have to think of myself in recovery from my addict and need some time to focus on myself. I suppose I am just struggling as its been 4 months already and I think to myself 'how much longer before I can feel good again and he isn't in my thoughts constantly!'
I have thought about going to an alanon meeting or a narcanon meeting. I guess I am just a bit scared.
I have read codependant no more from the library and could really relate. That was after the initial break up 4 months ago. Maybe I need to get it again and re read.
I work Monday to Friday and fill my weekdays with gym and activities, however its on the weekends its when I don't have anything to do or people around that I get low. I take the dogs for a walk, do my shopping, do my garden and housework and go to the gym, but I have too much time to think and no one to talk to and the weekends were always the time that we would just hang out at home together because neither of us liked going out. All of my friends and family are just so busy with their own lives. I am struggling with my identity no longer in a couple and being a single woman.
I guess I do have to think of myself in recovery from my addict and need some time to focus on myself. I suppose I am just struggling as its been 4 months already and I think to myself 'how much longer before I can feel good again and he isn't in my thoughts constantly!'
I have thought about going to an alanon meeting or a narcanon meeting. I guess I am just a bit scared.
I have read codependant no more from the library and could really relate. That was after the initial break up 4 months ago. Maybe I need to get it again and re read.
I work Monday to Friday and fill my weekdays with gym and activities, however its on the weekends its when I don't have anything to do or people around that I get low. I take the dogs for a walk, do my shopping, do my garden and housework and go to the gym, but I have too much time to think and no one to talk to and the weekends were always the time that we would just hang out at home together because neither of us liked going out. All of my friends and family are just so busy with their own lives. I am struggling with my identity no longer in a couple and being a single woman.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Alabama
Posts: 1,741
Katie,
I also have read the book before and did not see myself in it. I suppose I must have been in denial, I do not know if your codependent or not but what can it hurt to read it again and see if you feel differently now? Hey, if nothing else you will have passed by some time without thinking about what was, or what you hoped could have been.
I also have read the book before and did not see myself in it. I suppose I must have been in denial, I do not know if your codependent or not but what can it hurt to read it again and see if you feel differently now? Hey, if nothing else you will have passed by some time without thinking about what was, or what you hoped could have been.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 390
You need to find healthy ways to break down your obsessive thoughts of him. In Alanon there are some books available, one in particular that has helped me a lot called "Courage to Change". You might be able to get one on line. Basically, you need healthy alternatives to replace the obsessing. Until you do that, you are going to keep going in circles.
I am separating (legally) from my husband of 18 years and I totally relate to the Christmas/holiday stuff. Our court date is early dec, so he will likely be out of the house (or me) shortly thereafter. Just in time for Christmas. I have not spent a Christmas without him in 19 years! Plus, we have two precious little ones and it will be the same for them. We always go to his family on Christmas eve and my on Christmas day. I realize that this will be the first time in 19 years I won't be celebrating with his family either and that hurts me so much. My kids will likely be there, but without me. I tear up thinking about it.
But, I have to rest on the facts that I hate drugs and can't allow them in my life anymore. I gave him ample chances to fix this and he chooses to continue on the path, so I have to move on. I know it's going to be harder than I even imagine. I will be carrying 99% of the weight of caring for our kids, which scares the crap out of me. I am exhausted as it is! I dread this process.
Just wanted to share...and you to know you are not alone at all. Take care.
I am separating (legally) from my husband of 18 years and I totally relate to the Christmas/holiday stuff. Our court date is early dec, so he will likely be out of the house (or me) shortly thereafter. Just in time for Christmas. I have not spent a Christmas without him in 19 years! Plus, we have two precious little ones and it will be the same for them. We always go to his family on Christmas eve and my on Christmas day. I realize that this will be the first time in 19 years I won't be celebrating with his family either and that hurts me so much. My kids will likely be there, but without me. I tear up thinking about it.
But, I have to rest on the facts that I hate drugs and can't allow them in my life anymore. I gave him ample chances to fix this and he chooses to continue on the path, so I have to move on. I know it's going to be harder than I even imagine. I will be carrying 99% of the weight of caring for our kids, which scares the crap out of me. I am exhausted as it is! I dread this process.
Just wanted to share...and you to know you are not alone at all. Take care.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 82
When my axbf left, I was so lonely. The weekends would come, and my guy wasn't around. It was awful. I slept a lot too. I would watch a lot of TV and try my best to get my mind off being alone. I started to enjoy the peace and solace of being by myself, instead of the chaos and the drama I had experienced the last few days he was around. It gets easier. I miss having somebody around, but he's gone for a reason, and I have to keep telling myself that.
I'm sorry you miss him. I'm sorry you're lonely. Take this time for yourself to heal. It will get better. You will go through many different emotions. Let yourself feel them. If you feel like crying, cry. If you are angry, feel angry. You are doing the right thing. You should be proud of yourself. You're strong, and you will only get stronger from this experience.
I'm sorry you miss him. I'm sorry you're lonely. Take this time for yourself to heal. It will get better. You will go through many different emotions. Let yourself feel them. If you feel like crying, cry. If you are angry, feel angry. You are doing the right thing. You should be proud of yourself. You're strong, and you will only get stronger from this experience.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 139
Katie,
I'm sorry you're going through this, it will get better, if you do the work, I promise. I've left a very abusive alcoholic x husband, and am now dealing with an AS who is breaking my heart.
