So About AA...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 28
So About AA...
I stopped drinking in 2008 for 7 months. During that time, I participated in small group counseling sessions (helped a lot) and also attended AA meetings (didn’t help as much). I’m not sure why. While I’m usually a friendly person, I’m also reserved about my own feelings, problems, etc. I don’t get any relief from talking about drinking, in fact…I feel exposed. People sharing their stories at AA were helpful, but I found myself thinking, “at some point I’m going to have to share.” And I seriously dreaded it. I had a sponsor for a while, but it felt forced and phony. The hand holding, praying, chips, all of it…turned me off. Hearing how much it seems to help everyone else makes me wonder, is it the answer for everyone? Is it simply a matter of overcoming my resistance, or are there other options out there? Thanks for any insight.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,759
Here's a link to the thread in the alcoholism forum about different methods and programs. Give it a read.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
Welcome to SR!
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
Welcome to SR!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,095
Is it the answer for everyone? There are obviously other ways to get and stay sober.
However, every single person I know who has taken the Steps and remained in spiritual action has recovered from alcoholism. Only a small fraction of those coming into an AA meeting will actually follow the suggested program, but for those that do, I've never seen it fail.
However, every single person I know who has taken the Steps and remained in spiritual action has recovered from alcoholism. Only a small fraction of those coming into an AA meeting will actually follow the suggested program, but for those that do, I've never seen it fail.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,469
There are many people here who are recovering without the use of AA. If it's not for you, take a look around and check out other options.
For me, I have used books, which have always been my saviour, and I come here to SR every day.
For me, I have used books, which have always been my saviour, and I come here to SR every day.
Dismember
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: The Mitten, USA
Posts: 1,641
There are definitely other options out there.
I myself use AA but I am definitely not crazy about all its aspects. There's a lot I don't like but since I feel I get more than I lose it works for me. So I've had to learn to keep my expectations reasonable. But if you just don't fit in then I can see no use in you going there. There are other groups/methods; pick the one that's right for you.
I myself use AA but I am definitely not crazy about all its aspects. There's a lot I don't like but since I feel I get more than I lose it works for me. So I've had to learn to keep my expectations reasonable. But if you just don't fit in then I can see no use in you going there. There are other groups/methods; pick the one that's right for you.
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Originally Posted by startingagain 
I stopped drinking in 2008 for 7 months. During that time, I participated in small group counseling sessions (helped a lot) and also attended AA meetings (didn’t help as much). I’m not sure why. While I’m usually a friendly person, I’m also reserved about my own feelings, problems, etc. I don’t get any relief from talking about drinking, in fact…I feel exposed. People sharing their stories at AA were helpful, but I found myself thinking, “at some point I’m going to have to share.” And I seriously dreaded it. I had a sponsor for a while, but it felt forced and phony. The hand holding, praying, chips, all of it…turned me off. Hearing how much it seems to help everyone else makes me wonder, is it the answer for everyone? Is it simply a matter of overcoming my resistance, or are there other options out there? Thanks for any insight.
Several good things about all that (assuming I'm right). You've proved that doing what feels good or "right" won't keep you sober. You've learned that a great therapist won't keep you sober (and I've got a PHENOMINAL therapist....she frickin' ROCKS....but she can't keep me sober either - no matter HOW often I see her). The final thing is that you haven't tried the AA program yet so you still have that to test out.
Going to meetings, getting a sponsor, all that jazz.....it's cool........but it's not working the AA program. That stuff should help you work it...but it's not "the AA program" that they tell you will rarely fail. That stuff you mentioned is great prep-work but it's not "working the 12 steps of recovery." I noticed you didn't say you worked the first 3 steps, wrote the 4th step inventory, 5th stepped it with your sponsor, did 6 & 7, wrote out 8, finished (or at least got current) on 9, or continued to incorporate 10 - 12 in your daily life. I just can't resist this one: meeting a hot guy/girl, purchasing "toys and niceties, renting a hotel room, meeting him/her up IN that hotel room.......that's all good stuff......but it's a far cry from actually having intercourse.
