gotahavfaith

Hello my SR friends. I've been sitting here looking at this screen trying to decide what to write. My daughter got out of rehab the end of Sept. As of a few days ago, she had 180 days clean. But that was then and this is now.

Tonight, that little voice in the back of my head got the best of me. It just wouldn't leave me alone. Al-Anon says that we shouldn't go looking for trouble, but maybe I was supposed to. I don't know. But something sure told me where to look, and as soon as I looked I found. Her drug of choice is Oxys. What I found was a straw and Ritalin capsules. She had supposedly went to a meeting with a friend before I got home from work. My husband was watching the kids for her. The 3 year old (who's birthday is tomorrow) told me who mommy left with. I knew she was not going to a meeting.

My ex had bought her a prepaid cell phone, so I called it. Of course there was no answer. I left a message for her to call me before she came home, after she got out of her so called meeting. She knew that I knew. She called and I told her that she knew what the deal was, no drug use or she couldn't live here. She said, do I need to find somewhere to stay tonite, YES dear you do. She cried, she apologized. I told her that I was not judging her, and that I loved her very much, she spent 5 months in rehab, she had the tools to deal with this herself. Apparently she is just not done yet, but I am. She asked when she could come to get her clothes, I said I don't know, but you don't need them tonight, and the kids don't need the drama tonight. I told her I would call her back, but I can't, not tonight.

I am not angry, I am sad. Sad for her kids, I have no idea what to say to them. I don't know what to say to her, I don't know what to say to my husband. I just feel really numb. I knew this was a possibility and I am trying with all that I have to stay detached. Hunter's birthday party is not until this weekend, but we had planned a special little party tomorrow evening when he got home from school, just cupcakes and 1 small present, but now ????

Damn, I HATE HATE HATE this for her kids. And for her. I don't know what else to say.

Gotahavfaith

Kindeyes

Oh no. I'm so sorry to hear about this......but she knew what the consequences were. This wasn't a surprise for her. That must have been so difficult for you. Let's pray that she gets right back on track quickly and realizes that there is just too much at stake here....specifically six months clean and sober......her family. Let's pray that she gets her behind to a meeting and starts again. Relapse doesn't have to be a permanent condition.

I just wish I could give you a gentle hug in real life.....but all I can offer is a cyber gentle hug.

crazybabie

I am sending you hugs and prayers. I am sorry for your pain. You kept to your boundaries and that is great. Hope she gets back on track.

suki44883

Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry. I know, truly know how hard that conversation was. I have been there in my own way. It hurts to tell them no. It hurts to say you cannot be here. She knows, too. She knows you love her and she knows she screwed up. Hopefully, she will decide it's not worth it; that a temporary high isn't worth all the heartache and pain that it causes everyone, including herself. Hopefully.

Thumpalumpacus

My dad used to say that a real friend isn't someone who tells you what you want to hear, but what you need to hear. I expect that goes double for moms and such.

Good luck.

coyote21

Of all the casualties of addiction, the little kids make me the saddest. Next are the moms, I feel like I got off easy.

Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote

gotahavfaith

Thank you for all you kinds words. I needed to hear them. Now I just have to figure out what to tell the kids this morning.

Gotahavfaith

chicory

So sorry for your aching heart. I am saying a prayer for your daughter, her babies, and you.
It has helped me to pray and ask for the right words . It has worked many times. It amazes me.

hugs,
chicory

tjp613

My heart literally hurts. I am so very sorry

Like Chicory said, just ask God to speak thru you to the kids...he'll provide the words. No matter what, they are very lucky to have YOU and the stability that you provide.

There's a special place in Heaven for grandmothers like you. XOXO

coyote21

Like Chicory and Tjp, I have personal experience in asking HP to speak thru me, works every time.

Sadly, I also have experience with explaining alcoholism to a little kid. My 9yo daughter was only 5 when I sat her down and explained to her why her mom had to move away. It's not great to not have a mom around, but at least she doesn't have to speculate about what happened.

It was hard, but one of the things I feel I've done right. After the fact, I've learned that kids awfulize things in their minds if they aren't made privy to the truth of their situations.

Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote

gotahavfaith

I sent the kids off to school. The 7 year old ask where mommy was, the 4 year old said, she went to a meeting, remember? We sang Happy Birthday and ate breakfast. I told Nick that I thought Mommy was ok and that we would talk about it after school. That seemed to satisfy him, but if I know him, it will be on his mind all day. I took the day off of work, just so I can clear my mind and talk to my HP today. I know God will give me the words that I need.

Coyote...you are right. Kids do awfulize things and this is going to be awful for them. They just got their momma back and was loving it. They were looking forward to mommy being with them for a long time, because that is what she told them.

My hope and prayer is that she has had some time to think and will call her sponsor, will go to a meeting, will pray for her HP to help her. I have prayed. I am breathing in and out and I think I will be fine. We will still be having our small little party this evening, but someone will be missing. I hurt for the kids. Bless you all for your words and prayers.

Gotahavfaith

keepinon

So sorry..but she does have the tools and you are holding your boundaries both of which increse the liklihood that she will return to recovery. Focus on those little guys right now.. nothing you can do for your daughter at this time except stay out of the way of her HP and all her consequences. Big hugs:ghug3 and Happy Birthday to the little guy!7

Chino

You've given everyone a precious gift and I'm so sorry that it has to hurt

hello-kitty

Keep us posted! The only thing constant is change. Just let the kids know mommy has some personal things to take care of right now but she will call when she can.

When we don't know what to do in the midst of chaos, sometimes the best thing to do is just wait until the dust clears.

Like i said, things changes.

And happy birthday to your grandson!

Kids are resilient. They will be ok!

chicory

Gotahavfaith,
Happy Birthday to your little grandson.

What you are doing is no doubt so hard, especially as you said, they have just gotten her back in their lives. YOu have great courage. Your quick action has no doubt jolted her into reality. she has to look right at what she is doing here. You gave her a gift. bless you, and may God guide your every word and step and may she get herself right back on track.

hugs,
chicory

Serenity Bound

gotahavfaith, I'm so sorry to hear about your daughter. You did the right thing, sticking to your boundaries. I'm praying that your daughter will get right back into recovery.

"Happy Birthday" to your grandson.

I know just how awful it is to watch these little ones wonder where mommy is and why she isn't with them. My 8 yo granddaughter is having stomach issues and we believe it is due to the emotional turmil.

Praying for you and your daughter. HP is always there for each & everyone of us.

Hugs & Pryaers,
Chris

JustAYak

Thank you for being there for the kids. They would be totally lost without you.

Sorry this has happened

gotahavfaith

Thank you all for your prayers, words and compassion. I don't post here very often, but I read alot and know most of your stories.

The kids came home yesterday and ask where their mommy was. I told them mom had some things to work on, like she did when she was away, but that she loved them and would see them very soon. They weren't very happy about that, but they didn't really ask or say much else. It was nice here yesterday, so we walked down to the park and played, and when we came back we had cupcakes and ice cream

My daughter came before they got off of the bus and got some clothes. I was glad to see she was with a woman that she used to work with. I went to school with this woman, and she has been in recovery for about 8 years. She will be staying with her. M is a straight up person. Most people thought she could never recover, but she did. For this I am grateful.

Today, I am trying to be positive, put a smile on my face, and do what I need to do. But, I am not sure I am doing a very good job at it. Now I have to get the sitters back lined up, and my work schedule straight again. And I am just tired. Maybe things will look better tomorrow. Again, thanks to all of you.

Gotahavfaith

keepinon

Sounds like she is turning to her freinds in recovery as she should.That would appear to be a good sign.I know how tired it can make you..take care of yourself right now.

hello-kitty

Relapse happens. It's what we do with it that counts.

I think you handled the questions from the kids admirably and with great courage. I know how hard it is but you were honest with them, you didn't speak negatively about your daughter and you put responsibility of not being there where it belongs - in her lap. Of course they aren't going to like it. It's normal that they would be sad or angry. In the long run, they will be fine and they will thrive as long as they know that they will always be loved and taken care of no matter what poor choices their mother makes.

Good job grandma.