My Boyfriend is a crack addict
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Detroit, Michigan
Posts: 28
My Boyfriend is a crack addict
Hello everyone,Im new to this site and anyone with helpful information would greatly be appreciated.
I have been invovled with my boyfriend for six months now.I stay with him.And he smokes crack everyday. When he does it he gets very paraniod and then he comes down,its a repeated cycle until he runs out.Then he goes out over one of his so called friends house and smokes more or he runs people around to make money to cont.to get high.He is very sweet, without the addiction He really would be the one I would love to spend the rest of my life with,He tells me he loves me and I believe he cares.
The longest that I have seen him clean is four days.He can go all day without getting high but when night comes he's on a mission.He tells me that the meetings are no good because the people at the meetings are still getting high that they exchange drugs there.He says that this is just something were going thru and that he working on it. That he is very stressed out and the crack is what helps numb him so he doesn't have to think about his problems and it keeps him calm.He has been getting high for eight years.
In a way a feel sorry for him.I told him that if he doesnt get help that I was leaving.Is it possible for him to stop and we have a normal relationship?He is in school 43yrs old I am 36yrs old.Im suffering from major depression due to the pain and difficulties of fibromyalgia.Watching him do this hurts me and I feel like Im in this relationship alone sometimes.
I have been invovled with my boyfriend for six months now.I stay with him.And he smokes crack everyday. When he does it he gets very paraniod and then he comes down,its a repeated cycle until he runs out.Then he goes out over one of his so called friends house and smokes more or he runs people around to make money to cont.to get high.He is very sweet, without the addiction He really would be the one I would love to spend the rest of my life with,He tells me he loves me and I believe he cares.
The longest that I have seen him clean is four days.He can go all day without getting high but when night comes he's on a mission.He tells me that the meetings are no good because the people at the meetings are still getting high that they exchange drugs there.He says that this is just something were going thru and that he working on it. That he is very stressed out and the crack is what helps numb him so he doesn't have to think about his problems and it keeps him calm.He has been getting high for eight years.
In a way a feel sorry for him.I told him that if he doesnt get help that I was leaving.Is it possible for him to stop and we have a normal relationship?He is in school 43yrs old I am 36yrs old.Im suffering from major depression due to the pain and difficulties of fibromyalgia.Watching him do this hurts me and I feel like Im in this relationship alone sometimes.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
persistent
Welcome to SR.......I hope you'll find comfort in the knowledge that there are many many others who love an addict.
Only you can decide what you are able to tolerate. Unfortunately, addiction is a progressive disease. It doesn't get better......it gets worse if it goes untreated.
Is it possible for him to stop? Yes...but not because you leave him or because you love him. If love could cure addiction, none of us would be here. Your boyfriend will only quit when he gets sick and tired of doing it.....that could be years.....or never. That's the reality of addiction.
You'll find that here on SR in the F&F forum, we talk a lot about what we are doing for ourselves because that is the only thing we can really control. We don't control the addicts in our lives.
With depresson and fibromyalgia a factor in your life, I hope that you'll take special care of you.
gentle hugs
Welcome to SR.......I hope you'll find comfort in the knowledge that there are many many others who love an addict.
Only you can decide what you are able to tolerate. Unfortunately, addiction is a progressive disease. It doesn't get better......it gets worse if it goes untreated.
Is it possible for him to stop? Yes...but not because you leave him or because you love him. If love could cure addiction, none of us would be here. Your boyfriend will only quit when he gets sick and tired of doing it.....that could be years.....or never. That's the reality of addiction.
You'll find that here on SR in the F&F forum, we talk a lot about what we are doing for ourselves because that is the only thing we can really control. We don't control the addicts in our lives.
With depresson and fibromyalgia a factor in your life, I hope that you'll take special care of you.
gentle hugs
Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 82
I'm sorry you're going through this. Think about yourself first. My mom has Fibromyalgia. All I have to say is you can have a healthy, happy life living with this disease. You just have to be strong. My mom owns her own cake business. She works non-stop even with her disease. She has chosen to focus on fighting it rather than letting it get her down or keeping her from doing what she wants. I hope you find all the answers you are looking for here.
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
He admits to 8 yrs.
You can't be put 1st because his lover is crack.
What you can be is manipulated and lied to.
"the people at the meetings are still getting high that they
exchange drugs there."...if this is the case, he'd be attending.
Think about why you are with this man.
You can't be put 1st because his lover is crack.
What you can be is manipulated and lied to.
"the people at the meetings are still getting high that they
exchange drugs there."...if this is the case, he'd be attending.
