On 2 day......
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 1
On 2 day......
This is probably my 4th time trying to stop drinking. I was sober for 6 months, about 2.5 years ago. Most recently, I had 5 days in August. How pitiful does that sound 
I'm on day 2. Really want this to work. My spouse has no idea I've been drinking for the 2 years...pretty heavily. I have been able to hide it, which makes the guilt even worse. I drink every day, starting around 10am and ending at bedtime. Vodka and alot of it. I'm able to "do" life and be fairly successful in what I do. Until recently, that is. I'm starting to lose time......and there is a lot of fighting.
Slept horribly last night, sweating and itchy. Never had the itchy stuff before...hoping it goes away. It feels like bugs are crawling on me.
I'm starting to pray a lot. I'm so ready to live life and have a clear mind. Stop the hiding and guilt.
I'm on day 2. Really want this to work. My spouse has no idea I've been drinking for the 2 years...pretty heavily. I have been able to hide it, which makes the guilt even worse. I drink every day, starting around 10am and ending at bedtime. Vodka and alot of it. I'm able to "do" life and be fairly successful in what I do. Until recently, that is. I'm starting to lose time......and there is a lot of fighting. Slept horribly last night, sweating and itchy. Never had the itchy stuff before...hoping it goes away. It feels like bugs are crawling on me.
I'm starting to pray a lot. I'm so ready to live life and have a clear mind. Stop the hiding and guilt.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 1,243
Welcome to SR! Congrats on your decision not to drink. If you have been drinking vodka from 10 am in the morning on you are a prime candidate for a nasty withdrawal and DT's. Do yourself a favor and seek medical help, alcohol withdrawals can be extremely dangerous. I admitted myself to a detox hospital where I was given medication to make me more comfortable and lower the risks of having a seizure. Being confined in a hospital for a few days gave me the start I needed.
I too had quit many times on my own, once for six months but I always wound up drinking more than I had previously and in a much worse situation. I discovered that when I asked for help there was tons available. I like most people could not do it on my own. I hooked up with AA got a sponsor and worked the steps and I have been sober since. The need and desire to drink went away.
Good Luck In Your Recovery
I too had quit many times on my own, once for six months but I always wound up drinking more than I had previously and in a much worse situation. I discovered that when I asked for help there was tons available. I like most people could not do it on my own. I hooked up with AA got a sponsor and worked the steps and I have been sober since. The need and desire to drink went away.
Good Luck In Your Recovery
And yes, do get medical help if you feel the least bit 'bad'. Detoxing from alcohol can be dangerous. Be safe.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Buzz-free Zone
Posts: 1,372
Welcome Dragonfly,
You brought back some very vivid memories of my own experience; you are not alone here.
I learned through my own downward spiral with vodka that the old saying, what goes up must come down, is very true.
In this case, the higher my vodka consumption, the harder I fell.
Once I had some clean time (like you, about 6 months) and got a false sense of security that I could control my drinking (ha), I kept ending up lower than when I had started the time before. It was a vicious cycle.
I finally got to a place where I was willing to do anything to not feel the way I felt; physically beyond horrible, the shame, guilt, self-loathing.
There's no quick fix. The first step is to put the bottle down.
Beyond that, for me, it was necessary to develop new habits, ways of dealing with stress and everyday life without the need for alcohol as a crutch or means of escape.
What really helped to do that (and saved my life) was a one-on-one counselor, trained in alcoholism and also in recovery himself for a long time.
He gave me the tools necessary to learn how to live a content, sober life. I learned alot about myself in the process too.
Please be safe and call for help if necessary.
Support is very important. Glad you're here. Take good care of yourself right now and continue reading and posting. Many of us have been where you're at.
You brought back some very vivid memories of my own experience; you are not alone here.
I learned through my own downward spiral with vodka that the old saying, what goes up must come down, is very true.
In this case, the higher my vodka consumption, the harder I fell.
Once I had some clean time (like you, about 6 months) and got a false sense of security that I could control my drinking (ha), I kept ending up lower than when I had started the time before. It was a vicious cycle.
I finally got to a place where I was willing to do anything to not feel the way I felt; physically beyond horrible, the shame, guilt, self-loathing.
There's no quick fix. The first step is to put the bottle down.
Beyond that, for me, it was necessary to develop new habits, ways of dealing with stress and everyday life without the need for alcohol as a crutch or means of escape.
What really helped to do that (and saved my life) was a one-on-one counselor, trained in alcoholism and also in recovery himself for a long time.
He gave me the tools necessary to learn how to live a content, sober life. I learned alot about myself in the process too.
Please be safe and call for help if necessary.