Give the AA program a legit shot.....ONE REAL SHOT. I think you'll find (just like EVERY single one of us who's worked the WHOLE program has found) that you missed out on the best part of doing all that prep work.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 28
DayTrader, I actually went to group counseling sessions in an outpatient treatment center, so it was more like AA than therapy...just a much smaller group. Maybe that's one of my problems, that the meetings I went to were very big groups where everyone seemed to know each other. Maybe I'm just making more excuses though.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Washington State
Posts: 150
I'm actually pretty into SMART Recovery. It fits my style better. I did try AA and could see after a short time that it wasn't a fit. I think my forced (step-dad) experience with the Mormon Church early on turned me off of anything that has required reading from books that remind me of those days. I'm kind of into finding my own way and while that has obviously not guaranteed me success in life, I feel vastly better doing it in a way that makes me feel all right.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Ireland
Posts: 1,641
About speaking at mtgs,
There was a young guy at a mtg the other night who raised his hand the minute the mtg was thrown open. He explained that he wanted to get over his share ASAP as he would spend the whole mtg worried about it.
Re holding hands, I hate that too, but eventually they are your friends anyway and it is only at one of my regular mtgs.
Check out Least's link as the point is to get SOMETHING as a program.
Lastly, stick to one day at a time! I and others have learnt this the hard way.
Best of luck and We are all in this together.
There was a young guy at a mtg the other night who raised his hand the minute the mtg was thrown open. He explained that he wanted to get over his share ASAP as he would spend the whole mtg worried about it.
Re holding hands, I hate that too, but eventually they are your friends anyway and it is only at one of my regular mtgs.
Check out Least's link as the point is to get SOMETHING as a program.
Lastly, stick to one day at a time! I and others have learnt this the hard way.
Best of luck and We are all in this together.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
Find a sponsor who has worked the steps and gotten a spiritual awakening...then ask them to sponsor you to do the same...thats the real program of AA that is written in the Big Book and has worked for thousands of alcoholics...i can relate to your post if i was the same person i was when i first walked into AA now why the heck would i want to share or sit with a bunch of people anyway...but like i said thats not the point or program of AA....good luck:-)
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
Maybe truffle a few more meetings...could be the one you were at wasn't a good fit. But if AA isn't for you there are many other ways. Just make sire you are doing something...the only thing that I have seen in my limited experience that is guaranteed not to work is doing nothing:-)
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
Startingagain,
I sure can relate to your feelings and experience. I did in hospital detox that included a 28 day live in halfway house program that included group and one on one counseling until 3PM every day, and bed meals and nice rooms. It was voluntary but they also had mandatory meetings every night. My first ever meetin was an NA meeting and I hated it, and would not even stand up as a first time at their meeting. I would have walked out had I not been driven there in the van with the group. I did a slow burn and the next day which was the second day in the follow on program which was voluntary I quit. I really liked the guys in my group of 16 and they really wanted me to stay. The psychiatrist that ran the program and the head counselor told me I would not make it, and that no one with my attitude ever did. I was calm and wasn't running or in anxiety, and I could not believe my ears. I made it fine and then as I was in week two I realized that I could have gotten something out of that meeting. See I was still raw and riding a roller coaster that first week. But that did not mean that I wanted back into that 28 day program! So I decided to try an AA meeting on my own and I stood up and said that I was just looking into it, and when they said they hoped I'd come back I said that I might or might not. This was at the beginning of the meeting and a small group of maybe 15 people including me. Then as they started sharing I relaized what that grandmotherly looking lady said . . . My sobriety date is X day of X month 1987? The least amount of sobriety in that room was more than a year?
They had something I wanted. I didn't care if they wanted me to stand on my head and sing yankee doodle dandy, I realized that whatever they were doing worked for them. I discovered SR about then, and since I go twice a week to that one meeting group and spend any nights I have trouble sleeping reading here, getting encouraged by all of you, and giving back what I can.
You have all told me your stories and I look for what is working in early days and mid days and later days.
I have the determination the acceptance the release and don't care if my HP is better than yours or vice versa. Or whether anybody does AA or not.