By the way, I am that crazy strange woman with the dog and 2 cats. I'm working fulltime, with no retirement in sight. Very little in savings, but happy with the little I have. My three animals give me unconditional love, and I'm comforted by that.
I get up every day and put one foot in front of the other. It's much easier now than it was in the past. I ran from my x with my 2 cats and a weeks worth of clothes. I was afraid for my life. The divorce has been final 2 years, but yet we go to court again next mo. because he won't take me off the mortgage after I signed the quit claim deed. I'm a little nervous about facing him in court, but will put my best foot forward and "appear" to be strong. I will get through it. I'm taking care of me, because no one else will.
You can do this, I know you can. And you'll be better for it, I promise.
Hugs to you, FGB
I'm sorry you're going through this, it will get better, if you do the work, I promise. I've left a very abusive alcoholic x husband, and am now dealing with an AS who is breaking my heart.
By the way, I am that crazy strange woman with the dog and 2 cats. I'm working fulltime, with no retirement in sight. Very little in savings, but happy with the little I have. My three animals give me unconditional love, and I'm comforted by that.
I get up every day and put one foot in front of the other. It's much easier now than it was in the past. I ran from my x with my 2 cats and a weeks worth of clothes. I was afraid for my life. The divorce has been final 2 years, but yet we go to court again next mo. because he won't take me off the mortgage after I signed the quit claim deed. I'm a little nervous about facing him in court, but will put my best foot forward and "appear" to be strong. I will get through it. I'm taking care of me, because no one else will.
You can do this, I know you can. And you'll be better for it, I promise.
Hugs to you, FGB
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Earth
Posts: 1,249
Hi Katie, Relationships end, and it's good that you realize that he is an addict, and doesn't have anything to offer to you. You deserve better than that in your life. When one door closes in life, another one usually opens. Your higher power must have something or someone so much better planned for you. Take this time alone to reflect, and take good care of yourself. Do something nice for yourself, and you can meet a nice guy in other places besides bars and clubs. You can go to a coffee house like Starbucks or the Library. Maybe even the gym. If you go to the bar, you will find a drunk. If you go to the library you will find a literate man. LOL. You know what I'm trying to say, right? If your in a warm state like Florida or California, try the beach. Besides, it's ok to be alone for a while. You won't be alone forever. I'm sorry for the loss of your relationship. It's always painful ending relationships, but you have to look beyond right now, because the future holds your soulmate.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 42
Hi Angelic. Yeah I know what you are getting at 
I have met some nice friends at the gym recently.
I hope I'm not alone forever, but the xABF has made me doubt my worth. He told me that I have nothing to offer and several times that I am boring. I guess when you have been with someone for a long time and they know the real you, when they make comments like that you tend to believe them because they know you. Maybe he said those things to hurt me, but maybe there is some truth to it.
He has made me doubt that I have to offer and being alone all the time doesn't make me feel much better. Makes me think that he is right.
However I am a strong woman and I am taking those baby steps forward. I have my dogs who make me smile everyday and I am focused on eating well and exercising so that my body is cleansed and healthy and hopefully my mind and heart will follow.
I have met some nice friends at the gym recently.I hope I'm not alone forever, but the xABF has made me doubt my worth. He told me that I have nothing to offer and several times that I am boring. I guess when you have been with someone for a long time and they know the real you, when they make comments like that you tend to believe them because they know you. Maybe he said those things to hurt me, but maybe there is some truth to it.
He has made me doubt that I have to offer and being alone all the time doesn't make me feel much better. Makes me think that he is right.
However I am a strong woman and I am taking those baby steps forward. I have my dogs who make me smile everyday and I am focused on eating well and exercising so that my body is cleansed and healthy and hopefully my mind and heart will follow.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Alabama
Posts: 1,741
katie, maybe he was sucking the life out of you and that is why you according to him boring. Maybe he wanted to feel better about hisself and said those things to validate him. I do not think what he said was about YOU at all I think it was his excuses.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Earth
Posts: 1,249
Originally Posted by katie28 
Hi Angelic. Yeah I know what you are getting at I have met some nice friends at the gym recently.
I hope I'm not alone forever, but the xABF has made me doubt my worth. He told me that I have nothing to offer and several times that I am boring. I guess when you have been with someone for a long time and they know the real you, when they make comments like that you tend to believe them because they know you. Maybe he said those things to hurt me, but maybe there is some truth to it.
He has made me doubt that I have to offer and being alone all the time doesn't make me feel much better. Makes me think that he is right.
However I am a strong woman and I am taking those baby steps forward. I have my dogs who make me smile everyday and I am focused on eating well and exercising so that my body is cleansed and healthy and hopefully my mind and heart will follow.
I have met some nice friends at the gym recently.I hope I'm not alone forever, but the xABF has made me doubt my worth. He told me that I have nothing to offer and several times that I am boring. I guess when you have been with someone for a long time and they know the real you, when they make comments like that you tend to believe them because they know you. Maybe he said those things to hurt me, but maybe there is some truth to it.
He has made me doubt that I have to offer and being alone all the time doesn't make me feel much better. Makes me think that he is right.
However I am a strong woman and I am taking those baby steps forward. I have my dogs who make me smile everyday and I am focused on eating well and exercising so that my body is cleansed and healthy and hopefully my mind and heart will follow.
:ghug3
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