Think about why you are with this man.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Originally Posted by Spiritual Seeker 
He admits to 8 yrs.
You can't be put 1st because his lover is crack.
What you can be is manipulated and lied to.
"the people at the meetings are still getting high that they
exchange drugs there."...if this is the case, he'd be attending.
You can't be put 1st because his lover is crack.
What you can be is manipulated and lied to.
"the people at the meetings are still getting high that they
exchange drugs there."...if this is the case, he'd be attending.
You have a wonderful way of seeing past the nonsense. You are so right. If the people at the meetings are still getting high and they exchange drugs there, he'd be all over those meetings.
gentle hugs
aka Miss Scarlett O'Hara
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 364
Hi Persistent (and welcome Luna as well)
I just want to say that the years of your life can go by so fast. 6 months is such a short amount of time. You really barely know him, because anybody in the beginning of a relationship is on there best behavior. If this is his best, can you imagine years from now? I've been with my abf for over 10 years. I'm not sure why or how I am still here, but if I could go back, I would have left years ago. It's so easy to get caught up in the drama and time passes you by and the longer you're there, the harder it is to leave. With such red flags so early in, I would really seriously think about what you want in a relationship (I find making a list helps), and know that you can have all of those things. If your current bf can't provide those things to you, please be good to yourself and find someone who can.
I just want to say that the years of your life can go by so fast. 6 months is such a short amount of time. You really barely know him, because anybody in the beginning of a relationship is on there best behavior. If this is his best, can you imagine years from now? I've been with my abf for over 10 years. I'm not sure why or how I am still here, but if I could go back, I would have left years ago. It's so easy to get caught up in the drama and time passes you by and the longer you're there, the harder it is to leave. With such red flags so early in, I would really seriously think about what you want in a relationship (I find making a list helps), and know that you can have all of those things. If your current bf can't provide those things to you, please be good to yourself and find someone who can.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Alabama
Posts: 1,741
Welcome to SR Persistent and Luna,
I have too agree with justtired. I have been with AH for 30 years married 26 1/2 (since I was 15)
He smoked marijuana when I met him and up untill sometime last year now he has moved to other things which I thought would never happen. trust, that it gets harder.
I have too agree with justtired. I have been with AH for 30 years married 26 1/2 (since I was 15)
He smoked marijuana when I met him and up untill sometime last year now he has moved to other things which I thought would never happen. trust, that it gets harder.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 774
hi persistent,
i am sorry you are going through this. i can share my recent experience with my now ex-girlfriend.
she uses crack. everyday. she can seem the sweetest girl i have been with. we made plans for a future. everything could be just fine. BUT when she ran out, nothing else mattered anymore. NOTHING. she would do anything to get more and wouldn't stop until she did. just a nickle or dime, that's all i need. that could be gone by the time she got back to the house, then there was the need for more.
she'd wake up and need a wake-up hit. but after that wore off she'd need another to alieve the stress and pain and all. she used heroin too, to take the edge of the crack, but then smokes more crack to up the dope high.
she wasn't always this way. but this is what happens if thye do not want to stop. so long as the user is getting what is needed they can seem fine, but look what happens when he runs out- he goes out for more. it disrupts your life every day.
she would say the samething about hte meetings. i dont think meetings are for everyone, but if someone want to be clean, they will find the good in a meeting, find a good sponsor and not look for the bad.
six minths is still fairly new, and you might noit be seeing the worst of it yet. 8 years is a long time to be smoking it. no one could tell me what to do, and know one can make you do anythnig, but i would suggest reading many threads to see what others have experienced.
good luck and keep checking in here, this place may have saved me.
and one last thing, you mentioned that sometimes you feel alone in this relationship. i do not know your bf, but i can say in my relationship there were many many times i was alone, she was with her drug. as the saying goes there are three entities in these types of relationships, you, your partner, and the drug. if someoene is an addict, you cannot win, the drug will win everytime.
take care of yourself
i am sorry you are going through this. i can share my recent experience with my now ex-girlfriend.
she uses crack. everyday. she can seem the sweetest girl i have been with. we made plans for a future. everything could be just fine. BUT when she ran out, nothing else mattered anymore. NOTHING. she would do anything to get more and wouldn't stop until she did. just a nickle or dime, that's all i need. that could be gone by the time she got back to the house, then there was the need for more.
she'd wake up and need a wake-up hit. but after that wore off she'd need another to alieve the stress and pain and all. she used heroin too, to take the edge of the crack, but then smokes more crack to up the dope high.
