BumblingAlong

Two years ago, I attended an AlAnon meeting (my first). A lovely lady took me into a private room and we talked and I cried and cried.

I felt so embarrassed that I never returned. I am afraid to go back - afraid they'll judge me or pity me ....

I want to return, but feel sheepish...

Any thoughts?

tjp613

There is no place on earth where you will find MORE acceptance and support without judgement or pity. Period. It is where you need to be. Give it a chance.

SteppingUp

The beauty of Al Anon is that you can talk and cry and not be judged. Please go back.

BumblingAlong

Even though I'm no longer with my XABF ? He's out of my life now - has been for some time other than a brief period in the summer. I don't know if I belong there

BumblingAlong

There's a meeting at 7:30 tonight. It's within walking distance of my house. It's all women. I felt comfortable there that night 2 years ago, but I felt foolish at the amount of crying I did.
I've been feeling incredibly anxious in the past week or two. My head is constantly racing. I've been feeling scared and angry, anxious about the future and paralyzed about taking any action. I don't know what else to do than to go to an AlAnon meeting, but I only went the one time and don't even know WHAT to expect. I have a hard time understanding how the steps will work for me.

vujade

There is nothing about AlAnon that says you have to be in an active relationship. AlAnon is about YOU, not anyone else. It's a place of support and it sounds like that's just what you need.

Besides that, crying is a normal reaction to stress. I'm pretty sure you aren't the first person to cry at an AlAnon meeting. If you feel you need to go, then you should go. Be kind to yourself and feel good about it.

coyote21

I've been divorced from my axw for over 4 years and they haven't kicked me out yet.

There's one man whose aw died years ago, haven't kicked him out yet either.

Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote

Still Waters

Goodness no she wasn't the first person to cry at an al-anon meeting. I was damp with tears 24/7 for a while there. It's a wonder I didn't mildew.

Freedom1990

I went from one dysfunctional relationship to another, sometimes with a year or two in between, after I left the EXAH.

I thought my biggest problem was over when I left the EXAH.

It took me 13 painful years to finally hit a codependent bottom and realize I had a huge problem, and it wasn't the one I had married and divorced.

I don't know if you need Alanon. I know I do.

Spawn

you should not feel shame for having feelings !

BumblingAlong

You're right Spawn. I shouldn't. But I guess that's why I'm on this site and obviously need AlAnon.
I'm going this evening; I confirmed that the meeting starts at 8pm. I'm nervous, but I've made my mind up to go.
Thanks everyone for your encouragement.

Learn2Live

Girl, I cried the first two weeks, full-out blubbering and sobbing. It is freeing to cry in front of people who actually give a damn.

Cyranoak

...and has nothing to do with reality. At all. If you want to go, go. If you don't, don't, but for God's sake don't avoid a meeting because you are a human being with human emotions that you actually showed. In case nobody has said it before, welcome to the human race.

I would be shocked if you were not welcomed and supported there. Also, don't expect anything. Just go. Experience it with an open mind, don't judge, and don't worry about others judging you.

Cyranoak

P.s. If you want to cry, cry. Many people do it. It's another human expression we humans have. You know us. The people here on the planet. We laugh, we cry, we make fools of ourselves sometimes, we get angry, we get frustrated-- we are chock full of the human condition.

BumblingAlong

Thanks everyone.

I attended the meeting and instantly felt welcomed.

The lady who I cried with two years ago was there, and she remembered me. She was happy I came back (she said she knew I would eventually!), and gave me her phone number. She wants me to call her. Our stories are incredibly similar; she said I'm her 20 years ago.

I don't really know what I was afraid of; it was so comfortable.

The new attendees (5 of us) sat with 2 "veterans" and they explained the program and told us a little about themselves. Then, we all briefly introduced ourselves and if we wanted, we could talk a little about what brought us there tonight.

I feel empowered; not because of the program, but just for getting myself there. It was a very difficult step for me.

It felt like I was in a room with my mother, sisters and friends. I'll be going back next week.

acdirito

Dear BumblingAlong, As Franklin D. Roosevelt stated, “There is nothing to fear but fear itself.”

I'm so glad to hear you forced yourself to attend the Alanon meeting and that it went good.

I, too, get very emotional and cry when I get overwhemed with my situation. I like to think about my crying spells as window washing to my soul. Recently as I called places and agencies seeking help for myself, I would talk through my swabs of tears. I was searching for answers on the internet when I stumbled across SR. Since I'm confined to either my walking canes or my wheelchair, I have found posting on SR a good source of support for myself.

I hope you continue attending your Alanon meetings, but, also, keep posting on SR.

**************************************** ****************

There's nothing to fear --- you're as good as the best,
As strong as the mightiest, too.
You can win in every battle or test;
For there's no one just like you.
There's only one you in the world today;
So nobody else, you see,
Can do your work in as fine a way:
You're the only you there'll be !

So face the world, and all life is yours
To conquer and love and live:
And you'll find the happiness that endures
In just the measure you give;
There's nothing too good for you to possess,
Nor heights where you cannot go:
Your power is more than belief or guess ---
It is something you have to know.

There is nothing to fear --- you can and you will.
For you are the invincible you.
Set your foot on the highest hill ---
There's nothing you cannot do.

sandladyvb

You are not the first person to ever start attending Al-Anon and then dropping out. The point is that the door is always open to you to come back to Al-Anon. No one is going to say, "Dummie" or "Shame on you." In fact, it will be just the opposite--You'll hear "Welcome back. We're glad you are here." You may have lost a little time but now you are ready to commit to your own recovery. I hope you will stop beating yourself up. It is never too late to start attending Al-Anon.

kudzujean

I strongly encourage you to go back.

So what if you cried and cried? Lots of us do.

Al Anon has helped me a lot. I wouldn't want to stop going.

wicked

that sounds wonderful.
thank you for sharing this BumblingAlong.

Bernadette

I felt foolish at the amount of crying I did.

Oh boy, never feel bad about that at an AlAnon meeting of all places! I will never forget all my tears at my first dozen AlAnon meetings. I was a PUDDLE!! At the time, I saw myself as pathetic, shameful, weak.

But it was AlAnon that gave me the tools in my life to finally feel brave, proud, and strong! So glad you went back. Well done. It's a life saver and life changer. Soak it all up.

One day a person will walk into that meeting bawling their eyes out and you will remember, and you will be a beam of light to them. It happens. It's part of how AlAnon works!

Peace-
B

wicked

this is what i used to tell myself too. because there was no weeping allowed when i was growing up.
thank goodness that's over!

bernadette, i just love your little avatar.
so pretty, proper, and protected.
:ghug3