txfan77

I dated an alcoholic for about 9 months. Luckily I became aware of his drinking problem fairly early on. Having never been involved with any alcoholics, I had to go through the "I think I can help him" and waiting for him to change stages. Those are both definitely over.

We broke up a few months ago but I am finding it hard to move on from him. We still talk a lot - he says he never wants to lose me as a friend. We have so much fun together and I really thought I wanted to remain friends with him. However, as time goes on I realize that even friendship is not a good idea. I have not had one date, whereas he recently has dated two different women. He tells me how awesome they are and I pretend to be happy for him. In reality, it really makes me sad and depressed. I have told him I don’t want to hear about women he’s dating and he won’t talk about them for awhile. Then he’ll call me drunk and it all comes tumbling out. I have hung up on him, told him while sober not to call me, not answered the phone when he calls me, everything. That part is fine – I just hang up or don’t answer. But the thought of totally cutting him out of my life fills me with co-dependent thoughts. I worry about him and don’t want him to get more depressed if I tell him to leave me alone. He has so few friends. I feel pathetic – I still look for his phone calls and still wonder how he is doing.
Any suggestions for me? I feel like such a LOSER still giving this guy any power over me. Thank you all.

Freedom1990

How about attending some Alanon meetings for yourself?

Have you read "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie? It was a real eye-opener for me.

It seems to me that keeping in touch with him is doing nothing positive for you.

TakingCharge999

I also dated someone like that- what helped me go No Contact (we still talked as if we were friends.. HAH!! he was already in bed with someone else while smiling to me and asking me how I was doing after his abuse. I am glad I am no longer that woman).. anyway what was I saying?? ahh yes, that I went to some AA meetings because they were closer to my home then, for some perspective. And it might be helpful for you to go there as well and listen. Going there I felt my ex was talking and I could also see his future - there was a man that looked so old and was YELLOW- there were recovered alkies that talked about how they treated their partners and everyone agreed they had no idea why those women had stayed with them for so long, that THEY NEVER DESERVED THE LOSERS THEY WERE, and were SURE the ones that get rid of them made the correct decision.

I don't know it was healing to hear this from them and also see many common traits. At least I was in denial about his alcoholism, given no one else notices or gives a damn. The AA meetings and SR helped me wake up.

When I blocked him from my email I felt better. As if saying "its no longer up to you"
Months later I deleted all the pictures. I cried a lot but also felt better.
Then I got rid of my clothes, etc that had any memory of him.
Heck, I also stopped talking to any common "friends" and even friends of mine that shared his same first name.

It has been 2 years since that. He is still who he is willing to be. A drunk driver and a "party person" not giving a damn about anyone else.

I have broke up many times but moving on from an alkie has been way more difficult and tricky. You are doing way better than how I was doing then. Go No Contact, allow yourself to feel like yourself again, and may your life be filled with love and joy again.

Michelle70

I found some advice very helpful recently that someone gave me. Imagine if your sister or best friend or daughter--someone you love and want to protect from hurt--came to you with the same story. What would you encourage her to do that would be in HER best interest? Whatever you would say to that person, consider saying it to yourself. You should love and protect yourself every bit as much as you would someone else in your life you hold dear.

Best of everything to you; I hope you find peace soon.