This will be my first and last time getting sober because of the combined experience, wisdom, and sheer desperation we all have shared. I have learned thwat if one way doesn't work then for goodness sake try something else. If we want to stay sober the first thing is to not drink, ever. And that beliefs can be varied but one has to be there, a belief that I can do this, because so many of you here are teaching me how. Especially the new ones that are in their first days and remind me of how tough they were for each of us.
So I take what I can use and leave the rest, thanks to each of you here and at my group regardless of the details of your/their beliefs or your/their past/s. I am not smart enough to lead another or say what will work or not, but I have this tool box that each of you have contributed to, especially those who don't think that they, or what they have to say/offer is of any value at all. And I give back what little I have to offer, and don't break the chain.
I am so happy to be sober I could hug each of you, hold hands, handle anything my PAWS or life can throw at me. In the last two weeks I have dealt with devastating losses and life issues with nary a blip or thought of drinking my way through them because I read here go to my meetings and I am not walking this path alone.
I don't care what you prefer, or how you do it, or what you feel comfortable with or not, my wisdom is to do it when you are ready, anyway you can, and stay with people online and/or off that know the way, and how hard it can be for us. And if what you did last time did not work then by golly don't do it again!
:ghug3
to all of you.
I sure can relate to your feelings and experience. I did in hospital detox that included a 28 day live in halfway house program that included group and one on one counseling until 3PM every day, and bed meals and nice rooms. It was voluntary but they also had mandatory meetings every night. My first ever meetin was an NA meeting and I hated it, and would not even stand up as a first time at their meeting. I would have walked out had I not been driven there in the van with the group. I did a slow burn and the next day which was the second day in the follow on program which was voluntary I quit. I really liked the guys in my group of 16 and they really wanted me to stay. The psychiatrist that ran the program and the head counselor told me I would not make it, and that no one with my attitude ever did. I was calm and wasn't running or in anxiety, and I could not believe my ears. I made it fine and then as I was in week two I realized that I could have gotten something out of that meeting. See I was still raw and riding a roller coaster that first week. But that did not mean that I wanted back into that 28 day program! So I decided to try an AA meeting on my own and I stood up and said that I was just looking into it, and when they said they hoped I'd come back I said that I might or might not. This was at the beginning of the meeting and a small group of maybe 15 people including me. Then as they started sharing I relaized what that grandmotherly looking lady said . . . My sobriety date is X day of X month 1987? The least amount of sobriety in that room was more than a year?
They had something I wanted. I didn't care if they wanted me to stand on my head and sing yankee doodle dandy, I realized that whatever they were doing worked for them. I discovered SR about then, and since I go twice a week to that one meeting group and spend any nights I have trouble sleeping reading here, getting encouraged by all of you, and giving back what I can.
You have all told me your stories and I look for what is working in early days and mid days and later days.
I have the determination the acceptance the release and don't care if my HP is better than yours or vice versa. Or whether anybody does AA or not.
This will be my first and last time getting sober because of the combined experience, wisdom, and sheer desperation we all have shared. I have learned thwat if one way doesn't work then for goodness sake try something else. If we want to stay sober the first thing is to not drink, ever. And that beliefs can be varied but one has to be there, a belief that I can do this, because so many of you here are teaching me how. Especially the new ones that are in their first days and remind me of how tough they were for each of us.
So I take what I can use and leave the rest, thanks to each of you here and at my group regardless of the details of your/their beliefs or your/their past/s. I am not smart enough to lead another or say what will work or not, but I have this tool box that each of you have contributed to, especially those who don't think that they, or what they have to say/offer is of any value at all. And I give back what little I have to offer, and don't break the chain.
I am so happy to be sober I could hug each of you, hold hands, handle anything my PAWS or life can throw at me. In the last two weeks I have dealt with devastating losses and life issues with nary a blip or thought of drinking my way through them because I read here go to my meetings and I am not walking this path alone.
I don't care what you prefer, or how you do it, or what you feel comfortable with or not, my wisdom is to do it when you are ready, anyway you can, and stay with people online and/or off that know the way, and how hard it can be for us. And if what you did last time did not work then by golly don't do it again!
:ghug3
to all of you.
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