FGB

My AS is home, downstairs in his own apt. Called 7 times last night, I left the phone off the hook after the 2nd call. I'm not answering his calls anymore. He left a msg on FB saying he has ignored people he loved for 12 years and can do it again.
I'm going to tell him, if and when I talk to him, that I won't talk to him while he's been drinking.
His dad has promised not to help him with past due or future rent.
He mentioned something about inpt treatment and it's all my fault. I'm guessing the judge ordered it.
He knows I was the one who had him arrested, and who tried to get him committed. He is obviously very angry at me. I talked to the social worker this am, she has some ideas, and is going to call me back.
I work tonight, and can't get to a meeting yet, but maybe tomorrow night.

I just need a little reinforcement to keep setting boundaries, and let the chips fall where they may. Thanks everyone.

Kindeyes

FGB
It sounds like you're doing a good job to me! What I have found is the calmer and more serene I stay with my son (particularly when he's trying to light a fire under me), the more frustrated HE gets. He always accused me of being "highly emotional". When I do this it makes it very clear who is truly the one who is "highly emotional". Maintaining that calm demeanor is so important and I am able to do it because I get strength from all of these wonderful people on SR and at my Naranon meetings. It helps.

Keep up the good work.

gentle hugs from another Mom who understands

keepinon

Holding boundaries takes practice. It is really hard, but sounds like you are hanging in there. Taking the phone off the hook is a good way to start. Obviously your son is mad at you.he obviously is in major active addiction.he will not understand or make it easy on you. That was the hardest part for me.I kept wanting my daughter to understand and agree with what I was doing..she wasn't able to.The addiction distorts their thinking. My guess is when he gets some clean time..enough to clear his head..like a few months..he may be in a very differnt place. Keep doing what you are doing, stepping away, disengaging.It makes it hard for them to continue in alot of ways.. no money, no support, can't get the reactions out of you, etc. Changes the whole game when you stop playing.

FGB

Thanks Kindeyes and Keepinon! I know this is going to be very hard. I wish he didn't live in my building, but he does, for now. Not sure how long you can go w/o paying rent before you get evicted, but it's going to happen. That will be all my fault too. I'm trying to remain calm and serene. Takes me right back to what I had to do w/my x narcissistic husband, only I was more afraid of him. I'm hanging in there, waiting to see what the HP's have in mind!! Trusting my HP. Thanks again, it really helps to hear that I'm doing the right things. It was so much easier to leave my x, than to do what I have to do now. It is so different with our own children.

keepinon

Yes, your son will probably blame you for getting evicted.He is sick.No one else thinks it is your fault.We all see it for what it is..the consequences of his addiction. It really helped me to not take her opinions seriously by reminding myself how truly ill she was.I saw her yesterday..she is clean and it was great.I told her that it was so nice to talk to her and have her engage rationally.I told her it was really hard to try to talk to her when she was using ..she said"I wasn't even there". Your son isn't even there right now so consider all his blaming just the disease talking..and we don't talk to the disease because it is pointless. hang in there..keep posting and reading..

coffeedrinker

I too want to be a cheerleader for you. I think you're doing just fine.

And practice does make it come more naturally.



I've never spoken with an addict in recovery who doesn't say that they know and knew, that their loved ones weren't the ones in the right. They only blame while they are still desperate and ill.

FGB

Back to the dentist today for the new temp. longer lasting tooth, I hate how it feels in my mouth, but it will get better. Have to keep it in first 24 hours, then I can take it out after that. Only 19 hours to go!! LOL

AS had written "anyone know of a good bridge abuttment to drive into?" on his facebook page. I didn't panic, he doesn't have a car or a license, not that I guess that would stop him. He wrote it at 0300, so I didn't respond, at least for a few hours after I had woken up at 9. Then I just said I'll be home off and on, if you're sober and want to call me. I left it at that. Haven't heard from him, but am not sitting around waiting for his call either. Seems he is staying awake nites, drinking, and sleeping days. Good way to avoid friends and family I guess.

Got some groceries, have this thing about stocking up before the first snow flies. I hate schlepping groceries in during the winter. Heck , I hate it any time of the year, specially to the 2nd floor apt. Also picked up a monitor cable so I can do some work on my other computer, for my sewing!

Just wanted to check in and say hi.
FGB

keepinon

If he wants help he knows where to get it. Sounds like a good plan to get all snuggly and ready for winter..maybe watch a movie.No playing with your tooth!

Kindeyes

FGB
My son also says or does things that try to get a reaction out of me. The more calm we stay, the better it is for us......and for them.

Keep taking good care of yourself.

gentle hugs