she wasn't always this way. but this is what happens if thye do not want to stop. so long as the user is getting what is needed they can seem fine, but look what happens when he runs out- he goes out for more. it disrupts your life every day.
she would say the samething about hte meetings. i dont think meetings are for everyone, but if someone want to be clean, they will find the good in a meeting, find a good sponsor and not look for the bad.
six minths is still fairly new, and you might noit be seeing the worst of it yet. 8 years is a long time to be smoking it. no one could tell me what to do, and know one can make you do anythnig, but i would suggest reading many threads to see what others have experienced.
good luck and keep checking in here, this place may have saved me.
and one last thing, you mentioned that sometimes you feel alone in this relationship. i do not know your bf, but i can say in my relationship there were many many times i was alone, she was with her drug. as the saying goes there are three entities in these types of relationships, you, your partner, and the drug. if someoene is an addict, you cannot win, the drug will win everytime.
take care of yourself
Last edited by steve1840; 11-12-2010 at 07:06 AM. Reason: add
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Texas
Posts: 66
Welcome to SR! Everyone here has such good advice and suggestions.
You have seen the red flags, he has admitted to the use and things DO NOT get better. He is not looking to seek help but you need to help yourself! If I would have seen the red flags or even had him admit to drug use 6 years ago I would not be here today. It has been over 6 years and I would have left at 6 months had I known this is how it would end up!
Keep reading around here. You will find lots of useful posts!
You have seen the red flags, he has admitted to the use and things DO NOT get better. He is not looking to seek help but you need to help yourself! If I would have seen the red flags or even had him admit to drug use 6 years ago I would not be here today. It has been over 6 years and I would have left at 6 months had I known this is how it would end up!
Keep reading around here. You will find lots of useful posts!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Detroit, Michigan
Posts: 28
Thank you Kindeyes, I have thought maybe if I leave he will stop or love him more he will stop.But your right he has to get tired and want to stop.He always says he's tired he going to stop,but doesn't.And with me dealing with depression and fibromyalgia it doesn't make me any better. I love him but honestly I dont know why I ever made a decision to get invovled knowing he was an addict.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Detroit, Michigan
Posts: 28
Originally Posted by Kindeyes
SS
You have a wonderful way of seeing past the nonsense. You are so right. If the people at the meetings are still getting high and they exchange drugs there, he'd be all over those meetings.
gentle hugs
You have a wonderful way of seeing past the nonsense. You are so right. If the people at the meetings are still getting high and they exchange drugs there, he'd be all over those meetings.
gentle hugs
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Detroit, Michigan
Posts: 28
Originally Posted by cynical one
Is he employed?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
Hi and welcome. Crack addiction is progressive. It gets worse and worse until it gets so bad that we quit. And sometimes addicts never reach that point. It has nothing to do with you. It never will. It's a mental illness. A sick dangerous, self-imposed mental illness that only he can fix.
Crack addiction is also disgusting. Your BF is hanging out in some really nasty places when he needs to try to earn money to get more crack. And he is doing some disgusting stuff. I guarantee it. I used to be an active crack addict. It was hard as heck to break free and my ex-boyfriend never did. And we have a child together. But my ex prefers crack to his son. So he no longer sees him.
Do you have anywhere else you can live? Get out of there. Put your money in a safe spot and find somewhere else to live. when his house is gone, you will be homeless. And his house will go. It's inevitable. It's the nature of the disease.
And ps. crack paranoia can be very scary and dangerous and it is very real. And it's progressive too. So your BF could get violent and delusional. he won't be able to tell reality from his delusions and he could start to think that you are out to get him or cheating on him or something freaky like that. And there is a very real chance you could get hurt.
Addicts just dont care when they are high or chasing their next high. They can't care. The crack takes over their mind and they must feed their addiction.
Don't become a casualty of his crack addiction. If you remain, you are in for the worst nightmare you could possibly imagine.
Crack addiction is also disgusting. Your BF is hanging out in some really nasty places when he needs to try to earn money to get more crack. And he is doing some disgusting stuff. I guarantee it. I used to be an active crack addict. It was hard as heck to break free and my ex-boyfriend never did. And we have a child together. But my ex prefers crack to his son. So he no longer sees him.
Do you have anywhere else you can live? Get out of there. Put your money in a safe spot and find somewhere else to live. when his house is gone, you will be homeless. And his house will go. It's inevitable. It's the nature of the disease.