Support is very important. Glad you're here. Take good care of yourself right now and continue reading and posting. Many of us have been where you're at.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Ohio
Posts: 59
Many of us have been in the same situations, actually most of us have. My drink of choice was always beer , and a lot of it ( case a day ). Like you i had quit for periods of time in the past. The longest period prior to this time was 30 days. I just past 3 months this week. I didn't hide that i drank from my wife, but i tried to hide exactly how much. I would start in the morning and basically stay drunk until i knew i couldn't continue and my friends and family got very concerned. As time went on i became more honest with my wife and she struggled but really tried to understand and was a great help to me. I finally admitted myself to a detox center and was glad i did. I'm not sure my body would have taken it safely this time without it. I was very scared of what to expect but it was actually a good period to get me jump started on being sober. I spent 6 days there, and talked with plenty of people that had gone through the same things and understood. Some struggled with drugs and some with alcohol, but all of them wanted to change. I found myself grateful that my family supported me, as many of them in there didn't have family support. I'm feeling much better now and ready to move on with my sober life now. Hang in there it's not easy but its well worth it. Hope i didn't ramble on too long and lose your interest. We are all here for you. Look forward to hearing more from you. Feel free to ask any questions you may have.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Southeast
Posts: 10
Dragonfly,
Good luck to you! I too am on Day 2. I have read a lot today on posts about what to expect and when to expect it. Unfortunately, it seems like things are different for everyone. The one thing I learned, that everyday get a little bit better and a little bit easier. I agree with Dee on the Dr. visit. That seems to be a prevailing suggestion. hang in there!
Good luck to you! I too am on Day 2. I have read a lot today on posts about what to expect and when to expect it. Unfortunately, it seems like things are different for everyone. The one thing I learned, that everyday get a little bit better and a little bit easier. I agree with Dee on the Dr. visit. That seems to be a prevailing suggestion. hang in there!
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Glad you're here, DragonFly! I remember all the hiding, restocking in secret, chewing breath mints (antacids, too), running to the closet or bathroom to take a few swigs...... the anxiety, the work of it all is really crazy.
I couldn't imagine stopping, even when the hangovers got worse and worse. But after coming here and finding support, I started doing it one day at a time. I'm soooo glad I'm sober today, and you can get there, too. We're all behind you!:ghug3
I couldn't imagine stopping, even when the hangovers got worse and worse. But after coming here and finding support, I started doing it one day at a time. I'm soooo glad I'm sober today, and you can get there, too. We're all behind you!:ghug3
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 28
I'm a vodka girl too. 
Pretty recently I started drinking during the day on weekends. I just wanted the days to end, even as I put on a happy face and went about my "normal" life...waiting for weekdays when I could work all day and come home to my best friend, alcohol. Man, that is sad. Here's hoping we can both make it this time. Good luck to you!
Pretty recently I started drinking during the day on weekends. I just wanted the days to end, even as I put on a happy face and went about my "normal" life...waiting for weekdays when I could work all day and come home to my best friend, alcohol. Man, that is sad. Here's hoping we can both make it this time. Good luck to you!
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
Wow! Great thread! Congrats on taking control. I am going to respond only to the complaints about itching. I have 50 days today and from day one my skin dried up and I not only started itching but got dandruff. It is from the previous dehydration and your body making the adjustment. At day 50 I still have itching but it is 1/10th what it was at first. It is a normal withdrawal symptom. My best advice is lots of skin lotion that works for you. I am guy and don't do "products" like some young guys and others do, so using lotion and moisturizing soap was a bit over the top for me but now I do.
That is why my screen name is Itchy!
Get a doc involved, and local alcoholic support for detx as has been said many times already. I detoxed in hospital. Come here, do AA, whatever it takes regardless of being shy of something or thinking you can't, because you need all the tools available to you and this is a great start coming here.
Good luck all of you chiming in here.
That is why my screen name is Itchy!
Get a doc involved, and local alcoholic support for detx as has been said many times already. I detoxed in hospital. Come here, do AA, whatever it takes regardless of being shy of something or thinking you can't, because you need all the tools available to you and this is a great start coming here.
Good luck all of you chiming in here.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Scotland
Posts: 60
totally understand
Dragonfly
I totally understand, I have been secretly (well I thought) drinking for years, hiding bottles, telling lies, when I was eventually found out I promised to stop!! That took untill last week and something clicked, I started back my AA meetings and went to church, Hang in there, you will get there as for the itching I've not experienced that, sorry.
Nawneet
I totally understand, I have been secretly (well I thought) drinking for years, hiding bottles, telling lies, when I was eventually found out I promised to stop!! That took untill last week and something clicked, I started back my AA meetings and went to church, Hang in there, you will get there as for the itching I've not experienced that, sorry.
Nawneet
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