And ps. crack paranoia can be very scary and dangerous and it is very real. And it's progressive too. So your BF could get violent and delusional. he won't be able to tell reality from his delusions and he could start to think that you are out to get him or cheating on him or something freaky like that. And there is a very real chance you could get hurt.
Addicts just dont care when they are high or chasing their next high. They can't care. The crack takes over their mind and they must feed their addiction.
Don't become a casualty of his crack addiction. If you remain, you are in for the worst nightmare you could possibly imagine.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Detroit, Michigan
Posts: 28
Originally Posted by justtired
Hi Persistent (and welcome Luna as well)
I just want to say that the years of your life can go by so fast. 6 months is such a short amount of time. You really barely know him, because anybody in the beginning of a relationship is on there best behavior. If this is his best, can you imagine years from now? I've been with my abf for over 10 years. I'm not sure why or how I am still here, but if I could go back, I would have left years ago. It's so easy to get caught up in the drama and time passes you by and the longer you're there, the harder it is to leave. With such red flags so early in, I would really seriously think about what you want in a relationship (I find making a list helps), and know that you can have all of those things. If your current bf can't provide those things to you, please be good to yourself and find someone who can.
I just want to say that the years of your life can go by so fast. 6 months is such a short amount of time. You really barely know him, because anybody in the beginning of a relationship is on there best behavior. If this is his best, can you imagine years from now? I've been with my abf for over 10 years. I'm not sure why or how I am still here, but if I could go back, I would have left years ago. It's so easy to get caught up in the drama and time passes you by and the longer you're there, the harder it is to leave. With such red flags so early in, I would really seriously think about what you want in a relationship (I find making a list helps), and know that you can have all of those things. If your current bf can't provide those things to you, please be good to yourself and find someone who can.
Thank you, you words they touch my heart so deeply.I've never had a man really love me.And here he comes along and shows me just alil love and affection and I fall for him.And I afraid Im afraid that time will pass and I'll be stuck.And I agree about the list Im working on that this weekend.Another one of my problems is my exit plan because we dont agrue.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
I have chronic health issues too, more than I'd like to have. I've also battled clinical depression since adolescence.
The last thing I need in my life is an active addict in my life, exacerbating what I already struggle with.
I deserve so much more, and so I choose to live by myself, taking care of myself.
You deserve so much more too. Treat yourself with tender loving care.
Please don't let him and his addiction drag you down any further.
The last thing I need in my life is an active addict in my life, exacerbating what I already struggle with.
I deserve so much more, and so I choose to live by myself, taking care of myself.
You deserve so much more too. Treat yourself with tender loving care.
Please don't let him and his addiction drag you down any further.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
You don't argue because you are accepting that smoking CRACK and paranoid delusions are part of your relationship and you don't fight over it. Most people would get the heck out of a relationship if this was going on because nothing about it is OK.
If you decide CRACK is no longer acceptable in your life, your exit strategy is very simple - find somewhere else to live, head to the door and leave. Make like a banana and split. :-)
It may not seem that simple yet, but it truly is. Ask yourself, what's the wisest, healthiest thing you can do for yourself in this situation?
If you decide CRACK is no longer acceptable in your life, your exit strategy is very simple - find somewhere else to live, head to the door and leave. Make like a banana and split. :-)
It may not seem that simple yet, but it truly is. Ask yourself, what's the wisest, healthiest thing you can do for yourself in this situation?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Detroit, Michigan
Posts: 28
Originally Posted by steve1840
hi persistent,
i am sorry you are going through this. I can share my recent experience with my now ex-girlfriend.
She uses crack. Everyday. She can seem the sweetest girl i have been with. We made plans for a future. Everything could be just fine. But when she ran out, nothing else mattered anymore. Nothing. She would do anything to get more and wouldn't stop until she did. Just a nickle or dime, that's all i need. That could be gone by the time she got back to the house, then there was the need for more.
She'd wake up and need a wake-up hit. But after that wore off she'd need another to alieve the stress and pain and all. She used heroin too, to take the edge of the crack, but then smokes more crack to up the dope high.
She wasn't always this way. But this is what happens if thye do not want to stop. So long as the user is getting what is needed they can seem fine, but look what happens when he runs out- he goes out for more. It disrupts your life every day.
She would say the samething about hte meetings. I dont think meetings are for everyone, but if someone want to be clean, they will find the good in a meeting, find a good sponsor and not look for the bad.
Six minths is still fairly new, and you might noit be seeing the worst of it yet. 8 years is a long time to be smoking it. No one could tell me what to do, and know one can make you do anythnig, but i would suggest reading many threads to see what others have experienced.
Good luck and keep checking in here, this place may have saved me.
And one last thing, you mentioned that sometimes you feel alone in this relationship. I do not know your bf, but i can say in my relationship there were many many times i was alone, she was with her drug. As the saying goes there are three entities in these types of relationships, you, your partner, and the drug. If someoene is an addict, you cannot win, the drug will win everytime.
Take care of yourself
i am sorry you are going through this. I can share my recent experience with my now ex-girlfriend.
She uses crack. Everyday. She can seem the sweetest girl i have been with. We made plans for a future. Everything could be just fine. But when she ran out, nothing else mattered anymore. Nothing. She would do anything to get more and wouldn't stop until she did. Just a nickle or dime, that's all i need. That could be gone by the time she got back to the house, then there was the need for more.
She'd wake up and need a wake-up hit. But after that wore off she'd need another to alieve the stress and pain and all. She used heroin too, to take the edge of the crack, but then smokes more crack to up the dope high.
She wasn't always this way. But this is what happens if thye do not want to stop. So long as the user is getting what is needed they can seem fine, but look what happens when he runs out- he goes out for more. It disrupts your life every day.
She would say the samething about hte meetings. I dont think meetings are for everyone, but if someone want to be clean, they will find the good in a meeting, find a good sponsor and not look for the bad.
Six minths is still fairly new, and you might noit be seeing the worst of it yet. 8 years is a long time to be smoking it. No one could tell me what to do, and know one can make you do anythnig, but i would suggest reading many threads to see what others have experienced.
Good luck and keep checking in here, this place may have saved me.
And one last thing, you mentioned that sometimes you feel alone in this relationship. I do not know your bf, but i can say in my relationship there were many many times i was alone, she was with her drug. As the saying goes there are three entities in these types of relationships, you, your partner, and the drug. If someoene is an addict, you cannot win, the drug will win everytime.
Take care of yourself
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Detroit, Michigan
Posts: 28
Originally Posted by hello-kitty
Hi and welcome. Crack addiction is progressive. It gets worse and worse until it gets so bad that we quit. And sometimes addicts never reach that point. It has nothing to do with you. It never will. It's a mental illness. A sick dangerous, self-imposed mental illness that only he can fix.
Crack addiction is also disgusting. Your BF is hanging out in some really nasty places when he needs to try to earn money to get more crack. And he is doing some disgusting stuff. I guarantee it. I used to be an active crack addict. It was hard as heck to break free and my ex-boyfriend never did. And we have a child together. But my ex prefers crack to his son. So he no longer sees him.
Do you have anywhere else you can live? Get out of there. Put your money in a safe spot and find somewhere else to live. when his house is gone, you will be homeless. And his house will go. It's inevitable. It's the nature of the disease.
And ps. crack paranoia can be very scary and dangerous and it is very real. And it's progressive too. So your BF could get violent and delusional. he won't be able to tell reality from his delusions and he could start to think that you are out to get him or cheating on him or something freaky like that. And there is a very real chance you could get hurt.
Addicts just dont care when they are high or chasing their next high. They can't care. The crack takes over their mind and they must feed their addiction.
Don't become a casualty of his crack addiction. If you remain, you are in for the worst nightmare you could possibly imagine.
Crack addiction is also disgusting. Your BF is hanging out in some really nasty places when he needs to try to earn money to get more crack. And he is doing some disgusting stuff. I guarantee it. I used to be an active crack addict. It was hard as heck to break free and my ex-boyfriend never did. And we have a child together. But my ex prefers crack to his son. So he no longer sees him.
Do you have anywhere else you can live? Get out of there. Put your money in a safe spot and find somewhere else to live. when his house is gone, you will be homeless. And his house will go. It's inevitable. It's the nature of the disease.
And ps. crack paranoia can be very scary and dangerous and it is very real. And it's progressive too. So your BF could get violent and delusional. he won't be able to tell reality from his delusions and he could start to think that you are out to get him or cheating on him or something freaky like that. And there is a very real chance you could get hurt.
Addicts just dont care when they are high or chasing their next high. They can't care. The crack takes over their mind and they must feed their addiction.
Don't become a casualty of his crack addiction. If you remain, you are in for the worst nightmare you could possibly imagine.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 82
I know you care about him, but you have to understand that an active addict is incapable of loving anybody, including himself. Please love yourself first. Take care of yourself. Honestly, and this is coming from somebody who loved an addict, your best bet is to walk away and not look back. Detach before you attach to him any more. It will be hard to let him go, but think about how much harder it will be a year from now or 5 years from now.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
